


Close Your Eyes and Kiss Me.

by darlingjongin



Series: Close Your Eyes [1]
Category: offgun
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rivalry, offgun - Freeform, slight angst, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 155,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjongin/pseuds/darlingjongin
Summary: Off was never much for sentiment and he refused to attend his high school reunion. That is until he remembered the short boy he once called his rival.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Series: Close Your Eyes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853389
Comments: 268
Kudos: 1748





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been experiencing writer's block, so I thought, why not start a new fic and see where it goes? FYI, I'm new to the offgun fandom, so idk if this is gonna be any good or not, so be warned of bad writing ahead.

**Prologue: Six Weeks Before Graduation**

Gun sat down on the floor across from Off. He continued to listen to the latter playing his bass, the deep rhythm of tunes plucking out the silence. It was deep yet jazzy, Off’s fingers grazed the strings so fast, it amazed him.

'Tell me a secret'

'Why?'

'You know mine'

'Being a virgin in high school isn't the worst secret', Off laughed when he looked at Gun. He saw that the shorter was still tensed thinking about their previous conversation.

'I don't wanna be the only virgin'

'We're eighteen Gun', Off continued to laugh at his absurdity, 'Trust me, not everyone is fucking. Being a teenager is romanticized so fucking much that we're pressured to live our fullest and fuck our brains out when we haven't lived more than two decades on this damn earth'

Gun listened to Off, his voice took over the silence when he stopped playing his bass. He thought about it and he couldn't help but agree with his rival. With little experience and no knowledge of what the fuck is going on around them, they're always pressured to try the scariest thing and leap from one cliff to another. As if grades weren’t stressful enough, now they have to worry about girls and boys, whether they prefer kissing one or the other or both. They have to stress about their looks, how clear their skin is, how to have a perfect style and to have as many friends as possible. They're pressured to sneak around because their parents still treat them like children but expect them to act like adults. They wanna look cool and mature by trying beer and having sex yet they still don't know how to cook for themselves or pay their own rent. It's all so confusing.

'But everyone's having sex but me'

'No, they're not', Off told him, putting his bass down, 'Those who show it off are lying to fit in. What they don't know is, only three in thirty teenagers are actually having sex. Like I said, over romanticization ruins everything'

'You're one of the three’, Gun pointed out and Off didn't respond. How could he when it's true?

'Well, someone needs to fill one of the three slots', Off chuckled. He reached out for a bottle of soda, hearing the fizzle when he opened it.

'Can I ask you a question?'

'What?', Off welcomed it after he finished downing the bottle of coke, feeling the carbonated drink tickle his throat a little.

'Why do you fuck around?', Gun asked and if it was anyone else, they probably would've been offended. But this was Off Jumpol. They've asked much worse things to each other.

'I wanted to feel whole', Off said and it was a genuine answer. He lies all the time. He lied to his friends and he constantly lies to his parents. Yet when Gun asked the question, for the first time, he wanted to tell the truth, 'I wanted to feel like I don't have to be alone all the time… That I was capable of feeling… You know… Wanted'

'And you feel that way with sex?'

'Yeah', Off nodded, 'I dunno… Someone taking the time to undress for me both literally and figuratively turns me on I guess'

'And does it work?', Gun asked.

'Does what work?'

'Does sex make you feel less lonely?'

Off thought about it for a moment. It did. He felt good whenever he was with someone. He felt even better when he comes after fucking all night. He was about to nod but then he remembered the feeling afterward. The hollow emptiness in the pit of his stomach when he lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling.

'Sometimes', he managed to reply, but in fact, maybe that was a lie. A lie he told as truth. Because the emptiness felt greater than the pleasure he received, 'Look if you're looking to feel validated through sex, I suggest you look somewhere else first', he said before Gun could ask any more questions. He didn't know why his rival was taking a sudden interest in his sex life, but he didn't need to be reminded that it was the only intimacy he could obtain. He sounded like a pitiful character in a movie – the one who doesn't get an ending.

'I wanna try'

'Huh?', Off was obviously taken off guard when Gun broke the silence and said something, he never thought the latter would say.

'Sex. I wanna try it'

'Gun, what the hell did I just say?', Off rolled his eyes.

'I know', the shorter shrugged, 'But I don't wanna do it cos I wanna feel validated'

'Then what do you wanna do it for?'

'I dunno…', Gun shrugged. The room was suddenly filled with silence when Gun struggled to give Off an answer. The two of them sat across from each other, just staring in silence as they continued to spend the night at Off's house, 'Maybe I just wanna feel good?'

'Well, you could always ask Jane for a fuck', Off tapped Gun's foot with his, their legs stretched out.

…

'Or you'

'I beg your fucking pardon?', Off's eyes widen at the last words. He wanted to laugh because he thought Gun was joking, but he stared at the latter's expression and there was no shred of playfulness in it. In fact, there was agility and motivation in his eyes, the ones he saw when they're about to take an exam. The one he always saw when Gun was ready for a fight.

'You know what you're doing. I bet you could make me feel good'

'Gun, I don't think-'

'You've done it with guys before, right?', Gun interrupted him.

'I mean… Yeah… Once or twice'

'So… You like both?'

'How am I supposed to fucking know what I like?', Off groaned, once again being reminded of his existential crisis at eighteen.

'You get turned on by tits?'

'Of course,', Off answered.

'Do you get turned on by me?'

Off didn't answer. He could've answered three weeks ago. He would easily shake his head and gag at the thought of fucking his rival. But now? Now when they're alone in his room, sitting on the floor and staring at each other. Now that he realised his heart raced whenever Gun was around. Now that he realised, he couldn't stop looking at Gun's lips and the way his brows furrowed when he's studying. Now when…

'I dunno', Off tiptoed around the question, hoping that Gun would drop it.

'That's not a no'

'It's not a yes either', he reiterated. 

'Tell me that you get turned on by me', Gun said and it felt almost desperate. Off didn't know how to make of it. Gun was always a tough person to read, but over the past couple of weeks, albeit intrigued, there's still more that Off doesn’t know about Gun Attaphan.

'Why?', he finally asked when the tension in the room slowly rises, his chest racing.

'Because I get turned on by you'

_What?!_

'What?'

Gun didn't reply. He kept quiet as he looked down on his lap, playing with his fingers.

'You're gay?'

'I don't know'

'Is that why you wanna have sex with me? To find out if you're gay?'

'No', Gun shot back, offended, 'I'd never use anyone just to validate my feelings. That's cruel'

'Then why are you asking to have sex with me?'

'Because I can't fucking stand it anymore!', Gun shouted at him when Off refused to give him a solid answer, 'I'm tired of staying up all fucking night thinking of you and your stupid face. I'm so fucking tired of suddenly feeling awkward and tense whenever you walk in the fucking room. And I'm tired of dreaming about you all fucking night! I can't sleep because of you! It was because of you that I placed second on our Chemistry test!', Gun kicked Off's feet which made the latter laugh at his sudden outburst. But more importantly, it made his hands shake and chest pound faster at the thought that the latter was dreaming of him.

'Was it a wet dream?', Off joked, easing the tension a little and laughing when Gun gave him a dirty look, 'I'm kidding'

'Of all people to have a crush on, it had to be you', Gun whined, hiding his face in his hands and regretting even asking Off.

'Woah, did you just confess to me by asking me to fuck you?', Off bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.

'I dunno… I'm obviously not good at this', Gun's voice is muffled through his hands. Off took this chance to scoot over, crossing his legs so that he's facing Gun.

'I don't know about fucking, but…', Off reached his hand out and rested his fingers on Gun's chin. The touch led Gun to drop his hands to his sides, the pair facing each other with only a breath away from each other's lips, 'But I can definitely kiss you', Off whispered before he dipped down, pressing his lips slowly on Gun's. He felt the latter's soft textured lips. The kiss was awkwardly anticlimactic, with just their lips pressing together for a few seconds, no movements coming from Gun. He pulled back and looked at the latter with a worried expression.

'Aren't you gonna do anything?', Off asked, curious why Gun felt more like a statue than a human.

'I- I…', Gun stuttered for a bit, making Off laugh.

'You asked for sex yet you can't even kiss?'

'Shut up', Gun punched his leg, making him whine, but that didn't stop him from smiling at how cute Gun got when he's shy.

'Wanna try again?', he asked, bending down and pecking Gun's lips, 'Or do you just wanna keep kissing like a twelve-year-old?'

'You're annoying', Gun rolled his eyes, but there's a tint of red creeping up in his cheeks and Off took it as a welcome back to place his lips slowly onto Gun's, this time taking the initiative to part his lips a little. 

The kiss was still awkward. As most kisses are between two young and confused teenagers. Off encouraged Gun to open his mouth but even then, he found himself doing all of the work, tilting his head and biting Gun's lower lip, dipping the tip of his tongue in and circling the latter's tongue. Unresponsive and slightly tensed, Off eased his hand on Gun's waist, massaging it as he continues to make him feel relaxed. He leaned forward and tried again, this time feeling Gun's lips respond with his. They were out of tune. Sometimes Gun tilted his head the wrong way, making their teeth bash together. Sometimes Off felt too confident, slipping his tongue in only for Gun to bite down. He had to pull back and whine at the sudden sting.

'I'm sorry', Gun whispered, opening his eyes and reaching down to hold onto Off's hands, 'Let me try again', he said, this time he turned to lean in and kissed Off's lips a little more confidentially. Everything's a blur. It took time for them to be in sync, but they finally got the flow. Off slipped his tongue in, reaching for Gun's back as he pulls the latter close to him, their chest touching.

Finals were over. What’s done is done. They’ve fought, they’ve plotted against each other, they’ve manipulated and betrayed their friends to get back at one another. But now that they were all alone, without the prospect of academic rivalry thrust upon them, Off only noticed now how fucking tight Gun was gripping on his hair, and how desperate he is at wanting to kiss more than Gun’s lips.

‘Do you think Arm would ever forgive me?’, Gun whispered once their lips parted, his eyes hazy and fuelled with lust. But he still didn’t forget why he was spending the night at Off’s house on the final day of their exams.

‘Depends’, Off shrugged, ‘But he doesn’t hold a grudge, so you should be fine’, he didn’t want to talk anymore. He leaned down and trailed his chapped lips down Gun’s neck. It made the shorter squirm, the heat rose between them and it wasn’t long till Off took Gun’s offer despite his initial reaction.

Gun moaned uncontrollably. It felt weird, but he didn’t feel shy when he was with Off. He only then realised that he was never hiding anything from the slacker. He was always his genuine self when he was with Off, even if it was monstrous. He didn’t even think to hide his moans as he leaned forward, resting his body on Off’s and rutting his clothed dick against the latter.

‘Someone’s not shy’, Off chuckled, a soft groan escaping his lips when Gun continued with his slow actions, ‘Have you been secretly watching porn?’

‘Can you shut the fuck up?’, Gun whined, glaring at him, ‘You always ruin the mood’

‘Ruin the mood, huh?’, Off gave him a mischievous smirk. His hand slid down his pants without a warning, making Gun moan at the cold touch of his callused fingers around his hardening cock, ‘Tell me, have you done anything like this with anyone?’

‘I told you’, Gun whispered in between his moans when he felt Off’s fingers gliding down to the tip of his cock, ‘I’m-’

‘So, you’ve never had anyone do this to you?’, the taller asked, the obnoxious smirk still wrapped around his lips, ‘Does this mean I’ll be better at this than you?’

‘Are you still competing with me?’, Gun asked, closing his eyes when Off continued to stroke him hard.

‘I’m just saying’, Off chuckled, ‘You’re predicted A* in five subjects whilst I’m only predicted A* in four’, he reminded him, ‘This will make us even’

‘What makes you think you’ll be better than me at this?’, Gun whispered, but his question was quickly answered when Off sped up, driving him to a place he’s never been before. His toes curled and lips parted as he continued to whisper Off’s name. He grabbed the latter’s hair, pulling him in for a kiss, to driven in pleasure to care of his rash kisses, biting and squirming when Off showed no mercy of slowing down.

 _‘Fuck’,_ Gun cursed, which only turned on Off who only ever heard the shorter swear when they’re shouting at each other. But to hear him whisper moans of pleasure against his ears shrouded his skin with goosebumps, his heart racing as he watches Gun’s expression, _'Off… P'Off, fuck… don't stop'_

_P’Off?_

‘Say that again?’, Off whispered, but there’s demand in his voice, lust overflowing in forms of deep groans, ‘What did you call me?’

‘P’Off’, Gun repeated himself. There was no point in pretending it didn’t slip his lips. His cheeks flustered red and Off could tell he was embarrassed.

Off didn’t say anything else. His lips were too preoccupied leaving bruises all over Gun’s skin, desperate to mark him before the latter released in his hand, staining his jeans with cum.

‘Please tell me you have spare jeans’

‘They’re not gonna fit you’, Off laughed, earning a punch from the latter when he finally regained his breath and sanity.

‘I hate you Off Jumpol’

‘I hate you too, Gun Attaphan’


	2. One.

**May 2020**

'I'm not going', Off scoffed when his best friend proposed them to attend their stupid high school reunion. He and Tay lived in the same apartment ever since he got back from London. The pair sat beside each other as they finish their dinner, Tay mentioning the e-mail he got from their high school recently that invited them for a dinner with their old classmates. Tay, being the nostalgic son of a bitch that he was, squirmed in excitement at the thought of seeing his old friends from school. Off, on the other hand, had no features of sentiment and he didn’t care to listen to Tay’s wishes for both of them to attend something stupid.

'Come on Off', Tay punched his shoulders in an attempt to persuade him.

'Look, it hasn't even been long since we graduated', Off argued, finishing his food. He got up from the table, leaving his best friend pouting as he made his way to the kitchen, washing up after himself, 'We just graduated University this year and you're still unemployed'

'Ouch', Tay glared at him, 'That's a low blow'

'Look, all I'm saying is, we don't need to meet up with idiots we were forced to share classes with', Off defended his bitter approach on the subject, 'Plus, I don't wanna meet the girls I fucked when I was eighteen'

'Look, I'm sure they're not gonna bring it up', Tay chuckled, although he had hoped someone would bring up Off's old behaviour which only consisted of ditching classes and fucking anyone that breathed. Senior year of high school was definitely a memory he treasured dear.

'Either way. I'm not going', Off turned around to face his roommate and childhood best friend one more time, pointing a finger at him, 'I don't even remember our classmates'

'Don't be stupid, Arm and Alice shared biology class with us'

'I'm not talking about our friendship group', Off rolled his eyes, 'I don't remember anyone else'

'Well…', Tay thought about it for a moment. He got up and walked to the kitchen, leaning on the counter as he added his dishes into the sink. Off automatically rolled his eyes he scrapped the leftovers in the trash before washing it, 'There was Oab… Remember him?'

'Oab?', Off furrowed his brows, he repeated the name yet it didn't ring a bell.

'We used to have History together', Tay punched his arm again, this time trying to juggle his best friend's shit memory, 'He helped us sneak in class when we were late'

'Ah', Off nodded as he washed his hands, but he only faked to remember. He still didn't remember who this Oab guy was but he didn't want Tay's continuous nagging.

'Hm… There was also Mike and Fiat who we used to play football with', Tay then began listing more names that Off didn't remember and it drove him insane. He could only imagine how excruciating the thought of attending the reunion would be. He could pretend to remember when Tay spoke, but he didn't think he'd get away from being caught when everyone will be attending and talking about their stupid teenage years.

Off never had the sentimental authenticity to feel nostalgic over his high school memories. He remembered it how it was: boring, depressing and always horny.

'Well, I'm sure you'll have fun catching up with those folks', Off patted Tay's shoulder, an indication that he had no more patience to continue the conversation. He was about to leave the kitchen and lock himself in his room when Tay continued to call out to him.

'Oh! And there was also that kid! Gun!', he shouted.

_Gun._

That name. He hadn't heard it since graduation, yet he froze in hid tracks at the sound of it.

'Gun Attaphan Phunsawat?', he asked as he turned to face his best friend. 

'Woah, so you remember him?', Tay was surprised that Off remembered the boy’s full name, but once the memory returned, he just laughed, 'Of course, of all people you remember, you remembered him'

Off rolled his eyes, but he suddenly couldn't find the energy to leave the kitchen. Instead, he leaned on the wall and crossed his arms, glaring at Tay as he continued to laugh.

'You two couldn't stand each other', Tay reminisced, 'The rivalry of the century'

'You and I remember things very differently'

'Oh?', Tay smiled at him, 'Tell me, what do you remember about Gun?'

_'Off… P'Off, fuck… don't stop'_

Off suddenly remembered the boy's voice. Fuck. He didn't think a memory he forgot for so long could easily resurface at the mention of his goddamn name.

'I don't remember much', he lied.

'Well, you must at least remember how much the two of you fought like cats and dogs. You hated whenever he scored better than you and he was always insecure that you'd lock yourself a scholarship to the college he wanted to go to'

_'They're only accepting one student for the scholarship from our school. And it can't be you'_

'Tay, why're we even talking about this?', Off interrupted him before he unknowingly opened more memories that he had successfully buried, 'I'm sure you can talk about it when you meet him in the reunion'

'Why don't you come with me?', Tay begged one more time, 'You can prove to that kid that you've matured finally! You're no longer a dickhead'

Off glared at his best friend, he grabbed an empty water bottle and threw it at him, but it only made Tay laugh as he tilted his head to avoid the object.

'I'd like to see the two of you meet again. I wonder if it'll be the same or if you two will act differently with each other'

'As I said', Off repeated himself for the last time, 'I'm not going'

* * *

**First Week of Senior Year, 2014**

'They're only accepting one student for the scholarship from our school. And it can't be you'

Off opened his eyes when he heard something bang on his desk. It's seven-thirty in the morning and he felt like dying after he stayed up all night playing games with Tay and Arm. He looked up to see who in their right mind would try to wake him up before the first period. He found himself staring at Gun, the boy he, unfortunately, shared the same homeroom class with.

'What the fuck do you want?', he asked, rubbing his eyes together. He didn't hear him the first time and he didn't think he'd want to know what the boy was bitching about now. He sat up and looked at him, yawning as he listened to him repeat himself.

'I want that scholarship', Gun said again, 'And they're only offering it to one student'

'And?', Off snorted. He couldn't believe Gun was already worrying about University applications when their senior year just started last week. It was still summer and the air was still warm, 'What's that got to do with me?', he smirked. He knew that statement was going to rile Gun up and the glare he received told him his attempt to irritate the boy was working.

Off vs Gun. Gun vs Off. That was something the whole school was aware of since freshman year. Two of the opposite people butting heads and constantly at each other's throats. Gun Attaphan, the friendly and social student who paid attention in class and tutored everyone for extra credit. Smart and kind, loyal and somewhat perfect in his own way. Despite being social, he stuck with his books and was constantly studying, ditching plans to hang with his friends and choosing to bury himself in the library instead.

And then there's Off Jumpol. A little bit of a rogue. He was always late, never bothered to learn his lab partners' names, ditching classes, refusing to even pretend to listen to the class and always changing girlfriends like he's changing clothes. You'd think their rivalry consisted of the nerd telling off the class's slacker, but what made the rivalry interesting was that it was the exact opposite. It was the rivalry between two of the smartest people in the year group fighting for the best scores and extracurricular that can make their college applications look flashy. What was even more frustrating for Gun was to always be compared with a slacker like Off.

'I suppose you should prepare yourself', Off smirked, 'Because that scholarship is mine'

Gun's brow twitched. He bit his lip to stop himself from cursing at the boy who sat in front of him. Just his face alone was enough to ruin Gun's day. How could the school's slacker be his biggest rivalry? Between the fucking and partying, when did Off find the time to study? It didn't make sense.

'Watch it Off', Gun banged on his desk once more, 'You may have gotten away with passing without revising last year, but this is our final year and things are different'

'Who said I don't study?', Off raised a brow but Gun just rolled his eyes as he left him hanging, going back to his seat at the front of the class. Off watched him sit down, looking at the back of his head and chuckling. For a short guy, his attitude was twice his size.

'Hey, what did I miss?', Tay asked as he rushed inside the class before the bell rings, quickly eating his breakfast before their teacher entered.

'Nothing'

* * *

Principal Panhan looked across her desk to see the two students that have given her stress throughout last year going at it with each other once more. They haven't even made a dent into the new year and Off and Gun were already arguing.

'We agreed not to cross over!', Off argued, shouting at Gun with a pointed finger aimed at the shorter boy, 'You pretty much have the entire school's extracurricular activities!'

'You have the debate club! You know how perfect that looks on applications'

'Which is why I fucking chose it', Off shouted back.

Their principal closed her eyes and prayed to the gods before she returned back to earth and clapped her hands to gain their attention. She knew her idea wasn't going to work, but she proposed last year that it would be a good idea to split school activities right down the middle so the two students wouldn't attend the same clubs and cause another fight. It worked for the remainder of last year when Off gave up theatre and joined debate club, leaving Gun with orchestra, theatre and languages club. She knew the reason why they wanted to attend clubs was due to the prospect of pleasing Universities with their after school activities and she was more than proud to cater for them, but even she gained enough knowledge of their constant fighting. They've visited her office many times that they might as well be on a first name basis.

'Look, I think the plan's been working well', she reminded them, 'Off only chose to attend one club, which leaves you more than enough clubs to join and spice up your applications', Principal Panhan addressed Gun, which made Off smirk when the principal sided with him - which doesn't usually happen.

'Seems like he wants to attend everything… Selfish prick'

'Off Jumpol, language please', the principal told him off, 'I don't see why the two of you can't attend the same clubs anyway. If you're both mature enough, why don't the two of you compromise?'

'This kid is asking me to give up the one club I actually attend when he already has three!', Off whined, 'Tell me how that's fair?'

'I mean… Gun… He does have a point', Principal Panhan nodded as she looked over at Gun, 'Why do you wanna join the debate team?'

'Principal Panhan, what do you think will look better on my applications?', Gun started, 'Are they gonna be impressed that I can sing and dance or that I can execute my points in a professional manner?'

'Clearly you can't do the latter cos you don't seem to _get_ the point', Off groaned, 'I'm not giving it up!'

'Enough! The two of you!', Principal Panhan slammed on her desk, 'Gun, if you really want the debate club, then compromise. Offer Off one of the clubs you currently attend'

'I can give back theatre', Gun immediately proposed as if he was waiting for this moment. Off could only roll his eyes, annoyed at how adamant the smaller is.

'I don't want theatre'

'Then how about orchestra?'

'Does it look like I play an instrument?'

'I heard you play bass'

'Oh, and bass is such a prominent instrument in Beethoven's 5th Symphony, isn't it?', Off sarcastically pointed out, which earned him a glare.

'Look, honestly, I can't solve this problem for you', their principal sighed, 'So you either have to come to a compromise or continue how it is now'

'I'd like to continue how it is', Off said, standing up and leaving the office. He didn't give Gun the chance to argue back as he slammed the door and left the office. Gun turned back to watch the door close, sighing in defeat.

'Gun, take this from me', Mrs Panhan called out to him, 'Theatre is a great way to show versatility. You don't always have to be academic to prove you’re intellectual', she reminded him, 'There's something special about standing on stage and entertaining a crowd. That shows charisma and confidence that they're looking for'

'I don't think a doctor needs to entertain their patients', Gun said as he grabbed his bag and walked out of the office.

* * *

'Where the hell were you?', Arm asked when Off finally arrived at the canteen, sitting down beside him and Tay on their usual table outside. He heard his friend slam his tray on the desk and he looked up to see Off’s pissed expression.

'Principal wanted me'

'Why? Did she catch you ditching?', Tay asked, finally looking at Off and not his phone. 

'Nope. Gun wanted to steal debate club from me', Off simply stated which made his friends laugh at him.

'Didn't he already steal theatre from you?', Arm chuckled, stealing some of Tay's rice to finish off his meal.

'I know! Which is why I'm so fucking confused as to why he wants debate club. That prick is so selfish'

'Maybe he likes you?', Tay laughed at the idea, shaking his shoulders teasingly, ‘It’ll explain why he’s always picking a fight with you’

'We're not in primary school', Off rolled his eyes, 'If he wanted a fuck, he could just tell me and we'll quickly nip in the bathroom for a quickie'

'How romantic', Arm said yet there's judgement in his eyes, 'Care to tell me since when have you skipped over the dating phase and went straight to fucking?'

'Since I've started fucking', Off offered an answer but he just laughed as he took all of Arm's questions as a joke. He finished off his meal before the bell rings, the three of them making their way to Physics with dread.

* * *

Gun spent after school in the library, refusing to go get ice cream with his friends. Oile rushed to ask him one more time, but he had already set up his books in the library and she knew once Gun’s books were out, there was nothing to persuade him to ditch.

‘If you finish early, call me. Maybe you can catch up with us’, she pointed out. Gun nodded, but they both know he was probably not going to go anyway. Summer was officially over despite the hot weather and school was going to take over Gun’s life for the last time. He did well for his first week. He took notes and read all the prep books in time for each class. His teachers doted on him and he eventually gained a few new freshmen who wanted to be tutored by him. He would call it perfect if only Off Jumpol didn’t ruin it.

‘Gun, what’re you doing in the library?’, he heard the sound of his friend New approaching him. He looked up and noticed that he was already sitting in front of him, ‘Come on, none of our homework is due in until next week. Don’t coop yourself this early in the year’

‘I wanna get this over and done with’, Gun told him, pointing the tip of his pencil on the pages in front of him. New whined as he saw nothing but numbers and equations.

‘As I said, we have one week’, New said, ‘Come and hang out with me. Just for today, huh?’

‘Why’re you asking me? Don’t you have other people to go with to wherever you wanna go?’, Gun laughed, watching New attempt to pout to get him to say yes. But New is six foot and built like he was already in college, so acting cute only made him look weird and awkward.

‘They always make fun outta me’, New whined. Gun nodded and laughed. It seems like the summer couldn’t fix the embarrassing last day from last year when New accidentally confessed his long-term crush on Tay Tawan from the speakers of the school’s announcement during the morning period.

‘Is the school still not over that?’, Gun snorted, but he bit the inside of his cheeks when he saw New glare at him.

‘When you confess in front of the whole fucking school that your friends with one of the most popular guys in school, that shit lives on…. Like forever’

‘Well, maybe next time turn off the speakers before you start talking’, Gun reminded him, to which New punched his arm.

‘Come on Gun, please. Before we truly get wrecked with work, just come get ice cream with me’

Gun really didn’t want to. He had his books ready to be read and written on. He was planning to get everything finished today so he could prepare for his violin recital. But New gave him another look and for some reason, he gave in.

‘Fine. But I’m leaving early’

* * *

‘So, where’s the boy who confessed his undying love for you last year?’, Arm asked Tay when they found a booth inside the ice cream parlour after school. They had taken off their ties and rolled up their sleeves as soon as they left the school building, the hot weather making them want to jump straight into a pool, but they opted to get ice cream instead.

‘New Thitipoom?’, Tay said, licking his mint chocolate ice cream from his spoon, ‘I tried to find him all summer, but he hasn’t attended any party’

‘Is that why you were always crashing at mine’s in the middle of the night?’, Off finally asked.

‘Your parents are never home’, Tay punched his shoulder playfully, ‘Plus my grandma will kill me if she knew I came home drunk’

‘You’ve been looking for him all summer?’, Arm scoffed, ‘Why don’t you just follow his Instagram?’

‘You don’t think I’ve tried?’, Tay shouted back, not wanting to be seen as dumb by his friends, ‘He blocked me on social media’

‘Are you serious?’, Off and Arm laughed simultaneously.

‘He’s been avoiding me’, Tay whined a little and Off noticed it.

‘So… You really wanna ask him out?’

‘Well, maybe for a date… You know? To see how it works between us’, Tay replied, ‘No one’s ever confessed to me before. Seems like a fucking waste not to say yes’, he explained himself, making Off laugh, ‘Plus, he’s kinda cute’

‘Cute?’, Arm snorted, stealing some of Off’s ice cream, ‘Isn’t he like six foot?’

‘You can be tall and cute’, Tay exclaimed, he smiled and pointed at himself, ‘I’m cute’

Off and Arm almost threw up at the statement. They hear the ding of the front door signalling a new customer and Arm couldn’t help but smile when he looked up at the door.

‘Speak of the devil!’, Arm shouted. He stood up and banged on the table, gaining the attention of the people around them, ‘New Thitipoom! The man of the hour! Tay’s very own Cinderella!’

Arm was the quietest out of the trio, but Tay and Off definitely had been a bad influence on him over the years as he walked over and grabbed New by the wrist. They’re all still in their school uniform and the people around them could only roll their eyes at the students’ behaviour, but that didn’t stop Arm from raising his voice.

‘Come on join us! My friend said he’s been looking for you all summer!’, he snitched on Tay who could only stare daggers at him. He turned and noticed New wasn’t alone, ‘Oh, Gun. You’re here too? Why don’t you join us?’

‘Do I have a choice?’, Gun muttered under his breath as he watched New being dragged towards the booth where three students from the same school sat. He knew damn well that whenever he sees Arm or Tay, the son of a bitch would also be there.

‘Woah, you’re outside the library?’, Off faked an overexaggerated gasp when he looked up to stare at Gun, ‘You actually chose to socialise with humans? How could you survive such a ghoulish task?’

‘Shut up’, Gun stopped Off from his dramatic speech, ‘I’m not here to socialise with you. I’m here with New’

‘Who clearly came here to see my friend that he’s been crushing on’, Off pointed out, winking at New and nudging Tay to sit beside the awkward boy. He stood up and swapped seats which resulted in him sitting next to Gun.

‘So, I heard you’re fighting for debate club’, Arm moved his teasing from Tay to Off, ‘I thought you two would give it another week before you start attacking each other’

‘I didn’t even want to see his face’, Off snorted, ‘It was him who approached me first’

Gun argued back and it resulted on the usual nagging and mischief that the two boys always got into. Arm found entertainment with the way Off would raise his voice and get worked over by the simplest thing Gun says. His friend was laid back most of the time. It took guts to get him this angry, yet with Gun, it only took a flick of a finger.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t have asked to get ice cream’, New whispered to himself when he listened to Gun and Off’s argument.

‘Here, have mine’, Tay offered, not feeling awkward at all that he was having a conversation with someone he barely knows but who apparently has a crush on him. That’s Tay Tawan for you. A confident motherfucker who has no idea how to be embarrassed, ‘You know, I tried following you on Instagram, but I didn’t you know would block me’

‘Uh… I… About that…’, New stuttered when he realised that he had Tay’s attention. He awkwardly looked down on the table to where a half-finished bowl of mint chocolate ice cream was presented in front of him. Fuck. He didn’t ever want to see Tay ever again, let alone sit so close to him inside a booth with no way of an escape. He didn’t have the confidence to look at him. Not when he still had the huge fattest crush on the boy and that he spent all summer walking around the parks in search of the places Tay would hang out. His friend told him Tay was a party goer and he’d find him in any party that happens during the summer, but his parents were strict and he knew he couldn’t sneak out just to watch Tay. He could only catch glimpses of him hanging out in the park with Off and Arm. Sometimes he’d also find him in the mall with a girl by his side. He assumed she was his girlfriend and spent the summer wallowing in self-pity.

But maybe he broke up with his girlfriend before school started? With the way he was flirting with him, he could only hope this wasn’t a joke.

‘Look… I know I embarrassed you during the last day of school last year but… You don’t… You don’t have to be nice to me’, New told Tay. He felt his hands shake suddenly. This was probably the first time he had an actual conversation with Tay.

‘I’m not trying to be nice’, Tay smiled at him, the pair ignoring the loud ass voices from their friends’ argument beside them, ‘I genuinely thought it was cute’

New didn’t respond. He didn’t know how. Was Tay still joking with him or… Was he…

‘Look, let’s cut to the chase. I don’t wanna listen to Off’s screeching voice’, Tay whined when Off screamed something at Gun which made the latter scream back at him, ‘Are you single?’

‘Huh?’

‘I’m asking if you wanna ditch these dickheads for a date?’, Tay asked, laughing so confidently, it made New envious of his self-assured personality.

‘I don’t wanna ditch Gun’

‘Come on. I’ve been looking for you all summer. One date without these idiots is what I’m owed’

Gun regretted coming with New to this stupid ice cream parlour because he didn’t even leave with him. He swore he’d never ditch his studies again for ice cream.


	3. Two.

**A Week Before the Reunion**

‘Hin, do you remember Gun?’, Tay asked as the trio walked past the shops in the mall, taking advantage of the air conditioning.

‘Gun?’, New turned back to his boyfriend, the pair holding hands to which Off almost gagged at the sight.

‘Gun Attaphan. You were friends with him, right?’

‘Ah, right!’, New smiled the moment he remembered, ‘He was basically my best friend in high school’

‘I wonder why you never kept in contact with him’

‘Well, how could I?’, New whined, ‘He left for Bangkok University and I went to Chulalongkorn… I don’t think he bothered to keep in contact either’

Off refused to join into the conversation, but he listened intently whilst his best friend talked with his boyfriend. Tay only mentioned Gun once last night during dinner, but he stayed up all night thinking about the memories he had during his last year of high school.

‘You’d think someone like Gun would, right?’, Tay said, ‘He seemed like the sentimental type’

‘He was’, New admitted, although he couldn’t remember much about his old best friend anymore. It was nearing six years since they walked out of the graduation ceremony with their hats flying in the air. Six years may not be a long time, but it was long enough to forget those you thought would be in your life for a long time.

The trio continued to look around the shops for furniture. Off couldn’t believe he allowed himself to be dragged by Tay, but his best friend wanted to show him around the new changes that the city made during his time away. He’s only moved back to Thailand three months ago after his graduation in at UCL University.

‘Why didn’t the two of you move in together?’, Off asked when he noticed he was being left behind by the two people who asked him to tag along in the first place. He leaned on the wall as he watched Tay argue at the colour of the plates for New’s condo.

‘I fucking told you already’, Tay rolled his eyes, ‘New’s parents don’t want him to live with me’

‘What? Do they want you to get married first before you move in?’, Off snorted, but their stale expression made him stop poking jokes for a second, ‘Are they still against the two of you?’, he asked.

‘They’re over it’, New shrugged, but his face was still expressionless, ‘But they just don’t want me living with him’

‘Ah, I get it’, Off nodded, ‘Their scared people might see the two of you together, right?’

‘Don’t say it if you already know’, Tay gave him best friend a warning look. He didn’t know if it was Off living in London or if he was always this blunt, but stating the obvious when they’re already struggling for approval was something, he’s gonna have to remind his best friend not to do.

‘Look, just say fuck it and move in together. What’s the worst that could happen?’

‘My extended family finds out and tells my mum and dad off for raising me this way’, New listed all the problems he’d been thinking over the years, ‘Plus, not only me, but my immediate family would be disowned by my grandparents’

‘Give them a huge middle finger and tell them to stop acting like this is the 18th Century’

‘Off, you’re not in London anymore’, Tay told him off, walking over and whispering to him when he feels his boyfriend tense at Off’s blunt approach, ‘You don’t just get to treat your family like that here’

‘If family’s so important, then why are they hellbent on making your lives miserable? Aren’t families supposed to support you in whatever you wanna fucking do?’

‘You wouldn’t understand cos your family doesn’t care’, Tay spoke, but the minute the statement left his mouth, he instantly regretted it. His eyes widen when he turned back to look at his best friend, ‘Off… I’m sor-’

‘No, you’re right’, Off nodded, seemingly unaffected by Tay’s harsh words, ‘They don’t care. And they never have. Which is why I’m free of judgment and can do whatever I fucking want. Unlike the two of you who still have to tiptoe around your parents because they’re scared of feeling outcasted by the rest of your conservative families. It’s stressful and a waste of your time. So, who’s really lucky?’, he pointed out before ditching the two of them. He left the store and Tay didn’t want to chase after him. He knew Off needed some time alone and he still felt too guilty to move.

‘I thought you said he went to London to fix his relationship with his mum?’, New asked, now tensed because of Off’s storm out. He rested his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

‘That was the plan’, Tay could only sigh, ‘Let’s finish shopping. I have a feeling I have to cook dinner to make up with him’

* * *

**Three Weeks into Senior Year, 2014**

Off slammed the door to his house as he stomped out. He could still hear his dad’s loud yelling which targeted his mum. When he was younger, he would’ve stayed and defended his mum with whatever accusation his dad yelled at her, but after a couple of punches and a week spent in hospital stitching up his head, he didn’t think he’d want to sacrifice himself to someone who was barely at home in the first place.

He felt the scar at the side of his head as he walked towards the night market. It was only a fifteen-minute walk and the street vendors have recognized his face enough to greet him as he walked past. He was glad that Bangkok stayed busy, even though it was nearing midnight. The city was still bustling with life, loud music from the bars, and shouting from the customers for their orders.

‘Hey Off’, he heard the old lady who sold soy milk and bubble tea call out his name.

‘Hello, Mrs Pho’, he clapped his hands together and greeted her back, ‘How’s business?’, he asked and she continued to complain about the heat as she usually does whenever Off ask her.

‘Well, why don’t I order two milk teas and you can come to sit with me for a little break?’, Off offered and she laughed but went along with it. Soon enough, she left her cart to sit on one of the spare seats with Off.

‘How’s school?’, she asked.

‘It’s been okay’

‘I hope you’ve been studying. This is your final year, it’s important to do well’

‘I’ve been doing fine’, Off pointed out, but he knew he was lying. He hadn’t done any of the work which was due this week, but the fighting in his house was too much of a distraction to get anything done. He would usually finish up his work whenever he crashed in Tay’s house for the night, but his best friend had been too busy trying to impress New.

‘Off, you’ve been doing so well, don’t let this final year be your downfall’, Mrs Pho commented, reaching her hand out for him to hold. She smiled fondly at the boy she practically raised every night when he would run away from home and spend his time here in the night market, ‘Have you got your books with you?’, she asked and Off looked down at the school bag he brought with him and nodded, ‘Then come keep me company and study here with me’

‘Okay’

* * *

**Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn: 97.3%**

**Gun Attaphan Phunsawat: 97%**

‘What?!’, Gun shouted as he saw last week’s exam results posted on the board beside the school cafeteria, ‘He scored first?!’, he was at disbelief. Not once had he seen Off in the library studying whilst he practically lived there last week, ‘How?’

‘Woah! I’m 17th place!’, New almost squealed when he saw his name in the first twenty of names, ‘This is the highest I’ve ever been in!’, unlike his friend, he was ecstatic with his results and was ready to finally eat lunch before afternoon lessons started, but Gun stayed in his place, feet glued on the ground as he shifted his head to look for the bastard who stole his first place.

‘Where is he?’, Gun asked, his eyes shifted behind them, trying to push the other students in search of their names.

‘Gun, leave it. You got second place’, New patted his shoulder in an attempt for him to give up, ‘Shouldn’t you be happy?’

‘Not until I talk to Off’, Gun growled, ‘I bet he fucking cheated’

‘No, he didn’t’, New rolled his eyes, ‘You and I both know he’s just naturally smart’

‘A guy like him can’t be this smart’, Gun accused. New was about to defend Off when Gun finally found the tall boy walking past the school board, disinterested in the crowd as he walked past, ‘See, look! He doesn’t even bother to look at his score! He knew he was going to ace it, because he cheated’, before New could stop his friend, Gun was stomping towards Off and his group. He reached his hand out and tugged on the boy’s sleeve, stopping him in his tracks as he turned to look back at it.

‘What do you want?’, Off sighed as soon as he saw Gun’s expression.

‘Who did you pay to get the exam answers?’, Gun hissed at him. Tay looked at New questioningly when he heard Gun’s assumptions, he raised an eyebrow to which New could only shrug his shoulders. He also didn’t know why his friend was getting affected by it all.

‘I didn’t pay anyone’, Off replied, ‘And who would I even approach if I wanted to?’

‘You can’t have scored higher than me. That’s impossible’

‘A bit narcissistic of you to think you’re better than everyone else’, Off scoffed at Gun, folding his arms and glaring down at him.

‘Anyone else I could understand, but not you’

‘Really?’, Off smirked, ‘May I remind you; I beat your overall score last year too’

‘For Media and Culture’, Gun rolled his eyes, ‘I beat you in sciences and mathematics’

‘Oh, shall I bow down to you for that?’, Off’s sarcasm flowed like venom, biting down at Gun whenever he tried to defend his grades. See, the two smartest students in school also had their own specialties that they excelled in. No matter how much Gun tried, languages and the arts were always Off’s best subjects and he learned to be content with second place, however, maths and science were his expertise. He came second to none when it was time for exams, so for Off to score first place in Physics is above and beyond his expectations.

‘How did you score a first?’, Gun asked, ‘I haven’t even seen you in the library’

‘Who the fuck studies in the library?’, Off laughed, ‘Just study in the comfort of your own room and maybe you’d do better than me’, before Gun can bite back, Off tugged his arm away from his grip, walking away towards the cafeteria, leaving Gun standing in the middle of an empty hall.

‘I told you he was just naturally smart’, New whispered to him, feeling embarrassed. He didn’t want Tay to know that he shared the same thought as his friend, ‘I’m gonna go quickly eat’, he said before ditching Gun to run after Tay.

* * *

‘Naturally smart my ass’, Gun whined as he walked home from school. He spent the rest of the school contemplating his argument with Off and he still couldn’t understand. He stole language club from Off in able to improve his English and Mandarin yet he always placed second to the bastard. Off didn’t even look like he paid attention in Physics class, so to score higher than him, he must’ve pulled some strings. He wasn’t going to let it go.

Off wasn’t just a smart student. Unlike Gun, he also had rich parents. The school knew it and the bastard didn’t do anything to try and hide it either. What kind of teenager would walk into class with a Rolex watch on his wrist? He didn’t know what his parents do, but Gun concluded that Off might have some connections with the school board or even the Ministry of Education. That was probably why he was acing a lot of classes that he barely turned up in. But, if that was the case, then the scholarship will be his before finals rolled in. It irritated Gun the more he thought about it.

He turned a corner and was about to enter his neighborhood when he heard an obnoxious laugh from the opposite street. He recognized that laugh. It distracted him every morning during History class.

What the fuck was Off doing on this side of town? His curiosity got the better of him as he walked the other way, hiding behind a wall as he peeked at the end of the street to where Off was hanging out with Tay and Arm. They were sitting in an abandoned Tuk Tuk that had been placed at the end of the street. The metal was rusting already, vines wrapped around the flat tires. He watched as Off climbed on top, holding something that looked like a beer bottle as he laughed at something that Tay had said. This made his blood boil even more. Whilst he spent after school studying, Off spent his spare time fooling around with friends and drinking alcohol. They weren’t even legal yet. He was about to leave, too mad to spy on whatever the bastard was doing when, when he heard someone else’s voice calling out Tay’s voice.

New?

He turned back and his suspicion was answered when he saw his best friend running towards them. Tay waved his hand at him and beckoned for his best friend to sit beside him inside the rusting Tuk Tuk. He felt his stomach churn. He couldn’t quite place the feeling, but the way New joked and laugh with the trio made him feel isolated in the corner. He’s ditched New’s offer to hang out numerous times, but it felt weird looking at what his friends are doing when he’s not around. Envy isn’t a feeling Gun felt, and he refused to believe it was something he was feeling now. But he couldn’t lie. The walk home was lonely.

* * *

‘Mrs Pho’, Off skipped to her vendor when he noticed her carrying a box of deliveries. He dropped his school bag and immediately grabbed the box from her, lifting it as they walk over into her small little shop beside her vendor, ‘You should hire someone to do all the lifting’, Off said once he dropped the box inside.

‘I could barely afford to keep my shop running dear’, she laughed, patting his back as a thank you, ‘Plus, I’ve done this long enough. My hands are like steel’

‘You should take care of them more Mrs Pho’, Off told her, ‘You need them to last for another twenty years’

‘Dear, no one wants to live that long’, she chuckled, to which Off whined, begging her to take care of her health.

‘Who’s gonna come and see me graduate college?’, Off said, the pair walking back out, ‘I’m not doing all of this studying just for myself’

‘Oh dear, your parents will be proud once you actually graduate’, she ruffled his hair like how she used to when Off was a little boy. She found it odd that a little boy dressed in nothing but expensive clothes would visit the night market downtown every night since he was twelve, but she heard enough rumours over the years to know which family Off belonged to. She didn’t speak about it with him, but she hoped his parents weren’t as bad as the rumors have spread.

‘Off! Come and help me with this box!’, they heard another street vendor seller calling out his name for help. Mrs Pho watched as he walked over and diligently helped the other people as they get ready for work. The weekend was the busiest for them, but she always found Off helping out in between his studies. She often wondered why he doesn’t choose to study in a quiet space like the library, but instead he’d join in the shouting between each vendor, singing along when someone blasted music through the speakers.

‘Mrs Pho, let me finish my English homework, I’ll help you with the orders’, Off called out from her little shop during the afternoon. She turned back and nodded, urging him to focus on his studies before helping her or anyone else. Instead, she walked back inside to see one of her tables occupied with books and dozens of papers scattered around. She placed a pink milk tea on the table, offering him a drink just in case the heat got to him.

‘Lady! Can I please have some napkins’, she heard a voice calling from the front.

‘They’re inside here!’, she shouted back, ‘Just come and get them at the counter’, she instructed as she walked back to serve more customers. Off continued studying, not looking up to see the woman who walked inside the shop.

‘Montessori Academy Secondary School?’, he heard the woman’s voice from over his shoulder, ‘You go to that school too?’, she asked, making Off turn his head to look at her.

‘Uh, yeah…’

‘My son goes to the same school’, she smiled, she folded her hair behind her ears as she looked down on him, ‘Are you a Senior?’

‘Yeah’, he nodded.

‘Ah’, her smile got bigger, ‘So is my son!’, she clapped her hands together, ‘I’m glad his classmates are studying just as hard as him. I thought he was only studying hard because he didn’t have any friends, but it seems like the whole school is like this’

‘Right’, Off nodded, not really sure how to tell her that her son probably didn’t have friends, ‘I’m sure he hangs out with friends too’

‘You haven’t met my son’, she sighed, but then her eyes suddenly gleamed, ‘But maybe you have! You’re in the same year group!’

‘I don’t really know everyone in my year’, Off commented, but it wasn’t enough to stop her excitement.

‘I know my son is stressed about finals, but I read that depression is increasing in young children and I don’t want my son to fall under that number. Do you happen to know if he hangs out with his friends during school?’

‘Uh… What’s his name?’, he asked, although he had no interest to report someone else’s business to their mum. He didn’t socialise with anyone outside his homeroom classmates, so he was sure he didn’t know her son, he could just bullshit some story.

‘Gun Attaphan’

‘Huh?’, he had to do a double-take as soon as he heard the name, almost dropping his pencil.

‘Do you know him?’

‘Uh…’, Off looked around for help, but Mrs Pho hadn’t come back yet, ‘Uh… He’s in my homeroom class’

‘Oh really?’, she smiled, ‘Then I’m sure you hang around with him a lot!’

‘Sure…’, Off answered. That was one big fucking lie, but he’d be damned to admit to Gun’s mother that all they ever do is fight and spend lunch in the Principal’s office ‘reflecting’ on their actions.

‘Oh, thank god! I finally met a friend of his’, she exclaimed, this time even more excited, ‘He never introduces his friends to me’

‘We’re not really frie-’

‘This is perfect! Maybe you should have dinner with us!’, she interrupted him before Off could explain to her.

‘I don’t think that’s a-’

‘Off, have you finished with your work? Benz wants you to help with the deliveries’, Mrs Pho finally came in to rescue Off, to which the latter immediately stood up and was about to rush through the door, but the woman gripped on his wrist before he could leave. He remembered the way Gun held onto his wrist last week during lunch. He definitely shared the same strength as his mum.

‘Tell me when you finish your part-time work here. I’ll send you my address then you can come over for dinner’, she told him to which Mrs Pho looked over at him curiously.

‘Dinner?’, Mrs Pho asked curiously.

‘Ah, he’s friends with my son’

‘Oh, Tay?’, Mrs Pho recalled one of Off’s friends who visited him one time over the summer but the woman shook her head.

‘No, Gun’, she spoke.

‘I’ve never heard of him’, Mrs Pho said.

‘That’s cos he’s not-’, Off was about to tell them both that he shared no friendship with Gun, but he looked over at Gun’s mum, seeing her bright and excited grin. He suddenly felt bad. The kid didn’t have many friends and by the looks of it, his mum was getting worried for him, ‘Yeah… Yeah, we’re friends’, he sighed and gave in.

‘Perfect! I’ll see you tonight then!’

* * *

‘What’s with the extra plate?’, Gun asked as soon as he came down for dinner. He just finished his English homework and had no time to help his mum in the kitchen. He noticed her bustling around. He realised she was cooking more than she usually does.

‘Gun, could you help with the table?’, she called out to him, ‘Maybe grab the vase from the living room and bring it over here’, she ordered to him to which he gave her an odd look. But he followed it anyway, grabbing the vase with fake flowers from the coffee table and putting it at the centre of the dining table.

‘Did you invite someone for dinner?’, he asked and his mum replied in the form of a massive grin, ‘Who is it?’

‘Your friend’

‘New?’, he gave her a confused expression. He didn’t remember introducing New to her, but before she could answer, they heard a strong knock on the door.

‘Ooh, that’s probably him’, she clapped her hands together, ‘Darling, go get the door. Let me finish up here. You keep him company in the living room’, she ordered him. Gun followed but he still had no idea who was on the other side of the door. He expected New once he opened the door since he was the only person, he could think of that he might’ve spoken about with his mum, but the last thing he expected to see is the bastard standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’, he scoffed the moment he realised it was Off.

‘Don’t ask me, ask your mum’, Off sighed, ‘Are you gonna let me in or what?’

‘No’, Gun glared at him, ‘Why would I?’

‘Off! I’m so glad you could make it!’, they both heard Gun’s mum shouting from the kitchen and Gun’s jaw almost hit the floor when he realised the ‘friend’ his mum was talking about was Off.

‘How the fuck?’, he asked.

‘Look, she found out we’re in the same homeroom class and she kinda jumped into conclusion’, Off explained himself before Gun could start shouting him.

‘And you went along with it?’

‘What the fuck was I supposed to say to her?’, Off scoffed at him, ‘Am I supposed to say I hate your guts and you can’t stand mine?’

‘Yes!’, Gun shouted back.

‘Gun, darling, why haven’t you let him in yet?’, Gun’s mum walked towards the front door, wiping her hands with a kitchen towel, ‘It’s humid outside darling, let Off into the living room, we just installed new air conditioning’

Off noticed that Gun was still in the way, so he pushed himself in, faking a smile as Gun’s mum guided him towards the living room.

‘Your house looks lovely Mrs Phunsawat’, he commented, wanting to sound nice, but he heard Gun snort behind him and he sent him a middle finger behind his back.

‘Mum, why did you have to invite him? This is useless’

‘Nonsense!’, her mum glared at him, ‘You’re in your senior year and you haven’t invited one friend over’, she said, ‘You make me worry whenever you’re cooped up inside your room all the time’

‘I’m studying, you should be proud I don’t go around causing a mess unlike _some_ people’, he emphasised as he glared at Off to which the latter rolled his eyes.

‘Well, lucky your friend here doesn’t do that’

‘Pfft’, Gun snorted, ‘He’s pretty much the only student in our year who does that’

‘Honestly Gun’, his mum didn’t hear his outburst as she finished setting up the kitchen, ‘You should be more like Off. He spends his time outside helping the community and doing work’

‘What bullshit did you lie to her about?’, Gun punched his elbow at Off as the pair sit next to each other on the sofa.

‘I didn’t lie to her’, Off whispered back. The two fell in awkward silence when Gun realised that Off Jumpol is inside his house. Of all things to happen, this was the last thing he thought of.

Off on the other hand, felt out of place. The living room was full to the brim with photos of Gun, ranging from when he was a baby till now. He squinted his eyes and looked at the frame which rested on the mantelpiece next to the TV, ‘Is that you as a kid?’, he snorted when he pointed at the photo of a smiling Gun holding an ice cream by the beach. He was shirtless and had a round stomach and chubby cheeks.

‘Don’t fucking look’, Gun warned him. He stood up and walked over to the mantelpiece, turning the frame around to hide the embarrassing baby photo of him.

‘Hide it all you want’, Off chuckled, ‘There’s another one over there’, he pointed over to one of the tables, this time a family photo of Gun and his parents where he was crying when he spotted a lizard on his shoulder.

‘For fuck’s sake’, Gun’s cheeks burnt red as he rushed over to turn that one over too. Off could only laugh at him.

‘You looked cute when you were a kid. I wonder what happened’

‘Shut up’, Gun warned him, ‘Don’t tell anybody about this’

‘Why would I?’, Off told him, ‘Who would benefit from knowing I gave in and went over to your house for dinner?’

Gun nodded, the pair having a silent agreement that tonight was going to be an exception to their ongoing rivalry.

‘Don’t tell my mum I study in the library after school by the way’, Gun whispered to him when they finally heard their mum calling to them for dinner.

‘Huh? Why?’, he asked, but Gun didn’t have the time to explain it to him, so he pinched Off’s arm before they went and sat down on the dining table.

* * *

‘The food was delicious Mrs Phunsawat’, Off commented as he finished his plate, answering her questions as generic and vague as possible so they don’t get caught.

‘Your welcome’, she grinned at him, ‘And come over any time you want from now on’, she urged him, ‘It’s been such a pleasure to have you here tonight’

Gun kicked Off on the leg under the table, making him whine as he quickly passed a glare at him.

‘Maybe’, Off answered, faking a smile at her as he finished his drink, ‘I should probably go soon. I don’t want my parents to worry’

‘Oh, of course’, Gun’s mum stood up and began to clear the tables, ‘Go any time you want. I’m just gonna clear the table’

Gun took this as the time to quickly nip into the bathroom. He hoped Off would leave before he comes back out.

Off stood up and offered a helping hand, grabbing the plates and walking with her to the kitchen sinks.

‘Thank you dear’, she smiled, surprised at how helpful Off was, but she remembered how helpful the young man was in the market, ‘Do you work in the market every weekend?’

‘I don’t work there’, Off replied, ‘I just help around’, he explained, ‘It’s good for my applications if I do volunteer work too’

‘Ah, you’re right’, she said. She began to wash the sinks and Off was about to say his goodbyes when she called out his name one more time, ‘I know my son’s been spending his time in the library again’, she suddenly commented and Off froze for a second. Gun warned him not to tell his mum, so he tried to come up with a lie, but he doesn’t work well under pressure.

‘Uh… He… Hasn’t’, Off tried to answer, but his stutter gave too much away.

‘He promised me he’d socialise more this year, but I guess old habits die hard’, she sighed, letting the tap water run down her hands, ‘Ever since the divorce…’, she whispered, but she didn’t end the sentence. She didn’t want Gun’s friend to feel pity for him.

‘Mrs Phunsawat… I mean… Miss?’, Off suddenly said, not knowing how to address her anymore with the sudden information, ‘Gun’s been hanging out with his friends’

‘You don’t have to lie for him’, she said, ‘In fact… Can I ask you for a favour?’

‘What is it?’

* * *

‘You want me to do volunteer work?’, Gun asked the guidance counselor when he was called over during lunch. He wondered why Principal Panhan wanted him to visit Mr Toey since he hadn’t fought with Off for a whole week.

‘College applications are getting more competitive’, Mr Toey explained to him as he looked over Gun’s current files, ‘Your grades are phenomenal and you’ve got enough extracurricular to talk about in your personal statement… But colleges are starting to want more than that’

‘I’m pretty sure I’ve got this in the bag’, Gun commented.

‘They don’t just want a crispy clean student with good grades. They want someone who also engages in the community, so what better way to do that than to volunteer at a charity’

Gun thought about it for a moment. He didn’t know why colleges were suddenly asking for too much, but he didn’t want to underestimate the competition this year, and he thought if he had one more thing that Off didn’t have, maybe he’d have a shot at that scholarship.

‘Where’s the charity based?’

‘It’s a local charity for stray animals, it’s based downtown right next to the night market’

‘Okay, fine. I’ll sign up for it’

* * *

‘Thanks Off for finding more volunteers’, Fahsai sighed in relief when she saw the sign-up sheet sign to see the list full of names. She didn’t think they would reach their goal so quickly, but thankfully; Off offered a friend who quickly signed up this morning.

‘Well, Mrs Pho would kill me if she found out I didn’t help’, Off joked, making her laugh.

‘Are you sure you don’t wanna volunteer too?’, Fahsai offered, ‘I would get a lot more girls to sign up if they find out’, the pair laugh as Off stroked the puppy’s ears. The little fella ended up sleeping on his lap as he continued to talk to the owner of the animal shelter.

‘I’m already caught up with other things’, Off mentioned, ‘I have to do extra clubs if I wanna win against-’

‘Are you still competing with that kid in your school?’, she laughed, ‘Arm keeps going on about your rival at school’

‘Look, I don’t even need the scholarship, but it’s fun to see him all riled up’, Off confessed.

‘That’s just mean’

‘Trust me, I’m actually being nice to him for once’, Off replied, looking down at his watch and checking the time, ‘I should probably get going, I don’t want him to see me here’

‘Don’t want who to see you?’

‘No one’, Off smiled at her, picking up the sleeping puppy and resting it back into her arms, ‘I’ll see you later’, Off left through the back door, leaving Fahsai alone.

‘Hello, are you Fahsai?’, he heard a foreign voice from the front door. She turned to find a boy with a similar uniform to Off’s standing at the entrance, ‘I’m Gun’

She looked down at the sign-up sheet and smiled when she spotted his name, ‘Hello Gun, let me show you around’

* * *

‘I still don’t know why you asked me to encourage Gun to volunteer’, Mr Toey asked as soon as Off entered the room during lunch.

‘Someone asked me for a favour’, Off simply answered, sitting back on the chair and throwing a baseball in the air, catching it in one hand, ‘What do you want from me today sir?’, he asked, wanting their meeting to be done with so he can hang out with Tay and Arm.

‘Well, your mum said you’ve been experiencing insomnia recently?’

‘No, I haven’t’, Off replied quickly, ‘I just stay out late sometimes’

‘Well, just so you know, I’m here to help you with more than just your college applications’, Mr Toey reminded him, but Off quickly dismissed him.

‘I’m fine sir’, Off said, standing up, ‘Now, if that’s all you wanted to tell me, then I’ll go now’

‘Fine’, Mr Toey gave in and let Off leave his office. He looked at the boy worriedly, noticing the dark under eyes and tired expression. He could only hope Off would reach out to him one day before it’s too late.


	4. Three.

**Six Days Before the Reunion.**

Tay walked into the kitchen to spot Off eating his cereal already. He awkwardly walked over and grabbed his mug, making himself a coffee. There’s a silence between them and Tay sighed as he sat beside his best friend.

‘You’re not still mad at me, right?’, Tay asked, pouting his lower lip as he rested his head on Off’s shoulder. His best friend glared down at him, shaking his shoulder to get him off, but Tay was a nuisance. He clung onto Off, wrapping his arms around him.

‘Tay, get off me’, he warned him, but his best friend shook his head.

‘Not until you forgive me’

‘I wasn’t mad at you’, Off said, but it wasn’t enough for Tay.

‘You haven’t spoken to me since yesterday’, Tay whined, ‘I know you’re pissed’

‘I’m not anymore, so can you get off me?’, Off told him one more time, pushing his best friend away, ‘Plus, I kinda deserved it’

‘You did’, Tay whispered, slapping his mouth when he saw Off glaring at him, clearly having heard his last statement, ‘We both said shitty things’, he added on, ‘We should both just get over it’

‘Whatever’, Off got up from his chair, putting his empty bowl in the sink. Tay finally relaxed for a moment when his best friend finally forgave him, finishing his coffee and getting ready for a day full of interviews. He was lucky that a few companies were offering him job interviews, but he hated the aspect of wearing a suit and tie and bullshitting about himself until someone gave in and offered him a job.

‘Hey, is your company looking for new staffs by the way?’, Tay shouted as he followed Off into the living room.

‘I _am_ the new staff’, Off reminded him, ‘I just started last month’

‘Dammit’, Tay whined, ‘I still don’t know how you got a job so quickly’

‘I got referred by my professor’, Off simply stated, ‘You should’ve kissed your professor’s ass a bit more’

‘Whatever’

‘By the way… About last night’, Off called out to Tay before he went back to his room to shower, ‘I really do mean what I said. I think you should just move in with New’

‘And you know I’ve tried’, Tay replied, ‘I don’t want New to choose between me or his family’

‘I just don’t want you to regret anything’, Off said.

‘It’s not like you regretted anything in your life’, Tay chuckled, but Off couldn’t even smile at him. He thought he didn’t regret anything, but coming back to Thailand, he realised just how much he left behind.

* * *

**Two Months into Senior Year**

Gun had spent every weekend at the animal shelter helping Fahsai with the stray animals. He was in charge of feeding and cleaning the dogs and he didn’t want to admit it, but he was having more fun as the weeks went on.

‘Hey Gun, we have a new member of the family’, Fahsai called out, walking into the room and carrying a poor puppy who had just woken up after surgery.

‘Oh no’, Gun pouted when he saw the puppy’s missing leg, ‘Was he the one who got run over?’

‘Unfortunately,’, Fahsai sighed, ‘But the doctor said he’ll be able to live. We just need to teach him how to walk with three legs’

‘I’m sure he’ll be able to do it’, Gun said, stroking the puppy’s ears, ‘He’s so brave, he’ll be up and running in no time’

‘I hope so too’, Fahsai smiled. She loved having Gun around every weekend. He put a smile on everyone’s face and he was great with the animals. She was worried about the first day, but as soon as she saw Gun playing with the animals, she texted Off immediately to thank him.

Gun carried the puppy towards him a new cage, cleaned and prepared by him, ‘Here’s your bed, do you like it?’, he spoke to the puppy, making Fahsai laugh at his squeaky voice whenever he spoke to the puppies. She quickly grabbed her phone and secretly took a video of him, chuckling as she sent it to Off.

The high school slacker looked down on his phone, watching the video Fahsai sent of Gun squealing at the dog. It made him chuckle as he turned it off and went back to work. Fahsai had been sending him numerous photos of Gun over the past couple of weeks and at first, he hard replied for her to stop. He didn’t need to know how Gun was doing. He did the favour Gun’s mum asked him, so he didn’t feel the need to meddle in his life anymore. But Fahsai continued to send photos and videos of Gun to the point where he just gave up and let her. He didn’t look at it at first, often ignoring her messages, but one night, whilst he was studying inside Mrs Pho’s shop, he was bored out of his mind and looked through his messages. He saw Gun wearing an old shirt, bending to his knees trying to clean the cages. There were also pictures of Gun walking the dogs, smiling as he hugs one of them. He realised he hadn’t seen Gun smile until now. He may have hated the boy, but even he couldn’t lie, Gun was cute when he smiled.

‘Off, could you be a dear and help me with this?’, he heard Mrs Pho calling out his name and he immediately locked his phone and slipped it inside his pocket.

‘Coming Mrs Pho!’, he shouted back, walking outside to help her with the heavy boxes of deliveries.

* * *

‘You’re each going to be paired for this experiment’, the moment the class heard the assignment criteria, they immediately groaned, Arm banged his head on the desk.

‘I hate group work’, he whined to Off to which the latter agreed and leaned his back on the chair. Off hated Chemistry and he hated group work, so this assignment was going to be a bitch on his backside, he could tell.

‘Let’s just pray we get to choose our partners’

‘I’ve already selected your partners’, their teacher ruined their plans before they get to finish them, the whole class groaning one more time.

‘Miss, can’t we just pair up with the people next to us?’, one student called out but the teacher didn’t even entertain the idea as she began to read the names off her list.

‘Arm and Alice’

‘Woah’, Arm suddenly spiked his attention as soon as his name got to read, ‘Maybe this might just be my year’, he exclaimed to Off, tugging at his friend’s sleeves as they both look at the pretty girl sitting on the other side of the class.

‘Lucky’, Off whispered, still waiting for his name to be called.

‘Off and Gun’

The whole class suddenly turned quiet the moment they heard the next pair of names. Each and every one of their eyes turned to look at Gun, then they turned their heads to look at the boy sitting at the back of the class.

Gun immediately raised his hand up in protest, ‘Miss, can I work with someone else please?’

‘No, I’ve made this list last night and I won’t be changing it’

‘Miss, I think it’s a bad idea pairing us together’, Off called from the back, ‘I don’t mind being paired up with someone else’

‘Look, you’re gonna meet people from different scopes of life in college, so I suggest you practice getting along with different people now’, their teacher told them off. Every teacher in school also knows Off and Gun’s rivalry, how could they not when they made a mess in the school canteen last year.

‘Miss, I get along with everyone’, Off commented, ‘It’s him who doesn’t get along with anyone’

‘I get along with people just fine’, Gun snorted as he turned his head to look at Off, ‘It’s you who I can’t stand’

‘Well, make sure you work well for this assignment’, their teacher interrupted them, ‘Because this project is 50% of your final grade’

‘What?!’, they all shouted, once again complaining to their teacher before the bell rings for next period.

* * *

‘I have volunteers on the weekends, so I won’t be available’, Gun explained, walking up to Off during morning period. He banged on the desk and woke him up, ‘I suggest we plan to meet once every week after school to do the assignment’

‘Do whatever you want’, Off yawned as soon as he heard Gun’s nagging, ‘It’s you who needs an A* on Chemistry, not me’

‘Off, I swear to god, if I fail this because of you, I’ll send hounds to kill you’

Off could only laugh at how aggressive Gun was whenever he spoke to him. He hadn’t annoyed him in the morning since he started volunteering for the animal shelter, so today was pretty much them going back to schedule.

Tay rolled his eyes as soon as he heard Off say something to trigger Gun to shout at him, the entire class almost sighing at their argument.

‘It was getting too quiet lately’, Arm whispered to Tay, the pair of them watching Off smirk to himself when Gun finally walked back to his seat.

* * *

Off sauntered into the library for the first time this year, looking around for the short boy who threatened him to come after school. Thankfully Arm wanted to impress Alice by taking her to their usual ice cream parlour to study and Off would rather jump off a cliff then hang out with Tay and New, so he made it to the library on time, sitting down on one of the many spare seats whilst waiting for Gun to show up.

‘Hey Off, I didn’t know you hung out in the library’, he heard someone else’s voice calling out his name. He turned around to see May standing beside his chair and he nodded at her.

‘Yeah well, I have the assignment to work with’, he explained.

‘If you ever need help, you could always call me’, she offered, ‘Just give me your number’, Off smiled when he saw where this was going, easily saying yes and giving his number to her.

‘Call me whenever you need anything too’, Off said to her, smirking when she gave out a shy smile. If he knew he would get girls’ numbers whenever he went to the library, maybe he would’ve gone sooner. He was about to flirt back when he got distracted by the loud bang on the desk, making everyone look towards Gun who was glaring at both him and May.

‘This is a library, not a bar’, Gun pointed out, ‘Go flirt outside’

‘Woah, hold your horses' party killer, we were just talking’, Off defended May, but the poor girl was too scared to argue back with Gun, so she bowed her head and separated from Off, ‘You totally ruined my shot’

‘Good’, Gun simply nodded, opening up his textbook, ‘Now, let’s get our hypothesis out of the way before we prepare everything else for the experiment’

‘Gun, have you ever gone out on a date before?’, Off suddenly asked, which made Gun glare at him even more.

‘If it’s not about work, then I’m not replying to your question’

‘I’m just asking’, Off raised his hands in surrender, ‘It doesn’t look like you have a social life, let alone a love life’

‘Can we just start studying?’, Gun told him off, flicking his forehead, ‘I’m getting an A* with or without your help’

‘Alright, alright, I’m helping’, Off contemplated on whether to annoy Gun during their study session or just do what he’s told, but he really wanted to meet Mrs Pho after this just in case she has another set of delivery she needs help with, so he kept his mouth shut and followed Gun’s orders.

* * *

‘Off, are you in here?’, he heard Fahsai enter the shop.

‘What’s up?’, he asked, about to smile but he noticed the distressed look on her face.

‘It’s Spot’, Fahsai’s voice breaks a little, ‘The doctor said it’s better to put her down cos her injuries aren’t healing’

‘What do you mean?’

‘She got run over this morning by bike. She’s still at the hospital and the doctor said she needs to be put down today’, Off immediately ran over to hug her. Fahsai leaned on his chest, crying the moment she felt his arms wrapped around her.

‘I’m sorry’, he sighed, ‘I wish I know which bastard ran her over’, he comforted her, stroking her hair and letting her weep a little longer, ‘Do you want me to be there?’, he offered and he felt her head nod on his chest.

* * *

‘Where’s Fahsai?’, Gun asked when he came over to the animal shelter. It wasn’t his day to volunteer, but he wanted to visit Vivi the new kitten before going back home.

‘Oh Gun, sorry dear, but she’s at the vet at the moment’, Mrs Tama answered him, closing up the front desk and preparing to close up.

‘What’s she there for? Haven’t we finished their monthly health check-up?’

‘Oh, she hasn’t told you?’, Mrs Tama’s expression falters and she awkwardly tapped on the desk, trying to think of a way to tell him, ‘Spot got ran over this morning. One of the volunteers took off the leash when they were walking him and he ran straight into the street’

‘Is he okay?’, he asked worriedly.

‘I’m afraid not. He’s getting put down now’

‘What?’, Gun asked, shocked as he looked down on his phone, ‘Is she there alone?’

‘I believe one of her friends came with her’, she reassured him.

‘Maybe I should go and visit her’

‘I think they’d be gone by now. They left a couple of hours ago’, she informed him and he felt defeated. The news was too sudden and he could only imagine the devastation Fahsai must be in.

‘Well, can you call her and tell her I was here’, Gun said, ‘And tell her I’ll visit tomorrow too’

‘Will do’

* * *

Off walked back to the night market, the sun slowly setting, leaving hues of golden orange in the clear skies. He dropped off Fahsai at her house, comforting her when she couldn’t stop crying. There was still a small wet patch on his shirt from her tears.

‘I saw you leave with Fahsai’, Mrs Pho called out as soon as he walked back into her little shop. She’s sitting on a plastic chair, counting her recent orders. She gave Off a suspicious look to which he ignored as he sat back down on the seat with his abandoned books.

‘She was sad’

‘She’s been on your mind lately, hasn’t she?’

‘Not really’, Off replied, not knowing why Mrs Pho was suddenly poking into his business.

‘She’s very pretty’

‘Mrs Pho, I don’t like her like that’

‘Why not?’, she asked.

‘I just don’t’, Off said, ‘I just like her as a friend’

‘That’s not a good way to get a girlfriend’, Mrs Pho pointed out, ‘You gotta be confident and ask them out’

Off never told Mrs Pho what he did in his spare time, which is probably why she thought he was still innocent. He could only laugh and pretend to act naïve, nodding along to her stories of her past lovers. He heard his phone ping and he read a message from May. He smiled immediately, jumping straight into the action and asking her on a date. That’s how Off Jumpol moves, quick just like Mrs Pho had advised him – but maybe he was much quicker – he spent the next night fucking May at his house whilst his parents were away.

* * *

‘So, are you and May dating?’, Arm joined Off and Gun in the library as soon as he heard the rumours going around. Gun rolled his eyes as soon as Arm sat in between them, clearly ignoring the unfinished answer sheet they still had yet to fill up.

‘What are you talking about?’, Off sighed, shrugging off Arm’s hand from his shoulders.

‘She said you took her out last night’

‘Ah’, Off remembered, a smirk playing on his lips, ‘Yeah, we did’

‘And?’, Arm grinned when he recognised the playful smirk his friend had, ‘Did you two…’, he motioned his fingers together and Gun gagged at the notion.

‘Duh’, Off answered. Gun looked over at him with a disgusted expression when he watched Arm high five him as if he had just won a game.

‘Can we get back to work please?’, Gun clicked his fingers in front of them, which gained their attention as he pointed back to their books.

‘Ah, right. I have to meet Alice for our study session’, Arm’s reminded, smiling at the mention of her name to which Off made fun out of him.

‘You haven’t asked her out yet?’, Off laughed, kicking Arm’s leg.

‘I’m not as confident as you mate’, Arm said before walking out of the library.

‘You need to focus on our assignment’, Gun told him off as soon as Arm left, ‘I’m not getting an F because you can’t think without your dick’

‘For the love of God, can you stop reminding me how obsessed you are with your grades’, Off whined, hearing Gun talk about for the umpteenth time, ‘I fucking get it’

‘Then stop ogling on your phone and answer the questions’

* * *

‘Sun’s going down’, Off mentioned as soon as they left the school building. The pair realised that they spent longer in the library than they had initially planned, which meant Off had to rush to the night market if he wanted to help Mrs Pho set up.

‘Where are you going?’, Gun asked when he noticed Off walking in the same direction as him. The pair never hung out with each other long enough to walk home together, but Gun knew Off’s family through rumours to know he should be working in the opposite direction where the private neighborhoods are.

‘I’ve got somewhere to be’, Off simply stated, jogging a little and leaving him behind. Gun didn’t need to know where Off went off too, by the speed, it looked like he might have landed himself another date. He walked slowly, taking his time as he waited for Fahsai’s message. He didn’t know whether to visit the shelter or to give Fahsai and the team a day to focus on the other animals without worrying about him. He contemplated for a few minutes until he heard someone calling out his name.

‘Gun!’, New raced to meet with his friend. ‘Have you just left school?’, he asked, in casual clothing as he looked at his friend who was still in his uniform.

‘I had Chem with Off’, Gun sighed, ‘It took forever to finish… He has the attention span of a fly’, he complained, making New laugh as he walked downtown with his friend.

‘I haven’t seen you around’, New said, ‘Have you been eating elsewhere during lunch?’

‘No, I had orchestra rehearsals’, Gun explained, ‘The school’s already preparing for our first performance’

‘Ah’, New nodded, ‘I’ve asked everyone about you and they said you’ve been blowing off their invitations’

‘No hard feelings’, Gun said, ‘You know I need to focus this year’

‘Yeah, well, I thought, now that you’ve finished studying, maybe you could hang out with me tonight’, New offered, a goofy grin on his face as he grabbed Gun’s wrist, ‘And I’m not taking no for an answer’

‘New, the last time you took me anywhere, you ditched me with Off and Arm’, Gun whined, not forgiving his friend for choosing his crush over him. He went home by himself but not without being told off by the staff for causing a ruckus.

‘Come on, I’m sure you’re tired, so we should just hang out for a bit’, New exclaimed, already tugging at Gun’s arm. The latter was about to protest and say no, but he remembered the day he saw New hanging out with Tay and how he felt pathetic spying on them. He wasn’t lonely. But maybe he was curious to see how his classmates’ kill time.

‘Tay!’

‘Of fucking course’, Gun rolled his eyes as soon as he looked ahead to where New was shouting. He saw the tall boy leaning on the wall, looking down on his phone as he patiently waits, presumably for them. He hadn’t asked New about Tay, but he didn’t need to. He would see them talking before the morning period and sometimes he would spot New ditching class with Tay’s gang. He couldn’t believe his friend was getting sucked into their stupid group.

‘You brought Gun?’, Tay looked surprised, looking at the short boy up and down, ‘You’re still in your uniform as well?’

‘I just left school’, Gun explained himself to which Tay could only laugh.

‘Ah, so Off was telling the truth’, Tay chuckled, walking over to stand beside New, ‘I thought he stayed in school to flirt with girls’

‘You met with Off already?’, New asked, the three of them walking towards the night market that was starting to bustle with energy.

‘Yeah, he asked me to bring some clothes over. He was still in his uniform’

‘Where are we going exactly?’, Gun asked, not being informed by neither New or Tay where they were going.

‘Aren’t you hungry?’, Tay asked, ‘This market serves the best fucking food’, he explained. Gun could hear the worker shouting with each other, preparing their stalls, each vendor clouded with smoke, smells of fried meat, and seafood along with the colours of sweet dessert on display for them. Gun had been to a night market before, but this was already busy despite the sun still being up. Everyone was busy, yet the was loud music blaring from the speakers, people singing and passing each other’s stall with a conversation ready.

‘Gun, you have to try these’, New pointed at a green dessert at one of the stalls, ‘It’s so amazing’

‘Has Tay taken you here before?’

‘Only once’, New replied, ‘He wanted to fetch Off’

‘What would Off be doing here?’

‘Mrs Pho!’, before New could answer him, Gun walked over to a stall beside the desserts, peeking into the little shop behind him to find Off carrying a box of deliveries, setting it down beside the cashier. Off was no longer in his uniform, instead, he had on a plain black shirt with denim jeans, a dog tag chain hanging from his neck. His hair was parted, showing his forehead and he had on a smile so innocent, Gun had to question if he was really mischievous Off he shared classes with.

‘Off, dear, just put it down anywhere’, he heard an old lady calling out his name, ‘I need to check on my stocks anyway, so it’s best to put it down there’

‘Off Jumpol!’, Tay shouted, walking over to grab his friend’s neck, bringing him into a violent hug, ‘You look good in my shirt’

‘Shut up’, he laughed, grabbing Tay by the neck and pushing him away.

‘Hey Off’, New waved at him, sitting down on one of the spare chairs inside. Off nodded to him, about to walk back to the backroom when he saw another person enter the shop.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’, he asked, the innocent grin disappearing from his face as soon as he spotted Gun.

‘New dragged me’, Gun simply explained, offended that Off would have such a distaste reaction over his arrival.

‘You’re not in school anymore. Don’t start any drama other Mrs Pho will kill you’, Tay warned his best friend, laughing as he sat next to New. He bravely laid his arm on the latter’s shoulder, making New blush and Off roll his eyes.

‘You should get out of your uniform’, Off warned Gun, ‘It’s gonna stink of smoke’

‘I don’t have any spare clothes’

‘Isn’t Pon selling clothes in her stalls?’, Tay asked, a playful smirk on his face as he looked at his best friend. Off kicked him on the leg, giving him a dirty look.

‘I’ll just go’, Gun interrupted their banter, clearly getting the picture that he wasn’t welcomed, ‘I need to study anyway’

Both Tay and New turned their heads to glare at Off, ordering him to stop Gun before he left the shop. Off shrugged his shoulders, about to ignore him when he felt Tay kicking his leg back. He glared back, but he was ganged up by two nuisance who was clearly going to kill him if he doesn’t stop the kid.

‘Wait’, Off called out, ‘I’ll take you to Pon, I’m sure she has some clothes your size’

* * *

‘Hey Off’, the middle-aged lady grinned when she saw Off walking towards her stall, ‘Who’s this?’, she asked when she saw a boy beside him, someone she hadn’t recognised.

‘Gun’, Off replied, pointing at the short boy, ‘We share the same class’

‘Ah, well, I’m Pon’, she smiled, reaching her hand out to shake his hands, ‘It’s nice to meet a friend of Off’

‘Not his friend’, Gun responded, making Pon tilt her head in confusion whilst Off rolled his eyes beside him.

‘We’re lab partners’, the taller explained, ‘We don’t actually know each other very well’, that was a lie, and the pair knew it. Despite hating each other’s guts, they also knew a shit ton about each other. Gun excused it as researching his enemy, but Off just accidentally knows a lot about Gun due to being thrust in situations that he didn’t sign up for – his dinner in the Phunsawat household was one of many examples, ‘Anyway, do you have clothes his size that he could wear?’. Off asked, scanning her stall, ‘He didn’t bring any spare clothes and our teacher’s gonna kill him if he goes to school tomorrow with a stain on his shirt’

‘Ah, well, your friend’s small so I’m sure I have a few things’, she said, making Off laugh at the nonchalant poke at Gun’s height. The latter sent him a warning glare as they wait.

‘P’Off!’, they heard a little girl’s voice approaching them.

‘Cherry’, Off bent down, hugging the little girl as soon as she arrived. Gun heard her squeals of laughter, watching as she sat on Off’s lap, her tiny arms around his neck, ‘How was school?’

‘We learned the timetable today!’, she recalled her day with such excitement to Off, Gun questioned their closeness. Was she his sister? What was she doing in the night market?

‘Cherry, come back here. You have to have your dinner soon!’, Pon came back from inside, running over to the little girl. Off easily lifted her to her mother’s arms as she whined, asking to spend more time with Off.

‘He has to help his friend right now’, Pon explained as she said a few shirts and jeans in front of them, ‘Just pick which one you want. I’m just going to feed my little girl’

‘You seemed pretty close with them’, Gun commented.

‘You get close when you spend a lot of time here’, Off pointed out, ‘So, are you gonna pick a shirt or not?’, he asked, pointing at the collection of clothing Pon brought out just for him.

‘Right’, Gun nodded, turning back. He grabbed a pair of short jeans and was about to grab a random shirt from the pile when Off shoved him something.

‘Try this’, is all he said. Gun unfolded the shirt, frowning when he saw the graphic design on the white oversized shirt.

‘I’m not wearing the little mermaid’, Gun threw it back to Off. He was about to grab a plain white shirt, but Off shove the mermaid shirt back to him.

‘Come on’, Off joked, ‘You might actually look cute for once’, Off backed away when Gun flung the shirt back to him, making him laugh.

‘Pon! We’ll take this!’, he shouted, waving the mermaid shirt in the air as he grabbed his wallet and left some cash on her stall.

‘Wait! I don’t want that one!’

‘Too late’, Off stuck his tongue out, ‘I already bought it’

‘Off Jumpol!’

* * *

‘You look cute’, New chuckled as soon as he saw Gun walk out of the bathroom. The shirt was bigger than he’d anticipated and he found himself pulling it up so that it doesn’t fall off his shoulders, ‘Off are you sure you didn’t buy him a dress?’, he joked.

‘Well, either way, at least I bought him clothes’, Off pointed out, returning from the backroom after helping Mrs Pho stock up, ‘Are ya’ll hungry?’

‘Fucking yes’, Tay whined, ‘Can we go to Mild’s stall? His curries are to die for’

‘Alright. I’ll just tell Mrs Pho we’re leaving’, he said, walking back inside.

‘I didn’t know he worked part-time’, Gun whispered to Tay as he sat down next to them, waiting for Off.

‘Yeah well, maybe ask him something about himself if you’re interested’, Tay beamed.

‘I’m not interested’

‘Sure’

‘Okay guys, let’s go’, Off clapped his hands, ‘I’m going to Didi’s stall, she’s got freshly fried shrimps’

‘Shrimps?’, Gun beamed as the mention. Both New and Tay gave each other a mischievous look, bumping their shoulders as they got up.

‘We’re going to Mild’s, why don’t the two of you go to Didi’s?’

‘No, I’ll go with you guys’, Gun rejected the offer, even though he was craving seafood.

‘Suit yourself’, Off shrugged, ‘I’ll be on the other side then’

Gun sheepishly followed Tay and New, but he was a few steps behind them. He watched Tay rest his arms on New’s shoulders and he felt like he was third-wheeling even though New dragged him. He kept his hands in his pockets and checked out each stall, wondering if he had enough pocket money to try some of the desserts. He loved the sweet smell of chocolate and he found himself leaving Tay and New to check out the food first.

‘Are those Pandan cakes?’, he asked as he pointed to the star-shaped green desserts. He got a nod from the seller and he checked his wallet to see if he had enough money to buy a batch.

‘Why don’t you try some first?’, the seller asked, offering him a stick to use. Gun smiled at the friendly offer, stabbing the cake and putting it in his mouth. The taste was sweet but it also had a coconut flavour that he loved. His eyes widened and he couldn’t help but smile.

‘This taste amazing’

‘Here, why don’t you have a bag?’, he offered, already shoving a freshly packed plastic bag of the dessert. Gun looked surprised, hesitant to say yes without paying. He was about to ask how much it was but the seller urged him to have it for free.

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m just glad you liked it’, he grinned, refusing his cash. Gun awkwardly bowed his head as a thank you as he turned back in search of Tay and New. The dessert was still warm in his hands and he wanted New to try it before they eat for dinner.

‘Why would you give it to him for free?’, a voice called out behind the seller as soon as Gun got lost in the crowd of people. Off leaned on Pik’s stall, his hands in his pockets.

‘You said the kid was probably going to run around trying everything here’, Pik laughed, waving his fan to spread the smoke from his pan, ‘Looks like he should waste his money elsewhere’, Off looked around the night market, the skies dark and the only light-emitting was from the lamps of the stalls. He already bought his meal from Didi and he was making conversations with everyone else, the one question being asked to him was the short boy he bought to the night market with him.

‘You should bring him here more often’, Pik mentioned, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the towel which rested on his shoulders, ‘He looked like he loved it here’

‘Trust me, it’s a shock he’s even outside the library right now’, Off chuckled, picking up a freshly made dessert and popping it in his mouth.

* * *

**Six Days Before the Reunion**

Off cam back from work tired. He loosened his tie and walked into his air-conditioned condo he shared with his best friend. He was relieved that his new co-workers didn’t treat him like shit. He was warned by his professors that some companies treat their new staffs like shit just for laughs. They probably felt too intimidated by him, he didn’t show much expression and his height and propriety didn’t leave much of a leeway to bully him.

He found the apartment empty and he concluded his best friend will be spending the night at his boyfriend’s place. He quickly took a shower, damp hair dripping water down his back as he walked into his closet. He didn’t have any new clothes with him since he sold most of it when he was leaving London, but his dad sent him a box of his old stuff as a welcome back to Thailand present.

‘Ow, fuck!’, he exclaimed when he tripped over one of the boxes, still unopened and thrown in the corner. He looked down on it and wondered if he should send it back, but then again, maybe he could salvage a few clothes so he didn’t have to shop for new ones. Deciding that enough was enough, he walked out of his closet to grab a pair of scissors laying in his home office desk. It didn’t take long to open one of the boxes, the smell of old material filling the air.

He looked down and found his old clothes folded neatly. Most of them could still fit him, he didn’t gain much weight over the years, but he did grow a little taller, so his jeans were too short for him now. He scavenged around, throwing some shirts back into the box if he didn’t find them fitting enough. He got to the bottom of the box and was about to close it when he found a stained white shirt with a mermaid print on it. The white is now turned into a somewhat cream now and the colours of the graphic was faded. He smiled when he saw the stain at the bottom of the shirt, something that he couldn’t get rid of no matter how many times he washed it. He didn’t know that the shirt was in his old house, he had assumed that Gun took it that night.

He unfolded the shirt and found that it was also big on him. He laughed when he remembered the first time Gun wore it, how it slowly slid off his shoulders due to the big size. The shirt wasn’t even in the pile of clothes that Pon offered, but when he saw it, he immediately thought how funny Gun would look on it and urged the boy to wear it. He wondered how Pon and Cherry were doing. Cherry would’ve started secondary school by now.

Off got up and kicked the half-empty box to the corner, folding the shirts he wanted to use again and putting it beside the new clothes he got. He walked out of the closet wearing the old shirt with the stain at the bottom, giving in and ordering in food instead of cooking.


	5. Four.

**Five Days Before the Reunion.**

Off finally reunited with Arm and Alice. The couple was already sitting inside the restaurant, still in their work clothes the same as Off.

‘Off Jumpol!’, he heard Arm practically scream his name as he stood up to hug him. Alice smiled brightly, waving at him, her hair no longer curly, but straight and short.

‘You still look as young as I last saw you’, Off smiled at her which made her chuckle at the sudden compliment.

‘Still a flirt as always’, Arm laughed but he gave Off a soft punch, ‘Where’s Tay?’

‘With New’, Off replied. He noticed how, despite living with Tay, he barely stayed long enough for Off to hang a proper conversation with him. He did his own research and realised Tay specifically rented their apartment since it was close to New’s – a mere ten-minute walk – five minutes if he ran like hell. Tay’s parents would often visit him, so Off concluded that Tay needed to run back and forth from both apartments without getting caught.

‘Well, I’m glad to see you again’, Arm started the conversation whilst they look at the menu, ‘You’ve been back for almost five months yet we only got to see each other now’

‘Well, someone needs to work hard to pay for that wedding’, Off smirked, already poking fun at his high school friend when he noticed the ring on Alice’s finger, ‘Tell me I’m invited’

‘Damn, you’re not just invited’, Arm gleamed, ‘You’re gonna be my best man!’

Off took this as a little bit of a shock. Not that he didn’t want to be Arm’s best man, but their contact with one another lacked. Unlike Tay who he spoke to almost every day despite living on the other side of the world, his conversations with Arm usually lasted no more than ten minutes and their phone calls lacked consistency, let alone substance. During the first year of University, he probably called Arm twice. Even when he landed in Thailand, they never found the time to meet each other.

‘You sure you didn’t make any new friends in college that would be better suited?’, Off asked. He didn’t want to offend Arm and he hoped he didn’t, but his high school friend suddenly shared a look with him. It was an old look he was familiar with. Despite six years apart, Arm still made him freeze with that same look.

‘I know we haven’t spoken for a while, but we’re best friends’, Arm spoke out to him, holding onto Alice’s hand, ‘Best friends don’t have to talk to each other every day. We’ve been through too much shit for you not to be my best man’

Alice nodded her head in agreement, urging Off to say yes already, ‘You were the one who set us up anyway’, she added, ‘You should see us off one more time’

* * *

**Two Months into Senior Year**

‘You’re blowing it dude’, Off punched Arm’s shoulder when they saw Alice walking past them with her group of friends. Her hair was curly but it was tied in a ponytail, her backpack rested lazily on her left shoulder.

‘Don’t’, Arm whined, resting his head on the table, ‘All we’ve been talking about is our assignment and when I try to small talk, I just make everything awkward!’

‘Then make up something interesting!’, Off replied, ‘You’re not gonna get another opportunity like this!’

‘What am I supposed to say?’, Arm asked, lifting his head up and looking beggingly at Off. The pair looked across the canteen and watched Alice laughing with her friends. Off immediately turned back to look at his own friend, seeing how Arm grinned at the sight of Alice laughing. He sighed and leaned back on his chair. He folded his arms and shook his head. His best friend was whipped for this girl and he’d be damned if he won’t help him seize the moment.

‘Arm, why don’t you join theatre?’, Off suddenly thought of an idea, his smile stretched across his face, ‘I heard Alice works in sound’

‘You know damn well I get stage fright’, Arm glared back at him at the pathetic idea. He wanted to get Alice to notice him, but he wasn’t going to risk living his trauma on standing on the stage just for her. He was too scared he’d embarrass himself in front of her.

‘You don’t have to audition’, Off slammed at the desk, ‘Didn’t you hear? They need backstage staff for the annual play’, Off explained, his food was already cold and abandoned, ‘They need people to work on costumes and shit. You’re good at that, aren’t you?’

‘How do you even know that they’re looking?’, Arm asked.

‘One of them approached me’, Off grinned, ‘They wanted me to be part of the photography’

‘Did you say yes?’, Arm chirped, ‘If you sign up, then I can sign up and not look like I’m stalking her!’, he clapped at the bright idea, the other students looking oddly at them due to their loud voice.

‘No can do’, Off shook his head, ‘Gun’s in theatre’, Arm immediately slouched at Off’s refusal, knowing that if Gun was involved, Off was never gonna change his mind.

‘Why did you give up theatre last year to him anyway?’

‘Because he said he wanted it’

‘And since when did you ever give him what he asked for?’

‘I don’t fucking know’, Off punched his friend’s arm, ‘But this isn’t about me. It’s about you and your weak ass not having the guts to ask Alice out’

* * *

**Junior Year**

Off read through the script given to them. He had signed up to audition for the school play for the first time and Tay could not stop laughing at him. The pair walked towards the canteen where Arm was already waiting for them.

‘Dude, why acting?’, Tay laughed, drinking his milk tea as he looked over Off’s shoulder to peek through the dialogue.

‘Maybe I’m good at it?’, Off told Tay, ‘It’s a challenge too’

‘Just sign up for the lighting team’, Tay replied, ‘You’re good with those and you volunteered last year’

‘Look, be a good friend, and support me. I might get the lead’, Off smirked as he pushed the door open, the pair already seeing Arm eating his lunch at their usual table, ‘And who knows? What if my leading actress is pretty?’

‘Oh, is that what all this is about?’, Tay laughed as soon as he pieced it together. He jokingly gagged as he pushed Off to the side, ‘You’re so obsessed with getting a girlfriend, you need to calm down’

‘Who?’, Arm asked when he heard the last bit of their conversation. He opened a packet of chips and passed it to his friends, eager to know what took them so long.

‘Off signed up for auditions so he can get a girlfriend’

‘That’s not true’, Off rolled his eyes, annoyed that Tay would always twist his words, ‘I wanna audition to see if I’m any good at acting. A girlfriend at the end of the year is a bonus’

‘You, my friend, haven’t even kissed anyone yet’, Arm snorted, ‘What makes you think you’re gonna get a girlfriend’

‘Just you wait’, Off pointed a finger at his best friend, ‘I’m gonna be screaming my name and asking for my number’

‘Off Jumpol!’

‘Woah, maybe sooner than we think’, Tay turned to see who was calling out his best friend. The three friends laid their eyes on the small kid walking towards them, a folded piece of paper in one of his hands.

‘You’re auditioning for the play too?!’, Gun asked, shoving the piece of paper to Off. The latter took the paper and unfolded it, reading the list of names confirmed to audition. He smirked the moment he looked up to find his short classmate glaring at him, ‘You heard me talking about auditioning, haven’t you?’

‘Woah, how nosy do you think I am?’, Off asked, his smirk still on his face as he leaned his chair back. Tay and Arm look at the pair with curious eyes, wondering what argument the two were gonna get onto next.

‘Why would you wanna audition then?’

‘Because I want to’, Off shrugged, grabbing his fork and piercing his food with it, ‘Am I not allowed to participate in any school activities?’, he asked, biting on his chicken and chewing with his mouth open, loudly to piss of Gun.

‘I’m not gonna be in the same play with you’

‘Then don’t audition’, Off smiled, but there was mischief in his eyes that Gun couldn’t stand, ‘It sounds fitting for you to sit whilst you watch me perform, kinda like how you had to sit and watch me be honoured for best project for media studies’, Off pulled out his usual tricks on Gun, the one that got the short kid riled up.

‘Of all people to score better than me, it had to be you’, Gun hissed at him. He reached his hand and was about to take the paper but Off swayed his hand the other way. Gun glared at him, but it only made Off wanna tease him a little more, so he stood up, lifting his hand in the air with the paper.

‘If you want it back, come and get it’, Off looked down on Gun, purposely making himself taller to spite him.

‘Here we go’, Arm sighed, picking up his water bottle as he dragged his chair to the left, avoiding the two. Tay followed along shortly, grabbing his tray of food as he moved to the next table.

‘Are you making fun out of my height?’, Gun growled, but he didn’t give Off a chance to reply as he shoved the latter back with as much force as he could muster. He heard Off make an ‘oomph’ sound before he landed on the floor. This wasn’t the first time Off tried to make fun out of Gun and every time he tried to joke about it, Gun would retaliate with as much anger.

‘Let me go’, Off screamed, scrunching the piece of paper and throwing it to Gun’s face, laughing when the boy scrunched his nose at the hit.

‘You!’, Gun shouted back. He knelt down on top of Off, grabbing his hair and yanking it forcibly. Off whined in pain, reaching his hand out and grabbing Gun’s hair. He mimicked Gun’s tugging, the pair pulling each other’s hair as they screamed profanities at each other. With their bodies on the ground, toppling over each other, they gained a massive viewing from the rest of the school as each student got up from their seats, laughing as the crowd circles around the two juniors.

‘I’m gonna fucking kill you’, Off yelled as soon as he felt Gun’s hand punch his shoulder, ‘Can’t you take a bloody joke?’, he tried to pull Gun’s hand off his hair, but the boy continued to tug at it.

‘Break it up! Break it up!’, Off heard the voice of a teacher from a distance and he immediately thought of the Principal calling home. He didn’t want to get in trouble if it means he had to face his parents when he got home. This lit a fire under him that made him gain enough strength to flip Gun over. He climbed on top, his hand letting go of Gun’s hair as he grabbed the latter’s wrist and held him down.

‘We’re play fighting, okay?’, Off leaned down to whisper to him.

‘Like hell we are’, Gun groaned as he tried to push Off away from him.

‘Do you want to get a phone call home or not?’, Off whispered back, ‘The teacher’s coming’, the pair stopped moving and they immediately looked into each other’s eyes.

‘What the hell is going on?’, a teacher finally got past the barricade of students blocking their fight. Off coughed and looked back down on Gun, sharing a moment of the silent agreement as he got up off him, wiping his shirt and looking at the teacher.

‘We were just playing around’, Off faked a laugh, ‘Isn’t that right?’, he turned back to Gun, waiting for his reply.

‘Uh, yeah’, Gun whispered back, sitting up on the floor and straightening his shirt, ‘It’s just a bit of fun’

‘A bit of fun’, the teacher snorted, ‘You two, go to the Principal’s office now. Explain to her what type of fun you were having’

* * *

**Senior Year**

Off hated volunteering. He hated that his school was forcing Senior Year to help clear up the community garden during free period. They should’ve forced freshmen students who clearly had no life to clear the sad excuse of a school garden, not Seniors who had better things to do.

But, seeing as most of them were stuck weeding out plants and re-soiling the area, Off found it as the perfect opportunity to help his friend out.

‘Go up to her’, Off whispered to Arm, pretending to water the plants. The trio stood around the tomato garden, pretending to water the ever-growing plants that don’t seem to grow any goddamn tomatoes no matter how much they water the son of a bitch. The trio eyed Alice, who was surprisingly alone, tending to the flowers.

‘Dude, her friends aren’t with her’, Tay nudged Arm’s elbow, ‘Now’s your only chance’

‘What do I even say?’, Arm nervously held onto Off’s arm, not wanting to approach her just yet. Despite sharing study sessions and speaking over text about the assignment, he still hadn’t found the right way to ask her out yet. The fear of rejection plus still having to meet her for their Chemistry assignment stopped him from doing so.

‘Just ask if she’s done her bit of the assignment’, Off reminded him of the infinite conversation starters that he kept giving to his best friend, ‘If she says no, say you’ll offer to help her so you can have more study session… If she says yes, tell ask her what else has she been doing in her free time. Girls like it when you show interests on shit they’re up to’

‘Is that what you asked May?’

‘Who?’

‘Your girlfriend’, Arm reminded him.

‘She’s not my girlfriend. We hooked up once’

‘What are you guys talking about?’, the trio almost lost their shit when they heard another voice enter the conversation. Tay immediately relaxed when he turned to find it was just New. He was holding a shovel and his shirt was stained with soil.

‘Have you finished?’, Tay asked when he looked back to find New’s team slowly making their ways to the changing rooms for a quick shower, their sweat staining their shirts.

‘Yeah, we’re gonna spend the rest of free period in the library’

‘Boring’, Off whispered, but he got a warning punch in the arm from Tay who was suddenly more interested in whatever New was talking about than his best friend’s dilemma, ‘Arm, free period is nearly over mate. Are you gonna do it or nah?’

‘I might just wait tomorrow’, Arm replied in defeat, shuffling back to hide behind Off when he saw Alice walking towards their way.

‘Fuck this shit’, Off groaned, shoving his watering can to Arm, ‘I’ll do it myself’

‘Off, what the fuck are you doing?!’, Arm yelled after him. Tay and New looked ahead to watch Off march his way towards Alice.

‘Hello’, he waved at her as soon as she looked up.

‘P’Off, hi’, she smiled.

‘P’Off?’, he chuckled, ‘We’re in the same year’

‘Yeah, but you’re the oldest in the year group’, she replied and Off didn’t even realise it until she pointed it out. How did she even know?

‘Huh’, is all he could say to that, but he shook his head and went straight back to the reason why he marched towards her, ‘Anyway, can I ask you something?’

‘What is it?’, she continued to smile. Off had to admit, Alice wasn’t just pretty, but she was damn friendly. They hadn’t spoken much at all over the years, but she never failed to at least have a smile on her face whenever he approached her. Even when he caused a mess during Chemistry after fighting with Gun, he often saw her cleaning the labs after classes. No wonder his best friend liked her. He would too.

‘Do you like Arm?’, the question took her aback. He could tell when her smile faded and her eyes widen. This could either go two ways, Off realised. She could call him insane and laugh at his face, to which he had no other choice but to walk back and break it to his best friend that he has no chance, or she could think about it for a few minutes and maybe give an answer by tomorrow.

‘How did you know?’

‘How did I what now?’, Off didn’t expect that answer. He did a double-take and looked at her expression. Her cheeks were suddenly pink, her eyes shifted down as if to hide her embarrassment, ‘You like him too?’

‘Too?’, she looked up at him.

‘Arm’s liked you since last summer’, Off whispered to her and her lips parted. Her curly hair was tied back in a ponytail but strands escaped and landed on the side of her face when the wind started blowing in their direction, ‘He’s been dying to try and ask you out since you got partnered with him for Chem’

‘Off, if this is a prank-’

‘Come on, I would never do that to you’, Off chuckled, ‘You’re Alice. Everyone in the school loves you and if they found out I hurt your feelings, everyone’s gonna burn my ass’, he smiled when he realised, he made Alice laugh, ‘I’m being serious though. I’m doing my best friend a favour, so maybe can you both stop acting shy and ask each other out?’

* * *

**May 2020**

‘I never got to ask you’, Off turned to Alice. They sipped a glass of wine and finished off their food after a whole dinner spending reminiscing their time together, laughing at their youthful banters and embarrassing moments, ‘When did you start liking Arm?’

‘This man?’, she giggled, reaching her hand to grab his, ‘Freshmen orientation’

‘Are you serious?’, Off almost spat out his drink, ‘You liked him for that long?’

‘He was the only one who asked me for my name during ice breakers’, she confessed, laughing when Off began to make fun of them.

‘I can’t believe you’re marrying your high school sweetheart’, Off raised a playful eyebrow at Arm, nudging his elbow, ‘And they say first loves don’t last long’

‘Tay’s also with his first love’, Arm pointed out, making it two out of the three of them. First loves. They’re called your first for a reason. Off thought that after graduation, there would be no reason to keep going with a relationship you started when you were only seventeen. First loves are innocent, but they’re also confusing and sometimes mind-blowingly frustrating because this is the first time you’ve ever loved anyone else that isn’t your family. This is the first time they had to trust their gut instinct to fall in love with a stranger. It’s also the first time they realised that they had no fucking idea what they were doing and no teen rom-com movies were gonna help them prepare from the stress of first loves. Off didn’t think Arm was going to win back Alice before graduation. The fight was massive and miscommunications took its toll on them both, added on to what Gun did to them, it was a recipe for a disaster. Of course, it was also Off’s fault, even though he had no direct affiliation with what happened to them during Senior year. But then again, everything that Gun did, he did it because of Off.

Off didn’t think Tay and New were going to last either, but when Alice mentioned that they would often tag along with them during holidays abroad, he realised the two motherfuckers were just as strongly in love with each other since they first got together. Off couldn’t help but chuckle underneath the rim of his wine glass at the thought that Tay only asked New out because he was the first boy to ever confess to him.

‘You know, if you actually dated in high school, maybe you wouldn’t be sitting here alone with us’, Arm joked, dragging Off out of his daydream.

_‘Call me that again’_

_‘Call you what?’_

_‘P’Off’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Because I want you too’_

_‘P’Off’_

‘How did you know I didn’t date in high school?’, Off asked but as soon as he did, he got a loud array of disagreement from both Arm and Alice.

‘You always took girls out on dates but you rejected them as soon as they asked for a relationship’

‘He took boys out too’, Arm pointed out, ‘That caused a mad scene sometimes’

‘Oh yeah!’, Alice clapped her hands together, ‘You had everyone wrapped around your finger’

‘You thought too highly of me at eighteen’, Off snickered, finishing off his drink and letting the bitter taste of red wine run down is throat.

‘It’s weird though’, Alice sighed when she made eye contact with him. She looked at Off, properly this time, and she realised that amongst them, he aged the less. He still had his youthful face and slim figure, yet it still felt like it was a different person sitting next to her, not the same Off she sat next to in class when they were teenagers, ‘I would’ve assumed you’d find someone in college’

‘I did’, Off smiled, ‘But we only lasted for six months’

‘Well, you’ve got a whole lotta fish in the sea now you’re back in Thailand’, Arm raised his half-empty glass, ‘Here’s to a new adventure’

* * *

**Two Months into Senior Year**

‘Are you sure you don’t want Theatre?’, Gun asked as he laid his books down on the library desk. He waited for Off to join him, the pair finalising their experiment preparations.

‘Are you that desperate for debate?’, Off signed as he slouched on his chair, having to hear Gun begging for him to drop the one club he agreed to attend.

‘You can take any clubs I’m currently in’, Gun offered, seeing as Off had no interest in Theatre like how he used, ‘I have languages’

‘I don’t need languages. I already ace my classes’

‘Off, come on’, Gun whined, his voice pitching higher like a puppy when he’s upset. Off thought Gun’s been spending too much time at the animal shelter, ‘If I join now, I could still be qualified to participate in the national debate team for the summer’

‘Okay, here’s the deal’, Off finally gave in, resting his arm on the desk as he looked at the short student, ‘You and I debate right now and whoever wins gets debate club’, he didn’t want to tell Gun, but he was one of the best members in the club and if he ever gave up his spot to swap with Gun, he was going to be faced with huge criticism and a sour treatment, so Off didn’t have much to lose. In fact, he’d gain the pleasure of seeing Gun in misery.

‘Perfect!’, Gun smiled, ‘What subject are we debating’

‘Why you’re always so hell bound in getting top grades’, Off slammed his books shut, a mischievous grin played on his lips, ‘I already have a few points already’

‘This isn’t a proper topic’, Gun glared at him.

‘But it’s a relevant one’, Off responded, ‘I’ll start. I think you wanna prove you're smarter than everyone else because you have an inferiority complex. You don’t like the idea of someone being better than you at something’

‘Not true’, Gun argued, ‘I wanna be the best I can be so I can go to the top University with a scholarship so that my mum doesn’t have to break her back trying to pay for my tuitions’

‘Your mum is like the most chill mum I’ve ever met’, Off snickered, ‘She doesn’t care if you get into a community college as long as you’re doing what makes you happy. I think you just want to prove to people that you can do anything’

‘You met my mum once’, Gun glared at him, ‘I’ve lived with her since I was born’

‘As you should’, Off laughed, ‘She gave birth to you’

Gun punched him on the arm, ‘As I was saying. You can’t conclude on a point without backed-up evidence and bias perspective, otherwise, your statement is deemed-’

‘Okay, well my backed-up evidence for saying your mum doesn’t care if you get top grades is the fact that she had to beg me to come to dinner so she can lie to herself thinking her son actually has a social life and friends’

‘Her inviting you to dinner once doesn’t prove that’

‘Fine, how about the fact that you explicitly told me not to tell her that you spend after school in the library leads me to believe that she’s asked you multiple times to stop studying and choose your friends over books’, Off pointed out, reminding Gun of their silent agreement to lie to his mum that night. It caught him off guard and he could only look at Off, ‘Am I right?’

‘What’s that got to do with our main debate?’

‘You just said the reason why you wanna get top grades is for your mum, but I just proved to you that your mum doesn’t care about that, which means you’re keeping your grades up for another reason. So, you better tell me what that reason is, otherwise, you lose the debate’

‘I’m not doing it because I have an inferiority complex’, Gun reminded Off of his previous point, ‘You don’t win this debate either’

‘Fine’, Off smiled, but there’s menace behind it, ‘Then I’ll make my last point’, he leaned closer so that they’re facing each other, ‘You don’t know what else to be good at. Studying is all you’ve done and it’s all you’ll ever think of doing because you don’t know how to do anything else. You don’t know how to keep friends; you don’t know how to have fun anymore and you clearly don’t know how to have a conversation with your mum if she’s thinking your worse enemy is your best friend’

Gun didn’t reply. The last bit tore his chest, especially when it was coming from a jerk like Off. He clenched his fist and bit the inside of his cheeks in rage, ‘If you didn’t want to swap debate, then you should’ve said’

‘What do you think I’ve been doing since you’ve brought it up?’, Off raised his voice, only to be told off by the librarian, ‘When I said no the first time, you should’ve left it at that’

‘You!’

Off looked down on his watch before Gun could start another argument. He was supposed to help Mrs Pho with the deliveries and he needed to leave now if he was gonna make it on time.

‘Let’s end the study session now. I have to go’, Off said. He stood up and shoved his books messily into his backpack, patting Gun on the shoulder as if he hadn’t just offended the boy. He walked out of the library, leaving Gun alone to reach out to his pencil and break it in half.

* * *

‘Where’s Tay and that friend of his?’, Mrs Pho asked when she noticed Off came to the market by himself today. She was getting used to the loud boy who always seemed to laugh at everything, she was also starting to like the other boy Tay bought with him from time to time, fair skin and a sweet smile that makes her wanna coo him even though he’s tall and larger than her.

‘Tay’s visiting his grandma’, Off replied, finishing off restocking in the backroom, his forehead dripping with sweat from the heat, ‘Mrs Pho, you should have your air-conditioning fixed, you’re gonna get a heatstroke any time soon’

‘I’ll get it fixed in my next paycheck’

Off nodded and was about to set up his books inside her shop when they both heard the ding of the entrance door. He looked up, wondering who would walk into the shop before it’s open. He saw a short boy wearing jean shorts and the same mermaid shirt he bought him a week ago.

‘Now, what in the fuck are you doing here?’, Off asked, getting hit by Mrs Pho for his swearing.

‘I’m here to hang out’

‘I- Come again?’, Off questioned the boy who was looking around the shop as if he hadn’t been in before. He watched as Gun tried to act nonchalant, leaning his back on the cement wall and crossing his arms, ‘Gun, what the fuck?’

‘You told me I’m not good at anything else other than studying’, Gun growled at him, ‘I’m here to prove you wrong’

‘You’re going to choose to hang out with me to prove a point?’, Off furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding what’s gotten into the boy, ‘Are you out of your mind? I can barely stand you in school, what makes you think I’m gonna let you hang around here with-’

‘It’s Gun right?’, Mrs Pho interrupted them, ‘You were here last week’

‘Yes ma’am’, Gun bowed his head to her, ‘Do you need me to do anything here. I can help out’

‘Oh darling, it’s fine’, Mrs Pho stroked his head, charmed by the small boy who's been having an effect on Off. She may be old, but she too noticed how Off changed drastically whenever the boy’s around. It may be fun keeping him around for a little while, ‘Why don’t you just keep Off company whilst I set up outside’

‘Of course’, Gun smiled at her. As she walked away, Gun turned back to Off and stuck his tongue out at him only for the taller to point his middle finger at him.

‘For the love of God, can you keep the torment inside the school?’, Off begged Gun one more time, but the shorter ignored him as he grabbed the chair, dragging it across the floor, making a screeching sound as he sits beside Off.

‘I’m gonna make your life a fucking misery here too’, Gun whispered to him, this time it was his turn to have on the mischievous grin, laughing when Off groaned and banged his head on the table. He didn't know what's going on with Gun or why the kid would want to spend time with him outside class, but maybe their stupid debate in the library triggered something in him that got him riled up enough to follow his ass back to the night market. Off regretted ever mentioning Gun's mum in front of him.


	6. Five.

**Four Days Before the Reunion.**

‘I still don’t know why he asked me to be his best man’, Off spoke to Tay. Off was being kicked out of his own apartment this evening since New wanted to stay over the night. He didn’t know why they didn’t want to crash at the latter’s place like what they’ve been doing for days now, but he didn’t want to get in the lovebirds’ way. Off packed a bag and walked to Tay’s room, the pair conversing before he leaves.

‘Come on Off, it’s not that weird. He asked me too’, Tay pointed out, ‘He just wanted the trio back together again for his wedding. Didn’t we promise that much during high school?’

Off didn’t respond to Tay. There was already a knock at the door even if he wanted to and his best friend’s attention was immediately ripped away from him. Tay’s face brightened, rushing out of his room and welcoming New to the apartment as if it was the first time, he’s seen the apartment. He knew damn well New was here before Tay even picked the apartment.

‘Hey Off! How’re you doing?’, New asked, his voice loud and bubbly. He set his bags down on the living room and Off leaned on the door frame of Tay’s room, his bag rested lazily on his shoulder as he watched his best friend latch himself on New like a koala.

‘I’m doing well’, Off smiled at him, ‘How’s work? Tay misses you more since all he does is stay inside the house and do nothing’

‘I go to job interviews!’, Tay shouted back at him. Off never failed to keep mentioning that out of all of them, he was the only one left without a job. And it didn’t make sense either. Tay graduated with honours at one of the top universities with an Economics degree, he imagined Tay would’ve gotten a job before anyone else.

‘Yeah, well, New it’s your turn to keep his unemployed ass some company. I’m crashing at my dad’s’, Off thought it was time for him to finally leave. He didn’t wanna see them getting all loved up whilst he’s still here, so he bid his farewells and left the apartment.

He hadn’t visited his dad since he left with his mum to London after the divorce. He didn’t bother to keep in touch with him either despite the countless e-mails he received from his dad asking if he was visiting for the holidays. It’s not like he wanted to side with his mum after the divorce, it just so happened that she offered him a chance to reconnect when she asked him to come with her to London and start a new life. His father wasn’t helping either. He never had a great relationship with his old man, but the fights that would happen in the house turned violent whenever he stepped in to defend his mother. He still felt the scar on the back of his head from the stitches. The e-mails were probably his dad wanting to make amends for the bullshit he caused, but he vowed never to give him another chance. That was until he learned the truth. Then he realised that there are always two sides to every story.

He remembered the way to his old house. His dad still lived there, alone in the big house that he swore never to go back to. But as soon as Off stepped out of the bus and looked at the old neighborhood he grew up in, a wave of old memories came flooding back in his mind. He spent years denouncing his home in Thailand, but just a second upon his return, he felt his chest tightened and his mind collapsed at the thought that he was finally home again.

‘Off?’

‘Dad’

* * *

**Three Months in Senior Year.**

‘Every damn time I come home, you’re always at each other’s throat!’, Off shouted, stomping down the stairs as soon as he heard the loud crash of glass. He’s been stuck in his room studying for an exam, but the moment his dad returned home, the shouting began.

‘Stay out of it’, his dad yelled at him, ordering him to go back upstairs, but every time he did try to ignore it, the shouting escalated to the point where neighbors were asking around.

‘What’re you always fighting for anyway?!’, Off stood his ground and continued to yell at his dad. He turned back to see his mum looking just as furious as his dad, her hands red from throwing furniture around. Their living room was a mess, chairs were thrown and broken, tables flipped.

‘You don’t need to know’

‘I don’t?’, Off snorted, ‘But I’m expected to feel fine whilst I listen to the two of you fight like dogs?’, he couldn’t believe his parents still treated him like a child. They had no excuses for their fights anymore. This wasn’t just mummy and daddy disagreeing like what they told him when he was a child. This was deeply rooted hatred and he didn’t know where it came from.

‘Off, go back upstairs’, his mum said to him, her voice calmer than his dad’s, but there was malice in it. She glared harshly at him, commanding him to do what she said and Off couldn’t help but bite his lip in frustration. He didn’t know why he kept wanting to protect his mum when she was always the one instigating the fight in the first place.

‘Fine, I’ll be out of your damn way’, Off growled back at them indifferent. He grabbed his jacket and keys, storming out of the house in the middle of the night.

* * *

‘Did you hear?’

‘Hear what?’

‘Off. He placed 35th on Mandarin’

‘What?!’

‘Who placed first?’

‘Gun, of course’

The whole school was talking about the test results for their language test and everyone’s mouth dropped when they looked through the list of names and found the one name, they expected to be on the top didn’t even make it in the top twenty.

‘Woah, I scored higher than Off on Mandarin?’, one student gasped when they saw their name above Off’s, ‘Are we in the matrix?’

Alice looked at the exam result board with worry. She scanned for her name, which was usually in the top twenty and she found it weird that the smartest student in languages. The test itself wasn’t particularly hard either, everyone got the grade that they would expect.

‘I placed 25th’, Arm read aloud as he read his name out from the list. He stood beside Alice and the pair also looked worriedly at Off’s name, ‘Why the fuck did I score higher than Off on languages?’

‘I don’t know’, Alice replied, ‘Have you spoken to him?’

‘No, I can’t find him anywhere’

* * *

Off didn’t look at the exam board. He didn’t attend homeroom in the morning either, but he was still in school. There was nowhere else for him to go. Mrs Pho would kill him if she found him ditching classes and he barely wanted to go home anymore.

He stayed on the rooftop of the school building, the hot sun burning his skin as he laid on one of the benches. The area would usually be locked during school hours, but he managed to befriend the janitor enough to persuade him to give him the keys to the rooftop. He used his arm as a pillow as he watched the clouds above him. He felt his phone vibrate inside his pockets and he assumed it was Tay or Arm asking him where he was. He ignored them. He didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Off closed his eyes and dozed off to sleep.

* * *

‘Hey Gun, do you know where Off is?’, New walked into the library with a worried expression. He found his friend sitting in the same spot he always sat. Gun looked up from his work and shook his head.

‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘He hasn’t turned up to school’

‘He ditches school a lot’, Gun pointed out nonchalantly, ‘He’s probably out causing some trouble’

‘He doesn’t ditch school alone’, New told him, ‘He would’ve gone with Tay or Arm, but they’re both here and looking for him’

‘Well, then you better ask someone elsewhere he is. How would I know where he is? I don’t even like him’

‘You always seem to find him when you want him though’, New pointed out and Gun felt his hand tense as he looked back up to stare at his friend.

‘What?’

‘Don’t even deny it Gun’, New said, ‘Whenever you need Off or wanna argue with him, you know exactly where he is’

‘Because if he’s at school, he’d usually be in only two places’, Gun explained himself, ‘Our homeroom or the canteen, but he’s not in school, so I don’t know where he is’

‘Alright’, New backed away, ‘But tell me if you get a hold of him’

‘Why are you suddenly worried about him?’

‘He scored 35th place in Mandarin’

‘So?’

‘Have you ever known Off to score lower than a first in languages?’, New asked him. Gun looked down in his books and reading through notes from his Chinese class. Is that why his Chinese teacher congratulated him on the exam? Because he finally placed first? He looked back up and watched his friend walk out of the library. He realised that no one told them off for talking, so he looked around, finding out that he was the only person in the library. Even the librarian was on a lunch break. He suddenly found the silence deafening.

* * *

Gun found himself packing his books inside his locker as he walked out of the library. It was a hot day today, so he excused himself with wanting to spend the time outside. He heard the loud voices of his classmates who sat outside in the grass, but he walked past them, looking around for the janitor.

He knew Off was close to the school staff. He heard Off laughing with the cleaners after school after their study sessions. If Tay and Arm didn’t know where the tall idiot was, maybe the staff saw Off leaving the school somewhere.

‘Mr Ko’, he walked over when he finally found the janitor walking in the hallway, ‘Mr Ko, have you seen Off today?’

‘Off?’, the janitor recalled, ‘Ah, he was here this morning’

‘Did he leave?’

‘Leave?’, the janitor scoffed, ‘Nah, he asked me for the keys to the rooftop’

‘The… Keys?’, Gun asked, ‘You’re allowed to give it to students?’

‘No, but it was Off’, the janitor explained, ‘He said he’d needed it and he’d come to find me by the end of the day to give it back’, not only was Off close with the school staff, but Gun realized that they were willing to do a lot of things for him, even if that meant breaking the rules. Just how close had Off gotten with them?

He didn’t really wanna think about it. He only knew that Off was probably likely to be on the rooftops if he hadn’t given the keys back to Mr Ko. So, he used the rest of his lunch break running up the stairs to the top of the school building. No one bothered to go to the top floor, it was full of empty classrooms and dusted old supplies that needed to be thrown out. Gun immediately saw the door ajar and he ran up to open it.

The school rooftop was wide but scorching hot. The sun was unapologetic with the heat that Gun had to squint his eyes for a bit and fan himself. What was Off doing here? He opened his backpack and searched for his umbrella. He always had it just in case. He opened it to shade himself from the sun as he walked around in search of the tall idiot.

‘What the fuck?’, he whispered as soon as he found Off laying on one of the benches by the edge, his eyes closed but his skin was burnt. He rushed to him, kneeling on the burning ground. He touched Off’s chest and felt it rise. He was still breathing, but how has be not died from the heat. Off’s face was burning red and it was going to blister if he doesn’t put sunscreen on it, ‘What the fuck is this bastard thinking?’, he whispered to him as he laid the umbrella down beside him, feeling the hot sun on his back as he scavenged inside his bag, knowing he packed a small first aid kit somewhere.

How could someone sleep in this intense heat anyway? Gun couldn’t wait to shout at Off when he wakes up, but at the moment, he needed to tend his skin first. He finally found the cream, applying enough on his fingers as he slowly applied it on Off’s cheeks. He saw his winch in pain but he was still asleep.

‘You’re an idiot’, he whispered to him as he grazed the cream across Off’s face. The reddening skin was still evident, but at least it wouldn’t scab. Off was lucky that he was wearing long sleeves, so his arms and legs were protected, but the red was climbing down his neck and he knew how painful sunburns are down the neck. He applied more cream on his hand before going down on Off’s neck.

The sudden feeling of something cold on his neck forced Off to wake up. He opened his eyes and squinted at the bright sun, but he saw a silhouette blocking it from his side. It took him a couple of seconds to realise what it was, his eyes finally focusing on the face looking down on him.

‘What the-!’, he screamed out of shock, as he grabbed the hand touching his sensitive neck. The sudden movement surprised both of them, Off tumbling out of the bench and landing on Gun who laid on the hot floor.

‘It’s just me!’, Gun shouted, trying to tug his hand out of Off’s grip.

‘Gun? What are you doing here?’, Off asked as soon as he got his sanity back. He leaned on his arm which rested on either side of Gun, his body pressed down on the boy.

‘They told me you ditched school’, Gun said, crossing his arm and trying to push Off’s chest away from him, ‘Why are you up here anyway?’

‘I didn’t wanna go to classes’

‘But you’re still in school?’

‘I had nowhere else to go’, he said and there was a moment of silence between the pair until they realised how close they were on each other. Off felt Gun’s hand on his chest and he remembered how soft I felt when he touched his neck. He suddenly felt flushed and he moved to get up only to hear Gun gasp on his ear.

‘What was that?’, Gun asked as he looked down. Off looked down with him and he felt like the world crashing down on him, ‘Is that!?’

Off immediately got off him, embarrassed from his sudden reaction. Fuck, why did he get hard all of a sudden? Did he really get hard at the thought of Gun touching his neck? No fucking way.

‘Are you insane?!’, Gun shouted at him, throwing the tube of sunscreen at him, ‘Pervert!’

‘You’re the one who touched me when I was asleep!’, Off defended himself, crossing his legs and hiding his hard-on with his hands.

‘I was applying sunscreen! Your dumbass spent the whole day sleeping under the sun!’, Gun retorted back, their voices loud and yelling on top of each other, ‘You’re disgusting!’

‘You can’t possibly blame me, right?’, Off argued back, ‘Your hands were soft’

‘What’s that got to do with anything?!’

‘I’m just saying! You never got a hard-on after waking up in the morning?’

‘I’m not answering that question’, Gun stood up, grabbing his umbrella, ‘You better turn up to afternoon period before your friends get worried’, is the last thing he said before he rushed off, slamming the rooftop door shut and leaving Off all alone with the half-empty sunscreen tube.

‘Fuck’, Off whined to himself, tugging his own hair as he kicked at the bench in embarrassment, ‘Because you have soft hands? Really Off? Was that necessary to add?!’, he shouted to himself, cursing at the air and begging for the ground to eat him up already.

Gun leaned against the rusted door, breathing heavily as his mind reminded him of the feeling of something hard against his leg. _Fuck._ He couldn’t believe he was getting affected by it. He looked down on his hands and saw a bit of the cream still on his hands and he immediately wiped it on his uniform, shaking his head as he tries to get rid of the pictures that were starting to creep in his mind.

No. Not of Off Jumpol. No, no, no. Hell fucking no.

\---

Off’s been attracted to boys before. He was confused, of course, as everyone else would when he suddenly realised, he was looking at the boys playing soccer for other reasons than the game. He kept it to himself, not because he didn’t think his friends would accept him. Tay almost had New on his lap when they sat on the bleachers to watch their school football team practicing, so he couldn’t judge if he admitted to him that he liked boys too. Arm wouldn’t give a shit either. He just didn’t want to tell anyone until he was sure his mind wasn’t just fucking with him. He needed to make sure for himself.

But he thought about the rooftop again. It must’ve been a wet dream. It can’t have been Gun, that would be too weird. His mind would be fucked up if he was thinking of someone as annoying as Gun to be attractive.

‘Hey!’, Mike called out to them as he ran to the bleachers, his hair soaked and stuck on his forehead from the sweat, ‘You guys wanna join? Football practice is over and we’re just playing around now’, the football team would usually invite them over for a game. They were average players and Tay was shit, but they were fun to hang around with. They’d spend hours just laughing and play fighting whilst they play football after school.

‘Count me in’, Off gave in, wanting to get rid of the thoughts of Gun, standing up and high fiving Mike.

‘Off! Be on my team!’, he heard Fiat running to him, but Mike already grabbed him by the waist, sticking out his tongue.

‘He’s on my team already’, Mike called out, showing off as he dragged Off to the field.

‘I don’t know how to play’, New called out, but he let Tay drag him to the field too.

‘I’ll teach you’, Tay smiled, ‘Come on Fiat, I’ll be on your team’

‘No thanks, you’re shit’, Fiat simply said which got everyone laughing, ignoring Tay’s curses at them.

* * *

Gun walked away from the library after finishing his homework. He sighed in relief when he felt the lightness of his bag after shoving his books in his locker. He’s been carrying various textbooks all day and he was glad he didn’t have to carry them back home. Gun managed to finish all his work in an hour and he wasn’t set with homework for this week, so he could go home early.

He found himself taking a long way around, walking past the school field to the front entrance. He thought about calling New or Alice if they were free to hang out. He’s been ditching his friends’ offer that they stopped inviting him and he thought maybe it was touch to retouch with them. He was about to call Alice when he saw her walking towards the school field.

‘Alice!’, he smiled, rushing to run up to her but he realised where she was heading to. She passed a water bottle at Arm as she ran to the field, laughing when Arm picked her up and swayed her around whilst the rest of the boys cried woos and whoops at him. He saw Off still running with the ball, his hair sticking to his skin, his white sleeved shirt rolled up and showing his arms.

‘He shoots! He scores!’, Mike yelled as soon as Off hit the goal, his team screaming and whooping as they ran to Off and lifted him up. Everyone was laughing and crowded around him, voices yelling on top of each other as they continued to joke and play around. Off, due to the heat, unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt, fanning his shirt for some air.

He decided maybe it wasn’t a good idea to hang out with his friends if they were already hanging out with Off’s gang. It’ll make things awkward if he joined anyway, so he continued walking to the front entrance and left for home.

* * *

‘Gun? What are you doing here?’, Fahsai asked as soon as she saw the high school volunteer inside the shelter cleaning the cages.

‘I had some free time and wanted to visit’, Gun smiled at her. It wasn’t the weekend, but he didn’t want to go home.

‘Well, I’m glad you came to visit’, Fahsai smiled, ‘It was getting lonely here’

‘How’s Charms?’, he asked, Fahsai excitedly showing him a well-healed kitten meowing and licking her arm. He went over to stroke her fur, cooing as she licked his face.

‘Thank god she’s doing well’

‘Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to do if we lost one more animal’, Fahsai sighed, turning back to look at the cages, looking at the animals inside wanting for a new home. She felt sorry for them whenever she came to work and if only, she had enough money to keep all of them, she would.

‘Do you know anyone who might want Charm?’, she asked, ‘Our cages are filling up and if we get her adopted, we’ll have one spare cage for one more animal’

‘My mum would kill me if I brought home a cat’, Gun pouted, ‘And I’m not sure if any of my friends are allowed pets’

‘Well, hopefully, a family can come in and adopt her soon’, Fahsai sighed hopefully, stroking the kitten as she fell asleep in Gun’s arms.

* * *

‘Off, do you want a cat?’, Fahsai asked when she visited Mrs Pho’s shop to find Off studying again. She was worried when Mrs Pho told her Off hadn’t been visiting her for a week. The whole market was worried about Off’s absence that they almost collectively clapped when they saw him coming this evening.

‘I’m barely at home’, Off snorted at her, ‘What makes you think the cat’s gonna get any care from me’

‘Just asking’, Fahsai commented, ‘I’ve been trying to get Charm adopted, but no one seemed to want her’

‘Just wait’, Off said, ‘I’m sure a kid will be begging their parents for a cat soon’

‘I hope so’, Fahsai sighed. She sat down next to off, reading his books and smiling, ‘You’re studying for Chemistry?’

‘We have an experiment this week and it’s 50% of our final grade’, Off explained, ‘I don’t wanna score low’

‘What do you wanna do in college anyway?’, Fahsai asked, ‘I could help you try and get into mine’

‘Your college is too close to home’, Off said, ‘I wanna leave my house as soon as I graduate’

‘Well, I’m sure your grades will get you to any college you want. Aren’t you the smartest in the whole school?’

‘One of’, Off corrected her. He didn’t want to tell her who the other smart one was, but despite his jackass behavior, he couldn’t deny Gun’s intelligence, not when he’s acing on the core subjects and stealing his chance of a scholarship too. Unlike Gun, he didn’t need the scholarship since his parents were loaded enough to fund for his degree and masters if he ever wanted to pursue one. But he didn’t want to be dependant on his parents anymore. He didn’t want them to hold them down even in college, he was already sick of them now. He needed to get as far away from that household and find himself a college far away. And the only college that offered enough scholarship for both tuition and dorm fees was the same college Gun was eyeing. He might be getting first place in languages and arts, but he was still second place in maths and sciences because of the short kid. If he wanted to get that scholarship, he’d need to beat Gun in one of his expertise.

‘Maybe you’d change your mind and apply to my college’, Fahsai confessed to him, ‘You’d love it there’

‘Maybe’, Off said to her, but they both know he wasn’t going to apply to it. Fahsai left after ordering a pink milk tea from Mrs Pho, bidding farewell as she goes home.

‘You shouldn’t have said you wouldn’t apply’, Mrs Pho turned and patted Off on the shoulder, ‘She was expecting you apply. She likes you’

‘She knows I don’t like her like that’

‘Maybe it’s time for you to focus on other things in your life’, Mrs Pho mentioned, ‘You should go on a date, you’re only young once’

‘I’ve been on plenty of dates’, Off laughed at her, ‘Plus, I really need to focus on my studies today’, Mrs Pho left him alone finally.

‘You need full marks on our next Chinese test to lift up your grade’, a voice came into the room, and Off knew the voice well enough that he didn’t need to look up to know who it belonged to.

‘What are you doing here?’, he asked.

‘I told you. I’m here to prove my point and make your life miserable’, Gun told him as he skidded a chair to sit down beside Off, ‘And I’m also here to tell you that you should be studying for our Chinese exam if you wanna improve your grades’

‘Why would you want that?’, Off snorted, ‘We’re even now. I got first place in Physics and you got first place in Chinese’

‘You got 35th place, not second’, Gun reminded him, ‘You’re behind me in languages’

‘That’s a good thing’, Off reminded him back, ‘You said you don’t want to keep competing with me for top grades, so I don’t know why you want me to improve’

‘I’m just saying’, Gun shrugged, leaning back on the chair, ‘If you wanna beat me, you better start studying now’, Gun noticed the books on the table and read the notes to realise that Off was focusing on their Chem preparations for tomorrow. Off noticed the way Gun looked down on his notes and he covered it with one of his folders.

‘You said you would kill me if I don’t give you the A*’, Off defended himself before Gun even asked him.

Gun realised how messy Off’s handwriting was, as he scribbled extra notes on their planned experiment process for tomorrow. It looked packed to the brim with extra information and precautions. He realised that Off was good at studying, even though he barely sees the slacker with a book. He didn’t say anything. He just watched as Off packed away his books, calling out Mrs Pho, asking if she needed any help.

* * *

‘Off, could you do me a favour?’, Alice dragged Gun to Off’s table at the canteen. She immediately sat between Arm and Off, leaving Gun to sit on the other side of Off’s since he didn’t want to sit next to Tay and New.

‘What?’, he asked, finishing off his noodles and looking at Gun’s tray and stealing a fry. Gun glared at him and hit him on the arm.

‘You play bass, right?’

‘Yupp’

‘The school play this year is Grease and I was wondering if you can be part of the Chorus’

‘Who the fuck thought adding a Chorus to Grease is a good idea?’, Off snorted, almost throwing up his food. Gun grimaced how the food hung on the corners of Off’s mouth as he talked with his mouth full. It was disgusting.

‘Look, they wanted a live band to be playing whilst the actors sing. I want you to be in the T-Birds Greaser Gang’

‘I can’t do it, even if I wanted to’, Off chuckled as he gulped his water bottle, his cheeks puffed like a hamster as he stuffed the last forkful of noodles in his mouth.

‘Why not?’

‘Gun has theatre’, he pointed to Gun, the rest of their group looking at Gun. They remembered their deal in Junior year and they all sighed in defeat.

‘You’d be perfect as a T-Bird member’, Alice whined, tugging at his sleeves, ‘You have the jerk look’

‘You got that right’, Gun whispered to himself as he drank his water. Off heard him and turned to glare at the shorter. He reached out to grab another fry to which Gun swatted his hand away, but not before Off grabbed a handful of fries and smiled playfully at him.

‘Gun, can’t you make an exception?’, Alice leaned her head to look at Gun, ‘He’s technically not part of the theatre. He’s just gonna be in the band’

‘He could just give up debate team, then I’ll say yes’, he replied and everyone leaned on their back and groaned at his proposal, knowing well that Off wasn’t going to give it up.

‘You’re gonna piss off the head of the debate team if we swap this last-minute’, Off commented, ‘I think you should give it up’

‘I’m not giving up one of my clubs if you’re not willing to give up one of yours’, he simply defended himself and their friends groaned another wave of displeasure, knowing that another argument was going to take place.

‘I’ve only got one club, and I’m not giving it up’, Off said for what he thought was the millionth time, ‘You’re just being rude to your friend who’s asking me so nicely to help with the musical’

‘Alice knows the rules. We only exchange clubs, not giving it up’

‘Fine’, Off chuckled, ‘Then I’ll have to say no Alice’, he turned back to her, ‘You should talk to your friend. He’s one tough one to crack’, he took his tray and left the table, leaving the group to glare at Gun.

The short student looked at them and just shrugged his shoulders as he ignored them and continued eating.

* * *

‘Gun, come on, stop with this nonsense. Does it make sense that you can’t share clubs with Off?’, Alice whined when they entered the music room. Alice carried her flute with her as Gun tuned his violin. He had a lot of telling off from New and he didn’t want Alice to add onto that.

‘I told you, we had a deal last year and if he doesn’t wanna break it, then we won’t break it’, Gun said, tuning his strings and hearing the tune of his violin.

‘Gun, come on. Be mature’, Alice signed, tugging at his sleeves, ‘He’s the only bass player in the school. We need a bass’

‘Then let him swap debate with theatre’

‘Gun Attaphan, you’re the worst!’

* * *

‘Dude, come on, Alice is upset’, Arm begged Off as they sat on top of the abandoned Tuk Tuk. The sun was slowly going down so the heat wasn’t so intense anymore. The four of them shared snacks and drinks amongst themselves as they spent the evening hanging downtown.

‘Blame Gun, not me’, Off argued, ‘I don’t mind working on the musical, but Gun has theatre’

‘Do you even know who he auditioned for?’, Tay nudged Arm’s, ‘He got Danny Zuko’

‘He got the main lead?’, Off asked in surprise. Gun never mentioned it to him and the short kid wasn’t the type to show off either, so no one knew he landed the lead role, ‘And what happened if we did swap debate? Was he going to drop out on the lead role?’, he asked to which Arm, Tay, and New couldn’t even reply, ‘What’s wrong with your friend?’, he turned to ask New, but the latter shook his shoulders.

‘The more you wanna read Gun, the less you’ll actually know’

‘Come on Off, can’t you ask Gun to share theatre with you?’, Arm begged, hugging his arm and tugging him back and forth, ‘I’m trying to impress my girlfriend here’

‘Then why don’t you go and ask Gun’, Off tugged his arm away from Arm, ‘I don’t mind being in theatre. It’s him that you need to persuade’

‘The only person who could persuade him is you’, New pointed out, drinking his cola and leaning his head on Tay’s shoulders, ‘He only talks more than five minutes with you’

‘Yeah, and most of that consists with just us shouting at each other’

‘At least he’ll listen to you’

* * *

‘Off Jumpol! It’s so glad to see you again! Come inside!’, Gun’s mum beamed at the sight of Off when she opened the door, ‘What brings you here?’, she asked.

Gun looked up from the coffee table, turning down the volume of the TV and closing his books when he saw Off walking into the living room.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’, he asked, standing up.

Off didn’t want to notice it. He didn’t wanna admit that the first thing he saw was Gun wearing the oversized shirt he got him in the market and that it looked like he as wearing nothing else with how short his shorts were. He shook his head and focused on the task at hand, knowing he was gonna get killed by the short kid.

‘Gun, Off just told me that you two were planning to run your lines together’

‘Run our what?’, he asked again when it was his mum who answered his question.

‘Lines for the school musical. You didn’t tell me you auditioned with Off’, she gleamed at the thought that her son was going to be in a school musical with a close friend of his.

‘He did what?!’

‘I didn’t audition’, Off explained, ‘I was asked to be in the live band and I just so happened to be cast as a T-Bird member, so… I offered to help Gun run his lines’

‘Well, why don’t I make you guys a drink. You get comfortable in the living room’, she urged him to sit on the sofa and all of could feel was the heat of Gun’s glare at him. He didn’t think such a short kid could have this much attitude.

As soon as his mum left for the kitchen, Gun rushed to push Off’s shoulders, ‘Explain. Now’

‘Arm wanted to impress Alice so he already told her that you agreed to let me be part of the musical’, Off explained, just as pissed off with his best friend for waking him up so early on a weekend, ‘I didn’t want Alice to be pissed at us, so I thought of this idea’

‘To trick me into agreeing?’

‘Yes’, Off nodded, not even trying to excuse himself, ‘Now your mum thinks I’m in theatre, so it’s too late. Plus, Alice told the team I’ve signed up already, so here we are’

‘Fuck you, Off Jumpol’, Gun whined, ‘This isn’t the deal with made! You told me to follow the deal, but here you are breaking it’

‘Look, I’m not a hypocrite’, Off raised his hand in defense, ‘When I say follow the rules, I mean it’

‘No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have signed up for theatre behind my back!’

‘I didn’t! Arm and Alice did!’, Off shouted back at him, ‘I’m here to fix our deal’

‘And how are you going to fix it?’

‘Well, since I’ve overstepped our agreement and joined one of your clubs, you have every right to join mine’

‘What?’

‘It means, I’m allowing you to sign up for debate’, Off signed in defeat, ‘I spoke to our head and she said she doesn’t mind a new team member joining… So, you’re in’

‘Are you serious?’, Gun asked and he saw Off nod.

‘We meet up on Tuesday’s after school for two hours’, Off reminded him and Gun clapped his hands. He couldn’t help but smile wide as he fisted the air in excitement. He couldn’t wait to add it to his applications already.

Off, on the other hand, saw how the shirt slipped off his shoulder. He looked down on his lapped and tried to think of something else, anything else.

‘Here guys, have some lemonade’, Gun’s mum walked back into the living room and Off awkwardly sat up on the sofa and smiled at her, ‘I’m so glad you came today. I was just about to go off to do some groceries. I’m so glad someone can be here to be with Gun’

‘I’m not a kid who needs babysitting mum’, Gun whined, pouting his lower lip when all his mum does is lean in a kissed his forehead.

‘I’ll be back soon’

Off felt envy towards Gun for the first time. His mum was loving. He realised Gun’s mum was just acting like a regular mum wanting her son to spend some time with friends. It made him realise how fucked up his mum is who couldn’t even look at him when he walked into the kitchen. He smiled and bowed his head to Gun’s mum as she leaves the house, leaving the two boys alone in the house.

* * *

Off should’ve probably left as soon as Gun’s mum turned a corner, he got Gun to agree to join theatre and he did what Arm told him to, so he didn’t know why he was still in Gun’s living room, sitting on the floor next to him.

‘So… How’s orchestra going?’, he asked, feeling even more awkward at his sad attempt of small talk.

‘Rehearsals going fine’

‘You sure you can keep up with the musical and orchestra?’

‘I did it last year, I could do it this year’, Gun replied to him. He sat down next to Off and opened his books.

‘Plus, with studies. How’re you ever gonna beat me in History?’, Off joked, nudging his shoulder playfully.

‘Just you watch. I’ll get first place in the exam’

Off couldn’t help but laugh. The fight between them for best grades had been going on since Sophomore when Off surprisingly scored the highest grades in the school whilst ditching classes. Someone accused him of cheating, but after the teacher investigated, they realised that Off aced every exam without the need for a cheat sheet. The first person to be riled up about this is Gun Attaphan who spent the whole year blowing off social events just so he can study.

Off found out that it was Gun who asked the Principal to investigate if he cheated and they had a huge argument in the canteen which caused both of them detention for three weeks straight.

‘Do you really need to go to Bangkok University?’, Off asked suddenly, ‘There are other universities just as good as that one’

‘Like I said. I don’t want my mum to spend money on my tuition’, Gun told him, ‘And they’re the only one offering a scholarship for both tuition and accommodations’

So, Gun wanted the scholarship for the same reason as him?

‘Why do you want the scholarship?’, Gun asked back, ‘I don’t wanna poke into your business, but it doesn’t look like you need a scholarship’

‘Yes, I do’, Off admitted, ‘I don’t wanna rely on my parents either’

‘But they’ve got money’

‘I don’t want their money’, Off simply stated, leaning on the sofa as he stretched his legs on the floor, ‘Let’s just leave it at that and hope for the best’

‘I really need this scholarship Off’, the shorter said to him, ‘You don’t need it. You’re just a rich kid who thinks they can get through the world without their parents' help, but you can’t. So, just accept your parent’s money and leave the scholarships to those who actually need it’

‘I think I know well the world we live in’, Off reminded him, ‘I’m the one who lives outside the library’

Gun didn’t respond. He didn’t want to piss him off and by the growing tension in the air, the topic of family and money is something Off didn’t want to talk about, so he left it at that. Instead, he focused on his homework, reading the textbook, and answering the assigned questions.

Off turned on the TV, skimming through the channel and killing time till Gun’s mum came back. He had all the reasons to leave Gun’s place, but he didn’t. And Gun didn’t force him out either. So, here they both were, sitting in absolute silence with nothing but the TV filling the room with noise. Off sometimes looked down and watch Gun studying. He had neat writing and he made sure everything is readable. Sometimes Off couldn’t make out what he wrote because his handwriting was so shit. He realised that even in studying, they were both different.

Off probably should stop staring at Gun and focus on the trashy daytime TV he put on. Usually, he’d spend the weekend at Tay’s or Arm’s place and they’re probably wondering where he was. Maybe he should get going now. He was sure Gun could make an excuse to his mum as to why Off had to leave early.

He thought he should probably stand up and tell Gun he’s going to leave, but as soon as he leaned his hand on the floor to do so, he realised his hand held onto something that was softer than the floor.

They both looked down and realised that Off’s hand rested on Gun’s crossed legs, his thighs to be specific. Off instantly felt heat climb on his cheeks. He pulled his hand away as if he’d touched something hot. Gun turned to look at him and he didn’t say anything. He just looked. Of would’ve preferred if Gun shouted at him like the last time, the awkward silence was more terrifying.

‘I’m sorry’, he finally whispered, but it didn’t help. Instead, he noticed how Gun’s neck tensed when he whispered, ‘I should probably go’, he stood up and grabbed his phone. He didn’t even let Gun walk him out to the front, he rushed out there as soon as he can, holding his breath and hoping the ground could eat him up instead.

Gun didn’t say anything. How could he when he still felt the burning sensation on his thigh where Off touched him? He looked down and noticed just how short his shorts had ridden up when he crossed his legs and he closed his eyes and grabbed a pillow. He hit his face with it and screamed loudly into the pillow, wishing the ground could eat him up.

Not Off Jumpol. Please, please, please, not Off Jumpol.

* * *

Gun sat down on the end of his bed, looking at his window sill in surprise.

‘How did you even get up here?’

‘Your mum said we could study in your room’, Off replied, chuckling when Gun gave a nervous cough. He looked down on his lap and tried to avoid Off’s stare, but even if he wasn’t looking, he still felt it. The stare that burnt him.

‘So, are we gonna study, or not?’

‘Did you like it?’, Off asked, smirking when Gun finally looked up.

‘Liked what?’

‘Me touching your leg’

Gun didn’t know how he did it, but one minute Off was leaning on his window sill and the next he’d pushed Gun on the bed. His arms leaned either side of him, trapping him as he lowered his body to Gun’s.

‘What are you doing?’, he stuttered, his voice shaking when he felt Off’s hot breath down his neck. He usually felt ticklish on his neck, but he couldn’t help but freeze when he felt something wet, ‘Off…’

It didn’t take long for him to realise Off was kissing his neck, sloppy and wet, sending shivers down his spine. He wanted to push Off away from him, but he didn’t. Why didn’t he?

He felt one of Off’s hands travel down his shirt. He hissed when he felt cold hands slither inside his shirt and touch his stomach. A loud moan escaped his lips and he closed his eyes in embarrassment at the sound he made. What the fuck was Off doing to him? And why didn’t he want it to stop?

‘Maybe we should see who’s better at this?’, Off whispered in his ears, his hot breath making him shake, ‘But I’m sure we both know who it is’

‘Off, come on, that’s not fair’, Gun whined when he felt Off’s hand tugging on his pajama shorts. He wrapped his arms around Off’s neck and pulled him closer, even though his mind is telling him to push away. They stare at each other for what seemed like years until Gun took the initiative to pull Off to him, finally latching their lips together. He tasted Off’s lips for the first time, letting his tongue slip in and wing it. He’s never kissed anyone before, but he watched movies. He saw the way actors kissed and he mimicked them and hoped for the best.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Why was he enjoying this? Why did he whine when Off bit his lower lip and continued to kiss his neck, down to his collar bone? And shit, why was he tugging Off’s shirt as if he was begging him to take it off?

‘Ah’, he moaned out when he felt Off’s hand slipped under his shorts, feeling something cold and warm at the same time.

‘Shit!’

Gun woke up with dried drool on the corner of his lips as he opened his eyes. He squinted at the sunlight escaping through the cracks of his curtains and he felt hot.

_Fuck._

He instantly remembered his dream and he immediately sat upon his bed, his head spinning. He looked under his duvet and groaned in embarrassment at the growing tent under his boxer shorts.

‘Fuck’, he whispered to himself, ‘Fuck’, he said again as he grabbed his pillow and screamed into it. Fuck. Not Off Jumpol. He did not just have a wet dream about Off fucking Jumpol.


	7. Six

**Four Days Before the Reunion**

‘How’ve you been, son?’, his dad asked once he set his bag down in the living room. Even the furniture was the same, it was still in the same placement too. He wondered why his dad never just sold the house and bought an apartment in the city.

‘I’ve been good’, he replied, ‘You?’

‘Oh, well, you know, still working’, his old man chuckled, but he coughed straight afterward his chest heaving. Off noticed that his dad aged, his hair was grey and there were wrinkles forming on the corner of his eyes, ‘Speaking of work, how’s your first job treating you?’

‘Not too bad’, Off explained. He followed his dad who guided him to the kitchen. They’ve never had a peaceful conversation, so Off awkwardly sat beside the dining table as he watched his dad make him a cup of coffee.

‘Well, I’ve never worked in PR, but I’m sure it’s no different from my work’

‘You were a Chief Financial Officer of a law firm’, Off reverted, the pair laughing at the sudden comparison of jobs. Off’s dad never forced him to follow his footsteps in terms of career, in fact, he doesn’t remember his dad ever forcing him to be anything, not in career terms or who he fucked in bed. Now that Off was thinking about it, it was starting to make sense.

‘Have you been getting out there?’, Off asked as his dad set the mug down. His old man dragged a chair so he can sit next to him and he found it pitying to think he’d been by himself for the past six years, calling his son to ask him to come home and visit at least once. Off never thought he’d felt guilty for abandoning his dad, but the feeling was slowly creeping up to his chest.

‘This old man?’, his dad pointed at himself. He began to laugh wholeheartedly as he drinks his coffee, ‘I’ve hit the age of expiration’, he added on, ‘I don’t think I’m fit for it anymore’

‘Nonsense’, Off smiled at him, ‘As long as you can still dance, I’m sure you can impress someone out there’

‘It’s a little too late for me’, his dad added on again, ‘But I’m sure it’s not too late for you’

Off looked at his watch and thought of a crazy idea, so fucking crazy that he started to laugh.

‘You know, it’s not that late yet’, Off pointed out, ‘Why don’t we go to a club?’

‘No way’, his old man shook his head immediately after Off said it, ‘I have work’

‘Come on’, Off urged him on, ‘I’ll make sure you don’t drink the whole bar out’, he found it comforting when the dad laughed at his joke comfortably. He found it a relief that their reunion didn’t consist of the awkward talk of explanation. He knew his dad didn’t need to explain himself. Off knows now and despite the years wasted and his very existence being a constant reminder of what his dad was forced into, the only thing he could do to make it up is to drag his father to a bar. Tay dragged him to one the first night he returned to Thailand as a welcome back party and he thought he should do the same for his dad.

‘Come on dad’, Off stood up and clapped his hands. And whenever he was adamant on something, he was going to get it done, ‘Let’s go and get fucked’

* * *

**Five Months into Senior Year**

_‘Summer loving had me a blaaaaast’_

Off leaned on the wall of the school auditorium as he watched the lead actors singing the first song. They had the choir and music teacher singing with them as they try to get in tune with each other. He closed his eyes and slept for a bit, waiting until someone called him over when they need him.

‘Off! We need you’

_Here we go._

He opened his eyes and grabbed his bass which rested beside him, getting up and joining the other musicians being forced in this damn play. He walked past Alice who patted him on the shoulder, smiling as she sat on one of the chairs.

‘Now, have you all memorised the music sheets I gave you?’, their music teacher, Mrs Pim, asked them, to which the other players nodded, ‘I need you all to be confident in playing and dancing at the same time’, she began to explain as she tugged and pull them around on stage, ‘You’re going to act like students joining in on the songs whilst playing live. She pulled Off and dragged him to where Gun was standing.

‘Bass player, you’re going to be part of the T-Bird crew whilst Summer Nights is playing’, she explained excitedly, ‘Now, try playing the first verse whilst Gun leans on you’

‘I’d give him a pat in the head if he’d be able to reach my shoulders’, Off joked, making everyone laugh around them. Gun hit him on the arm and glared harshly at him.

‘Just try it’, their music teacher orders, so Off swings his bass at the front, leaning a little so Gun can rest his arm on his shoulder. The short kid waited for him to play, so he whistled for the other band members to join him as he begins to play the first note of the verse. The guitar quickly followed as well as the drummer who was the only student sat down at the centre stage.

_‘Summer loving had me a blast’_

_‘Summer loving happened so fast’_

_‘I met a girl crazy for me’_

_‘I met a boy, sweetest can be’_

Off listened to Jane’s soft voice joining Gun’s as they sang the first verse together. Jane was cute, he noticed, a spring in her steps as she danced on the other side of the stage. He felt Gun’s arm continued to rest on his as they play well into the chorus when the dancers joined them and began their choreography. Gun walked away from him, watching him dance at the centre and he couldn’t help but smile at the short kid dancing confidently. He was good.

Off continued to play bass, joining the guitarist and saxophonist as they began to dance around Gun and the other actors. Their voices sang louder as the live band joined in on the fun and began freestyling when they ran out of choreography and before anyone realised, they had finished the whole song whilst cheering for each other.

Gun continued to sing the last line whilst leaning on Off’s arm unknowingly. The taller looked down on him, listening to him hit the high note with ease and being followed by a round of applause from the staff and students sitting on their seats.

‘This is what I’m talking about’, Mrs Pim clapped her hands and thanked the live band for their participation, ‘We’re gonna have the musical coming to life in no time’

Gun felt himself still leaning on Off, so once the song finished and they were on a break, he stepped away, not even turning back to look at Off. He excused himself and ran up to Jane, offering to run her lines with her.

Off is left holding on his bass as he walked off stage, the other musicians walking off beside him, patting each other on the back.

‘You were brilliant up there’, Arm called out, high fiving Off as they walk towards Alice.

‘You know, you used to do choir’, Off pointed out with a playful smile on his face, ‘Why don’t you join the singers’

‘You can sing?’, Alice entered their conversation. They didn’t even know she was standing beside them. She reached out to hold Arm’s hand, not shy anymore to show off her boyfriend, ‘Why didn’t you tell me? You could’ve auditioned too’

‘Which is why I didn’t tell you’, Arm laughed as he wrapped his arms around her waist, ‘You already tricked Off in working with his worst enemy in a musical’

‘Don’t blame your girlfriend’, Off hit Arm on the head, ‘That was you’, the trio laughed as they packed their bags, planning to eat out after school. They made their way out of the auditorium, bidding everyone their goodbyes as Off packed his bass guitar in his beat-up case, not noticing a pair of eyes looking at him walking away.

* * *

New looked down on his phone to find a text from his mum. She wanted him home early for family dinner since his grandparents were coming over for the weekend. He sighed and lean on the wall as he waited for Tay after school. He loved his grandparents, he truly did, but having to sit through dinner whilst listening to their rants drained him.

His mum warned him not to be too obvious. As if he’d know how to not obviously be gay. He thought coming out to his family would be a huge weight being lifted off his shoulders, but it added more pressure when his parents told him to keep it a secret from the rest of the family as if they were scared, he was going to be disowned. He felt helpless because he knew his mum was doing everything, she could to make him feel comfortable, but she also didn’t want their extended family to criticize the shit out of her or him. He kinda wanted his mum to just say fuck it and slam the door on their face, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. So, here he was again, back inside the closet even though he told himself he was going to be bold.

‘Hey New!’, he heard Tay’s voice from the other end of the corridor and he smiled and walked towards him. The whole school already new about them and it was relief that they were no longer making fun out of him when he accidentally announced his crush on Tay Tawan. Tay was the first kid to come out to the whole school with no care and New felt drawn to him the moment he did. He was envious of Tay at first, with how confident he announced it. But then, throughout the semester, he ended up taking an interest in him when he shared classes with the latter, listening to him make jokes and make the whole class laugh.

Now everyone knows he’s the second kid to come out and it was all a fucking accident. He volunteered with Alice to do the school announcements every morning period only to confess to Alice that he’s been crushing on Tay Tawan ever since the first day of Junior Year with the speakers still on and fully blasting their conversation to the whole school. He didn’t know how the news didn’t escalate and was told amongst parents. The whole summer he was waiting for his mum or dad to knock on his door and asked him about the incident He was glad the rumours only escalated amongst the students, it gave him the whole summer to muster up the courage and come out to his parents in his own accords – and an added-on bonus is to have his crush ask him out on the first day back at school.

‘You said you needed to go home early?’, Tay reminded him of the text he sent yesterday and New nodded, the pair walking hand in hand out of the school.

‘My grandparents are coming over for dinner’

‘Oh, really?’, Tay grinned, ‘Do you want me to join?’

‘Oh God no’, New shook his head so fast, he almost got a headache, ‘I’m not… I don’t think it’s a good idea’

Tay noticed the change in New’s expression. He looked paranoid, ‘I thought you said you came out to your family’, he pointed out, confused if his reading of New’s sudden change in expression was the same topic he’d been thinking.

‘Not to my grandparents. They’re way more conservative than my parents’, New sighed, ‘They might force my parents to kick me out’

‘But your parents will stand up for you, right?’, Tay asked. He expected New to nod his head, but when the latter kept silence, he squeezed the boy’s hand tighter, giving him a reassuring smile. He had no idea how to make the conversation optimistic. Despite being out himself, he also had to fight his parents constantly before they fully accepted him. He knew New’s journey was going to be different from his. But he thought, just like his bastard friends were there with him, maybe New didn’t have to be by himself either.

‘Why don’t we visit Mrs Pho before I drop you off home?’, Tay suggested, jogging a little and dragging New with him, ‘I’ll buy you some milk tea and we’ll torment Off’

‘I’d love that’, New laughed as he kept up with Tay’s pace, the two boys rushing to the night market, laughing with each other, their hands still tightly holding onto one another.

* * *

**Four Days Before the Reunion.**

‘When are you gonna stop acting like a spoilt rich kid and accept your dad’s job offer in his company?’, New asked as soon as he finished washing up the dishes after spending the whole evening cooking dinner with Tay. He saw Tay already slouched in the living room sofa, scanning the channels.

New wiped his hands dry and walked over to sit beside his boyfriend, who was obviously ignoring his questions as he scrolled down Netflix, trying to find a good show to watch.

‘Tay, answer me’, he tugged on his arm, ‘Your dad’s still waiting for you’

‘Not until they talk to your parents and persuade them to accept my proposal’

New felt his chest tighten. He didn’t want to remember the night his grandparents almost threw Tay out of the room when he asked their permission for his proposal. He dragged him away before they could lay a hand on him, leaving the house and spending the night getting drunk.

‘Look, I don’t want your dad to hate me’, New whined, ‘But if you’re not accepting his job because of me, then he’s going to think it’s all my fault’

‘No, he’s going to muster up the courage to help me out’, Tay turned back and looked at New in the eye. Even after all these years, New was willing to risk his happiness for the approval of his family and it made Tay wanna rip his hair out and grab New by the arm and shout at him. He didn’t want him to chase after their approval, not when he could already have a family waiting for him with Tay.

‘Tay, we tried our best’, New slid his hand down and grabbed Tay’s, ‘I think, as long as we’re together now, we should be content’

‘Content that I have to run back and forth from one apartment to the next in secret just so I can visit my boyfriend?’, Tay snorted. He shook his head and rolled his eyes as he tried to pay attention to the TV, ignoring New’s round eyes which looked sadly at him.

‘Tay…’, he called out again, lacing his fingers with the latter.

‘Off’s right…’, Tay sighed, ‘What are we doing? We’ve been together for six years and they still haven’t accepted us. Why bother trying when we can just fuck it and fly to America right now and get married’

‘I’m not getting married without my parents’, New told him again, repeating the same conversation they’ve had for years now, ‘They love and support us and I’m not going to abandon them’

‘They don’t support us enough to stand up to your grandparents’

‘Look, just because you have the balls to stand up to your dad, doesn’t mean everyone else does’

‘I have the balls to stand up to him because I know he loves me’, Tay reminded him, ‘I know he’s not going to let something stupid like this break my family apart. Which is why I’m waiting till he calls me back’

‘It’s been months Tay’, New’s voice showed no signs of hope nor optimism, ‘He’s not going to help you anymore’

‘Then I’m not gonna work for him’

* * *

**Five Months into Senior Year**

Gun was too busy daydreaming in the library to hear a chair pulling up beside him. New looked down at his friend, drinking his coffee as he waved a hand in front of Gun’s face, the latter showing no signs of presence. He laughed a little and banged on the table, earning a glare from the students around him, but it at least brought Gun back to life.

‘What’s up?’, he asked, ‘Got anything in your mind you’d like to share?’

‘No’, Gun said quickly, which made him sound more suspicious. New smirked at him and sat beside him silently. He didn’t say anything. He knew Gun well enough that he was going to hide like a turtle if he pestered him to speak, so he just looked down on his phone, waiting for Gun to explode and tell hm what’s been on his mind.

‘When did you find out you were gay?’

Woah. That wasn’t what New was expecting. He almost choked on his drink as he looked up at Gun.

‘Why’re you asking?’

‘Just cause’

‘Well…’, New began, ‘I guess I just always knew’

‘But… Was there a moment where it hit you?’, Gun asked, ‘Like a boom? And then you realised it?’

‘Uh…’, New couldn’t remember, ‘I probably had a crush on someone during primary school’, he replied, not really sure if that was his main turning point, but it did start a lot of questions that as a kid he didn’t know who to seek answers from. Maybe having a crush on someone was what started him to look for answers, ‘I guess when you’re attracted to someone, it makes you really think, right?’

‘Hmm’, Gun hummed, nodding at New’s answer. He leaned on his chair and bit the end of his pen, wondering if that could apply to him too?

* * *

The whole school was racing the entire morning at the news of Off’s suspension. His homeroom class was already bombarding Arm and Tay with questions to which they couldn’t reply. How could they when they don’t know the full story either. One minute Off came in early for school, the next minute he was dragging Pete by the collar and punching him in the face. Their classmates didn’t know what Pete did or say to deserve that punch, but the whole class knew Off well enough that he wouldn’t have started the fight unless he was provoked. And it was gonna take a lot to push him over the edge.

Gun walked into class with only five minutes left until the bell rings, sitting on his seat at the front with his headphones on, unaware of the homeroom class talking. He paused his playlist, opening his bag to get his books out when he saw that no one was sitting on their seats yet. He turned to the back of the class in curiosity.

‘Why would Off punch him?’

‘I don’t know’, Arm told them, ‘He was just playing with his phone and then all of a sudden he dragged Pete out in the hallway. I couldn’t even do anything, it happened so fast’

Gun heard Off’s name in conversation and with the snippets of discussion he managed to listen to, he pieced it together that a fight must’ve happened before he got here.

‘Hey’, he reached his arm out and patted Nanon on the arm, ‘What happened?’

‘Off got into a fight with Pete’, Nanom explained, ‘No one knows why and now they’re both in the Principal’s office. Someone walked past and said they overheard the Principal saying Off might get suspended’

_Suspended?_ Worry struck in Gun’s expression as he furrowed his brow and looked at Off’s friend. They too were filled with worry. Of course, Off Jumpol was a trouble-maker, he’s gotten himself in numerous detentions just for being loud or late for classes. But the shock was that, despite his lack of care in his manners, he still had enough that he wouldn’t punch someone for no reason. Eve Gun knew that and they had countless fights before.

* * *

‘Off, I know why you felt angry, but violence is never the answer’, Principal Panhan once the two students in front of her explaining the situation, their homeroom teacher dragging both of them by the ear to her office before she could even take off her jacket. Seeing Off was not a big deal anymore, the student made a home in the chair after years of getting into trouble, but this was the first time he was dragged for punching a black eye on a student.

‘If he makes fun outta New or Tay again, you best believe I’ll punch him in the face again’, Off turned around and spat at Pete, causing the latter to curse back at him.

‘Take a joke, bitch’

‘Language. The both of you’, Principal Panhan slammed her hands on the desk, ‘You both are in the wrong. Pete, what exactly did you message to New?’

‘Nothing’, Pete snorted, clearly finding no fault in his actions, ‘And I don’t know why that snitch would screenshot it and pass it to that idiot’

‘Because he knows I would kill you’, Off spat back, ‘Principal Panhan, when Tay said he would come out, you promised him that the school wouldn’t tolerate homophobia, so I don’t know why you haven’t excluded this sun of a bitch yet’

‘What exactly did he say?’, Principal Panhan asked again, not knowing how to punish Pete if she doesn’t know what he did. Off rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone, throwing it at her desk to which her eyes landed on the screenshot conversation that happened between New and Pete. She read through the spelling mistakes and slangs and falls upon the word that struck her chest. She immediately looked up at Pete.

‘Pete, did you really send this?’

‘It’s just a joke’

‘Well, I don’t find it a joke’, her expression changed, it was stern and angry, ‘I can easily put you in two weeks suspension for bullying a fellow student’

‘I didn’t bully him!’

‘New clearly felt uncomfortable with your choice of words to send it to his friends for help’, Principal Panhan exclaimed. Off chuckled and stuck his tongue out at Pete, ‘And don’t think you got away with this either Jumpol Adulkittporn’, she pointed at Off too, ‘You’re suspended too. For three days’

‘You’re fucking kidding me’

* * *

‘It’s my fault’, New immediately told Arm and Tay the moment they arrived at the canteen. They saw the latter shaking as he grabbed Tay’s hand, tugging him to their table. Gun looked up and didn’t understand why New was talking now when he’s been silent all day.

‘What’re you talking about?’, Tay asked as he rested his tray on the table. Arm and Gun sat down together, listening to New explain the screenshot and how he was supposed to send it to Tay but it was Off who accidentally received it and retaliated in the process of reading it.

‘Pete said that about you?’, Gun asked in shock, finally piecing his friend’s sudden silence, ‘And you didn’t tell the teachers?’

‘I was going to tell Tay so he could help me report it to the Principal’, New explained, ‘But then I heard in Biology that Off… And then I checked my messages and I realised I sent it to the wrong person’

Arm and Gun looked at each other worriedly. Off hadn’t shown up to classes since he was dragged to the Principal’s office. They thought he was sent back home after he was suspended, so they didn’t think much of it, but Gun remembered hearing the guidance counselor asking Off’s whereabouts before lunch break started.

‘It’s my fault he got suspended’, is the last thing Gun heard before he stood up and packed his stuff. He left his tray on the table and almost ran to the third floor. He still thought that Off may have left school, but now he thought he might be somewhere else, and when he saw the door to the rooftop ajar, he sighed as he opened the door.

Off was sitting on the same bench he was sleeping in the last time, looking up at the sky. The heat was still as immense as always during the afternoon and he remembered Off’s reddened face.

‘Do you wanna get sunburnt again?’, Gun called out to Off, gaining his attention as he turned around to face the shorter.

‘What are you doing here?’, he asked but Gun didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned on the bench and crossed his arm. He looked at Off up and down and wondered why he would even look for him. It wasn’t his business whether the boy got suspended, in fact, he should be celebrating since this was gonna go on his record. His college application was looking much better than Off’s and they weren’t even halfway done with the year.

‘The whole school’s talking about you’, Gun told him and Off shrugged. It made him annoyed. Off always had a nonchalant attitude that he always hated. He wondered why the boy never took things seriously, ‘New told me why you punched Pete’

Off sighed and slouched on his back, pulling out his phone and ignoring Gun. He heard music playing from the latter’s phone and he felt even more annoyed that he was being ignored.

‘How is he?’, Off suddenly asked when Gun was about to shout at him to start talking.

‘He feels guilty’, Gun explained, ‘He said he sent it to you by accident’

‘Yeah, I know’, Off nodded, ‘He addressed me as Tay and I realised it was probably for him’

‘Then why did you punch Pete?’

‘Would you be able to sit still if you read the screenshot?’, Gun realised that Off didn’t know the screenshot had spread like wildfire and most people have read it. Which is why everyone was on Off’s side, asking Principal Panhan to take back his suspension. He wondered if Off was going to feel different when he finds out everyone’s on his side.

‘New’s not your friend to worry about’, Gun said and it brought dry laughter to which Off looked up at him.

‘How long has he and Tay dated?’, he asked Gun.

‘I have no idea’

‘Since the first day of Senior year’, Off quickly replied, ‘Which means it’s been five months’

Gun didn’t realise that much time had passed between them.

‘New’s my friend now whether I like it or not, cause he’s Tay’s boyfriend’, Off commented, ‘The longest one yet’

Gun felt bad. He felt incredibly bad for not knowing how important Tay was to New. So important that he would send that screenshot to Tay and not to him, his so-called best friend. He didn’t realise that New was in his first-ever relationship with his high school crush that he’d been pining for all Junior year. He realised he missed out on pretty much most of his friend’s lives since the first day of school. He also realised, New bothered to tell Gun about the screenshot because he probably thought he was too busy with work to care and it made his chest feel heavy.

Gun felt defeated. He sat down on the bench beside Off, his arms still crossed as he looks down on his feet. With orchestra, rehearsals, and now debate on top of his current studies, he’d drawn himself further away from all the friends he made since freshmen. This was going to be their last year together as well before they move onto different colleges and cities. Who knows if he’ll see them again after graduation?

‘Thank you’, he finally ended the silence and that was the last thing Off thought Gun would say. It made the latter turn and look at him with an odd expression.

‘What for?’

‘For taking care of New’, Gun replied, ‘I’ve been a shit friend’

‘You sure have’, Off scoffed, whining when he felt Gun punch his shoulder.

‘So, are you not going to school tomorrow?’

‘Three whole days starting tomorrow’, Off nodded, laughing at himself. He didn’t want to stay at home during the three days, and he knew his parents were already going to kill him when getting the phone call from the Principal. Maybe he should stay the night at Mrs Pho. He was sure she’d understand once he explained.

* * *

Off woke up to the smell of smoke. He coughed a little as he sits up from the single bed, his back aching from the hard mattress. Mrs Pho didn’t have much to offer, but once his dad kicked him out after arguing all night about his suspension, he found himself taking refuge in Mrs Pho’s home at 2.00 am.

‘Off? Are you awake?’, he heard Mrs Pho’s soft voice calling out to him. He looked out of the window to see Mrs Pho cooking breakfast outside, the smoke entering the opened window. He nodded when he saw her look into the window, giving her a smile, ‘Good, you can make yourself useful and help me pass breakfast around the neighbourhood’

He does what he’s told, washing first and changing his shirt after sweating through his other shirt all night after sleeping with no air-conditioning. He knew the people who worked in the market didn’t have the privilege as he did and he found it humbling to watch their joyous daily routine when they don’t have a lot. He also realised how reliant they were to each other, so often Mrs Pho cooking breakfast to families who couldn’t afford them. He even saw Pik giving away his leftovers from his sales from the previous night, exchanging it with other leftovers from other stalls. As someone who gets his breakfast cooked by a housemaid, his expected reaction would be a pity, but he found it comforting instead. He’d rather spend his morning eating leftover food from last night with a group of people that he liked than by himself in the middle of an empty kitchen.

‘Hey, heard you got suspended’, Pik called out when he walked over towards his stall. He had a plastic bag of milk tea and a container of food Mrs Pho just cooked. Off nodded his head as he passed the food, leaning on the stall, ‘What did you get in trouble for?’

‘Punching a bully’

‘And you’re the one that got suspended?’, Pik laughed at him.

‘He got a week, I only got three days’

‘As if that makes anything better’

‘Well, apparently violence isn’t the answer, blah, blah, blah’, Off rolled his eyes and pretending not to care. But truth be told, he did care. He also didn’t agree with Principal Panhan and his argument with his dad last night didn’t help. He didn’t think he deserved this shit. He conversed with Pik about his business and family, wanting to change the topic and focus on someone else’s life for a change. They were in the midst of laughing over Pik’s stories about his newborn baby when Pik noticed a short boy walking around the empty market, a raised eyebrow as he smirked towards Off.

‘Look’s like someone’s here to visit you’, he chuckled, pointing his chin to the direction of Gun.

‘Gun?’, he called out. What was he doing here? He looked down on his watch: 7.04 am. He had less than half an hour to get to school before the bell rings, ‘What the hell are you doing here?’, he asked the moment Gun was close enough to hear him.

‘I thought you’d be here’, Gun told him. He stood awkwardly in front of him, his hands playing with the thread on his school trousers. Off wanted to break the silence but he honestly didn’t know what to say to him. He still didn’t know why Gun would visit him when he needed to get to school. Unlike him, the short kid was punctual, he valued it. He was going to be late if he doesn’t get a move on.

‘You should get going’, Off finally spoke, urging him to leave, ‘You’re gonna be late’

‘I just wanted to check up on you’

‘Me? Why?’, he asked, an eyebrow raised. They’ve been civil with each other since they joined each other’s clubs. Alice warned them not to cause trouble during rehearsals so they’ve been biting their tongues when they’re in each other’s presence, but that doesn’t mean they were friends now. It doesn’t mean Gun had a valid reason to visit him when he was suspended. And Gun knew that his cheeks turning red when he realised, he had no excuse to visit Off. Other than the fact that he just wanted to.

‘I spoke to the Principal’, Gun suddenly blurted out, ‘I told her your suspension isn’t fair’

‘And did she agree’

‘Not really’

‘Oh’, Off could only reply. He leaned on the empty stall and they were once again engulfed in silence, ‘Look, Gun, I still don’t know why you’re here, but if you stay here any longer, then you’re going to be late for school’

‘Right… Yeah, you’re right’, Gun coughed as he looked at his watch, ‘I should probably get going’

‘How far is your school from here?’, Pik interrupted their conversation.

‘About twenty minutes’, they both said.

‘Well, you’re not going to make it in time if you walk from here’, Pik sighed, but there’s a playful smirk hanging on his lips and Off recognised that smile. He gave the man a warning look, but it was too late. Pik already had an idea.

‘I have a scooter at the back’, Pik mentioned, ‘Off could drive you to school. It’ll take you ten minutes tops’

‘Oh’, Gun said, although he wasn’t too sure. Off may be the oldest in the year and already eighteen, but he didn’t think Off has a license to drive a scooter, ‘I’ll just walk’

‘No, no, no’, Pik shook his head and Off sighed. He knew that once Pik had an idea, he was gonna do everything he can to make it heard, ‘You should hurry along. Education is very important’

‘Ergh, where’re your keys then?’, Off asked. He didn’t even try to argue back. Gun’s eyes turned wide as he watched Off grabbed the keys from Pik’s hands, ‘Come on, let’s go’

Gun found himself standing beside Off as he walked over to the old beat-up scooter at the end of the market by the side of the road. He watched Off grab two helmets, reaching his hand out to pass one to him. He looked down on it but didn’t hold it.

‘It’s 7.15 right now, you’re going to be late’, Off shook the helmet for him to grab. Gun had no choice but to follow through, putting it on as he got on the back of the scooter. Off didn’t say anything. Maybe Gun was watching too many cheesy teen romcoms to expect Off to tell him to hold on tight. Or maybe he expected Off to grab his hands and wrap it around his waist before he began to drive. But then he remembered that Off was a dickhead and that he immediately started the scooter with no warning, driving onto the road whilst Gun wailed, grabbing onto his shirt.

‘Off!’, he screamed only to hear the latter laughing as they drive to the school. He pinched Off’s waist in retaliation but it only made him go faster, making Gun squeeze onto him as tight as possible, closing his eyes and resting his head on his back and praying that they don’t crash. He hated Off Jumpol. He hated him with all his guts.

* * *

**Four Days Before the Reunion**

Off walked out of the house with his father by his side. He still thought going to the club was a good idea, but then he realised, he still didn’t have a great relationship with his dad, so the walk towards it was awkward as fuck. They spoke about their jobs some more, finally finding something that they both do – which is work – but even then, their jobs were too different to even compare. They also spoke about London. Off didn’t have much to say about it. Despite the bright reputation London was perceived by other countries, the city itself was underwhelming, depressing, and shit. Off had to explain that there was no such thing as the sun in the damn city that always rained. His father laughed at the idea that everyone celebrated when the weather was 22 degrees, they walked out half-naked as if it was the hottest day on earth.

The pair walk side by side in the middle of the night in Thailand and it was still hotter than the hottest day in London. Off and his dad could laugh out that and it was the first thing they laughed about together. Just as they turned a corner, they spot a cat rummaging in the dumpsters. Off’s seen his fair share of stray cats, but this cat looked too healthy to be stray, it was plumped and it even had a tie around its neck. It wasn’t a collar, but it was a red string that was loosely attached around its neck to mimic a collar which means it had to belong to someone.

‘Charms’, as soon as his dad called out to it, the cat lifted it’s head up and recognised him. It meowed loudly, abandoning its previous endeavors and running up to the old man. Off recognised the name and he looked down at the cat.

‘Charms?’, he beamed as soon as he realised why he remembered the name. He bent down to his knees and reached his hand out to stroke it. The cat was wary of him, his tail propped up in alarm at the new smell of a stranger, ‘I don’t think she remembers me’, he commented when he felt her hostility.

‘It’s been years’, his dad commented.

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, ‘Who adopted her anyway?’, he asked, still looking at the red string tied around her neck. He didn’t remember Charms having that red string around her neck before, so he could only assume someone adopted her after he left for London.

‘No one, really’, his dad said, ‘She sort of belongs to everyone in the neighbourhood’

‘Huh’, Off nodded. He could see that, ‘I wonder if Fahsai still works at the animal shelter’

‘Fahsai?’, his dad tilted his head as he tried to remember the name, ‘I think she got married and moved’

‘Oh’, Off nodded again, not surprised that she had moved on. Even someone who said she wanted to stay in her hometown was bound to move out. The world had too much to offer for her sentiment to keep her trapped in here.

‘I never understood why you didn’t ask her out before you left’, his dad added on and Off was surprised by the comment. He didn’t think his dad knew anything about his personal life when he was a teenager.

‘She came to visit our house before your graduation’, his dad explained when he noticed Off’s expression, ‘She wanted to see you one last time’

‘Ah’, Off replied. He didn’t see her during graduation.

‘Which reminds me’, his dad began to rear the topic, ‘Have you got someone back in London?’

‘I did’, Off answered truthfully, ‘But we broke up a long time ago’

‘So, you’re not looking for someone new?’

‘I wanna focus on my job’

‘Fair enough’, his dad nodded. Charms, who felt she had greeted Off’s dad long enough, sauntered back to the garbage to rummage some more, leaving the two men walking in the middle of the night, desperately trying to find something to bond so they could fix their damned relationship. Off didn’t think it would be this damn awkward. He’d thought once they learned each other’s truth, everything else would just slide in easily, but no. They had to do the whole small talk bullshit as if they’d just met for the first time.

‘Tay told me you’re having a high school reunion’, his dad added onto the conversation when he felt the previous was coming to a close. They were both doing their best not to welcome the silence, because once it does, it’ll force them to have the conversation they’re not ready to have yet.

‘I’m not going’

‘Why not?’

‘I never thought high school was memorable enough to go back to’, Off simply replied and it was true. Most of the four years of his life stuck in that institution was a waste of his time. But after Tay kept mentioning it in almost all of their conversations recently, he wondered how many other memories he had that he had just simply forgotten over the six years he spent away. It felt like this reunion was opening the Pandora Box that he vowed he would keep locked forever. He supposed there wasn’t much to dissect. Not a lot of things happened in high school that deserved much attention.

But he kept on remembering Gun. It didn’t seem to faze him at first. Of course, he would remember someone as complicated as him so vividly. Tay was right, he couldn’t stand Gun for the most part. Even though the whole class would probably remember the boy to be angrier at him for getting good grades, he also remembered being angry at the short kid for beating him too. They definitely weren’t good for each other. Gun made him competitive, frustrated, and sometimes manipulative over stuff he usually wouldn’t be. It was because of Gun that got him riled up. Back then, he didn’t know why he would be so riled up whenever Gun argued with him, now, is almost twenty-five years old, he realised his dumbass was head over heels for the short kid and he didn’t know what to do with it, so he rolled with the punches and played along with the rivalry.

Now that Gun was on his mind, he wanted to remember when was the first time he realised that he actually liked the kid. But for the life of him, he couldn’t pinpoint the when. There wasn’t a specific moment in time where he realised his feelings had changed for the kid. It was a clump of a lot of moments, a lot of memories. Maybe it started when he first visited Gun’s home. Maybe it was the time Gun approached him and asked him why he would audition for theatre. Maybe it was when he was at the rooftop with Gun laid down below him. He just remembered a vague cluster of moments and he couldn’t pinpoint which one was the most important one.

Four days before the reunion. He was imagining Gun at twenty-five years old. How would he look like now? Would he have the same haircut? Would he be taller? How taller? Is his hair colour the same or did he dye it? Does he still study or does he have a job now? Is he in a relationship? Has he stayed the same or is he a completely different person? He doesn’t know and he didn’t think he wanted to find out. He decided doesn’t want to. Unlike Arm and Tay, Off’s first love remained in the past.

_First loves are called first for a reason Off. Life is one long journey and you always need a starting point. From then on, there’s only the road ahead of you._


	8. Seven.

**Three Days Before the Reunion.**

Off Jumpol never used to smoke. But during his first semester in college, his friends passed him a cigarette whilst they were waiting for the bus back to their dorms. He was freezing no matter how many layers he wore that night, so he gave in and took a smoke.

It’s not like he’s been a chain smoker ever since. He was never addicted either. He just smoked when he was bored. He lit a cigarette inside his apartment, opening the windows since Tay hated the smell. He leaned on the window sill as he looked out onto the view. He had just come home after he spent the morning with his dad who thankfully didn’t get drunk despite a whole night of clubbing. They parted ways when his dad left for work, Off calling out a taxi to go back to his apartment but not before promising his dad that he’ll visit him for dinner on the weekend.

‘Woah, don’t you have work?’, Tay called, obviously just woken up even though it was the afternoon already. New was already gone he noticed but the lack of the latter’s shoes in the front hall.

‘Day off’, Off replied, blowing out the smoke. He saw his best friend grimace at the action, Tay wasn’t much of a secretive person and his facial expression could always give away his thoughts. Off only chuckled, finishing his cigarette as he watched his best friend make himself a bowl of cereal. Tay didn’t look like he was trying hard to look for a job. Off was also starting to get curious how Tay was paying his half of the rent. He knew that his friend’s parents were rich, but he thought after he finished his studies, maybe his parents would force him to take responsibility for himself.

‘So, Alice called me’, Tay called out to him with his mouth full, milk dribbling out of his lips, ‘She said she’ll pick us up from our place’

‘For what?’

‘For the high school reunion of course’, Tay smiled at him, his goofy smile that Off hated because whenever his best friend smiled at him like that, he knew it meant trouble.

‘I told you, I’m not going’, Off reminded him, blowing out the last smoke which burnt his lungs as he flicked the butt of his cigarette outside the window.

‘Look, I don’t know why you’re so against the reunion’, Tay questioned, ‘But it’s not like people hated you or you were bullied. As far as I can remember, we actually had a good time during high school’

‘I don’t care if we did’, Off sighed, ‘I’ve got work and other things I need to do’

‘Wow’, Tay laughed in disbelief. He set his bowl down and leaned on the kitchen counter as he stared at his best friend, ‘Who’d’ve thought that the one who would grow up like our parents would be Off Jumpol’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’, Off asked him.

‘The three of us would always promise ourselves that even when we’re fifty years old, we wouldn’t act so old and boring’

‘We made that promise when we were fifteen and had no bills or taxes to pay’, Off rolled his eyes. He felt cringe at the thought of his younger years and his reckless ways of thinking. He felt even more sorry that his friend was still stuck in that timeline.

‘Come on Off’, Tay sighed, ‘The old you would’ve easily paid his bills and rent whilst making the most of his life. That’s why everyone loved you. You found a way to do well in class whilst still having fun with the rest of us. You had a good balance’

‘Did I?’, Off muttered, ‘Because spending my nights in a street market studying whilst going home to sleep only for a couple of hours didn’t sound healthy’, he pointed out, ‘Going to class, doing after school shit, plus hanging out because I didn’t wanna go home caused me a lot of fucking pain if I remembered correctly’

Tay immediately tensed at Off’s sudden rise in tone. Unlike Tay’s nostalgia which shaded him from the bad memories he had when he was a teenager, it seemed like all Off remembered were the shit shows of his teen years, which made him more adamant not to attend the damn reunion.

His best friend remembered the times he visited Off in the hospital. He remembered waiting with Arm inside the waiting room, with their phones out of battery. He also remembered a shadow which peeked from the corners of the corridors as if he was hiding.

‘I remembered when you collapsed during practice for a school play’, Tay said, ‘Doctors said lack of sleep and food’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, also remembering spending the night in the hospital with an IV drip beside his bed. His dad paid for a private room so he was all alone and he hated his dad for it. But then he remembered the next morning when his friends were finally allowed to visit him, Arm barged into the room, banging the door and making a dent in the wall whilst Tay screamed at him for worrying them. He remembered eating chicken curry and drinking milk tea, ‘You bought me food’

‘Did I?’, Tay tilted his head in confusion, clearly, he had a different memory from Off.

‘You bought me chicken curry, remember? It was my favourite’, Off reminded him, ‘You hated the colour cos it as green’

‘Oh, that’, Tay clapped his hands. ‘I didn’t buy that’

‘Huh?’, now it was Off’s turn to tilt his head in confusion, his brows furrowed, ‘Then did Arm buy it?’

‘No, that short kid did’, Tay replied and Off froze, ‘He was the one you fell on when you collapsed during rehearsals’

‘Gun’

‘Ah that one’, Tay clapped his hands, ‘I keep on forgetting his name’

Gun bought him the food? That must’ve meant… He visited him in the hospital. But he didn’t remember meeting him, nor did he remember his dad telling him that Gun visited when he was asleep. He must’ve just gone in and handed Tay the food and left.

Gun really visited him.

* * *

**Five Months into Senior Year**

Gun didn’t visit Off during his suspension after the first time, but on the last day of Off’s suspension, he saw a text message from New, asking for his permission to pass his number to Gun who’d been asking him. He told him whatever and didn’t think much of it as he continued to study inside Mrs Pho’s little shop. Mrs Pho set the fan in front of him due to the afternoon heat which felt like the room was an oven. The fan rotated back to him, making his books flutter from the wind, his eyes focusing on the highlighted text.

He suddenly felt a vibration in his pocket and he pulled out his phone to read a message from an unknown number.

**_Hey, it’s Gun._ **

He left him on read and went back to his studies. Arm sent him yesterday’s homework and notes and he felt like he missed an entire week even though it’s only been two days. He felt his phone vibrate again.

**_Could you please reply?_ **

**_I need to ask for a favour._ **

Off wanted to ignore his messages again, but knowing Gun, he was probably going to spam his messages to annoy the shit out of him. He gave in and replied, waiting for Gun to explain his dilemma.

**_Off: What to do you want?_ **

**_Unknown: Could you help me run my lines?_ **

Off furrowed his brow at the favour. Did Gun just ask him to spend more time with him? Was that even possible? Or was a group rehearsal? If it was, then why would he join? He’s only the bassist, he didn’t have any lines.

**_I’m busy studying._ **

It’s all he replied before he turned off his phone and continued studying. The sun was about to set and he saw the orange hues brighten the skies in the last hours of the day, the hustling outside beginning to become louder as the sellers prepare for a full night of work.

He wanted to finish his last assignment so he could help Mrs Pho with her stall but he heard the door creak open and he looked up to see who walked in. He immediately sighed in frustration and slouched on his chair when the short kid approached him.

‘I told you I was busy’, Off didn’t even greet Gun when he brought a chair over to sit next to him. Gun looked down on his notebook, barely reading his unreadable writing.

‘I just need you to help me with one scene’

‘Seems like you traveled a long way just to practice one scene’, Off pointed out, but Gun ignored him. He set his script down on the table and Off already noticed all of Gun’s lines highlighted in bright neon pink. It burnt his eyes just skimming through it. He wondered how Gun would read his lines.

‘Just practice with me’, Gun ordered him and Off just didn’t get it. He didn’t get why Gun was arguing to spend more time with him when before, they would avoid each other like the plague just so they don’t end up fighting.

Off rolled his eyes and gave in anyway. He grabbed Gun’s script and looked at the scene. This was when Danny tried to apologize to Sandy after the bonfire night. He didn’t know why Gun needed to worry about his lines, if he was being honest, Off thought he should’ve worried more about the songs since it was harder to sing live than recite a few lines.

‘Well, about that night at the bonfire. The way I acted, that was terrible. It wasn’t me… I mean it was me… But it wasn’t me…’, Gun looked down at the script, stuttering the line. Off watched his read it again, mouthing the lines again and again with his eyes closed. He thought about the day he almost got in trouble in English when he stopped listening to the teacher. He didn’t think much of it, but he saw Gun’s head slightly nodding forward and he realised the boy was slowly going to sleep. He chuckled a little, watching Gun fight his drowsiness in the middle of the afternoon, his head swayed back and forth. Gun slowly gave in and rested his head on the wall beside his desk and he couldn’t help but laugh. The teacher heard him and forced him to sit at the front of the class for the remainder of the lesson.

He found himself watching Gun again. Why would Gun visit him again? He asked himself as Gun reread his lines, waiting for him to say the next one. He quickly read the line monotonously, which made Gun glare at him, but the short kid continued the scene, reading his dialogue. Off wondered if Gun visited him because he wanted to, or maybe the short kid missed him. He internally chuckled at the thought. Why did he even want that to be the case? Why would he want to think that Gun Attaphan might miss him when he’s not around?

‘Off, say the next line’, he heard Gun’s voice and he’s brought back to reality. He coughed and look down at the script, quickly reading the line. _Shit._ What the fuck was he doing daydreaming in front of Gun? Maybe Off hasn’t been getting a lot of sleep.

‘Hey, boys, do you mind helping me out here for a minute?’, they heard Mrs Pho calling out to them. They stopped reading and went over to her stall. Once he stepped outside the shop, they saw Cherry sitting on the table with an ice cream in her hand. She grinned instantly when she saw Off, waving her small hands excitedly.

‘Hey Cherry’, Off beamed at her. He ruffled her hair and made a face which made her giggle.

‘Your boy’s back’, she gleamed, pointing at Gun who was standing behind him and lifting up a cart of extra ingredient. Gun almost dropped the box when Cherry shouted at him.

‘Woah, my boy?’, Off hid his surprise with a chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. He didn’t dare turn back to look at Gun’s reaction.

‘P’Pik said he was your boy’, she replied innocently, not knowing just how awkward it was starting to get.

‘Well, you can tell P’Pik not to tell you lies’

‘But he wasn’t the only one who calls him your boy’, Cherry tiled her head and dropped her smile when Off sounded a little thrown off at her statement, ‘Even mummy said he was your boy’

Off heard Mrs Pho giggle behind him and he turned to glare at her. Her eyes showed that she knew about this. He realised they must’ve been talking about them behind his back. But Gun had only made a total visit of five or maybe seven times. They’re so dramatic sometimes.

‘Well, he’s not my boy’, Off told Cherry, ruffling her hair again, ‘His name is Gun’

‘Hello Gun!’, she finally greeted the boy, ‘Did you come back to visit P’Off again?’, she asked and truth be told, no one replied. Off couldn’t even reply that Gun doesn’t come here just to visit him, because the times he did come was purely because of Off. Gun himself didn’t have enough time to think of a lie so he just stood and awkwardly tugged at the thread on his jeans.

‘I… I didn’t come here to visit Off’, he ended up stuttering out.

‘So, why’re you in Mrs Pho’s shop?’, she daringly asked. Children have no filter, and Gun found that out the hard way as Off turned to stare at him, as if waiting for his answer as well. He looked at Cherry who looked as smug as ever.

‘I like her milk tea’, Gun blurted out.

‘Have you ever tried her drinks?’, Off asked, laughing when he saw Gun’s cheeks turn red.

‘You should offer your boy Mrs Pho’s pink milk tea!’, Cherry suggested as she finished her ice cream, ‘She makes the best!’

‘She does’, Off agreed, ‘Mrs Pho! Can you give Gun a pink milk tea please!’

‘Oh, of course, darling’, Mrs Pho comes back to the front, a towel resting on her shoulder as she takes off her gloves from washing the taro root.

‘I’m surprised you haven’t offered him one yet’, Off joked with her, ‘He’s been here so often’

‘Darling, it’s your job to take care of your boy, not me’, Mrs Pho joked back which made Off glare at her, Cherry laughing as she screamed ‘I told you so’ to him.

‘I’m gonna go back inside’, Gun coughed out, rushing in and disappearing. Off turned back to Cherry and pretended to hit her.

Gun on the other hand, rested his back on the cold cement wall. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, fanning his cheeks from the heat which built up.

‘You better stop calling him my boy’, he heard Off talking to Cherry.

‘Why? Don’t you like it?’

‘I’ll steal your chocolate milk if you ask me that again’

‘That means you like it!’, Cherry giggled. Gun walked back to his chair and laid his head on the wooden table.

_Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking._

* * *

**Junior Year**

**Gun Attaphan Phunsawat 95.6%**

**Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn 94%**

‘Gun Attaphan’, Off gritted his teeth when he read the name above him. He felt irritated. It’s been three tests in a row that he’s placed second and he wanted to throw a chair.

‘Dude, how the fuck did you get 94%? I only got 83%’, Tay, on the other hand, was impressed at his best friend’s score as he spotted his name barely in the top twenty. Arm didn’t even bother to check his name. This was Physics, he knew he was gonna flunk it.

‘He beat me in math last time’, Off whined, he wanted to rip the paper off the board and throw it away. He ended up messing up last semester by cutting too many classes, which brought down his grades by 10%, so if he wanted to bring it back up, he needed to score first place in six tests by the end of the year. So far, he placed second in all current three and he couldn’t be more annoyed.

‘Look, Gun’s smart at this type of shit’, Tay pointed out, ‘You can’t beat him at his own thing’

Off didn’t want to hear it. Their next exam was Biology and if he placed second again, then there’s no hope for him. As much as he looked like he didn’t care about his studies, he also didn’t wanna go home with his dad looking through his report card and noticing that his grades automatically got brought down because of his incompetence.

‘I’m not failing this year’

‘Dude, calm down’, Tay laughed, clearly not taking it as seriously as Off, ‘You got perfect scores last semester. Your overall average was 95%’

‘They dock it down by 10%’, Off pointed out, stomping into the canteen, ‘It means my average for last semester is 85.5%, which means I place 11th’

‘So?’

‘I’m not even gonna be in the top ten’

‘I’m not’, Tay pointed out, ‘I think I’ll end this year in 18th place’

‘Tay, you know I love you’, Off patted his best friend’s shoulder, ‘But I’m not letting my grades stoop that low’

‘Ouch’, Tay glared at him, ‘You do realise the top twenty is still pretty good’

‘For you’, Off chuckled under his breath. He grabbed a tray as they passed through the cafeteria, being handed their meals one by one. Arm was already waiting for them at their usual table, playing with his phone as they walked over to him. Off set the tray down and he was about to sit down when he saw Gun sitting on the other side of the canteen with his friends. He was laughing at something Alice had said.

‘Off, what are you doing? Sit down’, Arm told him when he noticed the boy was still standing up.

‘Give me a second’, Off said to him as he left his tray and friends. Arm and Tay watched where Off was going and they immediately groaned.

‘Not again’, they both sigh simultaneously, getting up and following Off.

‘Hey shortie’, Off called out. He leaned his hands on the table and the whole crowd looked up. Gun’s smile faded as soon as he walked over.

‘What do you want?’, the short kid asked him.

‘Just needed to ask you if you cheated on our Physics test’, the whole table tensed up and awkwardly looked at Off. It’s been a couple of months since Gun accused him of cheating last semester, but the mention of it still made things awkward, especially after seeing them fight in the canteen.

‘I would never cheat’, Gun respond, clutching at his spoon, ‘And you should drop it. You’re starting to sound petty’

‘Me?’, Off chuckled, ‘I’m starting to sound petty?’, he pointed at himself as he continued to laugh, ‘Said the one who couldn’t bear to think someone was better at him, so he accused them of cheating and nearly got me excluded’

‘If you actually look like you give a damn about studying, maybe people wouldn’t accuse you’

‘No, people didn’t accuse me, _you_ did’, he emphasised as he pointed his finger and pushed Gun’s chest, ‘Now, I’m gonna ask you, how did you get a 95.7% on the Physics test’

‘Because I’m good at it’

‘Very funny’, Off faked a smile, but he leaned down so that he’s only facing Gun, eyes glaring, ‘But seriously. What’s your deal?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’

Off was about to taunt him more when he felt Arm grabbing his wrist and pulling him away.

‘I’m sorry about him’, Arm said, ‘He’s been stressed lately. He’s been trying to get his grades up after last semester’, he quickly smiled at Alice and hoped she didn’t find them a nuisance as they dragged back their friend to their seat. Off rolled his eyes and let Tay and Arm pull him back.

‘Did Off really get in trouble for ditching class?’, he heard one of Gun’s friends ask.

‘I told you not to tell Principal Panhan’, he then heard Alice’s voice and he stopped in his tracks.

‘The school should punish those who ditch class, otherwise they’re letting the students do whatever they want without consequences’, the moment Off heard that it was Gun’s voice who replied to Alice, he immediately pieced everything together and he help his blood boil in anger. He tugged his arm off his friends as he stomped back to the table. This time he banged his fist on the table, making it shake as he slides Gun’s tray off the table. The loud bang of the tray dropping to the ground forced everyone to stare at them.

‘You were the one who snitched on me?’, Off growled. Gun didn’t say anything and it was enough of an answer. He grabbed Gun’s collar and forced him to stand, ‘You fucking snitch’

‘P’Off, please don’t’, Alice stood up as soon as she saw Gun struggle. She tried to pull Off’s hands on him, but the boy was surprising strong despite his slim figure, ‘P’Off…’

‘What the fuck have you got against me?’, Off spat at the short kid, ‘I have done absolutely fucking nothing to you, but here you are trying to ruin my life’

‘You shouldn’t be ditching class’, Gun managed to spit back out at Off, kicking the latter’s leg in an attempt to get Off away from him.

‘Tay and Arm were with me!’, Off shouted, ‘Yet you only reported me! Are you trying to make it obvious that you have some weird vendetta against me?!’

‘Off, come on’, Arm ran back to him, ‘Don’t let the Principal punish you some more’, Off didn’t want to listen to Arm, but he knew his best friend was right. If a teacher comes in now, it’s going to look bad. So, he let go of Gun, but not without pushing him down to the ground. He watched Alice and New run to Gun’s defense as they helped him up.

‘What’s going on here?’, a teacher finally walked in and dispersed the crowd. She clapped her hands and ordered everyone to go back to their tables and finish their lunch. She looked at Off and Gun and immediately sighed, ‘Did you guys fight again?’

‘No’, Gun replied, which surprised everyone, ‘I just fell’

‘Is that so?’, the teacher asked again. She wanted Gun to tell the truth, but everyone in the crowd knew that if he did, Off would be sent to the Principal’s office.

‘Yeah’, Gun lied, ‘Everything’s fine’

* * *

‘It’s late’, Off commented when they walked out of Mrs Pho’s shop and noticed the dark skies. It was flooded with artificial lights from each stall, but it wasn’t as busy as it normally was. It was the middle of the week and people had work, so it was less likely for them to spend the night at the night market.

‘It’s okay’, Gun pointed out, ‘My mum’s probably jumping for joy at the thought of me going out’

‘She’s gonna be really disappointed when she finds out you’ve been helping me study’, Off laughed. They spent the rest of the evening finishing up Off’s homework after they ended the practice. Gun didn’t seem like he was going to leave, so Off offered him to help with his homework and it looked like someone offered Gun money by the looks of how excited his face got.

‘Well, she doesn’t need to know that bit’, Gun snickered. They stand awkwardly at the front of the shop and Off was waiting for Gun to finally leave. But then he looked at the end of the market and found darkness engulfing the empty streets and he found it uncomfortable letting Gun walk alone.

‘I’ll drop you off’, he suggested and he didn’t even give Gun a chance to reply as he began to walk to the end of the market.

‘You don’t have to’, Gun pointed out as he jogged after Off, but the latter continued walking.

‘It’s fine’, Off shrugged, ‘It’s too dark to be walking on your own anyway’

‘How about you?’, Gun asked, ‘How will you get home? Your neighborhood is on the other side of town’

‘I sleep at Mrs Pho’s’, Off mentioned.

‘You don’t go home?’

‘My parents and I aren’t in the best of terms’, Off explained, his voice was loud when they passed through an empty road, juxtaposing the loud market, ‘They weren’t too happy that I got suspended’

‘Did they know why?’

‘They don’t need to’, Off said, and they walked side by side in silence. Off recognised the streets and he realised that Gun lived closer to the market than he did.

‘So, do you usually spend all night with Mrs Pho to study and go back home to sleep for a bit?’, Gun asked and Off nodded. The short boy was surprised. He calculated the time Off spent at school, plus after school activities along with his night schedules and found out that Off would only sleep for three hours at best every weekday, ‘Are you getting enough sleep?’

‘I’m fine’, Off replied, ‘I’ve been doing this for years’, they turned a corner and Off recognised it as Gun’s neighborhood. They walked in silence and they stopped once they were in front of Gun’s house. The upstairs light was still on, signaling that Gun’s mum hadn’t slept yet.

‘Are you gonna be okay walking alone?’, Gun asked. Off looked back at the empty streets and nodded. He wasn’t scared of walking alone in the middle of the night, he’s done it too many times to be scared. The most that could happen would be passing by a drunkard and that barely happens in residential areas anyway.

‘I’ll see you at school tomorrow’, Off said, finally parting with Gun. He walked away before Gun even opened his front door. His mind was getting confused. He couldn’t lie to himself. He wanted to drop Gun off because he was worried and he pondered at the thought. Why was he worried about Gun? Why was he worried about someone who he didn’t get along with and continuously tried to make his life a living hell? It was starting to become a challenge for him to try an unravel Gun Attaphan.

He turned a corner and walked back towards the market. He felt his phone vibrating inside his pocket.

**_Unknown Number._ **

‘Hello?’, he answered the phone.

‘Hi’, he heard Gun’s voice from the other end. His eyebrows furrowed as he brought down his phone to look at the number. He hadn’t saved it yet, but it was definitely Gun’s number.

‘What is it?’, he asked, wondering why Gun would call him. Maybe the latter forgot something in the shop and needed Off to pick it up.

‘It’ll be safer for you if you’re on the phone’, is what Gun said, ‘An attacker is less likely to target you if you’re talking to someone’

Off’s only response is to laugh. His laugh echoed back to him, loud and piercing the empty streets.

‘You’re calling me cos you’re worried?’

‘I’m not worried’, Gun argued.

‘For someone who told me to die, I’d say you’re worried’

‘I never told you to die’

‘Junior Year Gun’, Off laughed. He stopped walking and leaned on the brick wall. He stood beside a lamp post which illuminated his surroundings, ‘I placed first in Biology, remember?’

‘No, I don’t’, Gun replied, but they both knew that he remembered. It was the shock of the century when Off finally beat Gun and placed first. Off couldn’t help but laugh at remembering Gun storming to his desk during homeroom period shouting profanities that he didn’t know the short kid was capable of saying.

‘Is that why you visited me today as well?’, Off asked teasingly, ‘Because you’re worried about me?’

‘Don’t make me hang up on you’

‘You’re the one who called me’

‘If I hang up, you’ll have a higher chance of being attacked’, Gun reminded him, but it only made him laugh, ‘I’m doing you a favour’

‘Sure, you are’, Off rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t annoyed. He was entertained. He found that Gun didn’t annoy him as much as he did last year. He walked back to the market with Gun still on the other side of the phone. He didn’t even remember what they talked about, school, life, shitty TV shows, pretty much anything they could talk about so that they couldn’t hang up.

* * *

Off’s return to school was met with claps. He was practically frozen when he opened the door and his whole class shouted his name and clapped for him.

‘What the fuck did I do?’, he asked to which Tay ran over and squeezed him into a bear hug.

‘Pete got excluded!’, his friends shouted before he could even close the door, ‘They found more texts from his phone about him being homophobic and they excluded him!’

‘Damn’, Off didn’t really know what to say. It’s been three days yet it felt like a whole year had passed with how many of his classmate was talking to him and filling him up with everything he missed. Arm dragged him to the back of the class where their seats were.

Gun looked up from his book and watched Off being crowded around by their classmates. He felt awkward as he watched him walk past his desk. It’ll feel out of place for him to approach him, so he didn’t say anything. Instead, he kept to himself and continued reading his book whilst waiting for the bell to ring. He was distracted, he ended up reading the same line over and over again as he listened in on Tay and Arm’s conversation, talking about the latest news and who’s dating who to Off.

‘I heard Mild’s single’, Arm pointed out, playfully shaking Off’s shoulders, ‘I also heard she really likes you’

‘You can’t honestly think the prettiest girl in our year likes me’, Off scoffed, but his voice was playful as if welcoming the thought of asking out Mild. Gun carried on reading and stopped listening to the conversation.

* * *

Turns out Tay and Arm weren’t lying when they said Mild might have a thing for Off. A lot of girls in school have admitted to having a crush on Off, but only a handful had the courage to confess. Not because Off was a brutal person who rejected their confession, in fact, it was the opposite. All the girls who confessed to Off ended up going on at least one date with him since the boy didn’t know how to say no. The only problem was his reputation. By Senior year, everyone knew that the oldest person in their year group already lost his virginity over the Summer, and even then, they still heard that he would fuck around without even having a girlfriend. It made girls nervous that he was only after them for sex, it also made them nervous that he was more experienced at it than they were.

At this point, the only girls whoever approached him were the ones who were only after sex. Everyone else was too intimidated. The last girl who tried to have a relationship with Off was May and she was turned down rather quickly a few months ago.

Off didn’t mind it. He was too young to be wanting a serious relationship anyway, so a few dates with girls were great for him.

‘Hey’, he turned around and saw Mild approaching them. They had free period again, so they were forced to tend the school’s community garden again. Arm and Alice used this time to spend time together, watering plants on the other side. Tay and New also used this time to be all loved up and Off didn’t wanna know what they were doing inside the shed, so he left them pretty early. This left him tending the vegetable patch by himself, the hot sun burning his skin and making him sweat. He knelt down on the dirt, getting his trousers dirty and he was surprised Mild joined in with him.

She was envied by other girls in their year group for being the prettiest and Off automatically associated her as the girl who hated gardening and dirt. But Mild quickly proved him wrong when she put on a pair of garden gloves and started helping him dig.

‘How’re you?’, Off asked. Despite knowing each other since freshman year and even sharing a few classes together, they’ve never held a proper conversation.

‘I’m good’, she smiled at him. Off had to admit, she was definitely beautiful. Her long hair was tied in a ponytail, but a few strands escaped and fell on the side of her face, ‘You know, I’m impressed at what you did’, she mentioned and Off shrugged. It seemed like the whole school was grateful that Pete was expelled.

‘He was a dick’

‘He sure was’, she laughed, ‘You’re the only person who stood up to him’

‘I’m the only person crazy enough to do it’, Off joked.

‘You know, I thought you were just annoying’, Mild confessed as they carried on planting tomato seed on their newly dug soil, ‘You’re always with Gun and if you’re not fighting, you’re spreading rumours about each other’

‘Well, the rivalry’s gone on since sophomore. We’re riding it out till graduation’, Off said, although he was starting to disagree with himself over the past couple of weeks.

‘Haha, yeah, we all know about the rivalry’, Mild continued to laugh, ‘That’s why I never bothered to talk to you. I just thought you were like that with everyone. Sorry’

‘Don’t apologise’, Off gave her a knowing look, ‘I know I’m annoying’, Off couldn’t help but feel comfortable with her, not in a way that he wanted to impress her or get her to sleep with, but there were genuine conversations between them.

* * *

Gun couldn’t find Alice nor Arm anywhere, so he opted to stay with Jane and her friends during free period seeing as they have rehearsals afterward, so it would be convenient. They didn’t want to spend time outside since it was the middle of the afternoon and the heat was beginning to be intense. They decided to stay in the shade clearing out the path from fallen leaves.

‘Did you hear?’, Noon, one of Jane’s friends began to talk. The girls were already crowded around her whereas Gun was still sweeping the paths. He held a broom on one hand and a plastic bag on the other to scrape the leaves into. He didn’t like gossiping so he didn’t even bother to look interested in their conversation.

‘Mild said she was going to confess to Off’

‘Really?’, the girls gasps, ‘Why all of a sudden? She didn’t like him before’

‘I have no idea. Maybe she’s always had a thing for him but she never told anyone’, Noon pointed out and the rest of the girls started to discuss Mild and Off. Gun shared the same art class as her and all he knew of her was that she was talented at sculpture. They didn’t share the same friendship group and they have different homerooms, so he didn’t even know her until people started talking. He wondered if Off likes her back but he scoffed at himself for thinking. Of course, someone like Off would be attracted by Mild. She was beautiful and he heard she was also nice, which was rare to see. He thought to himself for a moment. Does he also find her attractive? He wasn’t blind, he knew she was pretty but was he also attracted to her the same way Off might be? He found it interesting when his mind suddenly said no. Interesting is an understatement. He found it downright scary.

Of course, him not being attracted to Mild doesn’t mean anything. It could mean maybe he has a type and he just needed to find it. He nodded to himself and continued working. He past the end of the path and away from the girls. Right now, he was by himself, clearing the paths of leaves when he suddenly heard laughter. He looked up and squinted his eyes. From a distance, he saw Off and Mild laughing together. They were both knelt down on the dirt, Mild’s cheeks stained with soil and Off laughing as he told her a joke. He stopped what he was doing. He watched as Off reached his hand out to wipe Mild’s cheeks and seeing her blush at the action.

He looked down on his watch and checked the time. He still had twenty minutes left until rehearsals started, but he got a move on, walking back to the shed to put away his broom.

‘Hey Gun, where are you going?’, Jane asked when she noticed Gun walking back.

‘I’m finishing early. I’ll be at my lockers’, Gun called out to her, separating from Jane and her friends as he went back into the school building.

* * *

Gun hadn’t visited the night market for two weeks. Off didn’t pay much attention at first, but he would sometimes check his phone just in case he saw a message from the short kid. He’d rather jump off a cliff than admit he was waiting for a text.

He feels his phone vibrate and he immediately checked it to see if it was Gun. His smile faltered when he saw Fahsai’s name. But, before he ignored it, he noticed she attached a picture. He opened the message and saw Gun hugging Charms as he knelt beside her cage.

**_Fahsai: Your friend seems to love Charms_ **

He couldn’t believe Gun still volunteered at the animal shelter. He thought the short kid was only going to volunteer for a couple of weeks, but it’s already been a few months and he still found time to visit over the weekends. He found himself smiling at the photo.

Mrs Pho walked in, fanning herself from the heat and getting a cold drink from the fridge. She looked down on his phone to see what Off was smiling about and she couldn’t help but grin.

‘Your boy hasn’t been visiting often’, she interrupted his train of thoughts. Off quickly locked his phone and put it back in his pockets.

‘Stop calling him that. His name is Gun’, Of managed to say between his coughs. He tried to go back to work, but he felt Mrs Pho’s stare, ‘What is it?’, he asked when he found that she wouldn’t stop staring at him.

‘I know we’re all joking dear but if ever you feel like you and Gun are…’

‘Are what?’

‘Well, all I’m saying is, it’s okay to have feelings for another boy’, she pointed out and Off almost choked. He started laughing at her, but he stopped when she gave him a serious look. She was never usually serious with Off, but during the times that she was, she could be scary.

‘I know it’s okay’, Off nodded, ‘I’ve had crushes for other boys before’

‘Really?’, she asked, somewhat surprised, ‘Why haven’t you told me?’

‘I just didn’t feel the need to’, Off shrugged, ‘Plus, it’s not like I’m gonna ask a guy out one day’

‘Why not?’

‘Mrs Pho, I need to focus on my studies’, he used the same excuse as he always does when Mrs Pho asked him why he wasn’t in a relationship and he laughed when she rolled her eyes at the usual response.

‘Well, I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but Gun is a sweet boy’, Mrs Pho commented, ‘I think he might be good for you’

‘Trust me, he’s not’, Off snorted, ‘We almost killed each other last year’

‘Good, then you know what being married is like’, Mrs Pho joked, laughing as she sat down beside the boy, ‘When my dear Book was still alive, we would always have arguments. Sometimes our arguments lasted for a week. We should just shout at each other’

‘How did you make up then?’, Off asked.

‘We cared too much about each other to stay angry’, Mrs Pho said, ‘I got sick one day. We slept in separate rooms, but whilst I was asleep, I felt something warm on my forehead. I noticed that he was taking care of me and helping me change out of my sweaty clothes’

Off smiled at the thought. He never got to meet Mrs Pho’s late husband, but he could feel his love for her even now.

‘Do you miss him?’, he asked. Mrs Pho smiled but she shook her head.

‘We lived with no regrets’, she smiled, ‘We married when we were seventeen and we were together ever since. You only miss someone when you regret’, she patted his hair and stood up to go back to work. Off didn’t say anything else and just watched her walk away. It was surprising that she didn’t question his sudden confession of his attraction with other boys. He loved Mrs Pho, but even he knew she came from a different time. He expected a questioning look or maybe even a disgusted one. The fact that she was the one who told him it was okay was even more of a shock.

He relaxed a little. He didn’t think he was holding it in, but now that one person knew apart from him, and that person was Mrs Pho, he could definitely feel a little bit freer.

* * *

**Three Days Before the Reunion.**

Arm walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. His hair was still damp and he laughed when Alice told him off.

‘You’re going to get sick if you don’t dry it properly’, she told him off as she grabbed a spare towel from the drawer. She walked over and stretched her arm out, drying her fiancé’s hair. Arm sat down at the end of their bed. He unknowingly looked ahead at one of the pictures hanging on the wall. It was their graduation picture.

He had his arms wrapped around Off and Tay, their gown hitting the grass and the sun shining behind them. Off’s hair was a mess and Tay’s eyes were closed when the picture was taken. Alice was nowhere in sight.

‘If I could go back in time, I’d have apologised before graduation’, Arm suddenly pointed out. Alice wondered where the random statement came from and she turned around to look at what Arm’s looking at. She sighed as she looked at their graduation picture. They weren’t together during graduation. In fact, there was another picture hanging beside it, one with Alice, New, Mild, and Gun. They had the widest grins on their faces.

‘Gun told me everything’, Alice reminded him, ‘I forgave you way before then’

‘Maybe we should recreate our graduation picture?’, Arm suggested, not feeling satisfied at the two separate photos hanging side by side.

‘I like it how it is now’, Alice smiled. She finished drying Arm’s hair and she sat next to him afterward. With the towel still in her hand, she leaned her head against his shoulders, ‘It reminds us just how far we’ve come’

‘I still kinda hate Gun for it’, Arm admitted and it made Alice laugh. Arm wasn’t the type to hold grudges, even now he could easily forgive people. Fuck, he forgave Off for fucking off and disappearing for almost six years without so much as keeping in touch with him.

‘He does things for a reason’

‘He never told you why he did it?’, he asked. When Gun spoke to him that night, asking for his forgiveness, Arm would’ve easily given it if he just explained why he did what he did, but all Gun gave him was silence. It wasn’t until Alice spoke to him at the after-party after graduation did, they manage to fix things and try again.

‘No, he never told me’, Alice said. Arm wondered why Gun didn’t tell Alice. He understood Gun not telling him since they were never that close, but Alice was his friend. Why would he do something like that to Alice? And why would Alice forgive him easily if she didn’t know his intentions?

‘Have you heard from him by the way?’, he asked, curious about the whereabouts of the short kid. Just like Off, it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth as soon as high school was over, ‘The last time he called me was six months ago’

‘He’s busy with work’, Alice explained, ‘I’m sure he’ll call us soon’

‘How do you know?’

‘He always does’, Alice reminded him, ‘Every year he gives us a call and he’ll ask the same question. This time, our answer will be different’, she smiled at the last sentence. She wrapped her arms around her fiancé as they turned off the lights and ended the day in each other’s arms.


	9. Eight.

**Two Days Before the Reunion.**

Off felt something heavy on his chest when he woke up. The loud noise of his alarm blared, forcing his eyes to flutter to open. He heard himself mumble, his voice hoarse and croaking from drowsiness as he tried to wake himself up. He had work and he needed to take a shower, but he felt the heavy thing on his chest slowly wrap itself around him like a vine. He turned his face to look at his best friend sleeping on his bed with him, his arms hugging him tightly as if he was a fucking teddy bear.

‘Tay, get off me’, he whined. He kicked his leg in an attempt to get him off, but the bastard just hugged him tighter. He felt awkward. He’s never slept in a bed with someone else unless they were fucking. He didn’t know why his best friend found it normal to sleep with him, even having the courage to wrap him arms around him. He blamed New Thitipoom for this nonsense. His best friend used to be similar to him – they both hated physical contact – Tay wasn’t as bad as Off who literally couldn’t hold anyone’s hands, but the former didn’t like the idea of hugging or sharing the same bed with anyone. It wasn’t until New infiltrated and changed his best friend, ‘Tay, if you don’t get off me, I’ll kick your dick off’, he threatened him, looking down at his phone and checking the time.

‘Five more minutes’, he heard his best friend mumble. Off didn’t have five more minutes, so he punched Tay’s stomach, which earned the latter a painful groan as he uncurled himself from Off.

‘Fuck you’, Off heard his best friend call out to him, but he paid no attention to him. He simply grabbed his towel and rushed to his en suite. He had a meeting today and he had to go to work an hour early than his usual timing, so he needed to take a cold shower to wake himself up.

* * *

Breakfast was lonely. Tay was still sleeping which was to be expected. For someone unemployed, he didn’t need to wake up at five o’clock in the morning eating cereal and watching the sun peeking out from the skyline. He looked down at his watch and timed his breakfast, feeling relaxed since it was too early to be stuck in rush hour.

Off had just left his dishes in the sink when he heard a knock on their door. He furrowed his brows and turned to look at the door as if it was going to ask his question: _who the fuck was at the door at this time?_

He rushed to grab his briefcase, walking over to open the door. To his shock, it was New.

‘New? What are you doing here so early?’, he asked. Even New looked like he didn’t wanna be here. His eyes were droopy, cheeks red and hair tousled as if he’d just woken up. And judging by the pajamas he’s wearing, it seemed as though he was. Off sighed and leaned at the doorframe, not letting New in.

‘Is Tay still asleep?’, he asked, soon after, he yawned, sighing as he closed his eyes, his body swaying back and forth as if attempting to keep balance whilst he dozed off.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘He said you had an early morning’, New explained, yawning again, ‘I have a late start, so I thought I could come in and…’

‘Jesus Christ’, Off rolled his eyes when he figured out what New was up to, ‘Just move in already’, he complained, grabbing his keys and allowing space between him and the door for New to slip in.

‘Thanks, Off’, New whispered to him as he slipped inside, taking off his slippers and making his way towards the corridor.

‘He’s in my room by the way’, he called out to him before closing the door behind him. Rushing back and forth from one apartment, it must be a pain for them, but Off felt no sympathy. He had told them time and time again just to move in together and fuck the rest of the world. It was their own damn fault that they were racing from one apartment to the next just so they can sleep together. He didn’t have enough time to ponder over his best friend’s sad excuse for a relationship. He went to his car and began to drive to work, already getting a phone call from his manager.

‘Yes, I’m on my way’

* * *

**Five Months Before Graduation.**

Off jumped when he heard the tray slam next to his. He looked up to find Tay glaring down at his food as he joined them for lunch. It seemed off for Tay to be alone during lunch. The bastard was always tied with New nowadays.

‘Where’s New?’, Arm and Off simultaneously asked, which seemed to set off the latter as he stabbed the piece of chicken on his tray.

‘Lover’s quarrel?’, Arm asked, being the mature one out of the two, asking Tay what was wrong. Off, on the other, couldn’t care less, as he stole a piece of chicken from Tay’s tray when the latter wasn’t looking.

‘He’s being so dramatic’, Tay whined as he slammed his head on the table to which Arm offered him a carton of chocolate milk as if to tame a tantrum child.

‘What happened?’

‘I was only asking him which colleges he’s thinking of going’

‘Why?’, Off finally joined in the conversation, speaking with his mouthful.

‘I may have suggested that I wanted to apply to the same college as him’, Tay’s answer was met with groans from both his best friends.

‘You scared him off’, Off replied, ‘You’re the one being dramatic’

‘How am I being dramatic?’, Tay questioned, looking at his best friend who just stared blankly at him.

‘We still a couple of months left before finals and a whole ass summer. You’re starting to sound like a stalker’, Off snorted at the last comment, which earned him a hit on the head from Tay.

‘He may have a point’, Arm agreed, ‘I wouldn’t go and tell Alice that I’m planning to follow her to college… That’s weird’

‘I hate long-distance relationships’, Tay pointed out and Off and Arm had to listen to him rant on about the disadvantages of being in a long-distance relationship and the statistics of success – which is only 23% according to his research – to which both Arm and Off groaned at his overdramatic ass. At eighteen, Tay acted like he’s about to lose his will to live if he finds out New was going to a different college.

‘Tay, get the fuck over it’, Off chewed on the last piece of his chicken, stealing a spoonful of rice from Arm’s tray, ‘The success rate of being with your high school boyfriend is lower in the grand scheme of things’, he added on and this just made things worse. Tay whined and thudded his head back on the desk, mumbling profanities about destiny and success rates.

‘Well done Off Jumpol’, Arm sighed, ‘You just broke him’

Off shrugged, still not giving a fuck.

‘Hey, can I sit here?’, their conversation was interrupted when they spot Mild standing beside their table with her own tray of food.

‘Yeah, sure’, Off nodded nonchalantly, unaware of the rumors which have surfaced recently. It’s been well known already that Mild had started to gain interest with Off, but it was also starting to be noticed that she was getting braver, switching seats so she can sit next to him, following him to the canteen and joining him and his friends. If she had enough power, she would’ve asked the Principal to switch her to the same homeroom as him. Everyone knew what this was leading up to – probably all except Off.

‘Hey, do you want this?’, he asked, sliding his drink to her. She blushed and immediately accepted it. Arm gave him a questioning look. Off cannot be dumb enough to not know what he was doing, right? But why did it also look like he had no interest in Mild in the way he would usually take interest when a girl approached him, ‘I have rehearsals, so I’ll be going’, he said. He wiped his mouth with the ends of his sleeves, leaving a stain as he gets up with his tray and walks out of the canteen.

‘Hey’, as soon as Off left, Alice joined in, setting her tray down and kissing Arm’s cheeks, ‘What’s up with him?’, she asked her boyfriend when she saw Tay hitting his head on the table again.

‘Ask you friend’, Arm sighed, wondering how he was stuck with the two idiots as his best friends. He led Alice’s hand under the desk and thanked the gods above that at least he had a normal girlfriend.

* * *

Gun had just left the library on his way to rehearsals. He spent most of his lunch back in the library revising before rehearsals. Finals were slowly approaching and he wanted to be prepared. He stopped spending time with his friends again and he found himself cutting his volunteer time to only one alternating weekend, which was upsetting since he missed playing with the dogs.

He also stopped coming to the night market. But it was for a different reason.

Word got around that Mild was going to ask Off out soon. It didn’t make sense why he felt uncomfortable at the thought. Maybe he flattered himself when he spent the night together with Off at Mrs Pho’s little shop studying. His attraction to Off was undeniable. It scared him to death at the thought that he’s attracted to a boy and that boy being Off Jumpol. He hid his feeling to himself. He still couldn’t fathom that his gay awakening was triggered by the son of a bitch who he thought he couldn’t stand, but now he’s avoiding him because he’s scared that Off will say yes to Mild. He’s scared that his expression might give something away.

He’d rather jump off a cliff than let Off find out that he was remotely attracted to him. Not that he thinks Off’s homophobic, hell, the boy got a suspension for defending Tay and New. No, Off would never live it down and he’ll use it to taunt the shit out of him. He can’t ever let Off know.

He also needs to focus and beat him in his studies. With his involvement in debate club and Off’s part in the school musical, their college application was eerily becoming similar. The difference between is only a hair’s breadth. He needed better grades than Off if he still wanted that scholarship.

‘Hey, Gun’, he turned around when he heard a voice calling him.

‘New? What’re you doing here?’

‘Nothing’, New replied, but he followed Gun to the hall which confused him since the latter would usually spend his lunch with Tay, ‘Can I stay and watch you rehearse?’, he asked and that’s when Gun noticed that something’s wrong. And judging from his expression, he was 100% sure that it had something to do with Tay.

‘Did you get into a fight or what?’, is the first thing Gun asked when he dragged his friend to the auditorium. They both say down at the back seat. No one had come in yet, but they only had a few minutes before their teacher walked in with everyone else.

‘Not a fight… I… I’ve just been avoiding him’

‘Why?’

‘Well, he… Started asking me about college’

‘What about it?’, Gun asked further. He still found no faults in Tay and he was wondering whether his friend was just picking a fight with Tay for no reason.

‘He said he wants to go to the same college as me’, he pointed out and that’s when he started to explain why the fight had happened which started to make sense with Gun. The latter had always thought that people who pick the same colleges as their boyfriends or girlfriend were dumb.

‘So, you don’t want him to go to the same college as you?’, Gun asked, which made sense. Tay sounded a little too self-imposing when he said he was going to follow New. It almost felt uncomfortable.

‘I hadn’t thought that far ahead’, New confessed. He’s been living in the moment and he almost forgot that they’re going to face one of the biggest changes in their lives after graduation. He’d struggle for too long, slept not knowing whether he was going to be accepted by his friends and family. As soon as Tay and he became official, it’s as if he entered his own bubble, where everything he ever wanted was there. Parents who didn’t disown him, friends who didn’t give two shits about who he likes and a boyfriend he’d crushing on for a whole year. But once Tay asked him about college, it was like the bubble popped and he had to start over again. He’d have to make new friends in college that would hopefully accept him, he had to come out to a new group of people, and if he and Tay didn’t end up in the same college and they break up, he’d be alone all over again.

‘Look, I think it’s better to start college fresh anyway’, Gun pointed out, ‘Thinking about being tied down is just gonna ruin the experience, don’t you think?’

‘I don’t know’, New shrugged, ‘I just can’t think of not being with Tay’

‘You’ve only been together for six months’; Gun rolled his eyes. He didn’t have the patience to entertain New’s cheesy ass, ‘I’m sure they’ll be plenty of fish in the sea in college’

‘Yeah, but’s it’s about stability, isn’t it?’, New pointed out, ‘We’ve all known each other since freshman year. I mean, I’ve seen Tay around for years, we’ve talked, we went to class together. Don’t you think it’ll be weird for it to suddenly stop and be over?’

‘I don’t think so’

‘Well then, how about you and Off?’, Gun tensed at the sudden change in the topic as New stirred it to him. He tried to render his expression unnoticeable.

‘What about him?’

‘Well, you’ve been at each other’s throats since sophomore. You’ve known each other for a long and you got into a routine of trying to kill each other. Once graduation is over, it’ll stop. What do you do afterward?’

_It’ll stop._

Gun didn’t think of it like that before. It was as if Off had entered in his life without asking and had stayed there far longer than Gun had thought. What will happen when finals are over and there was no reason to fight anymore? He had no other reasons to interact with the latter if they weren’t arguing about their test scores or fighting about stealing each other’s clubs. What would happen if one of them gets the scholarship and the other doesn’t? They won’t be part of each other’s life anymore. It’ll be one more summer before they move out and separate paths. It was starting to get clear as to why New was starting to get worried.

Should they break ties with the past and start fresh in college? Or do they keep hold to the stability that they made for themselves since the beginning of high school?

‘Maybe you should talk to Tay about it’, Gun pointed out, clearly not experienced enough to give him friend any advice. New sighed and nodded. He needed to have a conversation with Tay sooner or later anyway. He can’t keep avoiding his boyfriend forever.

‘And the star of the show has arrived!’, their conversation was interrupted when they heard the door banged open, being greeted to Off and the other musicians sauntering inside the auditorium with their instruments, laughing and joking.

* * *

Gun thought about what New told him again and again. He sat alone in his room; his book opened on his desk as the fan blew on his face. His mum was probably downstairs reading a book and waiting for him to come downstairs and eat dinner. Did he wonder if his fights with Off slowly subsided over the past months because, for some odd reason, he may or may not have started to like hanging out with Off?

It’s insane. It’s a sick joke. It’s stupid. Gun Attaphan having a crush on Off Jumpol. The whole school would never live it down if they find out. But, according to his calculations, they only had five months till graduation, so did it even matter what the school thought? The time limit… It was eating Gun up more than he thought it would. Off had no reason to keep in contact with him after graduation. Which means he only had five months left with him.

Impulsively, he closed his book and dropped his pencil on the floor as he hastily stood up from his chair. He grabbed his jacket and ran down the stairs.

‘Where are you going dear?’, his mum asked when she walked to the front and saw him putting on his shoes.

‘Off called’, Gun replied, ‘He said he wanted to hang out’, any other normal parent would be worried that their kid was going out late at night to hang out with their friends, but Gun had cooped himself in his room for too long that his mum almost sighed in relief.

‘Have fun then’, she called out, ‘And come home soon!’, she shouted before he closed the door.

There’s a quickness in his step when he walked towards the direction of the night market. He had no valid excuse to visit Off, but their time spent that night during his last day of suspension gave him hope that maybe Off didn’t need Gun to have a reason to visit him. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he was sure everything will fall into place once they meet again. There’s something comforting about being in Mrs Pho’s shop. It was as if their rivalry was suspended and they could hang out without needing to compete against one another. He realized, that when they’re not competing, Off was actually fun to be around.

He turned a corner and arrived at the busy night market. It was a Friday night, so people filled the street with their loud voices. Music blared from all around, different music blending with each other. He past the street vendors and made his way to Mrs Pho’s shop. He was going to let himself in like he usually does, but he saw the person he was looking for was not in the shop. Instead, he was leaning on another vendor with Cherry in his arms.

Gun squinted his eyes and saw that they weren’t alone. Mild was there. She was playing with Cherry’s hair as the three of them waiting for their food. Off was laughing. Cherry stretched her arms out as if begging for Mild to hold her.

_What was Mild doing here?_

It was as if someone had burst his bubble. He thought he was the only person who could see Off outside of school, see him be carrying to Cherry, to laugh with the other sellers, noticing a different side from his mischievous attitude in school. Turns out he was wrong.

_‘Mild has a crush on Off. I think Off might even say yes to her’_

_‘Of course, he would. Who would say no to Mild?’_

Maybe the rumors were true. Gun didn’t want to be seen by Off, so he quickly turned back to where he came from, deciding to go home and focus on his studies.

* * *

Off wondered why Gun doesn’t visit him in the night market anymore. He was going to ask him at school, but it felt too awkward. Whenever he was around Gun, people just expected that a fight would just naturally happen, so if people saw them having a normal conversation, it would stir gossip.

He asked New where Gun was and he simply replied that he was buried in the library as usual. It was starting to make sense when their homeroom teacher was mentioning about their finals that Gun was going to be studying nonstop. He thought he might have the time to ask him during rehearsals, but since he was only a bassist, he was only asked to turn up during singing rehearsals which were once a week. But they did share debate club together, so he was sure he’d have enough time to ask Gun. Alas, his team captain was too hell bound in preparing them for the national competition that Off had no chance in even breathing next to Gun, let alone talking to him.

He gave up and asked Alice when her next orchestra rehearsals were. Maybe he could sneak in before the teacher arrived and pull Gun aside. He was about to do that when he heard music playing in one of the music rooms. Rehearsals don’t start for another twenty minutes so he didn’t know who would be practicing this early. He decided to take a peek since the music was played loudly yet beautifully.

Off looked through the cracks of the door to find Gun playing his violin. He was alone. The windows were open and the wind was making the music sheet fly. Gun had to stop and keep it in place, the sunlight hitting his eyes when he bent down. Off leaned on the doorframe and continued looking. He’d never seen Gun play before. He and his friends would always ditch assembly to which the orchestra club would perform at the end of the year, so he never did get to hear play him play the violin.

He was good. He almost looked ethereal when he closed his eyes and let his arms sway. He didn’t even need the music sheet. Every change in note flowed perfectly and he found himself smiling just watching him play like that. Gun looked cute.

_Woah._

Off was pulled back to reality when he heard the bell ring, signaling the end of school. He saw Gun stop playing and he wanted to go in and finally talked to him. But his feet were suddenly glued to the floor. He couldn’t find the courage to walk in anymore, even though he’d been trying to find the perfect excuse to talk to him. He walked off before he could even think, running away from Gun.

‘Now what?’, he asked when he got home and laid on his bed. He looked up at the ceiling and wondered how he turned into such a coward. And to Gun Attaphan of all people? Back then, he would’ve just walked in and started talking uninvited, but now he got all shy for no damn reason. Why does he need to ask Gun why he doesn’t visit anymore? He always hated it when Gun came unannounced, so this should be a blessing that he doesn’t come anymore. He decided to just leave it and pretend it doesn’t bother him.

* * *

**Four Months Before Graduation.**

The first fight Gun and Off had in months caused both of them to sit in detention after school after causing a mess in the canteen. The fight was weird from start to finish. Principal Panhan called Arm, Tay, Alice, New, and even Mike and Fiat who just happened to be calling Off for a game of football before the fight happened. Even they couldn’t tell what triggered it.

‘I was told by Olive that she kicked Off debate club’, Principal Panhan said to which their friends shouted ‘what?!’ at her.

‘Why?’, Arm asked, ‘He’s one of the best in their team’

‘It seemed that Gun persuaded her to let go of one team member since they were one member more to the proposed number held by the national committee’

‘So… He chose Off?’

‘No, apparently Off’s been ditching the club anyway’, Principal Panhan explained to which Tay and Arm gave a guilty expression. They sometimes would force off to ditch to hang out with them and they knew Off could never say no to them.

‘Did Off blame Gun?’, Alice asked and everything was slowly starting to make sense. It was odd. One minute they were sitting in the canteen enjoying their lunch, then the next Off came stomping in asking for Gun.

‘Where even is Off and Gun?’, Mike asked, ‘It’ll be a bad idea if they were stuck in the same room alone’

Principal Panhan remained silent and everyone in her office groaned a sigh.

* * *

Gun displayed a black eye whilst Off was pressing a pack of ice on his swollen lips. This had been the first time they’d truly got violent with one another. They’d argued and threatened to kill each other before, but no one dared to throw a punch first, that was until Gun had enough and punched Off in the face to which the latter retaliated.

They glared at each other, sitting is silent misery with the tension growing by the minute. Off couldn’t believe Gun had gone behind his back to kick him out of debate club when he did everything he could to compromise so that both of them would be happy. He felt somewhat betrayed that Gun broke their rule, even more so when he thought that they were finally getting along. It made him wonder why Gun was treating him like shit again.

‘If I get suspended again, I’ll break your bones’, he threatened Gun when they noticed that a teacher hadn’t stepped inside to give them a lecture yet, which meant Principal Panhan was still discussing their punishment. Getting suspended once was enough for Off to amp up his grades and volunteer work to make up for the red mark on his records, but if he gets another suspension letter, he can kiss that scholarship goodbye. And this was all because Gun liked to play dirty.

‘We didn’t need the extra member’

‘ _You_ were the extra member’, Off spat back, ‘I persuaded Olive to take you in any way’

‘Then you shouldn’t have ditched’, Gun hissed back, ‘Olive was getting sick of you’

‘Shut up, you snake’, Off rolled his eyes, not wanting to listen to Gun excuse himself, ‘You always wanna make yourself look like a saint, but in reality, you’re a dirty playing snake!’, Off accused him, ‘You did this last year too!’

‘Can you fucking get over it?’, Gun whined as soon as Off mentioned the cheating scandal, ‘I apologised already’

‘Oh, did you?’, Off snorted. Gun’s half-assed letter of apology that he slid in his locker showed no remorse and it sounded forced too. He was sick of it, so he just accepted it, but it didn’t mean he had forgiven Gun, ‘Your apologies suck’

‘Then why did you accept it?’

‘Because I’m not petty’

‘Clearly you are if you keep mentioning it every five-fucking second’, Gun shouted back. Off stood up and was about to throw the icepack at him when they heard the door slid open.

‘Mild?’, Off turned to see the girl approaching him, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I’m part of the first-aid course’, she explained as she set a box of plaster and cream on one of the tables, ‘Principal Panhan said to take care of you’, she explained, ‘She also said to keep an eye in case you two fight again’, she looked down and noticed the ice pack thrown on the floor and she chuckled, ‘I think I got here in time’

‘You’re lucky’, Off pointed at Gun as he sat on the other end of the room, ‘Otherwise I would’ve killed you’, Gun rolled his eyes and crossed his arm. He kicked his leg up on one of the desks and looked outside the window.

‘Does it hurt?’, he heard Mild asked Off with a soft voice. He didn’t look at them but he could see their reflection on the mirror and he saw Mild wiping the dried blood on Off’s lips with a wet cloth. Off looked down on her and whispered something he couldn’t hear. His breathing got heavy when he looked at the window to see Off smiling at her, wincing as she applied the cream on his lips. They both smiled at each other and he felt so out of place. He tried to even out his breathing and wondered why his throat suddenly felt like a football was lodged in.

He suddenly realised that he was crying. Gun sniffed and pretended to cough as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Why was he crying all of a sudden? Why was it, whenever Off was with him, the latter only shouted and argued but when he was with Mild, he was soft and caring? Why was he jealous? He closed his eyes and turned to stop staring at the window. He stared at the board instead, seeing the chalk written words still written all over.

‘Honestly, why do you act like a kid all the time?’, Mild asked, carefully applying cream on his lips before closing the tub.

‘Ask that short kid over there’, Off rolled his eyes and pointed his chin to Gun, ‘He started it’

‘Can’t you both just be friends?’, Mild asked, grabbing the first-aid kit and walking over to Gun next. She hissed when he saw his black eye. It was turning purple and swollen. It looked worse than Off’s lips and bruised cheeks.

‘Friends with him?’, Off called out, raising his voice as he laughed, ‘I’d rather repeat a year then be friends with someone like him!’

‘Don’t listen to him’, Mild whispered to Gun as she began to care for his eye, ‘He’s so immature. Don’t let his words get to you’

Gun wanted to hate Mild. He wanted to so bad, but she was so nice to him. She defended him when Off started to shout back and she made sure to be careful when applying the cream to his eyes. She would be perfect for Off. She was pretty and nice. She was also strong enough to put Off in his place if he stirred trouble. It would’ve been easy for him if Mild was a bitch, but she wasn’t. He whined and a tear accidentally rolled down his eyes. He wiped it quickly and thank god he could excuse his crying for pain. He didn’t know what he would do if they find out he was crying for a different reason.

Mild calmed Off down and tended to his wounds. All Gun ever did was get into fights with him. Off wouldn’t like him.

‘Don’t cry’, Mild whispered, wiping his tears, ‘It’ll stop hurting soon’

‘No, it won’t’, Gun whispered. Mild probably thought he was talking about the black eye, so she left the room and promised to get the school nurse to get a closer look at it.

‘Don’t fight’, she pointed at Off before she closed the door. The room was engulfed in silence, an awkward tension rising between them when they found that they didn’t want to shout at each other anymore. But they had nothing else to talk about.

Off wanted to punch Gun again, especially when he’s trying to look pitiful crying in the corner of the room. He was only trying to get bonus points once the Principal walked in. He was definitely going to get suspended if the teacher saw Gun crying.

He got up from his side, walking over to sit in front of Gun.

‘What do you want?’, Gun called out when he saw Off pulling a chair to sit in front of him. He quickly wiped his tears and winced at the pressure on his bruised eye. Off sighed and looked at him.

‘Have you never got punched before?’, he asked. Off thought Gun was crying at the pain and he knew he was going to get in deeper trouble unless he makes Gun stop crying like a baby. Gun didn’t say anything, he tried to ignore Off and began to look at the blackboard. Off was irritated that Gun didn’t reply to him. That wasn’t his attitude when he approached Gun in the canteen to ask about why Olive was suddenly kicking him out of debate team only to be shouted at, telling him that he deserved it. It only riled him up to which he shouted back, earning him a half-ass punch from Gun. He only bruised his cheek but it angered him to the point where he punched back. Unlike Gun, Off had been in his fair share of fights, so his punch took a blow, it shocked him that Gun fell to the ground with the impact, but before he could even ask if the short kid was okay, Gun took a second punch, harder this time, knocking his mouth and making his lips bleed.

Off knew that the punch didn’t come without any bruises. He looked down and he noticed that Mild missed Gun’s knuckles, which were purple. Gun had never gotten into a physical fight before, he could tell. His hands were also bruised, but not as much as the latter. He spotted the first-aid box and opened it.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’, Gun tried to pull his hands away once he felt Off grabbing it, but the latter was stronger than him, ‘Let me go’, he shouted, about to threaten Off but he felt him spread the cream on his bruised knuckled without saying a word. His breathing was still heavy and he bites the inside of his cheeks when he watched Off bandage his hands. His gaze got hazy and he realised there were more tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. He coughed and curled his nose as he turned to look at the window.

‘You’re such a cry-baby’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘It was just a punch, man up’

‘Shut up’, Gun bit back, but his voice was broken. Off’s hands were rough around his, but he felt agitated that the boy was taking care of him. They just got into a fight and Off just told Mild he wanted nothing to do with him, so why did he come over? It pissed him off that this small act of kindness was enough to fuel his delusion once more. Did Off regret punching him?

‘If you keep crying then Principal’s gonna think that I was the one who started it’, Off said, ‘I’m not gonna get suspended again’

Of course. Off wanted him to stop crying so he doesn’t get in trouble. It’s not because he cared for him. Gun sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes. He turned back to glare at Off.

‘Just leave me alone’, he whispered, knowing his voice couldn’t take it if he tried to shout. He can feel his throat dry up. Off looked indifferently at him, leaning on the desk.

‘I thought you were starting to be bearable’, Off sighed, ‘Guess you still hate me’, he stood up and left Gun. They stayed on separate sides of the classroom, another hour passing before the Principal walked in with their parents behind them. Off stiffened when he saw his mum walk in with a glare on her expression. He sunk lower to his seat, covering his mouth with his hands.

Gun’s mum was the most surprised out of them all, her eyes landing on her son’s black eye, turning to look at Off with a bruised cheek.

‘What happened?’, she immediately ran to her son, her hands combing back Gun’s hair as she looked at his swollen eyes, ‘How did you boys get into a fight?’

‘It was nothing’, Gun responded to which everyone in the room, including Off, scoffed and rolled their eyes.

‘I haven’t spoken to you all about this, but their rivalry has clearly gotten out of hand’, Principal Panhan pointed out, turning to Off’s mum who was still standing by the door, her arms crossed. She was too angry to approach Off, just staring at her son with a disappointment look.

‘What rivalry?’, Gun’s mum turned to face the Principal.

‘The two of them have gotten into numerous fights before, but the previous fights have been nothing but arguments, so I let them off without notice’, Principal Panhan explained and Gun’s mum’s expression turned more confused as she turned to look at Off.

‘But, they’re friends’, she commented, to which Off bit his lips and Gun looked down on his desk. Principal Panhan looked at her with the same confused glance as she gave her.

‘I don’t know how you’d think that, but I can assure you, these two do not get along’, she said, ‘They’ve been at each other’s throat for years now’

‘And why’re we only talking about their behaviour now if they’ve been like this for a long time?’, Off’s mum asked, clearly not happy that she had to be here.

‘As I said, they managed to keep civil most of the time, but this is their first physical fight and as you can both see, they both got hurt’, she pointed at the students, ‘I think they both need to work some things out and stop this nonsense fight’

‘Gun, darling, explain it to me’, Gun’s mum turned back around to her son, stroking his cheeks, ‘What’s your relationship with Off?’

‘We don’t have one’, Off raised his voice. He felt sorry for the short kid’s mum, but there’s no point lying, ‘We hate each other. We’ve always hated each other ever since he accused me of cheating’

‘Get the fuck over it!’, Gun shouted, having enough with Off bringing it up every second that he could, ‘I hated you way before then! You and your stupid loud mouth, do you know that no one likes it when you shout in class?’

‘No, _you_ don’t like it, cos you’re a sad excuse of a human being who has no idea how to have fun’, Off shouted back, ‘Mrs Phunsawat’, he turned his gaze to face Gun’s mum, ‘You seem like a nice lady, but you got it wrong. I only came to dinner cos I felt sorry for Gun because he doesn’t actually have any friends’

‘Off!’, he heard his mum shouting at him, but he paid it no attention.

‘Yeah, well… Who would wanna be friends with you anyway!’, Gun shouted back, ‘You think people like hanging out with you, but actually, they just feel sorry for you!’

‘At least people feel sorry for me’, Off snorted, ‘No one even cares about you’, he stood up so fast that the chair flipped back behind him, a loud bang as it landed on the floor, ‘Do you even know what the fuck Alice and New have been up to or do you simply not care about them?’, he added before stomping out of the room, pushing past his mum who was blocking the door.

Gun’s mum was in shock, wide-eyed as she turned to face her son who was crying. But he didn’t make a noise. Instead, he angrily wiped the tears with his sleeves, wincing at the bruise. Principal Panhan was the only adult who didn’t look remotely shocked, she was already used to the two boys’ arguments.

‘As you can see Mrs Phunsawat and Mrs Adulkittiporn, I think it’s time for you both to intervene’, she said lightly.

* * *

Off ended up having to take counseling. He got kicked out of debate club, so he was free on Tuesdays after school anyway. He glared at the floor with his arms crossed, silence filled the room as Mr Toey waited for Off to start speaking.

‘Your mother said… You take after your dad’

‘I take after her’, Off corrected, ‘She’s a bitch’

‘Not really something you should be calling your mother’

‘She knows she’s a bitch’, Off whispered under his breath, ‘My dad’s also a bastard and they fight every night of every fucking day. So, can you quickly tell me that I get my aggression from them and I lash out because I have a shit family life so I can leave?’

‘Well… I can certainly talk about your family and we could-’

‘I know how this works’, Off whined, finally looking up to face Mr Toey, ‘You’re gonna tell me something I already know, then you’re gonna force me to talk it out with my family like it’s the easiest thing to do. Then you want me to talk about my feelings and sing kumbaya, so let’s not waste any time and just tell me I’ve got a shit family so I can leave’

‘And what’re you gonna do about that information?’, Mr Toey asked, taking off his glasses and looking at him, ‘Are you gonna talk to your parents?’

‘Of course, not’, Off replied, ‘My family doesn’t talk with each other’

‘Maybe you could change that’

‘Or maybe I’ll just wait till college so I can get away from them’

Mr Toey has always found it difficult to talk to Off. For someone who liked to show people he was transparent, he was actually the most closed off. He had no problem telling everyone that he had a shit family, but he found it difficult talking about how that affected him. Mr Toey cared about Off, he was a nice kid despite his mischievous behaviour. He always saw him helping the kitchen staff clear up after school, talking to the caretaker when no one did. He was a caring kid despite his reputation.

‘Look, if you don’t wanna talk about your parents, then you don’t have to… But you have to talk about Gun’

‘There’s nothing to talk about’, Off replied. His lips were still swollen from the fight and his cheeks a light shade of purple.

‘I’ve known you both since you were fourteen’, Mr Toey said, ‘And although you two don’t get along, you both respected each other enough not to hit each other. What’s different about this fight that got you both losing control’

‘I don’t respect him’, Off chuckled in disbelief, he found it hard as to why Mr Toey would come up with that conclusion, ‘And he clearly doesn’t respect me’

‘Well, whatever it is, there was something between the two of you which stopped you from throwing a punch to the other’, Mr Toey explained, ‘Do you have any idea what changed?’

Off knew what changed. He got comfortable. He was starting to like Gun being around him, so he must’ve eased his walls down. The shock of Gun betraying him hurt ten times more. But how was he going to explain that to Mr Toey? He wasn’t going to believe him when he tells him that he was starting to like Gun – really like Gun. To think that maybe, just maybe, they might stop fighting each other for grades only to be smacked in the face. Gun didn’t care about him, not in the way that he wanted to.

‘It’s probably because we have to work on our college applications now’, Off muttered, even though he didn’t know if that was an actual excuse, but it was the closest one that sounded believable, ‘Apparently, our college essay sounded the same’

Mr Toey sighed heavily. The two smartest students pinned to ruin each other. He’s seen it happen before multiple times. They weren’t the first students to go against each other, but they were both the most passionate. It was a shame, Mr Toey could only imagine how well they could’ve gotten along if they weren’t hell-bent in killing each other.

‘I know college applications are important, and I know this is a stressful time for you guys. But I believe you’re only young for a short amount of time. You have the rest of your life ahead to be serious, but there’s a certain time in your life when you’re gonna have to stop living young. Why don’t you savor it and focus on spending time with your friends and having fun?’

‘You want me to stop studying?’

‘No, that’s not what I meant’, Mr Toey rolled his eyes, ‘Do you wanna know why there’s an increase in mental health illness in teenagers?’, he asked Off and he shook his head.

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re expected to do everything without knowing anything’, he said, ‘You’re all expected to act like adults, but how can you when all you’ve ever been treated as are kids. How are you all going to know what to do when we’ve not been preparing you properly in the real world?’

‘So why don’t you prepare for us? Why am I sitting in class learning algebra?’

‘It’s not that simple’, Mr Toey chuckled, ‘Because we adults are still trying to figure things out ourselves’, he admitted, ‘It’s a long process and sometimes you can be in your fifties and still learning. We put to much pressure on you, when in fact, we should allow you guys to grow in your own time. So, take it from me, don’t rush and just savor the moment. You’ll thank me later’

* * *

Gun sat in the living room. His mum couldn’t ground him since he spent most of his time in his room. So, she opted to force him to spend his evenings in the living. He wasn’t allowed to go to the library after school either. It was a weird punishment, but his mum didn’t know what else to do. Gun’s never gotten in trouble before.

He ended up watching TV when his mum banned homework in the living room. He had nothing else to do. He heard her walk in and he watched as she set a cup of tea down on the coffee table, offering it to him.

‘I don’t wanna talk about it’, he said to her before she could even talk to him.

‘I just wanna know’, she replied, sitting on the sofa and looking at him, ‘Off is a nice kid’

‘Nice kid’, Gun scoffed under his breath as he grabbed the drink, ‘You heard what he said to me’

‘I was told you threw the first punch’, she said and Gun couldn’t believe that she was siding with Off instead of him – her son.

‘So what? He’s thrown the first punch in other arguments’

‘You did accuse him of cheating’

‘Oh, for the love of God’, Gun whined, slamming the cup down on the coffee table, splatters of hot tea splurged out and stained the wood cover, ‘I apologised!’

‘Look, Gun, I just wanna understand something’, she calmed him down, ‘I thought you liked Off’

‘I don’t like him’

‘Then did you lie to me when you said you were off to visit him?’, she asked, ‘Because if you did, then you better tell me where you were off to during those nights’, Gun knew she was getting angry and he was going to make up a lie and said he was out with his other friends, but that would anger her even more. But if he told her the truth, then everything would get complicated, because why would he go out of his way to visit Off if he hated him?

His mum waited for him to reply.

‘I went to visit him’, he told the truth. He couldn’t think of a believable lie.

‘So, do you hate him or not?’

‘Yes’, he answered, although, he didn’t really know anymore. He hated Off, but not because he was smarter than him. He hated Off, because Off hated him and he can’t stand the thought that Off would rather hang out with someone else than him. He remembered the way Off laughed and joked with Mild in the night market with Cherry by their side.

‘Okay then’, his mum nodded. She knew there was something hidden that Gun still hadn’t told her, but she wasn’t going to force it out of him, ‘Well, you’re going to have to attend Mr Toey’s counseling session and sort this out yourself. You’re gonna turn eighteen soon’, she mentioned, ‘You need to sort out your own mess’

\---

**Two Days Before the Reunion.**

Off came back from work and he smelt something burning in their kitchen. He rushed over to see if he left the oven on, but the sight before him was enough to tell that it wasn’t his fault.

Tay and New were sitting on the floor laughing, the oven door open with smoke coming out. Off looked down on the tiled floor to see a burn looking cake on the tray. It was pitch black on the top. The two were busy laughing to notice Off walk in the room.

‘Did you just burn my kitchen?’, Off asked, Tay finally gaining the energy to look up. He continued to laugh and leaned his head on New’s shoulders.

‘We tried baking a cake’, New explained, breathing heavily after laughing hard.

‘May I ask why?’, Off questioned, his arms folded and his shoes still on.

‘I accepted the job’, Tay told him, ‘I accepted my dad’s offer’

‘Are you serious?’, Off’s eyes widened as he waited for Tay’s answer. The couple nodded their head and with the smiles still on their faces, it could only mean one thing, ‘Did you dad promise to help you out?’

‘Yeah’, Tay grinned, showing his teeth. Off’s never seen him this happy, ‘He said he’s setting up a family dinner next week’

‘Well, damn’, Off couldn’t help but break out into a grin, ‘Congratulations’, he said as he joined them down on the floor, crossing his legs and patting his best friend on the back. The three of them stayed seated on the floor, breaking off the pieces of cake that weren’t burnt to try it and then gagging when they tasted the bitter ashes. They spoke all evening, Tay excited about the dinner because he knew his dad was going to try his hardest to persuade New’s parents. New on the other hand, was nervous, but hopeful and Off couldn’t be happier for them. Maybe patience does pay off.


	10. Nine.

**One Day Before the Reunion.**

Off stayed with Arm and Alice when Tay told him New wanted to stay over their apartment for the night. He initially wanted to stay at his dad’s, but he had a business meeting in Phuket, so he had no other choice but to crash at his best friend’s place.

‘So, who else is invited to the wedding?’, Off asked when he sat down on the dining room at their apartment. He had a beer in his hand and he looked down on the pages Alice had. It was filled with cut-outs of wedding dresses from magazines, as well as phone numbers from venue organisers and florists.

‘Only a few of our close friends and families’, Alice replied, smiling as she circled a few wedding dresses with a green sharpie and crossed out the rest with a red one. Off watched closely, drinking his beer in silence next to her. The couple had probably made other friends in college and at their workplace since he didn’t recognise most of the names from their guest lists.

‘Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang?’, he read one name and piqued his interest. Alice smiled when Off showed an expression of familiarity.

‘Remember him?’, she asked, ‘He was in your History class with Tay and Arm’

‘Oh, really?’, Off titled his head, trying to remember. His memories were hazy, but he did remember someone being called Oab.

‘You used to be friends with him’, Alice explained, chuckling when Off still looked confused, ‘He used to help sneak you in History when you were late’

‘Ah’, Off clapped his hands when he finally remembered the short-haired boy, ‘I almost forgot about him’

‘Don’t say that when you meet him again’, Alice laughed, ‘He’ll get offended’

‘He probably doesn’t remember me either’, Off called out laughing.

‘Who doesn’t remember the Off Jumpol?’, Alice nudged her shoulder against his, laughing as she stole Off’s beer and took a sip, ‘You were the most popular guy in the whole school’

‘I don’t think so’, Off shook his head fiercely, ‘I minded my own business’

‘That’s why everyone loved you’, Alice snickered, ‘You hung out with everyone… Although, I don’t understand why you stopped talking to Oab during last semester’, Alice furrowed her brow, clearly having more memories than Off did.

‘I did?’, he asked.

‘Yeah. You pretty much stopped talking to everyone at that point’

‘Hhm’, is all Off could reply. He didn’t remember much during their last year of high school. When his mum forced him to go therapy in London, his therapist said he must’ve had memory loss from that time since it was the peak of his parents' fight which blew over and resulted in their divorce. It made sense that his brain wanted to forget that part of his life, but he was curious to see if, in the process, he might’ve forgotten something memorable.

* * *

**Four Months Before Graduation.**

Tay and Off looked into the room to find that their teacher was already doing the register. They cursed under their breath as they looked around the room, trying to find a way to sneak in before the teacher got to their names.

‘We shouldn’t have visited Mrs Pho in the morning’, Tay whined. They lost track of time when Mrs Pho offered to cook them breakfast, to which the two boys couldn’t refuse. It wasn’t until Cherry walked in full uniform asking P’Pik to drop her off did they notice the time. The missed homeroom already and if they missed the first period, they were going to be sent in the Principal’s office.

Off still had a bruise on his lips from his recent fight with Gun and if Principal Panhan sees him one more time in her office, he was sure expulsion was on the cards for him.

They slowly slid the door open, cautious of their teacher. They were both on the floor, crawling their way to their desks. Oab turned to see the sliding door and looked down at the two boys. He stifled a laugh and patted on his watch, teasing the boys for their tardiness.

‘Tawan?’, their teacher called out Tay’s name first, to which Tay hurriedly made it to his seat, breathing heavily as he raised his hand.

‘Here’, he sighed in relief. Off, on the other hand, sat further to the front of the class, which didn’t help. He crawled past his other classmates who only laughed at him.

‘Jumpol?’

‘Here’, Off heard someone speak in his stead. He turned back and noticed Oab squeaking his voice a little to imitate his. It gave him enough time to sit on his chair before the teacher could raise their head from the register. She looked ahead and saw Off sat on his seat with his bag still swinging from his shoulder, but she paid it no mind as she closed the register and began her class.

Off subtly raised a thumbs up to Oab, thanking him for the cover.

* * *

‘Hey, so you fit to play football or are you still crying over that bruised lip?’, Mike called out to Off once he made it to the bleachers with Tay. The football captain called him out for another game during lunch, and Off couldn’t refuse. He spotted Fiat and Oab already on the field, their sleeves rolled up.

‘Hey, have you done the history homework?’, Oab asked Off when he finally ran to the middle of the field. Off and Oab always shared their homework with each other, not like Off needed any help. He was the best in History, but he never proofreads his work, so he would give it to Oab who would use his essays as a backbone to write his own one whilst correcting Off’s grammar and odd spelling mistakes. It’s worked for both of them for the past year. He trusted Oab not to copy his work word for word and the latter never did.

‘Yeah, I’ll give it to you after school’, Off replied, patting his shoulders as he joined the same team as his.

‘That cut on your lip’s almost healed’, Oab pointed out. Off rolled his eyes and tried to avoid talking about the fight, but it was still fresh in people’s mind and even the freshman kids were still talking about it.

‘Off looks good as new’, Fiat laughed as he joined in, ‘Gun still looks like shit’

‘You should’ve seen him in English’, Mike laughed, ‘His eye is still black all over’

‘Off didn’t hold back’, Fiat joined in with the laughter. Off faked a laugh. He obviously didn’t mean to punch the short kid that hard and now that it’s been a week, he hadn’t seen Gun at all. They avoided each other at all cost and their teachers separated them so they don’t have to work together.

‘You were too much’, Oab, on the other hand, was the only person who didn’t laugh, ‘I think you overreacted’

‘Oh, Off definitely overreacted’, Mike and Fiat agreed as they threw the ball on the grass, ‘We all stood frozen as soon as Off punched back. It was epic! Gun fell on the floor’

‘I don’t think that’s funny’, Oab told them off, ‘Gun was hurt bad’

‘Why do you care so much?’, Off asked. He didn’t care about Oab’s answer that much as Fiat kicked the ball to him, starting the game.

‘I think he’s cute’, he said all of a sudden, and as soon as the game started, it immediately stopped when Off kicked the ball over the fence.

‘Off, what the fuck?’, Fiat called out to Off before running after it. Off, on the other hand, turned to stare at Oab with a furrowed brow.

‘Do you like Gun?’, he asked him. Oab shrugged his shoulders.

‘Maybe’, he replied.

‘Do you even know what Gun’s like?’, Off scoffed. He couldn’t believe it Oab admitted that he had a crush on Gun. Gun? The same Gun who continuously tried to ruin his life? ‘He’s annoying and takes everything seriously! He’s no fun to be around with’

‘He’s only like that with you’, Oab snickered as they wait for Fiat to retrieve the ball, ‘He’s nice to everyone else’

‘He’s boring’

‘How do you know? You’re only around him when you’re fighting. He’s actually interesting’

‘And exactly how is he interesting?’, Off scoffed as he crossed his arms. Mike found it awkward that Off was being defensive over Oab’s crush on Gun and he slowly backed away, running over to Fiat who was still looking for the ball.

‘For once, he loves to watch movies and he’s obsessed with Harry Potter’

‘So, he’s basic, just like everyone else?’, he thought Oab was going to join in laughing with him, but the latter just looked at him with a straight face.

‘If you took the time to actually get to know him, maybe you’d like him too’

* * *

By the looks of it, Mike and Fiat couldn’t keep their mouths shut and by the time the last period rolled over, the whole school already knew about Oab’s crush on Gun.

Gun walked in Chemistry, being forced to sit at the front because Off was assigned to sit on the back. He heard his classmate whispering to himself and he thought they were still talking about his fight with Off. What he didn’t know was that they’ve already moved onto other things.

‘I didn’t know Oab liked Gun’

‘Nor did I, Mike just texted me’

Off stayed seated at the back of the class, playing with his phone and ignoring everyone who was talking. Even Tay asked him if it was true and all he did was just shrug.

‘Oab and Gun, they might actually make a cute couple’, Arm pointed out.

‘If Gun even has time to date’, Alice added in jokingly. She knew her friend was too busy to worry about having a boyfriend and she wanted to talk about it with Gun, but the latter was sitting at the front and she didn’t want to separate away from her boyfriend. She thought it’d be best to ask after school.

‘Who cares’, Off whispered under his breath and his friends took it as a signal for them to shut up. Gun’s been an awkward topic whenever Off’s around, so they tried to shut up whenever he’s listening.

‘Hey Gun!’, one of their classmates approached the quiet boy, ‘Are you gonna say yes to Oab?’

‘For what?’, Gun asked as he took off his headphones. He noticed the rest of the class had quietened down, listening to what he had to say.

‘Oab likes you’, someone else shouted out. Gun scoffed and put back his headphones.

‘No, he doesn’t’, he replied.

‘Yeah, he does. He told Off so’, as soon as Off got brought into the conversation, there was another flood of silence in the room, this time filled with tension as Gun ripped off his headphones to glare at the back of the class.

‘Off probably lied to start rumors again’, he bit back to which Off rolled his eyes at the accusation.

‘I didn’t do shit’, he replied, ‘Oab was the one who told everyone at lunch. I just happened to be there’

‘Oh, you just coincidentally happened to be with Oab when he told you that he likes me?’, Gun faked a chuckle, ‘Or maybe you just lied again’

‘Lie? When have I ever lied?’, Off argued, he stood up on his chair and was about to approach the smaller, but Tay grabbed his wrist before he could move. His best friend pinned him back down on his desk, ‘Ask Oab if you don’t believe it. But I don’t blame you for not believing, who would like you anyway?’

‘Off’, it was Alice’s turn to grab his arm, warning him to stop, ‘Stop’

Gun didn’t reply to him. Instead, he just turned his head around and looked at blackboard. The whole class sighed a breath of relief when Off backed down as well, sitting back down on his chair and looking at his phone.

‘You need to stop’, Alice whispered to him. The door slid open as their Chemistry teacher walked in with a pile of their final report for their practical assignment.

‘I’ve got everyone’s grades ready’, she announced and the whole class groaned nervously. She slammed it down on the desk, pokerfaced as she looked at her students, ‘Overall, everyone passed’, she said to which everyone clapped and whooped, ‘But only a few got good scores and only fewer who got full marks’, she announced, clearly not as happy with her students grades.

‘I bet we did good’, Arm smiled at Alice, holding her hands.

‘Of course, you did good’, Tay rolled his eyes, nervous to see his results, ‘You got Alice as your partner’

Off didn’t care much about his grades. He knew they aced it. They got along when they were partnered together.

‘I’d like to praise Off and Gun specifically’, she called out, and just the two names put together alone was enough for the whole class to stare at them again, ‘They’re the only ones who got full marks’

‘Of fucking course’, Tay whispered under his breath, feeling slightly jealous of his friend who seemed to get full marks with ease.

‘Such a shame the both of you can’t get along’, she added as she passed their report back to them, ‘I made a copy of their reports to give to the rest of the class as a template to revise for your finals. A lot of their notes are detailed and well informed, it might help you during your studies’, she explained and everyone looked down on the photocopy version of Gun and Off’s report.

Gun looked down at the report that was given to him. 100% circled at the top right of it along with both Off and his name signed at the bottom. He remembered Off focusing on their Chemistry assignment when he should’ve been revising for their English test at Mrs Pho’s shop.

_Who would like you anyway?_

Gun opened his pencil case, opening his black sharpie and crossing Off’s name beside his.

* * *

‘Gun hasn’t been visiting the shelter as often, do you know what’s up?’, Fahsai approached Off when her favourite volunteer had been coming less. Off was where he usually is, in Mrs Pho’s shop, helping her with deliveries and the heavy lifting. She leaned her back on the wall, her arms crossed as she watched Off give her a shrug and a half-assed excuse.

‘Did you two fight?’, she asked.

‘No’, Off replied suspiciously quickly, ‘We don’t talk much’

‘But you’re friends, right?’

‘Not really’, Off replied, ‘I owed his mum a favour’

‘Okay…’, Fahsai nodded, although he didn’t believe that Gun was just a stranger to Off, ‘Well, if you see him around, let him know that I’m worried’

‘Yeah, whatever’, is all he said and he let Fahsai leave the shop. Mrs Pho walked in with a disapproving look.

‘You never treat the girls with respect’, she said as she lightly smacked his head, ‘Be nice’

‘I _am_ nice to girls’, Off defended himself as he rubbed his head ‘I showed Mild around the market the other day’

‘How is that girl, by the way?’, Mrs Pho asked, ‘Did she get the holy basil for her mum?’

‘Yeah’, Off replied. He was surprised to see Mild around the night market. He approached her and she sighed in relief to see a familiar face. She told him her mother ran out of ingredients for dinner and she was told to buy some, but she had no idea who would be selling holy basil at this time of night. She was lucky Off knew the market inside out to point her in the right direction.

‘She’s nice’, Mrs Pho commented, ‘Does she like you?’

‘Rumours’, Off simply replied, ‘I don’t think she actually likes me’

‘How do you know?’

‘I just get a feeling’, Off shrugged his shoulders and continued opening the boxes of deliveries, stocking them up in the back shelves.

‘And where’s Gun? He hasn’t been visiting often?’

‘He’s got better things to do’, Off said. He didn’t want to tell Mrs Pho that he got into a fight with the latter. As far as she knew, they were friends. She was even starting to think they’re something more than friends, so it’ll confuse her when she finds out they can’t stand each other.

‘Well, tell Gun that we miss him here’, she called out to him before she left to go to the front, ‘Everyone’s starting to really like him’

‘Mhhm’, Off replied, ignoring her. He just kept a focus on stocking the ingredients. Every time he and Gun were in the same room, it became worse than before. At least back then they could keep quiet and avoid each other, but now, every time Gun looked at him, he had on an expression of disgust that only riled Off up. He didn’t know why Gun changed from tolerable to an absolute nightmare, but he hated it.

He thought about what Oab said. How Gun only acted like that when he was around him. Even Alice spoke about how funny and outgoing Gun can be when he was with his friends. It only irritated Off that Gun had to treat him like a sum at the end of a barrel. When did it all start anyway? When did the rivalry turn into pure hatred? Maybe it was just wishful thinking that they could be friends.

* * *

Rehearsals were a bitch and a half. Alice spoke to their music teacher in hopes to pull Off out of the band and even Principal Panhan warned Mrs Lee that the two will ruin her musical if she doesn’t pull one out.

‘Off is the only bassist in the entire school’, she exclaimed, her voice loud, garnering the attention of the actors sitting at the front of the stage. Jane heard Alice and Mrs Lee’s conversation and she awkwardly looked at her partner, Gun, who was eating a sandwich and looking at his script.

Of course, Mrs Lee couldn’t pull their main actor out of the show, so it only made sense for Off to step down. But Mrs Lee, the perfectionist that she is, had already taken a liking at Off’s skill and charisma on stage whenever he played. She didn’t want to back down.

‘Can’t the two of you just get along?’, Jane asked. She nudged her shoulders against Gun and batted her eyes as if it was going to make him change his mind. She genuinely liked Off, he made rehearsals fun and always cheered them on whenever they fucked up a line, and she could tell everyone else was begging Gun to let Off stay in the musical.

‘I don’t care what he does’, Gun mumbled, flipping his script and looking through his notes, ‘It’s his choice whether to drop out or not’

Everyone sighed. They didn’t think Off would stay if Gun was here, so they defeatedly went back to practicing their lines and waiting from Mrs Lee to give up her argument. Gun didn’t like the idea of being blamed for the inconvenience, but it seemed like everyone blamed him anyway. He decided to just read through his script and avoid his castmate’s stares. He had highlighted his dialogue and was about to flip through the next page when he saw someone else’s writing scribbled all over the script.

_Don’t highlight too much, it’ll hurt your eyes._

It was a small note, messy handwriting, but he recognised it. Off must’ve written on his script whilst they were practicing at Mrs Pho’s shop.

‘Gun’, Mrs Lee called up his name, making him turn around to find her with her hands on her waist.

‘What is it?’, he asked.

‘Tell me, would it be so hard as to act civil with Off Jumpol?’, she questioned. Unlike the other teachers who have agreed to keep the two students away from each other as much as possible, Mrs Lee found it absolutely stupid to change the musical’s line up for something as stupid as two students not getting alone, ‘Are you going to die if you share the same stage?’

‘No’, Gun shook his head. Jane and the rest of the actors held in a hopeful breath at his answer, ‘No, I won't die’

‘Then, will it be okay for Off to presume his position in the band?’

‘Yeah’

_What?_

Alice mouthed at him with a questioning look. She stared at her best friend, wondering why Gun was being complacent with Off’s part in the musical. Her friend’s face didn’t give anything away and she was caught wondering the sudden change in attitude?

‘Well then’, Mrs Lee clapped her hands joyously, ‘On with the show!’

* * *

‘I don’t wanna be in the musical’, Off replied with his mouth full as he stole a forkful of Arm’s noodles.

‘But Mrs Lee said you were still in, so you can’t skip rehearsals’

‘I’ll just quit’, Off said nonchalantly, ‘Principal Panhan gave me permission to drop out anyway’

‘That means you’ll have no school activities to put on your college applications’, Alice reminded him.

‘And Gun has all of it’, Arm added on.

‘Then good for him’, Off groaned, ‘He got what he wanted. I hope he’s happy’, of course, Off was pissed. Mr Toey said since he’s been in debate club for three years straight, he could still put it in his applications, but he can’t add that he went to the Nationals since he didn’t make it in the final line up, which made his blood boil. The only reason why he took the debate club in the first place was to get into the Finals. And even Gun took that from him.

‘Look, I think Gun might’ve felt guilty about what happened’, Alice pointed out, ‘He said it was fine for you to stay in the musical’

‘As I said’, Off faked a smile at Alice as he stole her bread, ‘I don’t wanna be in the same room as him’

Off, defeated by his lack of school activities, ended up picking up volunteer work from outside of school. Apparently, Gun had told Fahsai that he won’t be volunteering at the shelter anymore since he’s getting busy with school and rehearsals, so Off volunteered to pick up the extra slot. He also signed up for the Youth’s Environmental Movement which sounds amazing, but it was basically volunteering community service where young teenagers help out to clean the neighborhood.

‘You good down there?!’, P’Pik called down to him, leaning on his bike as he watched Off below the bridge, clearing up the plastic that had accumulated on the river. He laughed when Off looked up and gave him the middle finger. Off’s sweat beaded down his forehead, tricking down to his neck as he wiped his forehead. He had on a mask to cover his face and a towel wrapped around his neck. His arms were tanned and burnt from the sun – he forgot to put on sunscreen – and it felt like he’s been working for years when it’s only been a couple of hours.

He was in a group of five, and they all come from different schools, so he couldn’t even talk and joke around to kill time. He looked around the river by the highway bridge and cursed under his breath. It wasn’t just plastic he had to clear, but empty beer bottles and wrappers people just threw over. He wanted to punch anyone who threw their trash down the river. Who the fuck does that? Don’t they have a trashcan at home?

He asked P’Pik to help pick him up and drop him off from the site, but the Uncle thought it would be fun to stay behind and watch the rich boy clear up dirt.

Tired is a word that couldn’t even describe how Off felt when he finished his shift. He got back to Mrs Pho’s shop to which the lady shook her head and told him to take a shower before he could even think about studying in her shop.

‘Why is P’Off burnt?’, Cherry asked when she watched the boy walk out of the shower with a loose top and shorts, tan lines decorating his skin as well as red marked on his neck and arms.

‘He’s being a nice boy and cleaning our neighborhood’, Cherry’s mum explained, picking her up and carrying her in her arms, ‘Why don’t we leave him alone to study?’

Mrs Pho was worried about the boy. Off’s been picking up a lot of volunteer work from different organisations and it’s been affected him. She noticed that he spent most of his nights in her shop, sleeping at the break of dawn, with his head down on the table, books scattered around him. He had school, volunteer work, and studies in the middle of the night, it didn’t give him any time to breathe or sleep.

‘Why don’t you cut down on the work’, Mrs Pho called out to him. She had a tub of sunscreen placed on the table, to which Off was slowly applying on his skin. She watched him wince and went over to help him, sitting down next to the boy, ‘You’re overworking yourself’

‘I need my college applications to look good’, Off said, ‘Right now it looks plain and generic’, he explained and Mrs Pho couldn’t understand why the school was asking too much for their students. Not only do they want them to have good grades, but they expected them to have the time to do so many other activities without dropping dead.

‘Just make sure to take care of yourself, dear’, Mrs Pho sighed. She reached her hand out and combed Off’s hair back. She noticed his hair’s grown longer. She smiled preciously at the boy who never stopped visiting her the first time he moved into the neighborhood.

* * *

‘Off, please, do you mind coming to rehearsals after school today?’, Alice rushed to the canteen, running over to their table to which Arm hushed her. She stopped talking and looked down to find that Off wasn’t eating, instead, he had his head down on the table, sleeping soundlessly, ‘Is he okay?’

‘He’s been studying all night’, Tay explained, ‘We have our History test next week’

‘Well, can you ask him if he could come to rehearsals?’

‘Babe, he dropped out a week ago’, Arm said, ‘And look at him. He looks tired’

‘Mrs Lee wanted to run through all the songs and we still haven’t found a bass player yet’, Alice looked worried and it made Arm wanna wake up Off and tell him to go to rehearsals, but Tay explained that Off had been feeling sick lately.

‘For fuck’s sake, can you all shut up?’, Off whined, being woken up to his friends talking, ‘If I say I’ll go can you guys leave me to sleep?’, he looked up and stared at Alice. With his lack of sleep, Off had been moodier than he usually is. He got up and grabbed his bag, leaving his unfinished food as he walked towards the rooftop of the school to sleep for the rest of the lunch.

* * *

Gun saw Off walked in rehearsals with his case by his side. Alice wasn’t exaggerating when she told him that Off had been looking shit for the past few weeks. They’ve avoided each other like the plague for the past few weeks, so he hadn’t seen Off properly for a while.

He got tanned, he noticed. He had dark under eyes and his eyes were red from lack of sleep. He was worried. He didn’t understand why Off would come to rehearsals when he could just go home and sleep after school.

‘Off, thank god’, Mrs Lee grinned and beckoned Off to come to the stage, unknowing of the state of the tired kid.

‘P’Off!’, some of the Junior actors waved at him, glad to see their favourite Senior returning to rehearsals. Off thought that this was a one-time thing, that he just needed to play during their run through, but Mrs Lee was obviously going to use this to get him to return to the musical.

Off nodded at the Juniors. He took out his bass and connected it to the speakers as he waited for Mrs Lee to begin the run through songs. They’ve already memorised their choreography, so all Off needed to do was walk around the stage and be part of the crowd, which he could do. The lead guitarist nodded his head and began to start playing. As soon as the music started, the actors got into their positions quickly, splitting up on stage. Off heard Gun singing and he closed his eyes and played his parts. He started to feel light headed as he raced his way from one end of the stage to the other. He didn’t need to act, so he let his expression still, getting dizzy when he continued to spin around with the other actors.

‘Off doesn’t look good’, Alice whispered to herself, tapping her fingers on the table worriedly as she kept an eye on the poor boy. She felt guilty for asking Off to come when she knew that he was tired. She needs to tell Mrs Lee that Off needs to leave as soon as the run-through was over.

Exhausted and spinning, off couldn’t feel the ground anymore. After only a few hours of sleep and hours of hard labour after school, he didn’t have enough energy to fathom. He stopped playing and he immediately felt himself falling.

‘Off!’

He couldn’t remember anything else. All he remembered was landing on something soft and passing out completely.

* * *

Off took three days off school. The doctors said it was lack of sleep and food that made Off pass out and he needed a few days of rest. Off’s dad paid for the private hospital room for him to stay, complementary with an IV drip which was injected in Off’s arm whilst he slept.

Tay and Arm visited after school after Alice phoned them. They heard that Off completely passed out in the middle of the stage, landing on Gun who didn’t expect it, the pair falling hard on the ground – but Gun took the hit – his elbows bruised from landing on the wooden stage. The cast watched as an ambulance came and took Off to the hospital, worried look on everyone’s face, no more than Gun as he watched Alice get in the ambulance.

It was advised to let Off sleep until he woke up, so Tay and Arm waited in the waiting room, their head leaning against each other’s shoulders. The clock ticked midnight and Off’s best friends were still in the waiting room. Tay had his mouth open, drooling on Arm’s shoulder as they slept on the chairs.

The nurses felt sorry for them. They took out a blanket from the storage room and wrapped it around them. They were told to come back tomorrow morning, but the two teenagers were stubborn, wishing to stay in the waiting room instead. Since it was a VIP hallway, there were no limits to visiting hours and it was only a matter of time till Off woke up.

‘Tay, you disgusting piece of shit!’, Arm pushed Tay off him when he felt something wet on his neck. He looked down to find his shirt stained with Tay’s drool, slapping him on the head as he woke up. Tay whined; his eyes droopy.

‘What time is it?’, he asked and they both looked down on their phones. 1.02 am, ‘I’m gonna go to the bathroom’, Tay yawned, stretching his arms, the blanket dropping to the floor, ‘Go check if Off’s awake’, he told Arm. The pair stood up and separated, Arm sliding the door to Off’s room open whilst Tay turned a corner to where the restroom was.

‘Psst. Tay’

Tay flinched at the sound of his name being whispered and he almost screamed when someone approached him.

‘Hey, it’s me’

‘Gun?!’, he shouted, he had his hands on his chest, clenching it. He recognised the short boy and he breathed out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t a ghost talking to him, ‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked. It was one o’clock in the morning and there were barely any visitors hanging around in the hospital. How did Gun even know they were here?

‘Do you mind giving this to Off?’, he asked and Tay looked down to find that Gun was carrying a plastic bag. He took it and looked inside.

‘You bought food?’, he asked, ‘Why?’

Gun shrugged, ‘Everyone was worried about him’, he added an excuse, hoping that Tay would believe it. Luckily, the boy was too tired to ask any more questions.

‘If Off’s awake, you can come it and eat this with us’, Tay offered but Gun shook his head.

‘It’s late, I should probably get going’, Gun told him and before Tay could persuade him to stay, the short kid was already racing out of the hospital. Tay noticed his bruised elbows and arm and wondered where he got it from. But he was suddenly reminded of his urge to go to the bathroom, so he forgot about it and entered the restroom.

He forgot to tell Off that Gun was the one who brought him the food.

* * *

**Three Months Before Graduation.**

Finals were nearing soon and everyone was frantic. Except for Off, who slouched on his seat and looked up at the ceiling of the library. They had a free period, but instead of cleaning up the garden, the Seniors were told to use this time to begin revising, so every one of them was in the library catching up on homework and making notes.

Mr Toey told Off to organise his schedules so that he doesn’t pass out of exhaustion again, so he ended up dropping a few after school activities. Mrs Pho also banned him from staying at the market for too long, shooing him away by the time it hit 10.00 pm. He didn’t like it, because he went home to a bunch of screaming, but he managed to lock himself in his room, drink some sleeping pills, and sleep through the fights.

It’s been a month since the ambulance came and took him away and the school had stopped talking about Off. Tay joked to him that every couple of weeks, something new happens and everyone will be back to talking about Off. He could only roll his eyes and punch Tay’s arm.

Mr Toey also told him to lay low and not involve himself in nonsense drama and he’d been doing just that. He only listened to the gossip nowadays, and thankfully none of them involved him anymore.

‘Has Mild been talking to you?’, Tay asked curiously. Off shook his head, ‘It’s weird, I thought she was starting to like you’

‘Nah’, Off shook his head again, ‘She doesn’t like me’, Tay asked him how he could be sure of it, but Off didn’t reply to him. He didn’t think it was his business to tell everyone Mild’s secret. Plus, he didn’t mean to find out about it anyway. Mild was looking around the market lost and confused in the middle of the night. It only made sense for him to offer her a ride home since it was late.

He didn’t mean to drop her off her house with her ex-girlfriend from another school to be waiting at her front door. It was awkward as fuck. They were screaming at each other and he couldn’t help but overhear what they were actually fighting about.

‘You can’t come here. My mum will see you’

‘I don’t care’

‘But I do! I told you, I can’t tell her!’

Off sat on his bike and contemplated whether to leave or not. He waited until Mild pushed the poor girl away, telling her to leave. She did so, but not without glaring at him. She was about to start a fight with him but thankfully Mild threatened to call the police if she did.

There was a silence when Mild finally realised that Off must’ve figured her out. Her cheeks turned red and she looked like she was about to cry, a pool of tears threatening to spill.

‘I promise I won’t tell’, Off whispered to her, ‘You can trust me’

‘I know I can’, she sighed, but she rubbed her eyes until it was red and tugged her hair, ‘I just… Didn’t want you to see that’

‘You know, you got the whole school thinking you’re interested in me’, Off changed the topic quickly, knowing that she probably doesn’t wanna talk about it and he doesn’t want her to think that he’s pressuring her, ‘You almost got me thinking it too’, he added on and they both laugh. He watched her laugh with tears running down her face.

‘I’m sorry’

‘Where you gonna use me?’

‘No…’, she said, but her voice gave it away. Off nodded and sighed.

‘I mean, you could’ve just asked’, Off added on, ‘I wouldn’t mind fake dating you’

‘Why’re you so understanding?’, Mild asked, her voice squeaking, ‘Shouldn’t you be asking a shit ton of questions? Shouldn’t you be mad?’

‘Nah’, Off chuckled, putting on his helmet, ‘I’ve got my own secrets that I don’t want anyone to know either. You had to do what you had to do to keep yours’

‘Thanka P’Off’

‘P’Off?’, he laughed when she suddenly addressed him formally.

‘You just act like a big brother, that’s all’

‘Well then, give this big brother a shout if you ever need anything’, Off said to her before wishing her a good night and returning to the night market. It was an understatement to say Off wasn’t shocked at the knowledge of Mild’s secret. He almost crashed P’Pik’s bike on the way home just thinking of it. The prettiest girl in the school likes girls? The school was going to have a field day if they find out. Too bad, Off’s pretty fucking good at keeping secrets.

* * *

Alice told Off to see Mrs Lee. She still wanted him to play bass and she told him to go discuss it with her. Off didn’t want to. He’s still busy despite dropping a few activities and Mr Toey said he’d kill him if he found out he was picking up another work.

But he liked Mrs Lee, so he went to the music room to at least thank her for trying to keep him in the musical. His case swung from his shoulder and he entered the music room, expecting Mrs Lee to be waiting, but instead, he found himself in an empty classroom, with only one person inside.

Gun was rehearsing for his recital. They both stared at each other and an awkward loom in the air caught Off to be frozen, his hand still on the doorknob.

‘Hey’, Gun was the first to break the silence, ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, ‘Just looking for Mrs Lee’

‘Ah, she went to the staffroom to get something. She’d be here soon’, he explained, and Off nodded. The latter contemplated whether to leave or not. They still weren’t on speaking terms and Off wasn’t about to get in another fight with Gun.

‘You can wait and stay here if you want’, Gun offered, ‘I’m just practicing’

‘You sure?’, Off asked, confused as to why Gun wanted to act civil all of a sudden. He was a fickle person and the more Off tried to understand him, the less he actually knows about the short kid, ‘You know what, why don’t I wait outside. I’m sure I’ll pass Mrs Lee on the way’, he said. Even though Gun offered, he still didn’t feel comfortable being in the same room as him.

Off left the music room. He remembered the day he saw Gun playing his violin and he remembered just how confused he felt. He felt shy towards Gun that day, he couldn’t even bring himself to walk in and talk to the boy. He wondered all night that night, just why he was so speechless.

He’s one of the smartest kids in school and it took him forever to realise what he was feeling. But by that point, it was too late. They were back to square one. It would be weird if Off approached Gun and told him that maybe he had a tiny crush on him. Not when they just beat each other up black and purple. It didn’t make sense. Plus, he was sure Gun didn’t like him, so why would he confess his feelings? He was only going to be embarrassed.

Gun looked at the closed door and sighed. He has a lot of regrets, one of them was getting angry at Off for his own feelings. It wasn’t the latter’s fault that he was starting to grow feelings for him, so why did he lash out at him and persuaded Olive to kick him out of debate club? It was as if he needed someone to blame for his unrequited feelings. He knew it wasn’t Off’s fault. The idiot probably doesn’t even know.

Gun wished Off knew. He wished the tall idiot knew why he acted up, because maybe then he might understand. Because now Off thinks he’s an unreasonable bitch who only wants to ruin him. He felt sorry for himself, but at the same time, he doesn’t blame Off for hating him.

* * *

Off looked into the glass window and saw his teacher was already doing the register. He cursed under his breath as he tapped on the door lightly, gaining Oab’s attention. The latter who sat next to the door turned towards him and stifled a laugh.

Oab slowly reached his hand out and slid the door open to let Off in. He moved his chair to block Off from the teacher’s view, the boy crawling towards his desk.

‘Jumpol?’

‘Here’, Oab squeaked his voice and imitated Off’s voice, giving the latter time to jump into his seat unnoticed. The rest of the class stifled a laugh as the teacher looked up and began class. This had been the third time Off sneaked into class unnoticed. He reached his hand out and gave Oab a thankful high-five whilst the rest of the class rolled their eyes but grinned at Off.

* * *

‘Thanks for earlier’, Off said to Oab, passing him an ice cream during break time. Their group of friends hung out by the bleachers, watching the football team practice.

‘No problem’, Oab grinned at him, taking the ice cream he offered. Tay and Arm were discussing their art project and were too busy to notice Off and Oab getting cozy. Off knew that Oab liked Gun and he unknowingly started to keep a close eye on him. He kept his ears open just in case Oab tried to ask Gun out.

‘So, do you still think Gun’s cute?’, Off asked, laughing when Oab rolled his eyes at him.

‘You got everyone thinking I was head over heels for him’, he whined but Off raised his hand in innocent surrender.

‘Look, it was Mike who spilled it’, he said, pointing at the football captain, ‘Blame him’, they both laughed, taking it lightly. Oab wasn’t the type of person to get too upset over little things, so he let it go. It was just school gossip and he knew everyone was going to forget it in a few days.

‘But, are you gonna ask him out?’

‘Just because I find Gun cute doesn’t mean I’m gonna ask him out’, Oab snickered, turning to look at Off, ‘Plus, Alice has a point. He’s probably just gonna reject me cos finals are soon’

‘You said you liked him’, Off replied, ‘You’re not gonna ask him out even if you like him?’

‘Do you want me to ask him out?’, Oab joked when he noticed Off was pushing this conversation more than he was responding.

‘I’m just saying’, Off shrugged his shoulders, ‘You do you’

‘I haven’t even kissed anyone yet’, Oab sighed. He didn’t know why he would confess something so personal to Off, but the latter showed himself to not be judgemental, so he didn’t hear a scoff or laughter coming from him.

‘A lot of us haven’t kissed yet’, Off shrugged nonchalantly, he then pointed at Arm from behind them, ‘He’s been dating Alice for over a month and they still haven’t had their first kiss yet’

‘Seriously?’, Oab asked with wide eyes.

‘Yeah. They’re both nervous’, Off chuckled, ‘I told them to just do it, but they’re both probably too shy to be each other’s first kiss’

‘Unlike you’, Oab scoffed. He leaned his back on the chair and looked up at the cloudy sky. The sun was hidden today, so it wasn’t too hot, ‘I bet you kissed loads of girls’

‘Yeah, well, I’m special’, Off joked, earning a hit from Oab, ‘So, are you gonna ask Gun out?’

‘Will you laugh at me if I told you I tried already?’, Oab suddenly replied. Off kept on asking about Gun that he expected Oab to just tell him to shut the fuck up, but then suddenly he changed his answer to something serious.

‘When?’

‘A couple of days ago’, Oab confessed. He leaned his back on the chair and looked up at the skies, ‘Mike already told everyone, so there was no point pretending’

‘And?’

‘And nothing’, Oab laughed. He finished the ice cream Off gave him, throwing the plastic in the trash, ‘He rejected me obviously’

‘Of course, he did’, Off chuckled, although he tried to hide the expression of relief on his face, ‘Told you he wanted to focus on his studies’

‘That’s not the reason he gave me’, Oab replied, ‘He said he liked someone else’

‘Huh?’, Off thought, he heard it wrong, but when Oab repeated himself, he couldn’t help but overthink. Did Gun like someone? Who? The boy didn’t show any signs that he had a crush on someone. Off wanted to tell Oab that Gun probably lied so he could excuse his rejection to him, but his mind also wandered to the possibility that maybe Gun wasn’t lying. But, if that was the case, that means Gun was interested in someone else other than him.


	11. Ten.

**Three Months Before Graduation.**

Mrs Pho opened the door to her house at four o’clock in the morning to find Off Jumpol standing in front of her.

‘Oh darling’, she sighed as she opened her arms for him, ‘Come in’

She paid attention to his words whilst she made him a cup of tea. Off’s parents had been fighting again and this time the police got involved. It seemed like one of the neighbors finally had enough of the shouting and called the police on them. Off was asleep one minute, then he was violently shaken by a police officer who wanted to ask him questions.

‘And the stupid thing is, I told the truth’, Off sighed, which caused both his parents another intensive interrogation from the police which might lead to social services visiting their home next week. Off didn’t feel relieved when the police told him that social services could be coming soon. He’d always fantasized about leaving his parents and never talking to them again, but the thought that he could be sent away from them suddenly dawned on him and he didn’t want to leave anymore.

‘You can spend the rest of the night here’, Mrs Pho calmed him down, her hands softly patted his back as she embraced him once more, ‘Rest for a couple of hours before getting ready for school, okay?’

Off nodded. He didn’t say anything else. He just rested his head on Mrs Pho’s shoulders and let one tear trickle down from his eye. After holding it for too long, Off’s bottle was finally brimming to the top, threatening to explode soon.

* * *

Off’s bottle didn’t explode in a fit of rage and unanswered aggression. In fact, it was the opposite. Off no longer talked like he used to, he kept to himself and would miss out on the opportunity to hang out with his friends. The whole school noticed the change, none better than his best friends who looked around for him during lunch to find that Off was nowhere to be seen.

‘Where is he?’, Tay asked Arm, a worried expression decorated on his face. Off’s been quiet all week and absentminded when he was around them, ‘Did something happen?’

‘I don’t know’, Arm replied, just as concerned as Tay. The two friends asked around, but it seemed like Off Jumpol must’ve ditched the rest of school.

‘He shouldn’t be skipping class’, Alice joined in, ‘He’s going to get in trouble, and finals is coming up soon too’, she was also getting apprehensive over the absence of the usual loudmouth Off. Alice never used to hang out with Off, but ever since she and Arm started going out, it was inevitable for her to get close with Off, and she started to care for him like a brother to the point where she was also asking around for him.

Despite the three knowing Off well, they obviously didn’t know him well enough to know that Off would never ditch school.

Only one person knew where he would be.

Gun thought about visiting the rooftop, but what would he say if he did find Off there? He wasn’t the best person to give him comfort. He looked down on his locked phone, seeing his reflection. His eyes were healed, although there was still a tint of purple under his eyes. The fight may have been forgotten by the school and maybe by Off too, but Gun couldn’t forget it.

_Who would wanna be friends with him anyway?_

He sighed and looked around the canteen. He couldn’t be the one to reach out to Off. He was only going to get pushed away. But he might know who might be perfect.

‘Mild!’, he stood up from his seat the moment he saw the girl walking in the canteen with a tray of food, ‘Can I talk to you?’, he asked and she smiled at him.

‘Yeah sure’, she instantly agreed. She quickly spoke to her friend who grabbed her tray and went over to their usual table, saving a seat for her, ‘What is it?’, she turned back to Gun.

‘Do you mind if you can check up on Off?’, he asked and he knew his pride was going to get hurt when she gave him a questioning look. Gun asking for Off? In what world?

‘I wish I could’, she said, ‘But I have no idea where he is’, she told him and this is where he hoped Mild doesn’t ask him too many questions.

‘He’s at the school rooftops’, he said and her questioning look turned more confused, ‘The door would probably be open and you can just walk up’

‘How do you know?’

‘Just…’, Gun couldn’t think of a lie to tell Mild. And he didn’t want to. Before this moment, he was the only one who knew Off’s secret hideout and he prided in himself in that, ‘He’s always there, that’s why’

* * *

Off looked up at the skies. It was cloudless and the sun’s heat was burning him. He looked down at his arms to find that it had gone darker. It’s also gone red.

He didn’t want to spend time with others at lunch. He didn’t think he could lie to his friends anymore. He didn’t have a perfect family, far from it, and he lied to his friends about that. But, if one of them asked him about it now, he was scared that he was going to break down and tell them everything. What would Tay and Arm think of him then? They would think he was a desperate kid who wanted everyone to think he was perfect, down to his family.

And to think Tay and Arm both have perfect families. They might judge him, or worse, they’ll pity him. He was a fucking pitiful person after all. He painted himself as someone rich, with no problems whatsoever, what would happen if the world knew he was just as fucked up like everyone else?

‘Oh wow, so you really are here’, he heard a voice from the door. He lifted his head up to find Mild with a handkerchief in her hand as she touched the rusted doorknob.

‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked.

‘I was worried about you’, Mild explained. She looked around the rooftop with disgust. She’d never been here and for a good reason. This place looked like a dump. With her handkerchief, she rested it on the seat next to Off, sitting down slowly. The latter could only laugh at her.

‘I’m fine’, Off assured her, ‘I’m just tired’

‘Off Jumpol could be tired but still run around if he wanted to’, Mild reminded him, ‘You went to the hospital a month ago, remember?’

‘Well, I learned my lesson and now I’m laying low’

‘Too low for everyone’, Mild pointed out, ‘Everyone’s worried about you. Are you okay?’

_No._

‘Yeah, I’m fine’, Off faked a smile. He was good at making it real and it saw how relieved Mild was.

‘Well, it looks like you don’t take care of yourself too much. Look at your skin! It’s all burnt’

‘I don’t carry around cream’, Off said and Mild laughed at him.

‘Well, I’m here to rescue you’, she excitedly dug into her skirt pocket to pull out a half-empty tub of sunscreen. Off laughed at her, but he didn’t stop her from tugging his arms to her. He winced at the cold pressure of the cream of his burnt joints. He listened to Mild complain about his red skin that was slowly drying up, ‘If you’re gonna spend your lunch here, at least protect yourself from the sun’, she whined.

‘I promised you I’d be your big brother, but why does it look like it’s the other way round now?’, Off joked and Mild’s smile slowly faded when she looked up at him. She’d never looked at Off as anything other than loud and sometimes funny. When she heard Off punch Pete, she couldn’t help but feel relieved that there would be someone in school who would defend her if she ever came out. They didn’t bring back their conversation that night but there were a mutual understanding and friendship that they formed, it was silent, albeit small, but it was enough for them.

‘As you little sister, I should be taking care of you too’, she added, ‘I can’t have my brother hurting himself. What if he won’t be strong enough to protect me anymore?’, she joked. Off sneered at her, feeling awkward at the sudden care even though it was masked in a joke.

‘Well, since this big brother knows your secret, why don’t I tell you to mine?’, he said and Mild waited as she finished caring for his burnt arms, this time applying cream on his neck.

‘What is it?’

‘I’m not much different from you’

‘How so?’

‘I like girls’, he joked, earning a punch from Mild who rolled her eyes, ‘I like boys too’

_Huh?_

‘Huh?’, her hand froze on his neck, her eyes widened. Rumours were told, a lot of people would have already guessed it. He flirted around, both with girls and boys. Some said he was just joking, others said he probably liked both but everyone could only assume. Off had never told anyone the explicit truth.

‘Surprised?’

‘I am, but I’m not’, Mild answered truthfully. She couldn’t put a finger on it, but she expected it from Off, but that doesn’t mean she still wasn’t surprised. Off was transparent like water, but he was like murky water. There were too many distractions that wrapped around him. You had to focus and look closer to see inside, ‘Have you told anyone else?’

‘Not in school’, Off confessed. The only person who knew was Mrs Pho, he still didn’t have the guts to tell his best friends, but since Mild knew, it was only a matter of time. The girl suddenly wrapped her arms around Off, giving him a tight hug, which had him choking for a second.

‘I’ll keep it a secret, I promise’, she whispered.

‘Okay Mild, let go, I’m dying’, Off whined, patting her back and pushing her away from a little. They both begin to laugh, almost missing the bell ringing to tell them that lunch was over.

Mild didn’t realise that, as she made her way to the abandoned rooftop, Gun followed her. He wanted to make sure that Off was really there and he managed to peak into the cracks of the door to see Mild and Off sitting together, laughing as she applied the cream that he gave to her on his arms and neck. Gun felt a twinge of jealousy creeping upon him, but he quickly shoved that thought to the side. He knew Off was going to let Mild sit next to him. It would’ve been a disaster if Gun chose to go there himself. He was about to leave them alone when he saw Mild open her arms to embrace Off, the pair whispering something that he couldn’t here. The smiles on their faces were enough to tell Gun that he was unwelcomed here.

The heard the bell ringing and he quickly raced his way down the stairs.

* * *

**Two Months Before Graduation.**

It wasn’t a shock when the following week Off heard the school talking about him. He went on a date with a boy the other day. It was a boy from a year below. He was the drummer from the musical. They spoke from time to time and when he read the note in his locker that said that he liked him, Off took it upon himself to ask the boy out.

I mean, if he was brave enough to confess to a Senior, Off was willing to spend an evening with him. Plus, Off never turned down a confession.

‘What the actual fuck?!’, is all Tay shouted at him the moment they reached the canteen, ‘Dude?’

‘What?’, Off pointed out, stealing Tay’s food as soon as he set his tray on the table. Off’s still been keeping quiet and he doesn’t joke as much, but he decided to at least spend lunch with his friends just in case they started asking too many questions. The whole school’s been quiet and this was the first time in weeks that they’ve started talking about Off Jumpol.

‘Is that why you’ve been closed off lately?’, Tay asked, ‘Because… You know…’

‘Yeah, sure’, Off nodded, even though that was a lie. He wasn’t too fussed about people knowing anymore and, in a sense, he never did. Tay, on the other hand, was worried about his friend. Off didn’t take things seriously, but he hoped maybe with this he did.

‘You could’ve told us first’, Arm said. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be upset, but being Off’s best friend, he expected that they would be one of the first people Off would tell rather than just walking up one day and asking a boy out in front of the whole school.

‘I just don’t think it’s a big deal’, Off shrugged. He could tell that Arm and Tay still wanted to poke him for more answers, but they knew that Off wasn’t going to answer if he didn’t want to, so they just left it at that.

‘I mean, if you ever need advice, you could always ask me’, Tay whispered to him.

‘You’re the last person I’d ever ask advice for’, Off responded, making Arm almost choke on his drink, the trio laughing together as Tay punched his arm lightly.

* * *

Gun heard about it from New. The boy practically ran to the library looking for the short boy.

‘Did you fucking here?!’, New shouted to which he was told off by the librarian to keep it quiet. He bowed an apology to her as he sat down next to Gun.

‘About what?’

‘Off took someone on a date’

‘And?’

‘It was a boy from Junior year’, Gun stopped writing. He didn’t look up at New but he was transfixed in his words. He tried to keep a pokerfaced and continued writing.

‘So?’

‘So? This changes everything!’

‘Does it?’, Gun tilted his head up to look at his best friend, ‘I mean, it’s not a big deal right?’

‘Yes, it is’, New smiled, ‘Off is one of the most popular people in the whole school! Even freshmen kids know him’

‘What’s that got to do with anything?’, Gun questioned where his best friend was trying to get at. New’s been hanging out with Off’s gang since he got together with Tay and he still fanboyed over them as if he was still in Sophomore. He wondered what New saw in them that Gun didn’t.

‘Off Jumpol, the guy the everybody likes, now admitted he liked both boys and girls’, New shook Gun’s shoulders, as if he was upset that Gun didn’t seem to understand yet, ‘Do you know what it feels like to have the most popular guy in school be on our team?’

‘Team?’, Gun scoffed, ‘Your sexuality isn’t a team’

‘Yes, it is’, New pointed out, ‘It was only a few months ago when I was getting bullied by Pete… Now that everyone knows about Off, no one would be saying anything about me or Tay ever again’

‘Do you really think you need Off for protecting?’, the short boy rolled his eyes and clicked his pen three times out of frustration. He saw the way New spoke about Off, as if the boy was capable of being a leader. Even his best friend was smitten over Off, ‘You’re insane’

‘Look, I know you don’t like Off, but he got suspended because of me’, New’s smile fade when he noticed Gun’s closed-off attitude, ‘It may not mean a lot to you, but for someone like Off to stand up for me is a big deal. He almost ruined his college applications and he didn’t even blame me for it. Off may not mean anything to you, but he’s my friend now, so at least be happy for us’

Gun clenched his fingers around his pen. He bit the inside of his cheeks and faked a smile. New’s words were correct, but how did he know that Gun wasn’t hurting as well? Gun was just like him. He had a massive crush on a boy and he can’t even say it out loud. He knew exactly what he felt.

He also started to feel his chest tighten. Off liked boys. He just didn’t like him.

‘Alright New, I’m glad for you’, Gun whispered to him, ‘Tell Off congratulations as well’

* * *

Arm, Tay, and Off found themselves sat on the abandoned Tuk Tuk after school, drinking cool soda. Off laughed at Arm’s jokes and he leaned his head on Tay’s shoulder, basking in the sun whilst they teased each other.

‘Congrats on kinda coming out today by the way’, Arm pointed out, raising his soda can like a glass of champagne, ‘You came out Off Jumpol style, by not coming out at all’

‘Actions speak louder than words, they say’, Off smiled, raising his soda can and clinking it with Arm’s. He knew his friends weren’t going to make a big deal of it, so he felt relaxed in their presence. He spoke to the Junior and he told him he wouldn’t be taking him on a second date – the Junior didn’t even seem upset – he was probably glad that Off said yes to one date in the first place.

‘Gun said congrats by the way’, Tay teased, finishing his drink and throwing his empty can into the plastic bag by his side.

‘Yeah right’, Off jeered, ‘As if he cares’

‘New texted me’, Tay explained, ‘He told Gun and he said to tell you congrats’

‘Well, well, well’, Arm giggled, ‘Maybe the two of you might get along’

‘Doubt it’, Off said. He looked out onto the road and counted how many cars drove past them. He didn’t think about Gun for the moment. He thought it was a waste of time. He would never admit to Arm or Tay that he had a crush on the short kid – he didn’t even wanna admit it to himself – so he tried to change the topic and leave Gun out of their conversations.

‘You know, we might not all go to the same college’, Arm pointed out. The three friends stayed silent for a minute. They knew it was inevitable. Arm wanted to go to fashion school and Tay said he was going to study economics like his dad. They didn’t share the same goals, it was obvious that after high school, they’d be parting ways.

‘Promise me, no matter where we end up, we’ll always be friends?’, Tay broke the silence, asking Off and Arm who turned to look at him. Off wanted to punch Tay for suddenly being serious, but instead, he raised his fisted hand in the air and nodded. Arm smiled and joined in, bumping his fist with Off, waiting for Tay to join in.

‘And promise that we don’t end up being annoying adults’, Off added in. The trio laughed and the three hands bumped together as the sun began to set. They stayed on top of the abandoned Tuk Tuk, Off and Tay laughing at Arm who wanted to go to the same college as Alice.

‘He’s in love, your honour’, Off squeaked, earning a punch.

‘So much!’, Tay joined in, clenching his stomach from laughing too much. Off hoped that they stayed like this a little while longer. He didn’t want this to disappear just yet.

* * *

Off sat in Mrs Pho’s shop after finishing his volunteer work at the shelter. He sipped the pink milk tea that she offered him and he debated whether to start work or whether to take a small nap. Mr Toey advised him to rest in between, but he knew his English homework was going to take hours to finish.

Just as he was about to make his mind and open his book, he heard Mrs Pho squealing outside and he was about to ignore it when he heard a name being called out that he didn’t think he’d hear again.

‘Gun! You’ve finally come to visit! We’ve missed you!’

_Gun?_

Off stood up. He froze when he realised, he was walking towards the entrance. Gun was visiting? Surely, he didn’t come for him. He must have errands to do. Off took a few steps back. He wondered why the mention of his name was enough to pull Off out of his tiredness and he was embarrassed at how quick his steps were.

The tall boy leaned on the cement walls inside Mrs Pho’s shop, listening in to their conversation instead, keeping himself hidden.

‘Why haven’t you been visiting often, dear?’, Mrs Pho asked him, ‘Off won’t tell me’

‘I’ve been busy with work’, Gun explained. It was simple and a reasonable excuse. Off thought, it was weird for Gun not to mention their fight. Unlike him, Gun had no excuse to lie to Mrs Pho that they were friends.

‘Well, you should come when you have the time. Off misses you’

‘I don’t think he does’, Gun replied with a fake laugh. Off clenched his eyes closed out of embarrassment. He hoped Gun didn’t believe that.

‘Darling, he does’, Mrs Pho urged on and Off could only pray for her to stop bringing him up, ‘He’s been looking lonely recently. I know it’s because you don’t visit often’

‘I think it’s about something else’, Gun kept on pushing back Mrs Pho’s assumptions and Off didn’t know whether to feel relieved or upset. Did Gun not believe her because he hated Off or because he thought the latter wasn’t capable of wanting friendship out of him? He wished he could just ask him, to bury his curiosity once and for all. But Off’s one prideful son of a bitch, so he stayed hidden inside Mrs Pho’s shop and listened as Gun finished buying whatever he needed to buy, walking away and bidding Mrs Pho farewell.

‘Do you wanna say hi to Off? He’s inside?’

‘I need to get home soon. My mum wants the ingredients for dinner’

‘Well, alright darling. You get home safe’, Mrs Pho waved goodbye to him. She smiled and watched him walk off, turning back inside her shop. She flinched in shock when she saw Off standing right behind her, ‘Off, you gave me a fright, what’re you doing there?’, she asked him after composing herself.

‘Nothing’, Off could only reply, ‘I’m gonna take a nap’, he left and ran upstairs to Mrs Pho’s apartment, leaving the old lady without much of an answer. She furrowed her brow and crossed her arms as she looked at the boy’s back, questions filled her head. She wondered why Off was acting weird recently.

* * *

**One Month Before Graduation.**

The last fight of the school year happened a week before finals. The crowd was immense as Off pushed through the group of students. He got a text from New, begging him to come to the canteen. He was going to ignore it and study in the rooftop when he got another text for Tay, begging him to do the same.

‘What the fuck is going on?’, Off asked as he rushed over to where Mike and Fiat were. He still couldn’t get past the students crowding the canteen area.

‘It’s Arm’, Mike whispered to him, a shocked look in his eyes, ‘Apparently he cheated on Alice’

‘I beg your fucking pardon?’, Off shouted back at him, ‘He what?’

‘Someone told Alice that Arm cheated on her’

‘With fucking who?’, Off asked and Fiat pointed at Jane who was clearly trying to get into the crowd as well. Off couldn’t believe it. He scoffed at the idea that his best friend would ever cheat on Alice, ‘Arm doesn’t even talk to Jane that much. Why the fuck would someone tell her he’s hooking up with Jane?’

Off! Off!’, he finally heard Tay and New’s voice shouting for his name. The two tall boys rushed towards them, both their hands tugging at Off’s arms, ‘You’ve got to help! They’re fighting in the middle of the canteen’

‘I can fucking see that’, Off rolled his eyes with sarcasm. Even though he couldn’t see Arm and Alice, he could still hear them. It was loud but it was also being drowned by other students trying to stop Alice from slapping Arm in the face.

‘You need to stop it’, Tay begged Off, ‘Alice won’t listen to us’

‘Who even told her that Arm was cheating?’

‘Gun’

Mike, Off, Fiat, and Tay both turn to where the answer came from. They looked at New with as much confusion in their eyes as the latter. No one could even begin to ask why.

‘He said he saw Arm with Jane last night’

‘Is he being serious?’, Off asked Tay’s boyfriend but the boy couldn’t give him an answer. Off finally rushed at the heart of the crowd when he heard students calling for a teacher. The last thing anyone needed was for Arm and Alice to be sent to the Principal’s office right before finals.

‘Okay everyone, break it off, now!’, he shouted, his voice loud and heavy as he pushed through the crowd. He grabbed Arm and pushed him to the side when he saw Alice raising her hand. He closed his eyes and felt the impact. His cheek felt hot and it turned red.

‘P’Off…’, Alice whispered in shock, addressing him respectfully for the first time in months.

Off rested his hand on his reddened cheeks, looking back and forth between Arm and Alice, ‘Stop fighting, the teacher’s gonna be here any minute. Do you want to get in trouble before finals?’, he warned both his friends. He didn’t even mention the slap on his face as he tugged on Arm to follow him, leaving behind Alice. He was quick in his steps but he still saw Gun who stood by Alice’s side, his eyes wide as they stared back at him.

‘Arm, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do’, he hissed at his best friend, clearly not knowing what the real story was.

* * *

‘Jane and I are neighbours!’, Arm shouted at his best friends as soon as they made it out into the football field, ‘We were just having a conversation whilst walking home! That doesn’t mean I was cheating!’

‘Since when were you neighbours?’, Tay asked, ‘I visited your house loads of times, I never saw her’

‘Because we don’t live in the same house dumbass’, Arm slapped Tay’s shoulders, clearly frustrated that he was being questioned about something so stupid, ‘She and I don’t interact much, but whenever we meet on the road, we talk till we get to our house. Is that a fucking crime?!’

‘I guess not’, Mike pointed out as he jumped to sit in on the ledge. He had an apple in his hands, the only thing he could grab from the canteen before running away with Off and Arm. He bit on the sweet fruit as he listened to Arm’s explanation. It made sense. The boy was still too head over heels for Alice to randomly cheat on her.

‘Jane’s quite pretty though’, Fiat pointed out, ‘I can understand why someone thought the two of you were a thing’

‘Did Jane deny?’, Tay asked.

‘Yeah, but Alice didn’t believe her… I don’t know why she didn’t though’

‘Because she trusts Gun’, Off whispered underneath his breath, his hands on his waist. He was only supposed to think that to himself, but Arm heard him and he swiftly turned his gaze back to his best friend who dragged him away.

‘Gun? What’s Gun got to do with it?’

Off looked up to stare at Tay. There’s a silence between them and Off furrowed his brow, his eyes questioning Tay who awkwardly tugged at his sleeves. So, Tay and New didn’t tell Arm.

‘Gun was the one who told Alice’, Off explained and he immediately grabbed Arm’s wrist. He knew his best friend wanted to go back and confront the short kid, but Off didn’t let him.

‘Off, let me go, I need to speak to Gun’

‘It’s in your best interest not to start a fight’, Off warned his best friend, even though he noticed Arm’s reddening ears and furrowed brows. He knew Arm was beyond pissed, ‘Exams are next week. We need to focus

‘I don’t fucking care. I need to speak to Gun!’

‘Arm! Listen to me! It’s not worth it now! Do it when exams are over!’

‘Alice would’ve broken up with me by then!’, Arm shouted back at Off when the boy showed no signs of letting go, ‘I need Gun to explain everything now!’

‘Arm, the last time I had a fight with Gun, I almost got suspended!’, Off warned him, ‘You do not want to make the same mistakes as me’

‘Arm, calm down. Off has a point’, Tay pointed out, grabbing Arm’s other wrist and tugging him back to the field.

‘Look, maybe Gun might’ve misunderstood’, Fiat suggested, ‘It’s easy to misunderstand’

‘Yeah!’, Mike joined in, defending the short kid even though none of them knew how Gun saw the two nor why he would suddenly spill it to Alice without asking Arm about it. Off couldn’t understand Gun, so he couldn’t even give Arm an answer either.

‘Let’s focus on our exams and deal with this shit later, huh?’, Off begged. He didn’t want Arm to fuck up his exams for something stupid like this, not when they’ve spent the last month revising like crazy. They’re not going to fail and end up in shitty colleges over something petty.

‘Gun better fucking prepare himself. I’m gonna beat the shit out of him’, Arm shouted, his voice echoing across the field. Mike bit his lip nervously and Fiat couldn’t even believe what he heard. Arm never raised his voice before and no one had ever seen his angry. Looks like Gun had a talent for pissing people off.

‘I’ll get to the bottom of this’, Off whispered to him in an attempt to calm him down, ‘I promise’

‘How?’, Tay asked, ‘You and Gun can’t stand each other. What makes you think he’ll want to have a conversation with you?’

* * *

Off knocked on Gun’s door, his mum opening it and looking straight at him. To say she was different towards him was an understatement. She looked at him up and down and leaned on the doorframe.

‘May I help you?’

It seems like his harsh words when they last met still affected her. Now he knew where Gun got it from.

‘Is Gun at home?’

‘Why’re you asking?’

‘I need some help… With work’

‘Why would you be asking someone you don’t like?’, she asked him. Good question. It was a question he couldn’t answer even if he loved to.

‘Look, Miss Phunsawat, I’m sorry about last time, but I really need to talk to Gun. You can curse me out afterward’, Off pleaded. Arm was pissed the entire day and he threatened to beat up Gun more than once and if he didn’t come and sort shit out, his best friend might do something stupid.

‘Are you here to comfort my son or to bully him? Because I don’t need him to be more upset than he already is’

‘He’s upset?’, Off queried and Gun’s mum nodded. The short kid probably heard what Arm’s been telling the others. How could he not when Arm’s been a petty bitch since the fight. Plus, news like this spread like wildfire, of course, Gun would know about it.

‘I’m here to comfort him. I promise Miss Phunsawat’

Gun’s mother didn’t have any other choice but to let him in. When his son came home from school with a sullen expression, barely speaking a word to her as he locked himself in his room, she waited for one of his friends to visit him, but they never came. She didn’t even know Gun’s friends, so she couldn’t call for them. She tried knocking on his door and speaking to him, but he kept his door locked and screamed for her to go away.

When she heard the door knock, she sighed a relief until she saw the person on the other side. But what other choice did she have? She could only hope Off was there to do what he promised to do.

Off looked at the locked and door sighed a deep breath. He had no idea where he stands with Gun, so this could go south really quickly. He finally got the courage to knock on the door, waiting for a response, but it never came. He tried knocking again, this time louder, banging on the door.

‘Mum, I said go away!’, he finally heard Gun’s voice from the other side of the door.

‘If you don’t open the door, I’ll tell the whole school that you called me mum’, Off said and his voice definitely stirred something in Gun because he heard footsteps before he saw the door swing open. Gun was still in his uniform, though his shirt was creased and his hair was messy from laying on the bed too long. Off also noticed his shorts ridden up but he shook that thought away. He had other things to talk about.

‘So, I heard you told Alice that Arm cheated on her’

‘It was a fucking mistake, I know’, Gun groaned at him.

‘I’m not gonna ask you why you did it’, Off raised his hand to show his innocent intentions, ‘I just wanna know what you saw’

‘I didn’t lie. I did see them together. They were walking to Arm’s house’, Gun pointed out, suddenly feeling the need to defend himself, ‘How could you not think something was going on?’

‘Well, did you not know that they’re neighbours?’, Off asked him and this is when Gun’s expression changed.

‘I just found out today’

‘Well, you should’ve checked your facts before ruining someone’s relationship’, Off pointed out. He had a calm voice and it didn’t look like he came to seek revenge for Arm, but that didn’t make it less bad. Gun can hear the judgment in Off’s voice and he felt more guilty.

‘I was only looking out for her!’

‘And this is me looking out for my friend’, Off explained calmly even though all Gun ever did was shout at him since he got here, ‘Arm’s not like that. I need you to know that my friend would never hurt yours’

‘I know that now’, Gun whispered, his eyes looking down at his feet. Off heard his gulp and he realised Gun was trying hard not to cry.

‘How did you see them by the way? You don’t live around Arm’s neighbourhood’

‘Jane wanted to meet up at a café to go over our lines’, Gun confessed. It was late and we were about to separate, but I saw her waving at someone and it was Arm… They seemed really close so I just assumed…’

‘Guys and girls can be friends, Gun’, Off sighed at him. He couldn’t get too mad at Gun when he understood how the short kid could’ve misunderstood the situation, but the latter’s excuse at starting a drama was so lame, he couldn’t help but look down on him, ‘You’re friends with Alice’

‘But, I’m not like Arm’

‘What do you mean you’re not like Arm?’, Off snorted, crossing his arm, ‘You’re a dude, aren’t you?’

_But I’m not straight._

Gun didn’t say anything. He kept looking on the ground and avoiding Off’s eye contact. He felt ashamed that he started the fight between Alice and Arm. He was only trying to help, but it turned out to be a big huge misunderstanding and now everyone will think he’s just a shit-stirrer.

‘I didn’t mean to’, he suddenly whispered, his voice cracking. Off leaned down to look at Gun only to see his lips quivering and his eyes brimming with tears, ‘I just wanted to look out for her’

‘Woah, kid, are you crying?’, Off asked, but he didn’t have time to process Gun’s answer which came into a form of an embrace, short arms wrapped around his waist. He made an ‘oomph’ sound when he was pulled in for a hug and his arms were awkwardly raised in surrender, not knowing what to do with them as he looked down at the short kid in front of him. Gun’s head was nestled on his chest as he cried himself onto Off’s shirt. The taller felt his fingers tug on his shirt, squeezing him like a teddy bear.

Gun told himself that he would’ve cried and hugged the first person who spoke out to him and that he didn’t reach out for a hug simply because it was Off.

Off, on the other hand, was too busy trying to figure out what to do. He didn’t know whether to hug him back or not. Gun was the one who ruined his best friend’s relationship and by default, he should be punching him in the face. But, by default, he should also take the time to comfort the poor kid who’s latching onto his worst enemy for comfort. He knew that Alice was pissed at Gun and New also didn’t want to talk to him until he spoke to Alice, so Gun was all alone.

‘Everyone makes mistake, kid’, Off whispered to him. He slowly brought his arms down, resting it on Gun’s shoulders in an attempt to hug him back – but he was never the hugging type, to begin with – so the embrace was still awkward, ‘You wanted to look out for your friend. Your intentions were good’

‘They’re gonna hate me forever’, Gun’s voice was muffled, but Off made out what he was trying to say.

‘I mean, just explain to them that it was a misunderstanding, then I’m sure everything will be fine’, Off was pathetic at comforting, but he thought it worked when Gun hugged him tighter, crying into his chest louder as if he was finally letting go of something he’d been bottling up for so long.

* * *

Rehearsals were a nightmare. Jane officially hated Gun and it showed in her acting.

‘Jane, you’re supposed to be Sandy. Act like you’re in love wit Danny’, Mrs Lee shouted at her when she refused to smile at Gun. The rest of the cast awkwardly looked between Gun and Jane, not knowing whether to be scared or entertained by the awkward tension between them. Of course, everyone heard by now what happened yesterday.

‘I’m sorry’, Gun whispered when they were told to go back on stage and redo the scene. He looked at Jane, but she completely ignored him. He didn’t blame her. A lot of people started calling her homewrecker when news spread around. He would also hate himself if he was Jane.

‘Let’s just get this scene over with so we can go home’, she groaned. She walked past him and purposely pushed him, but Gun didn’t retaliate. He just looked down on the ground and carried on with the scene.

* * *

Gun’s nowhere to be seen during lunch. Off asked New if he was in the library, but the taller shook his head as he joined Alice on the other side of the canteen, far away from Arm at their usual table.

‘She still thinks you and Jane are a thing?’, Tay asked Arm to which the latter stabbed his chicken with a fork, glaring at Tay to drop it. Off wanted to join them – but he needed to find Gun. He didn’t think the short kid was capable of ditching classes, but there was nowhere else he could go except for the library and canteen. He asked around but no one seemed to know where the boy went.

Off gave up and opted to spend some time alone. He wasn’t even part of the drama but even he was starting to get exhausted. He packed a sandwich from the canteen and headed straight to the rooftop. He felt slightly bad for leaving Arm, but he didn’t want to be there when things started to get awkward.

He kicked the door open and headed straight to the bench he usually sat in. He dropped his bag and was about to sit down when he saw someone else sitting on the ledge. He squinted his eyes, surprised that someone else was here.

‘Excuse me?’, he called out to the stranger, only to be greeted by someone he knew, ‘Oh shit, Gun, what’re you doing here?’, he said once he recognised the boy, ‘Everyone was looking for you’, _well,_ not everyone, just him.

‘I needed some air’, Gun called out. It was slightly awkward. He knew there was a chance that Off would come here, but he had nowhere else to go. He didn’t have the guts to ditch school, but he had nowhere else to hang around during lunch. He could be in the library revising, it’s not like anyone would visit him there, but he couldn’t concentrate. All throughout the morning period, he could only stare at his books, but he couldn’t focus. He knew he should be worried since they started exams next year, but he couldn’t erase the look of disappointment from Alice yesterday. The only place where there was a detachment from the rest of the school was the rooftops. He knew it was Off’s place, but he hoped that the latter would let him share it just for one day.

Off didn’t say anything. He was about to, but being a jackass isn’t going to help the situation so he just sat on his seat and opened his bag to dig out his sandwich.

‘Have you had lunch yet?’, he asked Gun. The short kid shook his head. He took his sandwich and cut it in half, reaching his hand out to offer his other half to him. Gun looked down and just stared down at his hand for a moment, making him laugh, ‘Are you gonna take it or not?’

‘Why’re you being nice to me? Shouldn’t you be on Arm’s side?’

‘I am’, Off said, ‘But that doesn’t mean I have to be a bitch to you. You look guilty enough, you don’t need me to rub salt in the wound, right?’, Off asked him, laughing, ‘So take the sandwich and eat before you collapse, I heard you’re preparing for your recital this Friday’

Gun awkwardly took the sandwich, leaning on the ledge beside Off and staring at the school field. The sun was hot on their skin and Gun wondered how Off had the resistance to sit here for hours on end. He took a bite off the sandwich and realised he didn’t even say thank you. He decided not to say anything since it was too late to thank the taller.

‘I’m not gonna say anything, but can I ask you something?’, Off suddenly broke the silence between them.

‘What?’

‘Were you jealous of Alice by any chance?’

‘Jealous of what?’, Gun replied hastily, his voice raised, but Off shook his hand in front of him.

‘Don’t get mad, I was only asking’

‘I’m not’, Gun pointed out, slightly offended, ‘I don’t like Arm like that’

‘But you like someone, right?’, Gun tensed immediately, his eyes reverted to his foot. Off noticed that whenever Gun was uncomfortable, he would stare at his feet. He also noticed the way the boy tensed and clenched on the poor sandwich, ‘I’m guessing, that’s a yes’

‘No’

‘Don’t lie. Oab told me you rejected him cos you liked someone’, Off mentioned and Gun felt like his skin was getting peeled off his body. He bit the inside of his cheeks and closed his eyes. He regretted telling the truth to Oab – but the latter was such a nice person – he thought at the very least, he deserved the truth. He couldn’t believe he told Off though. Then again, he should’ve known. Everyone was friends with Off Jumpol.

‘It’s not Arm’, he simply stated. He didn’t address Off’s assumptions, but he didn’t deny it either. Off was smart enough to read between the lines and nodded.

‘Well, whoever it is, you better confess soon’

‘Why?’

‘We have exams next week and after that, summer officially begins. We don’t have long left until we all leave this place’, Off said exactly what Gun’s been thinking about for months, ‘Or maybe you can keep it a secret. It’s really up to you’

 _Keep it a secret,_ Off thought to himself. He begged Gun not to tell. He didn’t want to know who Gun liked, not when he’s begging to be the one. He was going to end up looking pathetic if Gun ever approached his crush and confessed. He’s going to be the pathetic loser who fell for his rival. What a way to end his high school life.

* * *

No one came to Gun’s recital. At the beginning of the year, his friends promised to support him, but with everything that’s happened, Gun wasn’t surprised to be standing alone backstage with his violin in his hands, standing alone. His hair was gelled back brushed back; his make-up done by his mum who promised she would be sitting at the front seat. He also noticed that she was looking around backstage and he realised she was probably looking for his friends.

He was lonely, but he expected it. He heard the audience clap for the previous performer and he suddenly got pushed to the side when a crowd of people with bouquets and balloons pushed through to the backstage. They all had grins on their faces and he noted that they must be the previous performer’s family and friends.

His mum tried her best to be loud, clapping and cheering him on whilst holding a bouquet of flowers which she planned to give to him when he finished his performance. Despite her attempt, he still felt hollow. His dad wasn’t there anymore – he hadn’t been for the past year – but his emptiness space felt the most deafening when his name got called and he walked in front of the stage with a bright light shining on him.

He barely saw the crowd due to the lights on him. Gun held his breath and waited for his cue. He’s rehearsed his piece all throughout the year and he knew it like the back of his hand. As soon as he heard the piano start, he raised his hand began to play. Softness was his aim for his piece. He didn’t want to obnoxiously play a difficult piece, he just wanted to have fun performing like he usually does. It was soft and slow, calming and contemporary, different from the other performer’s erratic pieces, full of classical pieces and commotion in their hands.

It felt like a breath of fresh air.

Gun finished his performance smoothly, earning a round of applause. He didn’t bathe in it like the other performers. Instead, he looked around the seats for his mum, wishing to find one familiar face who watched his performance.

But, to his luck, he saw two instead.

Off was sitting at the back, away from his mum who was blowing kisses at him at the front. He didn’t know how he spotted him, but it was as if his eyes couldn’t miss him. He clenched his hand around his bow, his body frozen from moving. Off stared back at him. He slouched his back on his seat and kicked his feet up on the expensive velvet chairs, raising his hand and giving him a thumbs up.

Gun smiled at how out of place Off was. Whilst everyone was in suits and evening gowns, Off was in a Hawaiian shirt with his feet up. He was unapologetically himself even in the most serious of events.

He wanted to run up to him and embrace him like the night he visited his house, but he was ushered backstage where his mum was waiting for him. He hurriedly gave her a hug and kissed her cheeks. The judges were dying to talk to him and he couldn’t refuse, answering their questions and conversing with the other performance as they wait for their final verdict. Gun didn’t care where he placed. He just wanted to rush out at the reception area to find the tall boy who was willing to watch his performance when no one else would. But by the time the event finished, he was already gone.


	12. Eleven.

**Six Weeks Before Graduation.**

The musical was going underway and everyone is excited about it. With exams over, senior year finally felt like a breath of fresh air. Once the final exam day finished, everyone rushed to their lockers, pulling out the notebooks that they had accumulated throughout the year.

‘And that’s a wrap!’, Tay screamed at the top of the stairs down the main halls of the school. He was surrounded by the rest of senior year, flinging their bags out of the stairs, throwing their notes and books in the air and cheering as they watched it all drop down to the ground floor.

‘Wooh!’, Off screamed along with them, clapping his hands as he playfully pushed Tay to the left where New was standing next to them. He watched Tay finally kiss New in front of everyone in the middle of school knowing he won’t get in trouble anymore.

‘Party at my fucking house!’, They heard Mike scream and it caused another wave of whoops and banging on walls. Off laughed and pointed at Mike, shouting how he’s going to regret inviting everyone to his party, but the captain of the football team didn’t care. They had just won their last game, winning the finals and finishing exams, Mike was on a fucking high and he wasn’t going to lose his streak.

Off noticed Arm clapping next to him, but he didn’t look enthusiastic as the rest of them, so he made sure to lean his arm on his shoulders and shake him excitedly.

‘Whatever you’re worried about, fuck it’, he shouted at his best friend, ‘Alice will talk to you when she’s ready. Trust her, okay?’, he waited for Arm to start smiling before he pulled his best friend to a tight hug, which was unexpected coming from him since he wasn’t much of a hugger. Arm relished in this moment and hugged his best friend back, the three of them walking down the stairs and out the entrance.

‘Have you spoken to Gun, babe?’, Tay asked, his hand intertwined with his boyfriend’s as he dragged New with his friends. Arm rolled his eyes at the sound of the short kid’s name, still bitter towards him.

‘I’ve been too busy comforting Alice to check up on him’, New explained, ‘She doesn’t feel like talking to Gun at the moment’

‘Don’t tell me you’re picking sides’, Off pointed out jokingly, but when he noticed New shrug his shoulders he paused for a moment, ‘Wait, are you seriously choosing to side with Alice and abandon Gun?’

‘He did start it all’, New reminded him.

‘It was a misunderstanding though’, Off pointed out.

‘Why’re you defending him all of a sudden?’, Arm asked, ‘He got what he deserved for stirring shit up’

Off was about to argue with his best friend, but he bit his lip and stepped back. They were gonna be suspicious at his sudden overprotectiveness over Gun and ask him questions he knew he couldn’t answer. He felt slightly agitated at the pettiness Gun’s friends were being, picking sides as if Gun purposely wanted to ruin Alice and Arm’ relationship. He’s always vilified Gun yet when the boy was wrongfully painted in a bad picture, it suddenly made his blood boil. But how could he explain that to his friends? Especially to his best friend who still had yet to talk to Alice about it all.

But now that exams are over and they only had a couple of weeks left of school, Arm had the chance to approach Alice finally.

‘Why don’t we go to Mike’s party and forget about it?’, Tay suggested, ‘I wanna fucking forget about exams already!’

* * *

Mike came from a wealthy family. He downplayed just how wealthy he was and when Off arrived at his house, he couldn’t help but whistle in shock. He knew he was rich, but he didn’t know Mike was on the same level as him.

He couldn’t even make fun out of the football captain since the house was already filled with people. The whole entire school must’ve been invited, that’s the only excuse Off could think of as to why the ground floor was filled to the brim with people. They were dancing, moving furniture and creating a makeshift dancefloor in the living room whilst they hook up the sound system and blasts loud music all over the house.

‘This is a wreck’, Off shouted at Tay, ‘And we only just got here’

‘No!’, Tay grinned mischievously at him as he made his way to the dancefloor, ‘This is heaven!’, Off only shook his head in disapproval, but he knew there was nothing that could stop his best friend as he began to dance with the rest of the crowd. The volume of the speakers turned up and Off could feel the vibrations of the bass on his feet.

‘Off! Over here!’, he heard someone shout his name and he turned to see Mike, Fiat, and Oab leaning on the kitchen island and waving at him. He beamed and made his way over to them, high fiving each one whilst grabbing himself a can of coke.

‘You sure you don’t want beer?’, Mike offered, laughing at Off’s choice of beverage, but the teenager lifted his can of coke happily and drank from it.

‘If the police come, I’m not gonna have any alcohol in my system’, Off explained himself to which the crew laughed at him.

‘This is a private neighborhood’, Mike punched his shoulder playfully, ‘No one’s gonna hear us from miles’

‘Just saying’, Off raised his brow.

‘Well, since you’re single and clearly not interested in Mild, how about you get yourself a girl’, Fiat playfully suggested, wiggling his eyebrow like a child.

‘Why would I do that?’, Off laughed, ‘Why not wait till college? Huh?’

‘True’, Oab nodded, ‘That’s my plan too. Start fresh and new in college’

‘Are you still heartbroken Gun rejected you?’, Mike laughed, instantly making fun out of Oab as if he was paid to do so. Oab could only roll his eyes and punch his arm in protest, but that wasn’t enough to stop Mike poking fun at him.

Off’s friends continued to joke around and he would joke with them too. The party was getting rowdier and so were the boys, shouting the lyrics to the chorus whilst they danced around in the kitchen, hoarding the drinks and food whilst making fun out of the people passing them.

‘I didn’t even know you had a pool’, Oab pointed out when they stared out of the glass door to find their classmates making use of the pool behind Mike’s garden. Off almost gagged when he saw his best friend Tay take off his shirt and show off as he jumped into the pull.

‘That idiot is still trying to impress New’, Fiat snorted as they watched, ‘As if he needed to in the first place’

‘Wanna bet they won’t last till college?’, Mike decided to poke the bear, beginning a game that was surely bound to get someone mad, but they were all having fun and had a fuck it attitude after finishing their exams so they went along with it.

‘Nah’, Off shook his head, ‘I think Tay and New might actually work out’

‘I’d give it a year’, Oab joined in, grabbing a beer, ‘Then they’ll break up and date new people by second year of college’

‘How about Arm and Alice?’, Fiat added on, ‘Wanna bet they’ll get back together’

‘Of course, they’ll get back together’, Mike snorted as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, ‘They’re still head over heels in love with each other. They just need to get that stick outta their asses and talk’

‘Amen to that’, Off snickered, drinking his coke and leaning back on the kitchen island.

‘I bet Gun’s gonna become a wild animal in college’, it seemed like Fiat didn’t want the game to end and started mentioning other people in their discussion. The mention of Gun’s name made him frozen for a bit and he listened to his friends laugh and predict Gun’s future.

‘Could you imagine?’, Mike laughed, ‘The quiet kid who only cared about grades saying fuck it and losing control in college?’

‘That’s how it usually works though’, Fiat laughed with him, ‘It’s always the quiet ones’

‘I don’t know’, Oab added on, ‘I think Gun might be worse in college’

‘Worse, how so?’, Off asked.

‘He’ll be even more uptight and focused’, Oab said, ‘I mean, college is way more important than high school and if he’s acting like this now, could you imagine college?’

‘Oh shit, so instead of camping in the library, he’ll just move in?’, Mike choked in laughter and Fiat joined in.

Off, on the other hand, thought about it. What would Gun be like after high school? And more importantly, will he have the privilege to witness the change, or would life be a bitch and he’ll only think of Gun in passing moments, wondering how he’s doing but never really knowing. It made his nervous all of a sudden. He had always had a routine with Gun, whether it was seeing him in homeroom or just watching him walk to the canteen. Without the structure of school keeping them caged together, it was only a matter of time till he’ll even forget how Gun looked like.

‘Where is he by the way?’, Off asked nonchalantly, yet there’s hidden intentions in his voice, ‘Did he say he was gonna come?’

‘Do you really think he will?’, Mike snorted, ‘He’s Gun Attaphan. He won’t come to my stupid party’

* * *

‘Put on a shirt, you’re embarrassing yourself’, New threw Tay’s abandoned shirt back to him when he leaped out of the pool. His hair was wet and water trickled down from the strands, landing on his neck. New gulped and looked down on the ground.

Tay could only laugh at him as he grabbed the shirt from his boyfriend, putting it on, ‘Like what you see?’

‘Go to hell’, New defensively pushed his boyfriend, but Tay was too mischievous to back down. He reached his hand out and pulled New to him by the straps of the latter’s jeans.

‘Why don’t you take a dip in the pool? It’s refreshing’, Tay suggested, his brow raised and a playful smirk on his face. New immediately wrapped his arms around Tay’s neck, glaring a warning to him.

‘Don’t you dare push me in’, he growled, but Tay didn’t care. He quickly grabbed New’s legs and leaped back into the pool, the pair causing a wave of water to splash around everyone else.

‘Tay!’, New screamed as soon as his head was out of the water. He heard a wave of cheers shouting at them and he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, ‘You idiot!’

Tay’s arms didn’t let go of New’s waist, he laughed when he felt his boyfriend attempt to punch his chest, but it only made him pull New closer until their chests were touching, a wide grin on his face as he dipped in and pressed his lips against the other.

‘Get a room!’, they heard someone shout, but they didn’t care.

* * *

Jane was talking with her friends, giggling when she saw Alice walk in from the front entrance. There’s an awkward tension in the air when everyone in the room noticed the two of them standing in close proximity to each other and Jane couldn’t help but finally try to approach Alice.

The two girls respected each other. She knew Alice and she adored her working on their set designs and costumes for the musical, so she really didn’t want to get on her bad side.

‘Hey, Alice’, she raised her voice as she called out to her. She gave a shy wave and she almost sighed in relief when Alice waved back and approached her.

‘How dd you do in your exams?’, Alice asked. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a beautiful dress. She also looked calm and relaxed.

‘Good’, Jane softened to her, ‘How about you?’

‘Good’

‘Listen… About Arm…’

‘Don’t worry about it’, Alice interrupted her before she could even bring it up, ‘You’re not the one at fault and if anyone dares start a rumour about you, I’ll kick their ass’, Jane laughed at the last bit and she smiled widely at Alice. The past few weeks were awkward for both of them and she thanked Alice for finally understanding and leaving it behind.

‘Have you spoken to Arm yet?’

‘Not yet’

‘How about Gun?’, Alice smile quickly fade as soon as Jane brought him up. She still didn’t know what to feel about her friend. Off reached out to her before exams started and at first, she didn’t want to listen, but when he explained it to her, it started to make sense and it was forgivable for Gun to misunderstand. Hell, if she was with Gun and she saw what he saw, she would also jump into conclusion. She also found it weird that someone like Off would be standing up for him. She thought Off was going to explain Arm’s side of the story, but when he started mentioning Gun, she thought Gun must truly be innocent if his worst enemy was siding with him for once.

But their fight which happened as soon as Jane explained that they were neighbours made things awkward between them. It was as if they didn’t know how to start a conversation or who should reach out first.

‘I’ll talk to him when he’s ready’, is all Alice replied before Mild walked in and clapped her hands.

‘Enough of this serious talk’, Mild shouted, ‘Let’s get turned up!’

* * *

Mike had a brother. He had two older brothers who was staying out for camping on the weekend. No one was allowed past the second floor, except for Off who told the football captain that he needed some air since the rooms were getting hot and stuffy. Mike told him that his second eldest brother had a balcony in his room and that he could stay there, so Off found himself in the middle of the room, admiring Mike’s brother’s collections of instruments and action figures.

The room was just as big as his room, but the difference was there was a lot more photo frames. He walked past a desk with photos of Mike and his brothers. He even saw one that was presumably Mike’s brother and his girlfriend. There were a lot of family photos as well, mixture of graduations, camping and family holiday photos hung up on walls and leaning on picture frames. It made him slightly envious.

Off was supposed to hang out at the balcony, but the boy couldn’t help but revel at the sets of guitars that rested on stands by the side of the room. He picked up a bass that was red and played it. The sound of music from downstairs was muffled so he clearly heard the deep vibrations of the bass strings as he began to play a random song.

* * *

Gun found himself at Mike’s party. He didn’t know why, but he thought maybe he’d find Arm here. He was scared to approach the latter, with the weeks of hearing his threats around the school. He was also nervous to see Off.

He hadn’t seen the latter since his recital and he knew things have definitely changed between them. Off might have visited him out of pity, but Off was the only one around when no one else wanted to approach him, and for that, he couldn’t get rid of his feelings anymore, He had to come clean to Off sooner or later, and this was definitely later since they only had a few weeks left before graduation.

The front entrance was packed with people. He didn’t even recognise some of them. The others must’ve been Juniors and Sophomores who wanted to sneak into a Senior year party. It was like he was in the middle of a _Where’s Wally_ and he couldn’t find the damned man with the striped shirt.

The music changed and the crowd immediately changed along with it, jumping and cheering at the change of tempo. Gun was squished to the corner and he felt himself being pushed and pulled by bodies everywhere. His height didn’t fucking help either, no one could see him.

_Fuck it. I’m leaving._

Why did Gun think it was a good idea to approach Arm in this fucking atmosphere? And how the fuck is he going to start a conversation with the loud music blaring and the smell of alcohol in the air? It was all stupid and he was just getting desperate.

In an attempt to leave the crowd, he managed to run up the stairs to the second floor, sighing in relief when he found himself in an empty hallway.

The sun was going down and all he could see from the windows was the orange hues of sunlight, bright and glowing before it bids farewell to the day. By the lack of people walking up and down the stairs, he realised that he was probably not allowed on the second floor, and he was about to walk back down when he heard music coming from one of the rooms. It wasn’t the obnoxious house music playing downstairs, but it was a bass playing a jazz piece.

He was intrigued enough to walk towards the door and noticed that it was cracked open, so he peeked through and saw who was playing.

_Off Jumpol._

He was sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out with a bass guitar resting on his lap. His eyes were focused and he watched as the latter bit his bottom lip.

Gun was mesmerized by the way he played. His skin looked like it was glowing when the orange sunset touched it. He remembered Off sitting down at the back of the auditorium during his recital all of a sudden. He’d been thinking about it all week. His mum asked him about it and he knew she also saw Off there too. It was getting too suspicious and she was finally piecing the two together.

The shorter thought he was safe peeking in the room, but he accidentally took a step back, his shoes squeaking on the tiled floor and making a noise. Off lifted his head up and looked to the door. He glanced his eyes down to the shadows coming from the door and saw Gun’s silhouette.

‘Who’s there?’, he asked. He hoped it wasn’t Mike who might kill him for touching his brother’s stuff, but when the door opened, he saw Gun standing on the other side of the door.

‘Woah, Gun, you came to the party?’, he asked in shock. He hadn’t seen Gun since the boy’s recital, but of all places to see the boy, he didn’t expect him to be at Mike’s party, ‘What brings you here?’

‘Well, everyone was invited’, Gun said. It was a lame excuse and he knew Off didn’t believe him, but the latter didn’t say anything.

‘Party’s getting loud downstairs, right?’, Off joked and Gun nodded, still awkwardly standing by the door.

‘If you want, you can join me for a bit?’, he offered.

Gun approached Off, sitting in front on the carpet floor and listening to him play bass. Mike was probably going to kill him if he found out he was using his older brother’s bass, but they were alone in the room, the sounds from downstairs muffled and faint. It feels like they were in a bubble away from the world.

‘Have you spoken to Alice yet?’, Off asked him and he shook his head. He didn’t have the guts anymore, not when she refused to talk to him.

‘Well, I don’t know what her deal is’, the taller began, ‘She’s clearly mad at you because she knows you misunderstood and lied to her, so I don’t know why she’s giving Arm and Jane a hard time too’, Off valued Alice as a friend, but also a person who was logical, yet nothing about her reaction was logical. Once Jane and Arm explained to the rest of the school what happened, it was pretty clear that Gun was to blame for it and even the shorter made it clear that he saw wrong. Off didn’t know why Alice was still mad at everyone.

‘She’s just embarrassed’, Gun replied to him, defending her even though she hated him, ‘She’s not that type of girl and the reaction she had in the canteen was out of character. She was probably too embarrassed to admit that she was overdramatic’

Off laughed at him. He stopped playing for a bit and they stared at each other in silence, ‘True. You know your friend well. Too bad you fucked it up with her’

‘You don’t have to remind me’, Gun rolled his eyes, kicking the latter’s foot with his as he stretched his legs, ‘The whole school does it already’

‘You really messed up’, Off snickered at him and Gun couldn’t help but feel annoyed that the taller was finding his pain entertaining. It was the end of their high school life and Gun couldn’t believe this was how it was ending.

There’s another silence that loomed over them. Off continued to play, deep bass filled the room. Gun didn’t remember when Off started learning bass, it was probably in freshman year. He remembered the latter occupying one of the music rooms after school, but he never spoke to him.

‘Can I ask you a question?’, Off randomly reached out to Gun, albeit his eyes still glued to the strings of the bass guitar. Gun was silent, but his silence was enough for Off to confidently go ahead, ‘Why do you hate me?’

The smaller leaned his back against the wall, playing with his fingers when he thought about it, ‘You’re annoying’, is the first thing he said, which only made Off chuckle at him, ‘You’re rich and spoilt. You’re also really loud and you don’t take things seriously. You care more about spending time with your friends than focusing on work’

‘So, you hate me cos I’m a normal teenager?’, Off teased him.

‘No, I hate you because you could be a normal teenager’, Gun admitted, ‘You can hang out with your friends and have fun whilst still acing class. I had to give that up so I can be better than you’

‘Why’re you so obsessed with beating me?’, Off sighed, ‘I never wanted to compete with you in the first place, but your constant bullshit did my head in’

‘I just couldn’t believe someone like you could have everything. Friends, grades, money, and… You’re fucking nice as well’, Gun whispered the last bit to himself, but of course, Off heard it, ‘Although not to me, but you did punch Pete for New, so I gotta hand it to you’

‘You didn’t have to give up your friends for grades’, Off pointed out to him, ‘You didn’t have to do anything. You chose to focus on grades and abandon everyone else, that’s on you’

‘That’s the only way I can study’, Gun defended himself, ‘I’m not good at balancing my time and unlike you… I’m not naturally smart. I have to really focus. I can just read a textbook once and be good at shit’

‘You think I’m naturally smart?’, Off smiled playfully at him and Gun wished he never confessed it to him. The obnoxious son of a bitch is gonna keep repeating it now.

‘Shut up, Off’

Off, with a smile still on his face, leaned his head back on the wall and closed his eyes. He was still playing and Gun couldn’t help but look at him. When Off leaned his head back, his Adam’s apple was more prominent. He rolled his eyes, tired of himself. He was supposed to have a serious conversation with the taller, but here he was looking at Off and feeling his chest tighten. The room was empty apart from them and the deep bass created an aura from Off that Gun couldn’t keep his eyes away. Just the way he lazily played, his eyes closed and legs stretched on the floor. He wasn’t wearing his uniform either, just worn-out jeans and a black shirt tucked under.

He remembered the first time he saw Off at the school’s rooftop.

‘I’m a virgin’

Off opened his eyes instantly, looking at Gun once he said that. He started laughing. The confession was so fucking random and uncalled for, he had to stop playing, ‘Okay? And what do you want me to do with this information?’, he managed to reply, even though he was still laughing.

‘It’s not funny’, Gun kicked Off’s foot again, ‘I’m just saying. That’s also another thing you’re better at than me’

‘Are we competing our sex lives too?’, Off snorted. Gun’s been acting differently all of a sudden and he didn’t know whether to be amused or curious by it. For a moment, he thought maybe this is what their relationship would’ve been like if they didn’t hate each other, but then he thought, their relationship had always been like this. They weren’t sweet to each other, but they were truthful. When they were annoyed, they’d show it, there were no filters when they spoke nor did they find the respect for each other to sugar coat.

‘You asked me why I hated you and that was my answer’, Gun explained, ‘You’re a normal teenager whilst I’m not’

‘Trust me, I’m not normal’, Off snickered, ‘But, I will say, there’s different types of normal’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, there’s the crazy normal. A teenager using their loudmouth to make friends and have fun. Then there’s the quite normal, someone who doesn’t like loud noises or keep to themselves cos that’s where they feel comfortable. I feel like we just fit a different type of normal’

Off’s always been good at this type of bullshit. Language, arts and history, pulling words out of his ass and making it sound poetic. For an idiot, Gun hated the fact that Off can be intelligent like this too. Unlike him, who could solve any equations thrown at him, but if anyone asked him for advice, he’d be a stuttering mess.

Gun sat down on the floor across from Off. He continued to listen to the latter playing his bass, the deep rhythm of tunes plucking out the silence. It was deep yet jazzy, Off’s fingers grazed the strings so fast, it amazed him.

‘Tell me a secret’

‘Why?’

‘You know mine’

* * *

_‘I hate you Off Jumpol’_

_‘I hate you too, Gun Attaphan’_

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Off woke up and he felt like he was still in a dream. He never should have gone to that damn party. He kept on thinking about Gun, even when they left the room and he walked the latter back to his home since it was getting late. He didn’t even bother texting Tay that he was gonna be leaving.

‘Fuck’, he grabbed a pillow from his bed, muffling his voice as he screamed into it, kicking his sheets off the bed. He hadn’t called Gun and the short kid hadn’t texted him either so he didn’t know whether to reach out to him or not.

He wanted to stay in his own world, but he heard screaming from downstairs. He rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath; it was early in the morning yet his parents were already starting again with the fights. He wouldn’t be surprised if their neighbors called the police on them again.

‘Why don’t we just fucking separate?!’

‘I’ve been asking you for a goddamn divorce since we got fucking married!’

Off walked out of his room, slamming his door shut. It seemed like loud noises was the only communications his family had and he made himself known when he walked down the stairs, heading towards the front door. He thought that it was going to be a normal fight, but when he looked ahead and saw a bunch of suitcases blocking his way to the door that’s when he realised the intensity.

‘What are these?’, he asked, pointing on the luggage and turning back to look at his parents. His mum, who was dressed, stood beside it with her arms folded.

‘Ask you father’, is all she said before she grabbed her luggage and stormed out of the house. Off heard the slamming of the door and an immense flood of silence filled their house for the first time. He turned to stare at his dad who looked almost relieved at the sight of a shut door.

‘Are you seriously going to let her leave like that?’, he asked with disbelief, waiting for his dad to do something, maybe run after her and beg her to come back. But he just stood by the end of the hall and crossed his arm.

‘I’ve wanted her to leave this damned house for a long time’, is all he said before he walked back into the kitchen. Off felt his blood boil at the nonchalant attitude his dad had. His wife just walked out on him and not one remorse was given.

‘You’re a dickhead!’, he shouted at him, running to the door and slamming it shut in an attempt to chase after his mum. But it was too late. By the time he ran to the road there was no sign on her, only a taxi making a turn and disappearing from their neighbourhood.

_Shit._

* * *

‘Did your mum leave?’, Gun asked. Off nodded, sitting down on Gun's bedroom floor. He found himself knocking at the short kid's house late night when he heard his parents screaming about divorce and how serious this fight was. Off had always begged his parents to just separate but now that it was becoming reality, he wished for them to stay together. There was no point in trying to fix a family that was broken to begin with, but the idea of his mum leaving broke him to the core. He had hoped that his mum would come back for him, ordering him to pack his stuff and take him with her, but all he heard was the slamming of the door and the pregnant silence that came flooding in the house afterward.

She had left him with his dad.

Gun doesn’t know about Off’s family. He only saw the latter’s mum once when she came to talk to Principal Panhan about the fight. He was too busy fighting the tears that were threatening to spill to notice Off’s relationship with his mum. He didn’t even know whether he should be surprised about Off’s family. Everyone knows that he’s rich and had parents who gave him everything, would it be obvious to expect that there was something more than his rich family image?

Off spent the afternoon at Tay’s house, but he couldn’t bring it to himself to tell his best friend about his mum and it pained him to see Tay joke around with his family over lunch. Obviously, it’s not Tay’s fault, but seeing his family bubbled envy in him. Off had to leave.

He had nowhere else to go.

He contemplated whether to visit Mrs Pho, but that’s all he’s been doing for the past couple of months and he felt like he was only burdening her if he keeps running to her for help.

Off could only think of Gun.

‘You can stay the night here if you want’, Gun offered, even though his mum was probably gonna ask him a shit ton of questions about it. She was still working, but he knew that if she saw Off with him again, she was going to start asking questions. This time, he won’t be able to ignore it or push it away.

‘Does your mum mind?’, Off asked, ‘She kinda hates me’

‘She doesn’t’, Gun said, ‘She’s just…’, he didn’t know how to finish his sentence. He also didn’t know how his mum felt about Off. She used to love him, but now she’s just curious. He knew that he couldn’t hide anything from her, so when he started crying when she asked about Off, she was starting to feel suspicious over his feelings for the boy. It won’t be long till she puts the two and two together and they’ll be forced to have _that_ conversation.

‘I can go’, Off offered, ‘I don’t want you to get into trouble’

‘No, it’s okay’, Gun reached his hand out to touch Off’s arm, ‘She’s not gonna kill me if she sees you here’

‘You sure?’, Off snickered, ‘She’s sweet, but she can be tough’

‘I know, where do you think I got it from?’, Gun teased him and Off chuckled in surprise. Gun never joked around with him before.

‘You think you’re sweet?’, Off raised his brow, a smirk on his face, ‘I think you’re just annoying’

‘You’re lying’

‘How do you know if I’m lying?’

‘Because you gave me a handjob’

Off choked on air. Gun was blunt as fuck and he didn’t know how to deal with that. He crossed his legs and sat on the boy’s bedroom floor.

‘Since when were you this blunt?’, he asked Gun, marking his nervousness with a chuckle. Gun didn’t say anything as he sat at the end of his bed. He held onto a stuffed toy, shrugging his shoulder and looking down at his nails.

 _Six weeks._ They don’t have that much time with each other anymore. They spent the whole year going back and forth and who knows if he’ll have to keep everything hidden, or if he should just confess everything tonight.

‘You ever thought of me that way?’, Gun finally had the courage to look back at Off, staring down at him.

‘In what way?’

‘Attractive’

‘Of course, anyone would find you attractive’, Off snickered, ‘You’re cute. Annoying but cute’

‘But how about you though?’, Gun asked him again, wanting a specific answer.

‘What do you want me to say?’, Off replied with a question, which irritated Gun.

‘Do you find me attractive?’

‘Well, as I said, you’re cute’, Off replied, ‘But as I said again, you’re annoying’, he added in just to wind him up and watch his nose crunch in annoyance.

‘If you don’t like me, then just say it how is it’, Gun whined, tugging at the fur of his teddy bear, ‘You don’t need to beat around the bush’

‘Alright, alright’, Off interrupted him, ‘Gosh, you’re so aggressive, aren’t you?’

‘So?’

‘I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t’, Off pointed out. Gun kept quiet, finally shutting up when he got his answer. Off stared at him, curious to see his reaction and to his unknown desire, he saw Gun looked down on his lap and hide a smile and he felt his chest tighten at the sight.

 _Fuck._ He didn’t think Gun would look that cute.

‘Are you gonna act like a shy schoolgirl?’, Off teased the latter. Gun reached out and grabbed his pillow, throwing it at Off who caught it mid-air.

‘Shut up’

Their answers didn’t really solve anything. It only opened a casket of more questions. So, if they were attracted to each other, did it mean they liked each other? Who liked who first? Why didn’t they confess earlier? Too many questions.

‘Do you mind kissing me again?’

‘Gun, you have got to be the bluntest person I’ve ever met in my life’, Off replied to him in shock at the request. He looked damn shy with his arms wrapped around his teddy bear, yet he was so fucking confident at the same time. It drove Off insane.

‘My mum’s not home’

‘Don’t’, Off raised a brow at him, ‘She might come home any minute and I’m not gonna get in trouble’

‘So, you’re not gonna kiss me?’, Gun asked, and his eyes were round, like a puppy, Off couldn’t help but chuckle. He stood up and walked to the end of Gun’s bed where he was sitting. Gun stared at Off as the latter bent down on his knees on the floor so that they’re on the same level.

Their eyes were glued onto each other and Gun felt a dip on either side of him. Off rested his hand on his duvet sheets, his face leaning closer until their lips were only inches away.

Off chuckled when he saw Gun shut his eyes at his approach, his hands practically tugging at the furs of his teddy bear.

‘Were you thinking about last night?’, he asked Gun in a whisper, his warm breath hitting the latter’s lips.

‘Maybe’, Gun whispered back, his eyes still shut nervously.

Off probably shouldn’t be thinking about Gun right now. His mum just walked out on him and he doesn’t want anything to do with his dad. His family’s slowly falling apart, yet all he kept looking at were Gun’s eyes, which were round and sparkling.

Off leaned in slowly, too slowly. Gun looked at the way the latter’s lips edged closer. His chest was getting tight and his breath hitched the closer the taller got. He gripped his teddy bear hard, closing his eyes and pouting his lips a little.

Off couldn’t help but stop and chuckle a little, his breath reaching Gun’s lips when he saw the shorter’s eyes tightly shut with his lips protruding out.

‘Are you gonna kiss me or wha-’, Gun was in the middle of complaining when he felt Off’s lips press against his. It made him gasp, but he quickly kissed him back. He was still an amateur and he hated how Off took the lead, but there was nothing else he could do. The taller was more experienced than him in kissing. And he kinda liked it. He liked how Off licked his lips. He had him trapped between his arms, so Gun couldn’t move anywhere. The only thing between them was the stuffed bear Gun was still hugging.

Arm was gonna kill him if he found out he was making out with the person who ruined his relationship, but who the fuck was gonna know? They were stuck in their own world, covered in a bubble that they created where Off was leaning on Gun, kissing him softly whilst the latter writhed and moan below him. No one needed to know what goes on between them.

School’s going to be over in a week and graduation is soon. There was no reason for them to fight anymore. Their exams were over, their college applications were sent and Off couldn’t hold in his attraction any longer. It all exploded in one moment.

Off reached one hand on Gun’s face, his thumb stroking his cheeks as he leaned in closer, forcing Gun to fall on his back on his bed.

‘Are we gonna do it?’, Gun asked once they broke the kiss, the pair breathing heavily on each other’s skin.

‘Are you crazy?’, Off whispered back, despite the growing tent under his jeans, ‘Your mum could be home any minute’

‘But are you gonna stay the night?’

‘Up to you’, Off whispered. He rested his forehead against Gun’s, closing his eyes and feeling the need to lean in and kiss the tip of his nose softly.

‘Stay the night’, Gun said, ‘You can sleep on the floor’

Off chuckled, opening his eyes and pecking the latter’s now swollen lips, ‘Sure thing’

* * *

The musical was held on the last day of school in the evening and everyone was excited about it. Off came back to school in the evening to watch the musical. The school hallways were already cleaned and it was bustling with parents and students alike.

‘Hey, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Save a seat for me’, Off patted Tay before leaving. His best friend nodded his head and promised to save a seat as he grabbed New’s hands, walking towards the auditorium where everyone was heading.

Off should probably go look for Alice to try and talk to her one more time, but he knew it should be Arm who should do it. So, for the last time, he escaped from the crowd and made his way to the third floor of the school where the broken door headed up to the rooftops were. He didn’t think he’d be able to visit it now that school’s over and he felt his chest tighten at the thought that he won’t have an excuse to be here anymore.

He was going to miss it. There was no point lying to himself. Despite the stress and the drama, he knew this change was gonna hit hard on him. He opened the rusted door and headed straight to his bench to look down on the school grounds one more time before leaving.

‘Well, well, well’, Off chuckled when he found someone else sitting on his bench, ‘You stole my spot’, he called out to which Gun stood up. He had a nervous look in his face. He was already in costume, his hair gelled back to imitate John Travolta’s in the movie. He had on a tight white shirt and a leather jacket paired with denim jeans. He looked straight out of the 50s’ and he couldn’t help but laugh.

Gun looked cute. He was supposed to look hot, but he just ended up looking cute. Especially when the leather jacket was a little big on his, the sleeves hiding his hands.

‘I’m just nervous’, Gun confessed, looking out into the field to see a few people still wandering around before the musical started. They still had twenty minutes to go.

‘You’ve been practicing for months’, Off pointed out, ‘I’m sure you’ll do well’

‘I’m sorry you couldn’t perform with us’, Gun said, ‘It’s my fault… You should be up on stage with us’

‘It’s okay’, Off shrugged, ‘I didn’t want to be in it anyway’

‘I’m sorry about debate club too’, Gun said, ‘I didn’t mean it… I just…’

‘It’s alright’, Off chuckled, leaning on the bench and staring at Gun, ‘It’s over. I spoke to Mr. Toey and he said my applications looked phenomenal, so I don’t have to worry about getting into a shit college’

Gun nodded and they fell silent for a moment.

‘Although, I don’t think I’m gonna get the scholarship, so I should give you an early congratulations’, Off noted, chuckling to himself.

‘You never know’

‘I do’, Off pointed out, ‘I got suspended once this year and you didn’t. That’s a big red cross for me’

‘You’re still one of the smartest people in school. You’ll get into a good school’, Gun reassured him, but Off didn’t need him to. Two of the brightest students at school didn’t need to worry about getting into college, he was sure he was gonna get offered a place. If anything, he was getting worried that all of his offers might be far from Gun’s university.

‘Good luck on your performance by the way’, Off told him, ‘You’ll be great out there’

‘I hope so’, Gun sighed, ‘I owe it to Jane. This musical means the world to her’, Off noticed that he was still nervous. He quickly got up and grabbed his phone from his pockets, flipping through his playlist and smiling.

‘What are you doing?’, Gun asked when he turned up the volume and he heard Elvis Presley playing.

‘We need to get you in character’, Off said, jumping on the ground and grabbing Gun’s hands, ‘Let’s dance!’

‘Don’t!’, Gun shouted, but he started laughing when Off held onto his hands, twirling him around to the beat of the music.

‘Come on Danny Zuko! Show us your dance!’, Off clapped his hands and began dancing with Gun whilst Jailhouse Rock started playing in the background. He started laughing when Gun gave in and started dancing with him. They were out of sync and just jumping around like a bunch of kids, but it was like Off pulled him out of his own thoughts and brought him to his world. They forgot for a moment about all the troubles they had and just danced until they were breathless from laughing too much.

Off reached his hand out one last time and intertwined his fingers with Gun, twirling him around until the latter landed on his chest.

Gun was slightly dizzy and he leaned his head on Off’s chest for a minute, breathing heavily. He can feel Off’s heartbeat racing fast and he couldn’t help but look up at him.

‘You good now?’, Off asked and Gun nodded his head.

Without warning, Gun tiptoed and placed a soft kiss on Off’s cheeks, ‘Thanks’, he whispered. He looked down on his watch and noticed he only had ten minutes left before the show started, ‘I better get going before Mrs Lee kills me’, he said. He was about to let go of Off’s hands but the latter dragged him back to him, spinning him around and placing a kiss on his lips.

‘Good luck kiss’, Off whispered when they broke away, the latter smiling when he finally let go of Gun, watching him close the rusted door behind him. Off stayed for a few more minutes, leaning on the edge and watching the sun slowly going down.

* * *

**Two Days Before the Reunion.**

_‘Try it on for me’_

_‘No, it’s too big, I can already tell’_

_‘Just try it on. Who knows, it might look sexy on you’_

_‘It has Snoopy at the front, how is it gonna look sexy?’_

_‘Just try it for me, huh?’_

_‘Shut up’_

_‘Come on, try it on for me. Huh? Please?’_

He woke up with a bitter taste down the back of his throat. His eyes were tired and his head was banging.

_Fuck._

‘You drank too much last night’, he heard his roommate and friend shout at him as soon as he lifted his head up. The sun was burning his eyes and he wished Jingjing would’ve closed the curtains last night.

‘What the fuck happened?’, he croaked, his voice still hoarse from the alcohol.

‘You hooked up with the security guard’

‘Fucking hell’, he whined as he rested his head back on his pillow, the flood of last night slowly coming back to him, ‘Why didn’t you stop me’

‘Who could ever stop you?’, she walked into his room with a bowl of cereal she placed on his bedside, ‘You get what you want nowadays’

‘Ugh, I’m never doing that again’

‘You always say that’, she giggled, ‘Anyway, I made you breakfast. I’m gonna go to work. I’ll see you in the afternoon’

‘Sure, whatever’, he kept whining. He couldn’t stop his headache which banged the side of his head and made him feel dizzy whenever he stood up too quickly. He noticed that Jingjing had placed painkillers next to the cereal bowl and he sighed thankfully. He needed to give her a hug later.

He managed to walk to his kitchen once he finished his breakfast, his head still fucking killed and he felt like he wanted to throw up. He hated having hangovers. He knew he was a lightweight, but every night out, he managed to get drunker than the previous night.

‘Ah, shit’, he cursed under his breath when he looked at the calendar. He forgot to call his high school friend. He’d kept in touch with her for years now and he calls her at least once a year to check up. He didn’t know why he kept doing since he hadn’t seen her for almost six years, but at first, he latched onto the idea that maybe one day she’d meet up with him and tell him that he’s back.

Every phone call consisted of him asking for that person, although he didn’t hold on much hope that the boy would ever return. He stopped caring too. It’s been years since he thought about the boy and his life had changed too much to be asking for something in the past to return to him. But he habitually called his old friend with the same question because he didn’t know how to get rid of it out of their routine.

He searched around for his phone and called the number saved as ‘Alice Chu’ and waited for her to pick up.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey Alice’, he coughed, trying to get rid of his hungover voice, ‘How have you been?’

‘I’ve been good’, she replied, ‘How have you been? You haven’t called recently’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve been busy’, Gun answered and there was an awkward silence between them. This was the moment he would ask his usual question and he was getting sick of it, but he knew their conversation would feel out of place if he didn’t ask it, ‘Spoken to him recently?’

‘As a matter of fact, yes I have’, Alice replied.

He dropped the spoon on the floor, his bowl thankfully dropping in the sink where it didn’t shatter into pieces. That wasn’t the response he usually gets.

‘Are you serious?’, he asked.

‘Yeah’, she said, ‘He’s back in Thailand. He’s been back for a couple of months now. He started work at this entertainment company in PR’

‘Wait, wait, wait, Alice, hold the fuck up’, he stopped her from talking as he abandoned his dishes. He grabbed his phone and held it against his ears, ‘Say that again’

‘Off Jumpol is back in Thailand’, Alice repeated again, ‘And he’s coming to our high school reunion’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. So, are you coming too, Gun?’

Gun dropped his phone on the floor before he could answer. He heard Alice’s small voice over the phone, but he didn’t pick it back up.

All he could do was stare at his reflection on the kitchen mirror. He was wearing an oversized shirt with a faded Snoopy print at the front. It was still big on him; it fell off his shoulder at one point.


	13. Twelve.

**The Day of the Reunion.**

‘You want me to move out of the apartment you begged me to move in?’, Off repeated Tay’s words as soon as he told him. They were sitting in the kitchen, with leftover takeaway food as their breakfast since none of them knew how to fucking cook despite living alone for years.

‘I’m not living away from my fiancé’

‘Your fiancé lives five minutes away from you’, Off raised his brow and crossed his arm. Tay was beaming like a child who was given a lollipop and he wanted to slap the grin off his face.

‘So, why don’t you move to New’s old apartment and let him move in here with me’

‘Or better yet, you move out to his one-bedroom apartment and I’ll keep this two-bedroom condo to myself’

‘What’re you gonna do with a two-bedroom condo?’, Tay asked suspiciously, raising a brow at his best friend.

‘And what’re _you_ gonna be doing with a two-bedroom condo?’

‘Who knows, we might adopt a kid soon’

‘Are you fucking serious?’, Off’s eyes turned round in shock and he couldn’t believe Tay didn’t start laughing and tell him it was just a joke. Tay had just managed to persuade New’s grandparents to accept their marriage, what made him think they were gonna say yes to adopted grandchildren?

‘I’m gonna wear them down until they let us’, Tay told Off to which his best friend could only laugh at him.

‘Good luck with that’, Off scoffed, going back to eating his dinner before it got cold.

‘So, are you moving out or not?’, Tay asked him to which Off scrunched his used tissue, throwing it at his best friend and ignoring his request. Tay could wear down New’s grandparents into submission, but he wasn’t going to wear him down over this flat. It was new and freshly furnished, plus it was only a twenty-minute drive to his workplace. He wasn’t gonna give it up.

‘Oh, and Alice is asking what you’re gonna wear tonight’

‘What for?’

‘For the reunion dinner, obviously’, Tay said and the moment he said that Off threw another ball of used tissue at him.

‘How many times have I told you, I’m not fucking going’

‘It’s gonna be fun!’, Tay whined at his best friend, ‘Remember all the shit we got up to?’

‘I remember all the embarrassing shit we did and how we looked when we were sixteen’, Off nodded, grimacing at the thought, ‘We looked ugly’

‘Which is why everyone’s gonna gasp when they see you again. I mean, look at you!’, Tay shouted, pointing at him like he was an animal in a zoo, ‘You’re fucking hot!’

‘I’m not interested’, Off responded, going back to his food and ignoring Tay.

‘It’s gonna be fun though’

‘Then you can tell me all about it’, Off got up after finishing his meal, throwing his plate in the sink and promising to clean it up as soon as he got back from work.

‘You’re a boring hag!’, Tay shouted but Off slammed the door shut, giving him a middle finger before walking to the parking lot and going to work.

* * *

**Three Weeks Before Graduation.**

Mrs. Pho went shopping and asked Off to watch over her shop before she opens it. She’d probably kill him if she found out he brought Gun with him and they were making out upstairs with the shop locked.

He had Gun underneath him, his hands freely roaming under his shirt as he latched his lips on Gun’s neck. The boy was ticklish at first, kicking him away, but once he finally got Gun under his submission, it was easy to make him whine and moan.

‘P’Off’

The boy had a habit of calling him that when they were alone together. It didn’t do him any good since it only turned the latter on, even more, biting his neck and creating a purple bruise down his collar bone.

‘Fuck, P’Off, stop’, Gun whined when Off continued to bruise his neck, ‘My mum will see’

‘Fine’, Off whispered, but he had no intention of stopping. Instead, he lifted up Gun’s shirt and pressed his lips to his chest, sucking his skin and forming more bruises.

‘You’re insane’, Gun whispered, but he didn’t stop Off. In fact, he combed his fingers through Off’s hair, slowly guiding him down till he felt pressure down below.

This wasn’t what Off expected he’d be doing whilst they wait for their graduation. He’d spend his morning with Arm and Tay whilst they plan what to do during summer before they head to college, but by the time they separate, he’d be calling Gun, waiting for him outside his house and dragging him to the market.

‘Off? Off, are you up there?’

Off immediately stopped when he heard Mrs Pho’s voice shouting from downstairs. He quickly looked around for Gun’s shirt, throwing it at the shorter as he straightened himself and combed his hair back. He managed to fall to the floor, crossing his leg and opening a random book that was lying on the floor when they heard the door opening.

‘Oh, there you are. Can you come and help me unpack the groceries?’, she looked down at him. She also noticed Gun sitting on the bed and she smiled at him, ‘It’s nice to see you visiting again’, she called out to him and Gun smiled and nodded back. He awkwardly tried to pull his shirt up in an attempt to hide his neck which he knew had bruises all over it thanks to Off’s careless mouth.

‘I’ll come downstairs with you now’, Off stood up, trying to stop Mrs Pho from noticing or asking more questions, ‘Come on Mrs Pho, you bought a lot of groceries today, didn’t you?’

Off closed the door, leaving Gun behind. The shorter sighed a breath of relief as he laid back down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He felt his lips still tingling from their previous kiss and his skin burning. Out of curiosity, he lifted his shirt up and stared down at his stomach.

‘That son of a bitch’, Gun murmured to himself when he saw the dark purple bruises growing all over his torso. Off really didn’t give a fuck. He had to hide extra hard from his mum just in case she ever sees it, otherwise, he’s going to be grounded for sure.

* * *

**The Day of the Reunion.**

Off’s dad sent him a USB stick to his workplace. It was posted in an envelope and he got a text from his dad explaining that he kept his old phones from when he was a teenager and he saved most of his photos and videos on a USB stick just in case he ever came back and wanted to see his old photos.

He felt his chest turn soft at the gesture. His father was really trying hard to fix their relationship and for once he didn’t want to fight back, so he accepted the small object and placed it inside the drawer in his office desk.

The day was filled with meetings and project planning, to the point where he even forgot to eat lunch, let alone remember the small USB that was hidden amongst the piles of paperwork.

‘Off, make sure you get those signed by their managers by tomorrow’, he heard his supervisor ordered him to which he compiled easily and added another pile of paperwork to his office. He finally got the chance to breath and he leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes for a moment. Being the new staff meant everyone was just giving them all their work to do and he wasn’t allowed to complain.

Instead of complaining, he opened his eyes and straightened his back, stretching his arms to prepare himself before he started reorganizing his desk. He filed the paperwork he needed to send off tomorrow in one pile whilst going through the rest for next week. It had been almost an hour when he finally noticed the small USB with his father’s handwriting written on it.

He picked it up and looked at his name which was written with red ink. He quickly looked down on his watch and noted that he had ten minutes of his break left, so he opened his computer and finally took the time to check what his father saved from his old phones.

He fucking hoped he didn’t grow through some of his messages. He couldn’t remember the conversations he had, but he could only imagine what his eighteen-year-old self could be talking about.

Thankfully, when he opened the folders, it only consisted of photos and videos he took on his old phones.

Off chuckled to himself when he found photos of Tay and Arm when they were young, sporting questionable hairstyles, acne filled skin, and baby fat on their cheeks. He couldn’t wait to send some photos of Arm to Alice – she was going to have fun looking through those.

He clicked to the next folder which only had the year dated on it and it had more photos of him, Arm and Tay. But he quickly noticed it all the photos were taken from their final year in high school when he started to spot New in some of the photos. He was always with Tay, either sitting next to him or holding his hands. He continued to click through until he found the months where Alice joined their group. She was shy back then, her hair straight with bangs, hiding her forehead. She had on a soft smile as she sat next to Arm, the pair of them still shy together even after they started dating. Off couldn’t help but feel nostalgic over the photos. There was a lot that he left behind. He had hundreds of photos of them hanging out in the school garden, at the canteen and outside at the old ice cream parlor that used to be next to their school. He even spotted his old friends that he completely lost contact with.

There were photos of him at the school field with Mike, Fiat, and Oab. They were playing football, Mike’s shirt off whilst he had unbuttoned his. There were even some photos of him and Mild. Off forgot how she looked like, but even when they were young, she was pretty. He wondered where she was now.

He pressed next and instantly he was welcomed to photos of Gun Attaphan. His fingers froze on the mouse, overwhelmed at the photo.

This was the first time he’d seen Gun in six years. He forgot what he looked like. His hair was short and swept to the side and he was holding a puppy. He wasn’t in school uniform and he wondered how he had gotten a photo of Gun outside of school. He kept on pressing next, but the next couple of photos was just of the boy alone, playing with various dogs and cats. This must be when he used to volunteer at the animal shelter. But that didn’t explain the photos.

But then he remembered Fahsai, his old friend. She used to send photos of Gun to him randomly. These must be all of them. He clicked on the next photo and he saw Gun smiling straight into the camera, his eyes shaped like crescent moons, his teeth showing. He looked short standing with the rest of the volunteer team.

He wondered if the latter had grown over the years. Who knows, maybe Gun was taller than him now. Off leaned his chin on the palm of his hands, keeping the photo of Gun on his computer screen. He kept on looking at him, memorising every line and curves of his face, drawing him in his mind again. He closed his eyes and tried to picture Gun in his mind. The old photos opened a casket of new memories he hadn’t thought in years, it was even more overwhelming when he could finally picture those same eyes looking at him in the dark. His veins ran hot when he remembered the feeling of the boy’s lips against his own.

He traced every little detail of Gun from the photos.

_So, this was the Gun I treasured the most?_

Off’s manager called him back for their next meeting so he found himself turning off his computer and ejecting the USB from his desktop and placing it back inside his drawer. But, now that he finally saw Gun again in the form of an old photo, it’s like his mind couldn’t erase him anymore.

* * *

**Two Weeks Before Graduation.**

Gun met up with Alice for the first time since their fight. She was in her house and he noticed that New, Olive, Jane, and Mild was in her garden spending time together. He tried not to get upset at the idea that they didn’t invite him.

‘Gun, what’re you doing here?’, Alice asked when she opened her front door to find him waiting on the other side.

‘I need to talk to you’, he explained and she knew she didn’t wanna talk to him yet, but their silent treatment is taking forever and he didn’t want to wait until graduation.

‘Gun, maybe some other time-’

‘You can still hate me if you want, I don’t mind, but I need you to talk with Arm’, Gun started because if he didn’t, he knew Alice wasn’t going to let him, ‘He doesn’t deserve being treated like that’

‘I’ll talk to him when I’m ready’

‘No, you should talk to him now’, Gun told Alice, ‘He didn’t do anything wrong so you don’t have a reason to keep him waiting. He isn’t a dog Alice; he isn’t going to wait forever and sooner or later he’s gonna move on if you don’t reach out to him now’

‘I don’t see how it’s any of your-’

‘Business?’, Gun offered to finished the sentence, ‘I accidentally made it my business when I misunderstood and told you he was cheating, so I’m here to help you fix it’

Alice stood silent; her hand still held on the doorknob.

‘Gun… Look, I-’

‘Woah, Gun! Hey!’, Mild walked back into the house to get some drinks when she peeked in and saw Gun standing in front of Alice. She waved excitedly at him and skipped to the front entrance, ‘Are you here to hang out with us?’, she asked with a pretty smile on her face.

‘No, I’m not invited’, Gun pointed out, making Alice feel awkward.

‘Nonsense!’, Mild scoffed as she reached out and grabbed his hand. Gun felt Mild’s soft fingers around his and he had no choice but to walk in Alice’s house cos she was damn strong.

‘Mild, come on’, Alice called out to the girl when she invited Gun in without permission, ‘We were having a serious conversation’

‘About Arm?’, Mild asked, she sneered at Alice and rolled her eyes, ‘Come on, Off already said to stop with that nonsense’

‘Stop with what nonsense?’, Gun found himself asking once Off’s name was mentioned in conversation.

‘Picking sides’, Mild explained, ‘Off pretty much had a go at all of us when he found out Alice stopped inviting you to hang out with us. He got pissed’

‘Why?’, Gun asked.

‘I asked him the same thing’, Alice pointed out. Once Mild dragged Gun inside, she had no other choice but to invite him outside her garden where everyone else was, ‘He told me he hated people who act like toddlers’

‘Off has a point’, Mild laughed, ‘Alice was being too petty, don’t you think?’

‘Shut up Mild’, Alice rolled her eyes as she walked to the kitchen to get herself some ice cream from the fridge, ‘I didn’t invite Gun today because I thought he’d be with Off’

‘Why would I be with Off?’, Gun asked nervously.

‘Since he keeps standing up for you, I thought the two of you were friends now’, Alice explained herself, ‘Why else would he defend you?’

‘Because he’s genuinely a nice person’, Mild chipped in. Gun still felt Mild’s hands around his and before he was dragged to the garden, he wanted to finish speaking to Alice.

‘So, Alice, are you gonna talk to Arm or not?’, Gun asked her. She kept quiet for a moment, licking her ice cream before shrugging her shoulders.

‘Maybe’, she simply answered and it wasn’t enough for Gun whose shoulders shrugged down in defeat. Alice noticed the instant change of expression and she finally gave Gun a smile, the first one since their fight, ‘Arm and I aren’t your problem anymore Gun’, she pointed out, ‘You don’t have to worry about us’

‘I’m gonna keep worrying because I’m the one who ruined it’, Gun looked down on the ground and Mild also noticed his expression. She gave Alice a warning glance, begging her to finally forgive Gun.

‘Gun, come here’, Alice tugged on his shirt, pulling in for a hug, ‘I’m sorry for overreacting. You weren’t the one who ruined it. You were only standing up for me’

Gun didn’t say anything. He rests rested his chin on Alice’s shoulder, hugging her back.

‘It’s not your business anymore. So, you don’t need to worry about it’

‘God, are we good now?’, Mild had her hands on her hips, tapping her heels impatiently like a drama queen, waiting for them to finally reconcile so she could go back outside in the garden.

‘Okay, come on, let’s go’, Alice rolled her eyes, ‘Jane’s probably waiting for her ice cream’

* * *

‘Which colleges did you apply for?’, Tay asked the three of them hanging out in Arm’s house since it was too hot outside. The air conditioning was on full whilst they flicked through the channels, trying to pick a TV show to binge-watch.

‘Just the top ones’, Off pointed out nonchalantly, ‘I also applied to Bangkok University’

‘For the scholarship, right?’, Arm asked as he flicked through a magazine, listening to music on his headphones.

‘Nah, I figured I’m never gonna get in anyway, so I just applied for a place, not the scholarship’

‘Are you serious’, Tay and Arm asked simultaneously, both surprised that Off would give up something he’d been wanting since the start of Junior year. They knew their best friend, Off didn’t give up without a fight, and Gun fought back hard. But despite the latter’s attempt, they had full faith that Off would pull through and grab the scholarship by nook or crook.

‘I got suspended’, Off reminded them. ‘Mr Toey said it wouldn’t matter if I still got the best grades out of the whole year, but if Gun gets one A* more than me, then I’m out’, Off sighed, ‘They’re not gonna give me a scholarship, but they might still give me a place as long as I pay full tuition’

‘Shit, I thought you said you wanted to be independent away from your parents?’, Tay questioned him but Off shrugged.

‘Oh well. I don’t mind my parents paying for tuition for another four years’

‘So… What are you gonna do if you and Gun get offers from Bangkok University?’, Arm asked him, ‘Could you stand being in the same institute with Gun for another four years?’

‘I’m pretty sure we’ll choose different courses, so we’ll be in separate campuses’, Off ended the topic before Arm got suspicious, but inside, he was hoping that he got offered a spot.

‘Well, New and I finally talked it out’, Tay changed the topic to him – like he usually does, ‘We decided to apply to Universities near each other’

‘So, you’re not gonna stalk him?’, Off pointed out, laughing when Tay threw a pillow at him.

‘It’ll be best if we spend some time apart too’, Tay said, ‘We’ll get sick of each other if we end up in the same campus, so we thought, we’ll go to universities that are only half an hour to an hour away from each other’

‘There’s a lot of close colleges in the city’, Arm noted, ‘I’m sure you’ll both get accepted to colleges near each other’

‘Fingers crossed’, Tay smiled. He felt happy with their decision and even though he would love to move in with New to a student apartment, he knew New’s family was still adjusting to him as their son’s boyfriend. He didn’t mind waiting, he was sure he was gonna accepted sooner or later.

‘Looks like our future’s set’, Off smiled, ‘Now we just need to decide what to do for the summer before we head for college’

‘I say we go hiking’, Arm suggested, but he was quickly turned down by both his best friends.

‘Too much energy’, both Off and Tay whined, leaning on the pillow.

‘Let’s hire a lakeside cabin instead’, Off suggested and Tay clapped his hands and smiled at his best friend.

‘That doesn’t sound like a bad idea’

‘What the difference between a cabin and a tent?’, Arm whined.

‘Air conditioning’, Off and Tay shouted back at him.

‘Plus, New can come with us. It’ll be a summer away from parents! We could do whatever we want!’

‘Don’t even think about fucking under the same roof as me, I’m gonna send you two outside to fuck in the tents’, Off grabbed one of Arm’s teddy bear, hitting Tay with it, ‘I am not going to hear you have sex’

‘Alright, alright!’, Tay groaned, trying to stop Off hitting him. He kicked the latter on the leg, the two boys fighting like kids. Arm couldn’t help but laugh at them, getting out his phone and filming them fighting. If they all get to colleges they all want, it meant they were going to be further apart from each other, which meant they weren’t able to hang out like this, so he tried to savor the moment, keeping a folder of memories which consisted on his time with these two idiots for the summer.

‘You guys better not back out on our summer plans’, Arm shouted over the fighting, ‘Otherwise I’ll kill you’

* * *

**One Week Before Graduation.**

‘Close your eyes for a second’

‘Why?’

‘Just do it’

Off was inside Gun’s room. He had to be interrogated by Gun’s mum who asked him tons of questions, like why was he hanging out with Gun and if they’d patched things up and are friends again. Gun whined as he dragged the taller out of the living room, telling off his mum for making Off feel uncomfortable before slamming the door shut.

The pair sat on Gun’s bedroom floor, their legs crossed, facing each other. Gun was hugging his teddy bear. Off finally closed his eyes when Gun threatened to hit him, smirking and waiting for Gun to do whatever he needed to do with his eyes closed.

Gun’s never taken the lead before and he wanted to try it. He leaned in and pressed his lips softly on Off’s. He bought three lip balms, pressing his lips on the back of his hands to make sure it wasn’t chapped. He had to Google how to kiss, which was embarrassing, but he was getting tired of Off laughing at him whenever he accidentally bit the latter’s tongue.

‘What’re you doing?’, Off chuckled when Gun pulled away for a second. Off opened one eye but Gun immediately hit him on the arm, forcing him to shut his eyes again.

‘I said close your eyes’, Gun whined. He wiped his moist lips with his hands, breathing softly.

‘Are you trying to be a better kisser than me?’, Off asked mischievously, ‘You know that’s an impossible task to complete’

‘Can you shut up?’, Gun rolled his eyes, hugging his teddy bear tighter, ‘You’re so obnoxious’, he seriously couldn’t stand Off being a know it all, especially with these kinds of stuff. He wanted to know shit too. He didn’t like Off babying him all the time. They haven’t even gone all the way because Off kept stopping during their make-out session. He was scared that Off might think he wasn’t prepared yet.

He leaned in again, this time resting one hand on Off’s rough cheek, kissing the latter’s lips. It was slow, but Gun finally found his rhythm, Off following along to his movements perfectly. The taller allowed Gun to take the lead for the first time, enjoying Gun’s growing confidence.

Their lips danced around for a little longer before Off teasingly parted his lips, inviting Gun’s tongue to dip in to which the shorter excitedly leaped at the chance.

‘Oomph’, Off groaned when Gun leaned in a little too close, resting his weight on Off’s without warning the latter, making him fall on his back whilst Gun rested on his chest. Off’s arms instantly wrapped around the shorter protectively, lacing his fingers inside Gun’s shirt as they continued to make out.

‘Mhhm’, Gun moaned in between kisses, wanting to lift Off’s shirt up, but he felt the latter slowly pushing him away, making him whine.

‘Your mum’s downstairs’, Off whispered to him, ‘I don’t think this is appropriate’

‘Ergh, you always stop when we’re about to do it’, Gun sighed, his lower lip swollen and pouting, ‘You’re so annoying’

‘I’m only trying to get back on her good side’, Off chuckled, ‘Do you not want me to get along with your mum?’, Gun didn’t say anything in return. Instead, he simply rested his head on the crook of Off’s neck. Off felt Gun’s teddy bear between him and the shorter, and he hmphed as he tried to get rid of it, throwing it to the side.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, but it wasn’t the awkward silence they used to share. This time, it was comfortable, with Gun using Off as his pillow, closing his eyes and falling asleep in his arms. Off thought, this would’ve been more comfortable if they were on Gun’s bed instead of the floor, but he didn’t dare wake the smaller up and ask him to move. Instead, he just laid still on the floor, ignoring his aching back as he hugged Gun back and slowly fell asleep with him.


	14. Thirteen.

**Four Days before Graduation.**

‘Try it on for me’, Off shoved him a white shirt from one of the stalls when they walked over to greet Cherry’s mum.

‘No, it’s too big, I can already tell’, Gun whined, looking down at the oversized shirt. He didn’t know why Off wanted to buy him a shirt, but the boy was too excited to drag him to the stall to answer any of his questions.

‘Just try it on. Who knows, it might look sexy on you’, Off winked playfully. Gun punched him on the arm and looked around to see if anyone heard that. Off had been getting braver these past couple of days and it was making Gun lose his edge. He was getting shy and it embarrassed him that Off was having that effect on him.

‘It has Snoopy at the front, how it is gonna look sexy?’

‘Just try it for me, huh?’, Off begged again, his lower lip pouting ever so slightly that it made him look cute.

‘Shut up’

‘Come on, try it on for me, huh? Please?’

‘P’Off, why’re you bothering P’Gun?’, Cherry’s voice shouted from the other side of the stall. She ran up excitedly and opened her arms to which Off automatically picked her up and embraced her.

‘Don’t you think Gun would look good with this shirt?’, Off asked her, pointing at the white shirt Gun was holding.

‘Are you gonna buy it for him as a present?’, she asked and Off nodded back, making her squeal in excitement.

‘Try it on Gun! Try it on!’, she clapped her hands.

‘Why’re you so excited?’, Gun chuckled at her squeals.

‘P’Off only buys things for people he likes!’, Cherry shouted at him, ‘That means he likes you!’

Gun’s eyes turned round and his cheeks quickly turned red again. And the fact that Off didn’t say anything to defend himself made it worst for Gun. He was already shy around him nowadays, but now it felt like he could just melt to the ground.

‘So, are you gonna try it not or not?’, Off smiled, winking at him to which Gun used the very shirt in conversation to fling him on the head.

‘I hate you’, Gun stuck his tongue out, walking away.

‘You’re lying!’, Off shouted whilst laughing, carrying Cherry as he watched Gun walk away with the shirt still in his hands. He turned and gave Cherry a wide grin, ‘Looks like I’m buying the shirt’

* * *

Off returned to the night market the next day. He was excited to visit Mrs. Pho. He wanted to invite her to his graduation. He couldn’t wait to picture her sitting down with his dad to see him get his high school diploma, he could just imagine the smile on her face.

The night market was quiet since it was still the afternoon and he expected everyone to still be inside their houses. The one thing he didn’t expect was a crowd.

‘Hey, P’Pik!’, he called out to the Uncle who was running towards Mrs. Pho’s shop, ‘P’Pik!’, he called again. His voice was loud enough to stop him from running, but he didn’t know why when he turned his expression turned from stressed to absolute worried, ‘What’s going on’

‘Off… Off, you should go’, P’Pik turned to push him away.

‘No. Tell me what’s going? Why is there a crowd? Did something happen?’

‘It’s Mrs. Pho’, P’Pik explained, even though he didn’t want to. He didn’t want Off to know anything, not when…, ‘She’d had a stroke’

‘What?!’, Off screamed. He didn’t let P’Pik explain. He just ran as fast as he could to her shop, pushing everyone out of them so he can get to her.

‘Mrs. Pho! Mrs. Pho!’

* * *

**The Day of the Reunion.**

Off was really not for sentiment, he didn’t think the past was worth thinking about. But he still saw the traces of Gun in the back of his mind after hours’ worth of meetings piled on top of one another. He remembered Tay talking about the reunion part and he wondered who else would be attending. He’s been away for so long that he forgot most of the people in his class.

He still didn’t want to go. He had no curiosity about who everyone is now. He didn’t even wanna know who Gun is now. He was sure he changed. He changed too. Everyone was probably going to think he was boring now. He wasn’t the loud chatterbox he used to be. What if people whispered that he peaked in high school? What then?

‘You’ve got to be kidding me’, Off whined when he looked up after his manager told him that he had a visitor. The company was pretty chill on visitors, but he wasn’t. He didn’t know why New wanted to meet him during work hours.

‘Hey’, New knocked on his office door with a smile and walked in, ‘Your office looks nice’, he commented, looking around to see the wide space he was given. He was slightly jealous of Off, unlike him who only had a desk and a cubicle, Off already had his own private office.

‘Thanks’, Off replied, checking his phone, ‘What’re you here for?’, he asked. He got a message from the latter that he was coming to visit, but he noticed that Tay didn’t give a warning, which meant his best friend was either a bastard or Tay himself didn’t know that his now fiancé was coming to see him.

‘Well, you probably heard from Tay about our plans’, New said with a smile on his face, ‘We didn’t expect them to agree so quickly, but this changes everything’

‘I’m not moving out of the condo’, Off pointed out, ‘And Tay is not going to use you to try and persuade me. Let Tay move into yours’

‘What?’, New tilted his head, ‘I'm not here to speak about your apartment plans. I’m gonna let Tay do that’, the latter chuckled. He knew Off enough to know that he would never back down for anyone, not even his best friend, ‘I’m here to speak about our wedding actually’

‘What about it?’, Off queried. Weddings took years to plan and they just got engaged a day ago, so he didn’t know why New was already talking about the prospects of a wedding.

‘I don’t know if you’d be up for it… But… And I know were hesitant to accept Arm’s… But do you mind being my best man?’, New asked and Off did a double-take.

‘You mean, Tay wants you to ask me to be his best man?’, he asked back. Off didn’t know why Tay would ask New to do it when he had all the time in the world – and clearly the confidence – to just order Off and force him.

‘No, I’m asking you to be _my_ best man’, New repeated the request, pointing to himself, and it confused Off even more so. He looked at New, silence between them, waiting for the latter to explain himself. He expected to be Tay’s best man and he clearly wasn’t going to say yes to New until he gave him a reasonable enough excuse. Off and New had never been that close anyway, maybe in high school, but definitely not during college. He only called Tay and jn occasions Arm. Yeah, sometimes New was there during mid-conversation with Tay and they’d talk for a bit, but that didn’t mean he was qualified to be his best man. What has he done to New that got him thinking like that in the first place?

‘Well, if it wasn’t for you, Tay and I wouldn’t have been together in the first place’, New told him.

‘I’m sure you have’, Off smiled at him but the latter shook his head.

‘You think I didn’t find out’, his best friend’s boyfriend pointed out. He leaned on one of the bookshelves placed in his office, looking through his framed diplomas and photos from his graduation. They weren’t there to visit him, but Off was surrounded by his college friends, his mother absent from the photos.

‘Find out what?’, Off asked him again.

‘You were the one who turned the school’s speakers’

* * *

**Last Day of Junior Year.**

‘You’re so pathetic’, Gun rolled his eyes as he spoke to New before morning announcements rolled in. Juniors were encouraged to volunteer in taking part in school announcements before each morning period starts and Gun would sometimes occupy him in the office.

New had just finished his last announcements and he was allowed to stay in the office for the rest of homeroom with Gun.

‘I just don’t know how to confess to him’, he heard his best friend whine for about the millionth time. Gun leaned on the office desk, drinking his carton of strawberry milk with a thin straw. New’s been pining over the class town for the whole year and not once did he gain the confidence to even talk to him let alone ask him out.

‘Summer’s officially beginning soon. What if Tay gets himself a boyfriend outside school?’, Gun told him, which only made New groan in sadness, leaning his forehead on the table, ‘Just go and ask him out. Or I’ll do it for you’

‘No! I can’t let him know!’, New reached out and grabbed his best friend’s wrist, stopping him from leaving, ‘What if he doesn’t like me? I’m not gonna embarrass myself’

‘Come on New. You’re pretty cute’, Gun nodded, looking up and down at his best friend, the straw still in his mouth, ‘Who wouldn’t like you?’

‘Don’t get my hopes up’

Gun was too busy laughing at him to notice the door slide open, someone, walking inside the office.

‘What’re you laughing about?’, the pair finally turn to see who it was. Gun grimaced once he saw Off walking in with the register. He set it down on the desk and leaned on it, staying a little longer, ‘I want in on the joke’

‘Why don’t you just go, no one wants you here’, Gun scoffed. Off stuck out his tongue at him and went back to stare at New. He slid a little closer to the intercom, pressing the button and waiting for the red light to turn on.

‘Anyway, it’s the last day of school, so why don’t you do something spontaneous and have fun?’, Off turned to New, ‘Who knows? Something big might happen’, he winked at him then turned for the door, ‘Principal Panhan needs to fix the doors, they don’t shut properly’, he added on, walking out of the office and closing the door behind him.

‘I hate him’, Gun growled as soon as they heard the door shut, ‘He’s so full of himself’

‘Leave it’, New warned his best friend, ‘I don’t want to hear you rant about him anymore’

‘And I don’t want you looking pathetic and not confessing’, Gun reverted back to the conversation that they were having, ‘Just confess to him!’

‘I’m not confessing to Tay! He’s one of the most popular boys in school! He’s funny, kind and good looking so I know he won’t like me back!’, New shouted, ‘But I wish he did…’

‘I’m sure he will… He doesn’t know what he’s missing if he doesn’t-’, Gun was about to say something else when he saw something red flashing from the desk, ‘New… Did you turn off your microphone?’, he suddenly asked, pointing at the intercom and New was about to nod at him but when he swiveled his chair to look, he noticed the red-light flashing, telling him that it was on the entire time.

‘Are you fucking kidding me!’, he shouted, turning it off, his eyes wide and round. Gun’s lips parted in shock, the straw dropping from his lips.

‘Well… I guess he knows now’, Gun whispered to him.

‘My life is over!’

* * *

**Three Days before Graduation.**

Off’s mum came back. She made herself known when she slammed the door open, shouting at his name.

He was inside his room. He locked the door and placed a chair underneath. He wanted to be left alone. He ignored his dad’s screaming voice calling out to him. He turned off his phone and threw it on the floor. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He waited inside Mrs. Pho’s shop all night yesterday, biting his mails till it bled, tapping his foot furiously and looking up at the clock. It was nearing the opening time when P’Pik came back, parking his bike outside and calling out to him.

He couldn’t remember what he said. He couldn’t hear anything at all. His ears started ringing loudly and he felt his vision blur.

One minute he was talking to P’Pik, the next he was running, running as fast as he could till his lungs burnt and his chest was aching for air.

‘Off, open the door!’, his dad shouted at him, banging at his door, ‘You’ve got mail’

He ignored his dad. He couldn’t even make out the words anymore. He knew his dad was probably worried for him – the first time in a long time – but he didn’t want to talk to him.

‘Off, open it. It might make you feel better’, his dad’s voice was muffled on the other side of the door. Off saw an envelope slide into his room from the cracks of his door. He looked down to see him name printed it on, along with Bangkok University’s logo stamped in red. He lifted his knees up and wrapped his arm around his leg, closing his eyes. He felt drowsy all of a sudden as if his body couldn’t keep up anymore.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’, he heard his mum hissing at his dad from the other side of the door, ‘Why would he need to open that letter up? He’s coming with me’

‘Over my dead body. You’re not taking my son away from me’

‘I’m his mother!’, she’s only been back for a few minutes and they’re already shouting at each other.

Mrs. Pho is gone. Off had no one to go to drown out the loud noises and constant fighting. There was not a moment where he thought Mrs. Pho wouldn’t be part of his life, and this suddenly too. She was okay when he last visited her. She was smiling and making fun out of him. He had helped her set up her shop, as usual, jumping in and carrying the new deliveries whilst they talk about how excited they both were for his graduation. She wasn’t sick. She was smiling. How could this happen?

Off felt numb. He traced his fingertips across his leg, but he couldn’t feel a damn thing, He just wanted to leave everything behind and forget.

* * *

**The Day of the Reunion.**

‘What are you wearing?’, Alice shouted at him once he arrived back at his apartment. Tay, the bastard, let Alice in and now they’re both waiting in the living room for him.

‘What’s going on?’, Off asked them, throwing his keys on the coffee table.

‘You didn’t tell him?’, Alice turned and glared at Tay.

‘I did, but he said he didn’t want to go’, Tay defended himself before Alice started shouting at him. He didn’t want to be blamed for Off’s incompetence, ‘I told him to get ready’

‘We don’t have time. Dinner’s starting soon’, Alice looked down on his watch, checking the time, ‘Arm said he already picked up New from work and they’re on their way’

‘Shit’, Tay hissed, ‘We better go now’

‘Have fun’, Off nodded, about to loosen his tie and head to his room for a shower, bit Alice walked over and grabbed his hand, much to his dismay, and dragged him with her.

‘You’re coming’

‘I’m in my work clothes!’, Off whined, trying to pull his wrist off her, but Alice had grown stronger over the years, and much tougher. She never used to have the guts to shout at him before.

‘Then hurry up and get changed!’

‘What part of ‘I’m not going’ are you all not getting?’, Off shouted back at her.

‘Off, I’m about to kick you in the balls if you keep refusing to come’, Alice crossed her arms and glared at him. Tay bit his lip and closed his eyes. Unlike Off who left for London, Tay stayed behind and watched Alice grow into a bad bitch and he knew she was capable of taking away his manhood if he doesn’t comply.

‘For the love of God, you’re all so desperate to drag me along with something so stupid, aren’t you?’, Off rolled his eyes and loosened his tie, stomping to his bedroom and slamming it shut.

* * *

Their old school looked smaller than he remembered. Off once thought the canteen was as big as the football field outside, but it was just a wide room with a few scarce tables connected to a smaller kitchen. Everything was humbly sized down and he almost cursed his memory for overromanticizing such a place.

Off fought till the very end, saying no and refusing to get ready. But Alice was a fucking good lawyer and she managed to persuade (threatened) Off to hurry up and get ready.

Alice had on a beautiful dress and it fell on the floor as she stood up from the sofa, banging on Off’s door, ‘You’re taking your sweet time princess!’, she shouted, her voice filled with fire to which Off had no choice to listen to. The once soft-spoken Alice grew up to be such an intense woman, it scared Off a little.

‘Alright, I’m fucking coming’, Off whined as he swung the door open, walking out in a dark suit and chequered pants. He adjusted his cuff links and stared down at Alice.

‘Woah, you look dashing’, she teased when she noticed Off’s well parted and gelled hair, ‘You do know everyone else is just wearing casual?’

‘Do you want me to fucking come or not?’, Off asked her with bitterness in his voice, which made her laugh. Despite Off changing, he still held some of his old habits from when he was a teenager. Off would turn into a child in the middle of a tantrum if he was forced to do something he didn’t want to do.

‘Come on, Arm said they’re already there’

And that’s why Off is inside his old school’s canteen, sat around in the same chairs they once sat when they were teenagers. They all sat around the long table, a half-emptied bottle of wine and champagne staggering around the table, being passed on from one person to the next.

Everyone almost gasped at the sight of Off when he entered the room. Alice was right, everyone else was just in shorts and shirts and he felt madly overdressed. They clapped their hands and gasped his name out when he reintroduced himself to his old peers.

‘I knew Off Jumpol was going to make it big!’, Mike shouted as he raised his beer, laughing at his old school mate. He had on an old football shirt and Alice quickly filled him in that Mike had taken to coaching middle school kids’ football – so he ended up being a P.E teacher. It was fitting for someone like Mike who thought nothing but football and by their conversation, he seemed to enjoy his job too.

‘And what do you do now?’, he asked Jane when he spotted her, her hair now blonde and curled.

‘Make-up artist’, she pointed out, sipping her wine as they dug into their meals, each reliving the nostalgia of their school life. Off noticed Mild holding Jane’s hands and he pieced the two together and asked no questions about it.

‘I can’t believe you worked in South Korea’, Fiat called to Mild, clapping their hands for her as being the second person who hit jackpot. Mild ended up working in the fashion industry and it wasn’t until a year ago did, she reunite with Jane when they were both assigned to work for Seoul Fashion Week and their lives crossed paths once more. This time, no more lies or hiding in the closet, so Mild gained the courage to ask her out and the rest was apparently history.

‘Who’d’ve thought Tay and New would last this long though?’, Oab called out when it was the couple’s turn to be roasted by their old mates. New blushed and didn’t say anything. He pretended not to hear and dug into his meal, leaving Tay to slap Oab on the head.

‘Who said we weren’t gonna last long? Huh? Come out and I’ll beat you’, they all ended up laughing, the alcohol soon climbed into their system, making everything a joke to them.

Off sat around the table, listening to everyone tell stories about their lives. It was interesting, he had to give it that. Alice noticed his expressions all throughout dinner and she sighed. She wanted him to enjoy the night but it looked like he was being held hostage with a gun to his head.

‘Where is he?’, Alice whispered to her fiancé as she looked down at her watch. It had been nearing an hour since the reunion had started and still no sign of the boy who had been waiting for this moment.

‘He hasn’t replied to my messages’, Arm told her, looking down at his phone to see the double ticked messages. The boy had read them, but why hadn’t he bothered to reply?

‘I didn’t just drag Off by the ear just for him to ditch’, Alice felt her blood boil for a bit. For the time being, she joined in the conversation and whined when they brought out their old school yearbook, pointing at each other’s questioning hairstyles and pre-pubescent faces. They laughed at the old memories, Arm also laughing at some of Alice’s old photos to which he received a harsh hit on the shoulder. Off joined in once in a while. He succumbed to some of the memories he shared with his old friends, pointing at a photo of him playing football with Mike and Fiat. He was slowly starting to get into the flow of the conversations when they flipped the pages of their yearbook and he saw the boy at the center photo, his eyes closed as he played his violin.

‘School’s recital’, Jane smiled, ‘Gun won first placed’

‘Oh yeah’

‘I wonder where he is’

‘Did he keep in contact with anyone? Does someone know if he’s coming?’

‘Highly doubt it. He was always closed off’

And just like that, they flipped the page and stopped talking about the boy, going onto the next memory with fondness. But unlike them, Off couldn’t seem to find it to move on rather quickly. He remembered that recital night. It was the worst night in Gun’s life. He heard the fight he had with Alice when she found out everything and no one came to see him perform. Even he had reasons to hate the poor boy, but he found himself being the only one to stay during his entire performance, clapping his hands as loud as he could so that when Gun finally opened his eyes, he could see him, deep amongst the crowd.

_Where was the boy?_

‘I’m going to the restroom’, Off muttered to Tay, a half excuse that Tay didn’t question as Off left the canteen to wander around the school building. Of course, he didn’t need to use the restroom, and he debated whether to just leave the reunion overall. He spent over an hour already and his friends couldn’t curse him out of he decided to leave first. He never wanted to attend in the first place. But then, once he walked through the halls of his old high school, he sensed a rekindling of his memories that even pictures can’t muster.

_‘Are you really leaving Thailand?’_

_‘Yeah. The scholarship is yours; I mean it always has been’_

_‘It doesn’t feel worth it anymore’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Because you won’t be there with me’_

_‘We were never gonna end up going to the same college. There was only one scholarship available’_

_‘Right …’_

Gun never finished that sentence but Off predicted what he meant. It was too hard to deny any more between them that despite all the shit they’ve done to each other. He passed through the hallway where the library was. It was locked but he still peaked in through the window. It changed slightly, but the layout was still the same. The tables were still the time.

_‘Could you stop sleeping and focus?’_

_‘Why’re you so annoying?’_

_‘I’m not failing Chemistry because of you’_

_‘For fuck’s sake, here you are with your Chemistry bullshit. I’m the smartest person in school, you’re lucky you’re paired up with me’_

_‘Smartest person my ass. You’re a slacker’_

_‘Who’s only 0.1% behind you in test scores’_

_‘Shut up’_

_‘You just hate it that I’m right’_

Off couldn’t stop laughing. He remembered being paired up with Gun for Chemistry and how he hated spending his time in the library. Had he known the feelings that were going to bubble up soon, he would’ve taken the opportunity and savored every moment he had with the boy. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently if he realised his feelings sooner. But what’s the use of pondering about the past when he can’t do anything about it now?

He suddenly remembered the only place that was for him and him alone. He wondered if the current caretaker kept its lock, but there was only one way to find out. He was given the keys to the rooftop when he was young because he was the few who showed kindness to the school staff. He spent his free time up there, thinking to himself and watching the clouds move above him. In fact, the only person who caught him staying in the rooftop was none other than Gun Attaphan.

He smiled when he noticed the door was ajar when he swung open the door to the third floor. The door was rusted and decayed. Years weren’t kind to it and it seemed like it was more abandoned than it ever was. It didn’t stop him from opening it, climbing up the dusted stairs filled with cobwebs. He swung the door open and he was greeted to the old rooftop, but this time, the sun wasn’t out. It was the moon that greeted him, a faint light illuminating his path as he made his way to the old bench which was still there, in its exact same place. He pondered as to why things stayed exactly the same way as if someone purposely froze time in this building to make it look like they hadn’t left.

Off looked up at the skies to find the midnight blue painted across, with nothing but a few clouds and the crescent moon to keep it company.

‘Gun Attaphan, I wonder where you are’, he finally asked himself, after six years of silently wondering. Maybe he was working abroad. The boy’s grades and skills were immense even in high school, plus he ended up going to the biggest college in Bangkok with a scholarship, maybe he was working for the UN or the government. He didn’t really know what Gun wanted to be, he failed to ask him that question, so he could only imagine.

Gun probably didn’t know what he ended up being either. Off never talked about his future, he didn’t think he’d have a good one, that’s why. Divorced parents, a messed-up mum and a dad desperate to fix their relationship, his life wasn’t something to look at for too long, otherwise, he’d be pitied by everyone. PR and office work were probably the least of anyone’s guesses, but he found stability and consistency in having a routine and schedule job, something that he didn’t have in his personal life, so he leaped at the first offer. Maybe Gun would be disappointed in him for choosing a mundane job, or maybe he’d nod and expect something like that from him. Despite all of his unpredictability, Off Jumpol was predictable.

‘Sup’ Off, how you doing? Oh God, no…’

He flinched when he heard a voice calling out his name. He realised that he wasn’t alone. His chest tightened and he felt cold sweat beading down his forehead when he turned to see where the voice was coming from. To think he’d meet a ghost was the least of his expectations for tonight, so he prayed to the gods above for protection as he tiptoed to the other side, hiding behind a wall which led to the door.

‘It’s been quite a while… How have you– Fuck, no…’, the darkness shaded his view of who was standing on the other side, but he saw a silhouette pacing up and down as if it was nervous.

‘Hey, Off… Hi Off… Hello Off Jumpol’, his name was said numerous times by the same boy, which piqued his interest. The voice was also familiar, although a little deeper. The moon was on his side, as the clouds parted and its moonlight lit across from him, revealing a man wearing a suit similar to his, but in a lighter color. His hair was messy as he ruffled and tugged it out of frustration, ‘Hey, oh, do I know you? Off? God, I can hardly remember you… No, no, that’s too obnoxious’

Gun? Gun Attaphan Phunsawat? The man pacing back and forth with a nervous expression as he called out his name, again and again, was none other than the boy who’s been crossing his mind for the past week.

‘I know it’s been a long time but…’, Gun failed to finish any of his sentences. He looked out on his phone which blared an obnoxious light around the area. Off turned back and hid behind the wall as to not get caught. Was Gun preparing himself to talk to him? Did Gun remember him when he got the e-mail about the reunion and only came just for him? Did he miss him too?

‘Off, I don’t know if you remember me but… I’m-’, Gun was interrupted when his phone started ringing, forcing him to pick it up, ‘Hey Alice’

_Alice?_

‘Look, I’m nearly there, I just need to-’, Gun was about to excuse his tardiness when he was stopped and Off wondered why, ‘What do you mean he’s gone? He’s already left?’

Off couldn’t hear what Alice was saying, but he wondered how long had Alice been in contact with Gun? Of all the times he’d met up with Alice since his return, not once had she mentioned about Gun, almost as if he was erased from everyone’s memories and only, he could remember him. But Gun is on the phone with Alice now, which must mean they’ve kept in contact.

‘Are you sure he’s left?’, Gun’s voice changed from shock to disappointment now, ‘Maybe he went to the restroom’

Off couldn’t hear Alice, but he had concluded that maybe the person they were talking about was him. He looked down at his watch and realised that he had been gone for over twenty minutes. It was reasonable for Alice to think that he had ditched the dinner all together. Off couldn’t help but grin to himself – he wasn’t a sadist – but the thought that Gun was disappointed at missing the opportunity to talk to him again brought out happiness in him that he thought he’d never feel, not for a long time anyway.

‘Alright. I’ll speak to you soon than’, Gun hung up the phone and swore under his breath, ‘Fuck’, he shouted as he slid his phone in his pocket and looked below him on the field. He crossed his arms together and Off couldn’t help but chuckle. Gun hadn’t changed, he still whined when things didn’t go his way.

It felt like Off time traveled back to the past, as if he was eighteen again, still in his school uniform and hell-bent on making Gun’s life a misery. His playfulness slowly started to come back as he tiptoed towards the boy. The further he got from him, he realised that the boy hadn’t grown that much, in fact, since he grew in college, Gun was shorter to him now than he was before.

‘Boo!’

‘Holy shit!’, Gun wailed when he felt arms shook his shoulders, forcing him to turn around and kick whoever was behind him. The impact was strong and Off whined, the pair tripped over each other’s feet, which brought them to fall on the ground with a loud _thump!_

‘Fuck, your kick is still just as strong, huh?’, Off whined, his hands on either side of Gun as he laid on top of the latter. It was dark but the moonlight was enough for Gun to piece together that face in front of him, although matured and aged, he recognised it immediately.

‘Off?’, he gasped, breathless at the sight of him. He subconsciously had his hands rested on the latter’s waist, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I could ask you the same question’, Off replied, his voice a whisper, ‘This is my space’

‘Alice told me you left’

‘I needed to take a breather, so I thought I’d come up here and get some air’

‘You’ve been here this whole time?’, Gun asked and there’s panic in his voice, a shade of red climbing on his cheeks.

‘Only just got here’, Off said, which relaxed Gun a little, ‘Although, I heard you saying my name countless of times and I wondered what that was about’

‘You idiot!’, Gun screamed at him, ‘So you’ve been here this entire time?’, he asked, kicking his leg and turning his face so Off couldn’t see him.

‘So, how have you been?’, Off asked, fully aware of how awkward it is that Gun was on his back on the floor whilst he was on top of him, their faces only inches apart. Like old times. The only difference is they’re no longer in uniforms but in suits.

‘You didn’t come back to Thailand for the holidays’, Gun ignored the question. He didn’t even asked him if he came back during the holidays, he stated it as if he knew, as if someone told him he wasn’t ever going to come back.

‘I haven’t been back for six years’, he pointed out.

‘Why?’

‘Nothing to go back to’, he admitted. Gun huffed and rolled his eyes. The short boy still had attitude, especially towards him.

‘Why’re you back now?’

‘Because’, Off shrugged, ‘I missed it… And because I needed to come back'

‘Why?'

‘For my dad’, Off said, ‘And for Tay and Arm. I’m Arm’s best man by the way’, he added on, ‘How did you know I didn’t come back over the holidays? Have you been spying on me?’

‘You fucking wish’, Gun muttered, but he didn’t say anything else. He punched Off’s chest in an attempt to get him off, but it wasn’t even a harsh punch, and Off remembered just how strong Gun was. He didn’t want him to get off.

‘You know, to tell you the truth, I forgot about you’, Off whispered, the smile fading when Gun turned to look at him. Gun didn’t say anything but he bit his lip, keeping the silence between them as he tried to form a response.

‘I barely thought about you too’, he managed to whisper back, it was bitter and monotonously deep. He realised Gun’s voice was a little profounder, even in his whisper he could tell that Gun was agitated.

‘It’s weird, I didn’t think about you a single time when I was away in London’, Off said, blunt and truthful, harsh as he always was, ‘But when Tay mentioned you again, it was like all memories flooded back in one fucking second. Very fucking weird’

‘What’s so weird about that?’

‘I started to wonder where Gun Attaphan was’, Off chuckled to himself, finally admitting to his absurdity, ‘I wanted to know how he’s been, where he works and if he’s with somebody’

Off was still speaking to Gun whilst he was on top of the latter as if it was the most normal thing for them to do. But what was normal to them anyway? Everything about their relationship in high school was abnormal.

But then again, they’re adults now.

Off slowly sat up and stepped away from Gun. His suit was already stained in dust and dirt, but that didn’t stop him from sitting down on the ground with his legs crossed. He stared at Gun. He remembered the old photos he found of him today. He chuckled. The boy hadn’t changed one bit.

Well, that’s a lie. His hairstyle changed and his face matured a little over the years, but everything else is the same. Even the way he shouted at him.

‘Did you really forget about me?’, Gun asked, breaking the silence between them. Off stared into his eyes, those same ones that never changed.

‘Yeah’, he replied honestly, ‘I mean, I had to’

‘Why?’

‘Otherwise, I’d have lost my damn mind’

* * *

**Graduation Day.**

‘Are you really leaving Thailand?’

‘Yeah. The scholarship is yours; I mean it always has been’

‘It doesn’t feel worth it anymore’

‘Why?’

‘Because you won’t be there with me’

‘We were never gonna end up going to the same college. There was only one scholarship available’

‘Right …’, Gun couldn’t finish his sentence. His hand gripped tight on his cap as they leaned on the wall and waited for their parents to finish gathering out in the field. The ceremony was going to happen any minute but it didn’t feel like a celebration anymore.

Gun heard the news about Mrs. Pho from New and when he saw Off walk into the hall, he noticed his face was sullen and sunken in due to lack of sleep. He felt his chest tighten and he wanted to run after him and talk. But he was pulled by Alice and New who wanted to take pictures with their gowns before the ceremony began.

‘When’s the funeral?’, he asked, the pair of them managing to escape the eyes of the whole school. He didn’t want to ask the question, but he wanted to pay his respects to Mrs. Pho. She was always so nice to him.

‘Next week’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun said again, reaching his hand out for Off, but the latter avoided it. He was so excited to see Off today. They had promised each other that they would meet before the ceremony. He wanted to comfort Off once he heard the news, he wanted to tell him that he'll be there. The least he expected was the news of his departure after graduation.

Off told him that his mother was planning to move to England. She wanted to take him with her. That’s on the other side of the world. Of all places Off’s mother wanted to run off to, she had to pick that one. Gun was selfish, too selfish to pray that Off’s mother might change her mind and leave Off behind. But then he remembered the conversation they had in his room when they were alone. Off had always wanted his mum to take him with her. He finally got his wish. She slammed back in and begged for him to come to London with her. How could he say no? How could Gun ask him to say no? What were they anyway? Even if Gun wanted to know what he was to Off Jumpol, he knew he couldn’t ask now, not when the boy was going through too much already.

‘Have you told Tay and Arm yet?’, he asked, his hands shaking. He hid it behind his cap. He didn’t want Off to see.

‘Not yet. I don’t wanna ruin their summer’, Off whispered. He heard a crowd of Seniors heading towards their way, ‘I’ll tell them when summer’s over’

‘What’re you gonna do in the meantime? Pretend?’

‘Yeah’, Off replied, putting on his cap and forming a smile on his face. But Gun knew him well enough now to know it was a fake one, ‘They’ll understand once I explain it to them’, he chuckled, patting Gun on the shoulder and walking away before anyone sees them.

Gun stayed behind and stared down at his cap. This was supposed to be the best day of his life, a celebration of all of his hard work and four years of memories. But why did it feel like it was the last time he’ll ever see Off again? It felt like the end was looming closer and when he turned his head to catch a glimpse of Off, the boy had already turned a corner to join his friends, leaving him behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started writing this chapter, had a breakdown, bon appétit.


	15. Fourteen.

**The Morning of the Reunion.**

Gun woke up slightly aching. His eyes strained when the sunlight hit his face and he had to close it for a few more seconds till his vision returned. He knew it was a Saturday. When his head ached this much, it could only mean he’d been out the night before. Added on the pain somewhere else. He reviewed the situation he got himself into and he sighed in relief when he looked around the familiar setting. He’s in his room – which was a relief – but the one thing he didn’t want to see was something else in his bed. Or someone.

He knew Jingjing was gonna kill him. He whined to himself as he lifted his blanket and there it was – a fucking stranger in his bed.

_How the fuck am I gonna get rid of him?_

Most of Gun’s hook-ups consists of strangers leaving his apartment after they finished fucking. It was a scarce few who would decide to stay for the night and very rarely did he let it happen.

‘Mhhm’, he heard the stranger groan. He needed to get the stranger out before Jingjing finds him with another man in his bed-

‘Okay darlings, rise and shine’, he heard his door banging open and walked in his best friend. She had on her morning pajamas, her hair tied back in a ponytail and her face still damped from washing, ‘I’m gonna need this apartment to myself in three seconds cos my boyfriend’s coming over, so up, up, up!’, she began to shout, her voice shrilling and slightly intimidating.

‘Huh? What’s going on?’, the man beside him finally opened his eyes. The sunlight shined into his room and Gun finally looked down at his face. He was cute, but definitely on the older side. He wouldn’t never hook-up with someone like him and Jingjing knows that, so the conversation afterward was going to be awkward.

‘What’s going on?’, the man asked, his voice hoarse.

‘I think you need to go’, Gun replied, pulling enough of the blanket to cover himself up. It’s ironic how after sex he’d still shy, but it’s a habit he never got rid of, ‘I’m sorry’, he added just for convenience. It was in fact a pain to hear Jingjing’s voice so early in the morning. Gun didn’t do much, his best friend did all the kicking out and he had to remind himself to thank her. He watched the man pick up his things and slowly leave his place, thankfully Jingjing didn’t even give him enough time to ask for his number.

* * *

‘You’ve got a whole lotta explaining to do’, Jingjing turned to glare at him as soon as she closed the door on him, her arm leaning on the door.

‘What?’, Gun looked at her with wide innocent eyes. He managed to put on a shirt as they walked in the kitchen together. Thankfully there were still painkillers left in the kitchen for him to take. He needed to get rid of his damn headache and soreness, it was killing him.

‘Three nights in a row?’, Jingjing looked over at him worriedly. She turned on the kettle and waited for the water to boil, in need for a cup of coffee after waking up in the middle of the night to the noise of crashes and obscenity coming from her best friend’s room, ‘I mean, did something happen?’

‘Nothing happened’, Gun shrugged, ‘I’m just having fun’

‘Going on a night out once in a while to treat yourself is having fun. But hooking up with random strangers three nights in a row is just over the top’, Jingjing explained to him, ‘And I know you well enough to know you’re trying to forget something’

‘I’m not trying to forget anything’, Gun scoffed at her accusation, ‘I’m just tired of being single’

‘If you were really tired, then you would ask those you finished fucking for their phone number and maybe a possible date’

‘Okay mother, why’re you drilling me on this early in the morning?’, Gun whined. Jingjing was slowly getting to him and he didn’t want to have any serious conversations at 10.34 am whilst he was still hungover.

‘Gun’, Jingjng lowered her tone, which was worst, because that’s when Gun knew she was genuinely worried, ‘You know you can tell me anything’

‘I know’, Gun nodded, ‘There’s just nothing to tell’

‘Then tell me, why’re you hooking up with strangers? Did you ex contact you again?’

‘What? No’, Gun rolled his eyes, ‘I blocked him number’

‘Good’, Jingjing sighed. She was curious whether Gun was still in contact with Jay. She’d always hated his ex-boyfriend, in fact, she’d hated all of Gun’s ex-boyfriends, even the first one that he introduced to her when they became friends in college. They were all jerks masked with nice smiles and maybe perfect hair. She thought Gun’s type would change over the years, but he always fell for the useless ones, ‘You know, you’ve been single for almost the whole year, maybe it won’t be too bad to get back into the waters. In fact-’

‘I’m not going on one of your blind dates’, Gun stopped her before she could continue. He knew exactly what Jingjing was going to say and he didn’t want any part of it. She’d been trying to set him up for months now.

‘He’s got a great job _and_ he volunteers at a shelter!’, she pointed out, ‘Didn’t you used to volunteer at animal shelters too?’

‘Yeah, in high school’, Gun scoffed, ‘I highly doubt I’ll have anything in common with him’

‘You do! He got first honours in medicine and he’s a resident at Bangkok University Hospital’

‘A doctor’, Gun whined, ‘He’s not gonna have time for me then’

‘Gun, come on’, Jingjing called out to him when she saw him leaving the kitchen, ‘You need to find a guy who’s not a complete nutcase. Most of your ex-boyfriends were useless’

‘P’Book wasn’t’, Gun pointed out, ‘He was a writer’

‘He was also a compulsive liar and a paranoid who kept accusing you of cheating’, Jingjing rolled her eyes and reminded Gun of the number of tired nights she sat with him as he cried to her about the arguments they would have.

‘Jingjing, I think I can handle my love life myself’, Gun excused himself and left the kitchen to get changed. He heard Jingjing abandoning her cup of coffee as she followed him to his room.

‘Well, I’m sure you can once you adjust your tastes in men’, she called him out, which was unnecessary and he definitely didn’t ask for it.

‘Jingjing, are you seriously gonna stay here? I need to get changed’

‘I just chased your naked hook-up outta this apartment. I can talk whilst you change’, Jingjing crossed her arms and leaned on the wall. Her brow was lifted in suspicion as Gun opened his closet and started to change. He took of his shirt and grabbed another one that was faded. It looked like a shirt that was made a decade ago and Jingjing didn’t know where Gun had gotten most of his shirts. Her best friend was fashionable, but there are times when he would where a hoodie or a sweater that was clearly not his size. She once assumed it must belong to some of his exes, but his ex-boyfriends’ clothes were usually tossed in the trash and Gun had never kept one inkling of a trace from a boy once he cut ties with them.

‘You need to get rid of some of those. They look old’, Jingjing pointed out whilst she waited for him to finish changing.

‘Leave me alone’, Gun whispered as he looked at the mirror. He wore an old sweater, oversized and faded in color due to the amount of washes. He knew he probably needed to get rid of some of his old clothes because he had a hoard of new clothes scattered all around his room, but he never could find the time to get rid of it, ‘You trash my choice in men and now you’re trashing my clothes. What’s gotten into you this morning?’

‘I haven’t had enough sleep because of you fucking someone right across the room’, Jingjing pointed out brashly, ‘I mean if you don’t wanna talk about it, then we won’t, but I don’t believe you when you say nothing’s happened’

There was a silence between them when Gun continued looking at his sweater – which he realized wasn’t even his. He hated keeping his ex-boyfriends’ shit and he made it a habit to throw everything out once he ends a relationship. But there was one boy who he could never get rid of, not even the small traces of him.

It didn’t smell like Off anymore. It smelt like him – or more precisely – Jingjing’s fabric softener. He used to wear his clothes because it had his scent. He went crazy during the first year of college to even buy the same detergent that Off used to use on his clothes. He went absolutely delusional and he hated himself for it. He should probably get rid of the sweater. He should’ve gotten rid of its years ago.

‘You know what, you’re right’, Gun huffed out as he took off his sweater, ‘I should get rid of these things’

* * *

Gun spent the whole morning piling up his old clothes in boxes. Thankfully Jingjing had enough old boxes to lend to him. His closet was full to the brim with clothes, ranging from designers he started to collect a few years back, to some old clothes his mum bought him for his birthdays.

But he noticed hidden traces all throughout his drawers, faded graphic tees, oversized hoodies and jumpers he couldn’t have bought himself. He even had his old socks.

‘You used to wear a lot of baggy clothes in high school, huh/’, Jingjing pointed out, her legs crossed as she watched Gun fold a bunch of old shirts and placed them inside the box which was roughly labeled _‘high school shit’_ in his handwriting.

 _They’re not mine,_ Gun thought, but he couldn’t say it aloud, because that would open an entire casket of questions from his best friend. And he knew Jingjing was going to get offended if she found out those clothes weren’t his. She didn’t even know he had a boyfriend in high school. He told everyone he never dated. She still thought Ssing was his first-ever boyfriend. In a sense, he was. Ssing asked him out, he said yes and within a week of a few dates, they were officially a couple.

Off never once told him that he loved him. He didn’t even admit that he liked him. It was all in Gun’s head at the end of the day.

He suddenly remembered Alice’s phone call. It’s been driving him insane. Of course, he couldn’t tell Jingjing that either. He didn’t want her to know that the reason why he’s been acting out is that the news he didn’t think he’d receive finally happened six years later after he moved on with his life. The news he’d been waiting for came unwelcomed in his life, a sudden burst of surprise which left him in a standstill – much like Off the bastard himself – it made Gun a flustering mess of confusion.

* * *

**Three Days Ago.**

‘Off arrived in Thailand three months ago precisely’, Alice explained to him once Gun managed to catch his breath, picking up his phone from the floor, ‘He works in PR and he lives with Tay. He came back because he said he wanted to rebuild his relationship with his dad, so I guess he’s here to stay’

‘And… How’s he been?’

‘Well, he’s changed a little’, Alice admitted, ‘He’s a little quiet and works a lot. I think out of all of us, he’s matured the most… But I’m not really sure if it’s for the best’

‘Well, I’m glad he’s doing okay’, Gun whispered.

‘He’s handsome’, Alice added in, chuckling to herself, ‘More handsome than he was in high school’

‘He wasn’t that good looking’, Gun scoffed, and he buried his nervous voice with humour as he continued to listen to Alice.

‘You heard what I said right?’, Alice stopped the conversation with a question, ‘He’s coming to the high school reunion dinner tonight’

Gun got the e-mail. It was in his spam and he was about to delete it. He didn’t feel the need to meet up with people who probably forgot about him. His high school years were boring and the last year was probably one of the worst years of his life.

‘Yeah, I heard you the first time’

‘So? Are you gonna come?’, Alice asked, ‘I mean, if not for him, why not for me? We haven’t met up in years. Wouldn’t it be cool to see each other again?’

‘Maybe’, Gun replied, but there’s an emptiness in his voice, ‘Anyway, Alice, I need to go, I have some errands to do’, Gun excused himself, hanging up the phone and tossing it on the dining table. He tugged at his hair and cursed under his breath.

 _Why did I ask that cursed question?_ He should’ve stopped asking years ago. He forgot everything that’s ever happened between them but just with the sound of his damn name, everything came slowly flooding in.

_Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn._

But it’s stupid. Who cares if he was gonna go to the high school reunion dinner? Because he is sure as hell isn’t coming.

* * *

**The Day of the Reunion.**

‘Do you want me to donate these?’, Jingjing kicked on one of the boxes. Gun made enough room in his closet for his new clothes to finally be put in and once he finished reorganising, he turned back to see the boxed clothes.

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, ‘Just get rid of them’, he said to her as he walked back into his closet and hung up the clothes, reordering them by colour instead of a season. He could breathe a sigh of relief now that he had no more traces of any of his past. It usually felt lethargic, the moment of letting go. He’d burnt some of his ex’s clothes and some he straight up threw in the trash and it felt fucking awesome.

Gun smiled to himself and sighed a big relief. It was just another day of moving on and it felt great. It felt fucking awesome.

Until he heard the front door slamming, and like instinct, he ran out of his closet and looked out to his room to fin the boxes gone.

‘Jingjing! Jingjing! Wait!’, Gun ran out to the living room and thankfully Jingjing wasn’t strong enough to carry all of the boxes and he managed to stop her for kicking it to the front door.

‘What?’, she asked, ‘Did you forget something?’

‘Uh… You can take the rest, but I’ll keep this box’, he pointed to the biggest one out of all of them, titled ‘high school shit’

‘Uh, are you sure?’, she looked down on it with a questioning look, ‘These are just old clothes’

‘I just need to see if I need anything from there’

‘You have way better clothes now than in here’

‘Jingjing, just give it here’, Gun called out, walking over to lift the heavy box. He knew his best friend was staring suspiciously at him, but he didn’t care. He needed that box inside his room.

 _What a fucking loser._ He knew he was a fucking loser. He was supposed to feel awesome and free, but he didn’t. His sigh of relief turned into nervousness and he realised he just didn’t want to throw it out.

‘What a fucker’, Gun hissed at himself when he opened the box and pulled out Off’s old shirt. It didn’t smell like him, he couldn’t even imagine Off wearing it, but he knew it belonged to him, ‘Fucking dickhead’

He hated Off Jumpol. He hated him with every fiber of his fucking being. Off left with no traces left behind and no hope he was going to come back. Gun had to live with that and forget someone like Off even existed in his life. And now the bastard had the audacity to return and occupy his mind again? Like he was still eighteen and head over heels for him? Fuck Off Jumpol.

He reached his phone out and searched for Alice’s number, quickly texting her before throwing his phone on his bed.

_Hey Alice. I think it’ll be nice to see everyone tonight. Count me in._

* * *

Gun spent the remainder of the afternoon outside shopping. It’s what he does best when he’s stressed out. He probably shouldn’t, since he didn’t have enough room in his apartment for more clothes, but he couldn’t help it. He had to look good for tonight.

‘I’ll show him what he’s missing’, Gun huffed to himself, looking at the mirror inside the dressing room and picking out something that looked good on him. Revenge is served best cold and he was gonna show Off that he’s changed. He wasn’t the annoying little kid in high school anymore. He was clearly someone who was living his best life.

Jingjing could say otherwise. In fact, she was ready to slap reality back into his best friend when he walked into their apartment with bags of clothes and shoes which he clearly didn’t need since he already had enough clothes to dress a village in his closet already.

‘Gun, you’re literally begging me to ask you what’s wrong’, she pointed out from the living room where she sat on the sofa with a blanket around her watching Netflix.

‘Come on babe, I’m just living my best life’, Gun smiled widely at her.

‘Okay, if that’s what you say’, Jingjing replied, but there was sarcasm in her tone.

‘Jingjing, if you have anything to say to me, say it now whilst I’m in a good mood’, Gun rolled his eyes, recognising her tone straight away.

‘Gun, I’ve known you for five years now’, Jingjing replied, ‘And I love you. But it always seems like you’re hiding something from the rest of the world’

‘Everyone hides things’, Gun shrugged, ‘Not everyone can be so transparent’

‘But that’s the thing’, Jingjing sighed, ‘It seemed like you’re closed off because you’ve let someone in before’, she pointed out, ‘I know what it looks like when someone gets their heartbroken by someone they trust. And you have that look’

Gun froze in the kitchen. He held onto the clothes inside one of the bags and just stared down at it. Of course, her best friend knew him. She didn’t have to know everything about his past to analyse him.

‘Gun, I don’t know who it is that you let it and I can’t decide for you on what to do, but just… Take it easy okay?’, she said, ‘Maybe take things slow and think things through. And, if you’re still in contact with that person, maybe speak to them and have some closure?’, Jingjing suggested and she smiled at him as if he was her world, and in a sense, he was. They’re best friends after all and Gun knew he means well.

‘Closure’, he repeated to himself, ‘Maybe…’

* * *

‘Off… P’Off, is that you? God, that’s so stupid’, Gun whispered to himself. He came in early. Barely anyone showed up yet and he slipped past the canteen before anyone can spot him. He didn’t want to be seen. Not yet anyway.

He didn’t think the rooftop would be opened, but thankfully the door was unlocked when he got there. It was already dark and the skies were painted in midnight blue. The school was much smaller than he remembered. It punched him with nostalgia when he walked past the library and hallways whilst he was headed to the rooftop. He still remembered where everything is, even though he hadn’t visited since they graduated. It was like muscle memory. He even remembered the table he used to sit in lunch as well.

‘Hey, I’m Gun Attaphan, do you remember me?’, Gun tried again. He didn’t know why he was rehearsing his speech to Off. He initially planned to just ignore him all throughout dinner, but what Jingjing suggested to him stuck. Maybe all he needed was closure? Just one more conversation with Off before he moves on. And how symbolic would it be to have their final conversation in the very building they met? Gun wasn’t much of a poet, but he thought, if life wanted to be a son of a bitch, might as well go with it.

‘Hey Off, I just wanted to talk to you… You know… About everything… I don’t know if you remember me but I hope you remember enough to know that I… I…’

_Loved you? You were my first love?_

‘What exactly were we Off?’, he asked himself, but he honestly wanted to ask Off instead, ‘What the fuck was we?’

Maybe this whole closure thing wasn’t a good idea. He probably shouldn’t have promised Alice that he was gonna turn up when he himself is confused as to why he’s here. Closure or revenge? Closure or frustration?

‘Maybe I just miss you’, Gun whispered but he shook his head immediately, shaking the thought away as soon as it came in his mind. No, he didn’t miss someone like Off. He hadn’t even thought about him in years.

‘Let’s try this again’, Gun whispered to himself as he combed out his hair and straightened his jacket. He prayed he didn’t overdress for the occasion as he looked down on his light blue suit, ‘Hi Off… P’Off… Hey Off…’

_‘Boo!’_

Gun was too busy in his own world that he didn’t notice someone creeping up behind him in the shadows. He screamed loudly when he felt something push him and he tripped on his own shoes in shock. He expected to hit the ground with a loud thud, but suddenly, he felt arms wrapped around him, protecting him as he hit the floor.

‘Holy shit!’, he heard himself screaming, he kicked at whoever it was holding him, scared for his life.

‘Fuck your kick is still just as strong, huh?’, just as he was about to scream for help, he heard a voice he instantly recognised. He froze and it felt like his body instinctively softened. It was a shock and his mind was still spinning, but his body was at ease. Because, if it was his voice, then it means the arms wrapped protectively around him were the same ones that he gave himself into. He looked up, his vision adjusting to find the face he had forgotten staring straight at him for the first time in six years.

_Off Jumpol._


	16. Fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: smut/explicit sexual content and mentions of death.

**Graduation Day.**

Their caps were thrown up into the air and Gun heard loud cheers which erupted once Principal Panhan finished her final speech. The crowd clapped and whooped, pushing past him as his classmates tried to run over to their friends in celebration. He saw Alice and New ran up to him and he grinned, hugging them back when they dragged him into a massive bear hug. He was the only one with his cap still on.

‘We’ve done it!’, he heard New scream and he was quickly joined by Tay who wrapped his arms around his waist, spinning him around. Gun looked towards at Tay in hopes that Off would be with him, but the boy was by himself. He wondered where the boy had gone off to. It killed him so much that he slowly slipped away under Alice’s grasp, rushing over to the hallways away from the field. He left the noises and cheers behind as he searched for Off Jumpol.

It was finally quiet when he reached the school halls. The sun was setting and his shadows were dancing down the corridor as he ran to every corner in search of Off. His gown flew behind him, cap slipping down his head yet he was still searching. The crowd was too large and Off could honestly still be in the midst, but he felt as if the boy had slipped away. He wanted to get to him before he disappeared. The news was so sudden, it was hard for him to process. He could only imagine how Off was feeling.

Thinking about parting with Off was already a possibility he didn’t want to think, but with the news of his departure to a different continent, it caught him breathless. He had no idea whether he had any power in him to persuade Off to stay – or if he even had the right to do so – all he needed was to know that Off was at least still here with him today.

‘The rooftop!’, he suddenly gasped to himself when he realised the last place, he didn’t check was the place that the tall boy was always in. He heard his classmates still singing and cheering, but he ran past them. He slammed the door open and ran three flights of stairs, forehead beading with sweat from the evening heat and the thick gown and cap.

_Please be there, please be there, please be there._

Gun could only beg as he pushed the rusty door open. He heard the loud bang of the metal door against bricks. The school field was golden. The sun was bidding its last goodbye to the day, shining bright orange against the cloudless skies. Gun could see the crowd dispersing and when he looked down, everyone was still there.

He saw Principal Panhan smiling as she gave her students hugs, photographers at the ready along with families holding bouquets of flowers and presents being handed onto their children who have finally survived the whirlwind that was high school. He knew his mother was probably looking for him in the midst of the crowd.

‘One last day in this dump, huh?’, he heard his voice before he saw him. Off was sitting on the edge of the rooftop, worryingly too close to the edge. His feet were hanging off and swaying. He still had his gown and cap on and Gun noticed that he was watching everything from the rooftop.

‘I thought you’d left’, Gun called out to him between his breathes. He had run as fast as he could and used up all his energy. He was still gasping for air a little once he approached Off.

‘There’s nowhere else for me to go, honestly’, Off admitted, ‘Home is not an option’

‘Off…’, Gun began, but he left his sentence hanging. He didn’t know how to comfort the tall boy, nor did he think the latter was gonna take the comfort from someone like him.

‘Don’t pity me’, Off turned to smile at him. They looked into each other’s eyes for the first time since the ceremony, ‘You should be out there celebrating’

‘I will’, Gun said, ‘With you’

‘People are gonna freak out if they see you and me together’

‘I don’t care’, Gun confessed, ‘School’s over. There’s no reason to hate you anymore’

Off didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned back to look at the field, admiring the stunning view before him. He was going to miss spending his hours admiring the landscape. Many times, he would spend his lunch just looking at the students, seeing them spent time with each other in the field, laughing, and talking like nothing mattered. He felt joyous watching it.

‘It’s our graduation Off’, Gun whispered, his hands shaking a little when he stepped closer, ‘She would’ve wanted you to have fun’, he didn’t know whether he was going to offend Off by mentioning Mrs. Pho, but this ceremony meant a lot to everyone, including her, and the last thing Gun wanted was to see Off throw away such a blissful occasion.

Off didn’t answer. He was unresponsive and it scared him. Off had always been the one to reach out whenever tension rose, he was always the one who diffused it too. He had never had to be the one to pull Off out of a dark situation, it was usually the other way round. But he desperately wanted to.

‘Come here’, Gun patted his shoulders. Off didn’t budge and he had to shake him again to gain his attention, ‘Off, come on’

‘What?’, Off groaned, ‘Shouldn’t you be down there with your mum?’

‘Well, I’m not leaving you up here’, Gun replied, ‘Not until you dance with me’

‘What?’, Off scoffed.

‘Come on’, Gun smiled, pulling him up by the arms and dragging him to the centre, ‘Dance with me’

‘Gun, come on. Go back down. I don’t-’

‘Please?’, Gun whispered and his soft voice was powerful enough to stop Off from retracting. The taller watched Gun pull out his phone, scanning his playlist before playing a song.

‘A slow song?’, Off raised a brow when he heard the melody through Gun’s phone, his arms crossed as the shorter approached him.

‘Can you let me do what I want for once?’, Gun whined. He reached his arm out and grabbed Off’s hands, guiding it around his waist. They began to sway slowly, with Off’s arms still around him whilst he snaked his arms around Off’s neck. He had to tiptoe a little to reach him.

It was finally silent between, nothing but the song playing from Gun’s phone filling up the tension.

‘You scored a higher average than me’, Off whispered to Gun’s ears and the latter couldn’t help but laugh at himself. All year, all he’s ever wanted to do was to beat Off and finish first place. He was for sure getting that scholarship without question. Had this been the start of the year, he’d be leaping for joy and giving Off a huge fucking middle finger. But it was their last day at school and he had no idea how long he could hold onto Off. It felt like winning first place didn’t mean a damn thing anymore.

‘Which colleges did you apply for?’, Gun asked him back. They avoided eye contact. Gun rested his head on Off’s chest and just closed his eyes. He was a pretty strong son of a bitch, but he knew the moment he looked at Off, he was going to break down, so he kept his eyes shut.

‘Doesn’t matter’, Off whispered back, ‘My mum said I have two weeks left to start applying to universities in England, so I have to write my personal statement in English and start sending it off now’

Gun nodded. With his eyes shut tight and his body against Off, he could hear the latter’s heartbeat. It was calm. Off handled grief in a different way for sure. He remembered when his dad left him and his mum. He couldn’t stop crying and begging for him to come back, he only managed to control his emotions when he saw his mother crying. Off’s parents were getting a divorce, Mrs Pho is no longer with him and his mother was planning on taking him away from his home and life in Thailand, yet Off’s heartbeat was steady.

Off Jumpol was made out of steel. But he had hoped he’d break down under Gun, just to remind the latter that he was human, or maybe Gun wanted to feel like he could be one of the few people that got to see Off in a different light.

‘So, I guess following your mum to London is a definitive decision’, Gun sighed and he felt Off’s arms tighten around him.

‘It’s a given’, is the reply that he heard.

‘Any reason for you to stay?’, he asked. He held his breath. He thought too highly of himself, but he hoped Off would think of him – even if it was for a flash of a second – he had wished that maybe he was enough for him to think again.

‘No’, Off whispered, ‘There’s no one left here for me. Mrs Pho is gone’

_But I’m here._

‘How about Tay and Arm?’

‘They’re going off to different colleges. They won’t have time for me’

‘You’re doubting their friendship’

‘I’m not’, Off replied with a sarcastic chuckle, ‘I’m being realistic. Distance is a bitch and I don’t want to be the desperate one calling them every day when they’re out living their new life. I won’t do it’

‘So, you’re gonna leave them behind?’

‘It’s better to be the one to leave than to be left behind’

‘You’re selfish, you know that, right?’, Gun dug his nails deep into his own palms. He could feel his skin beak open.

‘Gun, you shouldn’t be here’, Off stopped swaying when the song slowly faded to a stop. He detached his arms around him and stepped back, ‘Your mum and friends are waiting for you down at the field. You should go’

‘Are you coming down too?’, he asked, finally looking up to see Off smiling at him. It looked genuine but he knew the latter was faking it.

‘Yeah, I’ll come down soon. Tay and Arm are probably looking for me anyway’

‘Okay’, Gun nodded, taking a step back. They stayed there for a minute, a gap between them when Gun looked up to stare at Off one last time before heading back to the field, ‘Congratulations by the way’, he added on. He had his hand rested on the doorknob, ‘You did well this year’

‘You too’

‘Out of everyone in this whole school, I’m glad I got to compete with you’, Gun said to him. He managed to force out a smile, but it wasn’t as convincing as Off’s. The latter nodded and smiled back at him.

Off watched as the door slid to a close, Gun leaving him in the rooftop to ponder about his fucked-up life by himself. The worst day of his life and it had to happen on the day he was the most excited for.

Of course, Off didn’t wanna fucking leave his home. But he had waited for his mum to come back for him – and she did. He had no other choice but to follow her. Even if that meant leaving everyone else behind.

He sighed deeply, letting the warm air fill his lungs as he turned back to stare at the field. The crowd was scarce and only a few people were scattered across the school now. He took off his cap and closed his eyes as he threw it up in the air. He didn’t know where it landed or whether it hit the ground or not. He just turned back to where the door was, heading towards the exit.

* * *

Arm gestured for his family to go to the car without him. He was still holding the bouquet of flowers that was thrust upon him by his mother as he ran back to the field in hopes of catching up with Alice. He had wanted to congratulate her at the very least before he left. He had to give up in pressurising her to talk if she doesn’t want to. If Alice wanted to patch things up with him, she would’ve done it sooner, so he had to respect her decision to break up with him. No matter how much he wished he could talk to her, he had to let it go.

The field was almost empty and he felt his hands shake at the thought that he might’ve missed her. But the moment he heard Mild laughing, he turned his glance at her direction and sighed a huge relief when he saw Alice with her friends still taking pictures in the field.

‘Alice!’, he called out, running towards her.

The girl turned and looked at Arm. She noticed that his hair was messy and gown unbuttoned and flowing behind him. Her smile faded slightly but her heart started to race, palms sweating nervously. She felt nervous at the thought of Arm. She still couldn’t bring herself to approach him, not when she acted like a total bitch for no reason. She was still slightly embarrassed.

‘Hey’, she called out to him with a small wave.

‘I just wanted to say congratulations’, Arm said in between his breath, ‘I got this for you’, that was a lie. This was the bouquet his mum gave him, but he had another one in the car from his dad, so he thought giving one away wasn’t the worst thing to do.

‘Oh, thank you’, Alice smiled as she grabbed onto the red roses that were tied neatly around clear plastic with a red bow around it, ‘I really appreciate it’

‘I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you. You did great this year’

‘Thank you’, Alice beamed, ‘You too’

‘Well… Okay then’, Arm nodded back. He realised that all her friends have gone silent, focusing their gaze on him which made him slightly uncomfortable, ‘I guess… I’ll go’, he announced when the staring got a bit too much for him.

‘Wait’, Alice called out, reaching to hold onto his hands. Arm looked down and he felt his heart skip a beat, ‘What are you doing for the summer?’, she asked and his chest tightened. His wishful thinking hoped Alice was asking for his time.

‘Just hanging out with friends’, he told her and he noticed that she was smiling at him with genuine sincerity.

‘Well, so am I. Maybe we could do something together?’, she added on lastly, her request making Arm feel like he was walking on the fucking moon.

‘Yeah, of course!’

* * *

The neighborhood decided to cremate Mrs Pho despite Off’s refusal. Mrs Pho wasn’t a wealthy woman and her sudden death meant there was little time and money to buy a plot of land. Off had never experienced death before and he didn’t know it was this unapologetically technical.

He didn’t have the mental stability to sit and listen to doctors advise them on the days to move her body from the morgue. He also felt sick at the conversation with funeral homes at the prices of coffins which no one could afford. It made him dizzy, his stomach churning just by looking at the freshly polished, over-decorated, and overpriced fucking boxes that were gonna be buried six feet in the dirt anyway, so he didn’t know why anyone would capitalise off it.

P’Pik saw his pale cheeks and sullen eyes, pulling him to the side and encouraging him to go home. The boy didn’t need to hear all of this.

‘I’ll pay for everything. I’ll pay for the plot of land’, Off offered when he heard P’Pik finally tell him the decision everyone made. Mrs Pho didn’t have any children and her husband passed away before her, so it was the responsibility of everyone in the night market to make a decision on what to do.

‘Off… It’s really expensive and so last minute. The price will be double’, P’Pik mentioned to him, but Off didn’t care.

‘I don’t want her to feel like we’re just getting rid of her’, Off sighed, his fist clenched, ‘I can afford it’

‘Off, this is the best way for her to leave’, P’Pik grabbed his arms, forcing him to focus, ‘We’ll spread her ashes at sea and she can feel free’

Off was still against it. But with everyone else agreeing, he had no other choice but to comply. Mrs Pho had always been his safe haven and he was selfish. He wanted to feel her, even if that meant visiting her grave. By letting her go to sea, he had nowhere else to turn to. He was going to have to let go of the security that’s been guiding him since he was little. There were no words for it. He wanted to latch onto the last traces of Mrs Pho.

‘Off, go get some rest’, P’Pik stroked his hair back, ‘And maybe start planning your summer with your friends. It won’t be long till you leave for college’

 _Ah._ He hasn’t told anyone other than Gun that he was leaving for London. He didn’t know if he had the guts to tell P’Pik and the others. He wondered when he was going to tell his friends.

* * *

Off stared at his acceptance letter. _Bangkok University_ was plastered in a big font at the side and it looked obnoxious.

_To: Jumpol Adulkittiporn_

_We are happy to inform your place at Bangkok University for Business and Administration. Please read the below information on important dates, pre-welcome lectures, and summer workshops we have to offer whilst you prepare your move into our campus._

He could stay here with Gun. That was an option he’d been thinking of ever since he opened the letter that his dad slid under his door. That would mean he had to stay with his dad though. He didn’t get the scholarship so he had to rely on his father’s financial income to fund his tuitions and dorm. That would mean he had to come back and visit him on a regular basis and he didn’t think he could do it. He couldn’t force himself to get along with his father.

The decision would’ve been easy a few weeks ago. He would’ve gladly accepted Bangkok University’s offer. In fact, if he didn’t get in, he was gonna beg the university to give him a chance. He was an idiot who thought if he followed Gun to college, the shorter might take him seriously and maybe…

Well, what’s the point of thinking about it now? He folded up the letter and slid it back into the envelope, throwing it in his drawer and slamming it shut. He had no other choice but to reject his place.

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘How exactly did Arm win you back?’, Jane asked as they shared another glass of wine with each other. After joking about everyone’s lives, the class stared at the engaged couple, laughing when Alice kept showing off her diamond ring.

‘I’m irresistible’, Arm joked, earning a playful punch from Alice.

‘Alice apologised to him’, New butted in and answered on their behalf, ‘She knew she was a diva back then’

‘Shut up New’, Alice rolled her eyes.

‘It’s true!’, Mild shouted from across, ‘You stirred hell!’

Alice was about to disagree when the rest of the table started shouting, hollering at her for giving Arm hell for weeks.

‘Why did you finally apologise to him?’, Mike asked after the laughter died down. He turned to Alice, curious to see how someone who he remembered refusing to even look at Arm could be the first to apologise.

‘Gun told me to’, Alice replied honestly and even Arm looked a little shock as he took a sip of his wine.

‘He what?’, Arm asked her, ‘He spoke to you?’

‘Yeah’, Alice shrugged nonchalantly. She hadn’t mentioned it to Arm because she didn’t feel the need to, but she remembered Gun pulling her to the side whilst they were in the midst of taking a photo during graduation. He didn’t say much, he just advised her to own up to her mistakes because they both knew Arm wasn’t going to hold it against her. He wasn’t that type of person, ‘He just gave me some advice’, she added on.

‘Well then, if Gun comes tonight, you better give him a big thank you’, Mike added on, chuckling at Arm’s reaction. It was the truth that everyone knew that despite Arm’s forgiving nature, he and Gun didn’t get along and probably still don’t if they meet again tonight.

‘I wonder where he is’, Tay whispered to New when he noticed an empty seat next to him. Off had been gone for a good minute now and he wondered if the man had decided to ditch the evening without warning them.

‘He said he wanted to go to the restroom’, New reminded him, not worried at all.

* * *

**One Month Before Departure.**

‘You’re what?!’

Off shut his eyes and drunk his coke when he heard his best friends screaming at him. He had to admit, he didn’t want to announce it this abruptly. But his mother spoke to him over the phone and said she wanted them to get used to living in London, so they were leaving much earlier than he had anticipated. He didn’t think he’d be able to go with them in their cabin get away.

‘My mum said she wanted me to come with her and I wanna go’, Off explained when Tay asked why he accepted a place in a London University instead of staying in Thailand, ‘My parents are getting a divorce’

‘And you tell us this shit now?’, Arm asked him. Off can tell there was bitterness in his voice and despite his calm presentation, he knew when Arm was mad. And right now, his best friend was livid, ‘What’s the point in calling us your best friends if you don’t tell us shit?’

‘Look, I didn’t want you to know because I’m still wrapping my head around it’, Off bit back, ‘Where would I even begin? Hey guys, nice to meet you, oh and by the way, my parents hate each other and they’re finally getting a damned divorce but don’t care about my feelings and just dragging me wherever they wanna go. Oh, and also, the only mother figure that I have just died and got cremated a few days ago. How’s your fucking day?’

‘Look, get mad all you want, but if you had told us this shit earlier on, maybe you wouldn’t have struggled as much as you’re struggling now’, Arm pointed out.

‘Do I look like I’m struggling?’, Off scoffed.

‘Bitch, you may be good at hiding things, but that doesn’t mean you’re not having a hard time. We’re your friends, let us be your fucking friends’

‘Guys, enough, enough’, Tay finally raised his hand up between his two friends. They’ve never shouted at each other like this before and it was starting to scare him. Arm was always so calm and Off was always so collected, ‘I think it’s Off’s decision whether he wants to leave for London or not. We can’t stop him’

‘It’s not about stopping him’, Arm scoffed and turned at Tay, ‘It’s knowing that Off doesn’t trust us enough to talk to us about everything. How are we supposed to feel about that?’

‘Look, Off hasn’t told anyone but us yet’, Tay turned to argue back at Arm, ‘We’re still the first people who know’

Off suddenly remembered Gun. They hadn’t spoken since graduation and it felt like he was slowly starting to forget that there was someone he shared the news with.

‘I need to go’, Off stood up from the sofa, ‘I’ll call you guys later’, he knew Arm wanted to call him back and let him explain some more, but Tay grabbed his arm and let Off walk away from his house. They both knew that Off probably needed some more time for himself.

But Off didn’t want to be by himself. He wanted the exact opposite.

* * *

Gun opened the door when he heard the bell ring. It was getting late when he saw Off on the other side of the door, his hands in his pockets and waiting for him.

‘Off’, he called out, his voice barely a whisper. He’d been trying to reach out to the latter, but Off stopped visiting the night market and he didn’t have the guts to call him, ‘What’re you doing here’

‘I just… Forgot to tell you’, Off whispered.

‘Forgot to tell me what?’

_That I wanna stay for you._

‘That I’m leaving by the end of the month’, he announced. It brought out no reaction from Gun and he felt his heart clench a little. He didn’t expect Gun to start crying in front of him, he wasn’t important enough to illicit drastic feelings from the boy. But he had hoped for something, like a sigh or a frown, anything to tell him that Gun wanted him to stay too.

‘You should visit P’Pik before you leave’, Gun replied, straying the conversation away from him, ‘They’re gonna miss you’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded. He waited for a couple more seconds. Maybe the boy was a little shy, but the seconds turned into awkward minutes, the pair standing in front of each other, but neither of them wanted to move, ‘I know it’ll sound selfish, but… Can I spend the rest of my time here in Thailand with you?’

‘With me?’, Gun looked up with round eyes, ‘Why?’

‘I don’t know when I’m coming back… Or if I’m coming back’, Off whispered the last sentence, ‘I just thought, I don’t know… Maybe spend the rest of the time with the people I like’

‘People, you like?’

‘You know, you, Arm, Tay and New’

‘Oh…’, Gun looked down for a minute, but when he stared at Off, he nodded, ‘Yeah sure, why not?’

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘Are you gonna go back down?’, Gun asked Off. The pair were sitting on the ground, looking up at the dark skies, a chill between them.

‘I have to, otherwise, Alice is gonna kill me’, Off chuckled. He felt his phone already vibrating in his pockets, indicating that Alice was probably wondering where he was. Gun laughed with him, but there was an awkward tension between the two once Off’s playfulness disappeared and they were presented with silence and a looming question of how much do they actually remember of each other, ‘How long have you kept in contact with her?’, he suddenly asked the shorter.

Gun knew that Off probably heard his conversation with Alice and he felt his stomach churn and his skin burn in embarrassment. So much for trying to look nonchalant in front of Off.

‘I only speak to her a couple of times’, Gun admitted.

‘I met Alice recently. She didn’t mention you’

‘I’ve been under the radar’, Gun confessed, ‘I haven’t kept in touch with anyone. Alice was an exception’

‘Why?’, Off questioned him, ‘Why Alice? Why not New? He told me he hadn’t seen you since graduation’

Gun shrugged but he knew exactly why he lost contact with everyone except Alice. After he started college, he didn’t bother to reach out with anyone and no one bothered to reach out to him.

It wasn’t even until he came back home to visit his mum after the first semester did he meet Alice again. Their last summer before college was a whirlwind for Gun, it almost felt like a fever dream that once he woke up, he felt like he was sucked into a different reality. It left him feeling empty and somewhat desolated with the way things went down. He realised that college was an opportunity to forget everything and start anew.

‘What do you think people are gonna say about me?’, Gun asked him, ‘Do they think I’ve changed?’

‘Well, there’s only one way to find out’, Off chuckled as he stood up, wiping the dust off his pants and reaching a hand out for Gun to take.

Gun looked at it for a moment, remembering how Off’s hands once felt against his. But he rejected it and stood up by himself, wiping his trousers and walking over to the door. Off watched him leave without his with amusement. He slid his hands back into his pockets and followed him shortly behind.

* * *

**Five Weeks Before Departure.**

The rest of his former classmates found out about his departure due to New’s blabbering mouth. He didn’t even ask how the latter new, he can only blame it on Tay who clearly couldn’t keep it a secret. Everyone was messaging him, asking him why he was moving to London and whether he was rethinking his decision. Even Mild called him in the middle of the night with dozens of questions.

‘Is everyone still asking you?’, Gun’s voice called out to him and he looked away from his phone to see Gun walking into his room with snacks in his hands. He found himself spending time in the shorter’s room every night. They didn’t do much, just watch tons of movies and eat snacks before slowly falling asleep.

‘Yeah’, Off replied, throwing his phone on Gun’s bed and watching it hit the mattress. They heard the sound of thunder from outside, reminding them of the stormy weather.

‘My mum bought food over’, Gun pointed out, ‘She has a night shift tonight so she said she won’t be able to make dinner’, Gun set the takeaway food down on the floor where they sat and Off helped him with the plates a little. They probably should eat in the kitchen, but Gun shook his head and said he preferred eating in his room.

In all honestly, Gun just liked the idea of keeping Off in his room. He sounded sociopathic, but time was ticking, and spending time with Off became a drive that he couldn’t keep away from. It was definitely too late to change Off’s mind. His mum already booked plane tickets and Off had already accepted his place in UCL, however, it wasn’t too late to confess.

Despite spending time together and even making out a few times, Gun had never really told Off his true feelings. He did admit that he had a crush on him and there was definitely an attraction between the two boys, however, for Gun, it was more than that. He had never been transparent in front of anyone but Off, not even his own mum knows what he’s feeling inside. For Gun, it had always been more than attraction. He found himself more relaxed when he was with Off, even during the times that they fought, he still felt like himself around him.

He might be leaving in a couple of weeks, but Gun thought if he confessed to Off now, at the very least Off would know before he left.

‘What do you feel like watching?’, Off asked him as he flipped through the DVD sets Gun had in his room, ‘I’m feeling Horror’

‘I don’t mind’, Gun urged Off to pick, ‘Just put on whatever you want’

The rain was heavy tonight, banging through the windows and screeching with the wind that caused Off to turn up the volume a little bit. The glass vibrated the hinges lose from the force of the rain, forcing it open and allowing the gush of cold rain and wind to invade Gun’s room.

‘Oh shit’, Gun shouted in alarm, standing up to run over to his window, trying to close the windows but to no avail, the wind races through Gun’s efforts, ‘Help me’, Gun called out for Off, looking over to the latter who continued laying on his bed, eyes still on the screen and mouth still chewing on fried meat. Off opened turned to glance at the struggling boy trying to close his window. His eyes shifted as droplets of rainwater races over to cover Gun’s face, embracing the skin Off had been dreaming about lately.

Off’s been thinking about Gun too much lately. He probably should’ve gone up to help him, but at that moment, Gun looked perfect, even amongst chaos.

He got up to Gun’s relief, making his way to the situation that he struggled to fix, but his expectation of the former offering his help was cut short to his dismay, as he felt arms wrap itself around his waist, twisting him around to face the taller with a hint of promiscuity in his dark brown eyes. The rain and wind spiraled around them, his stuffed toys and books drenched. That was when Off placed his lips softly onto Gun’s, his lips moist much to the boy’s shock as he rarely saw the man moisturise. But the utter shock of the situation didn’t stop Gun from wrapping his arms around the man’s neck, drawing him closer, much closer. Both Off and Gun stepped over empty plates and opened packet snacks. The latter forgot about the movie playing on the screen, his mind too busy with the thoughts of Off’s touches going elsewhere. Their lips broke away, as Off explored the boy’s body with his mouth.

Off’s brusque kisses trailed from the base of Gun’s ear, a capricious tongue which ran down his pale neck and his warm touches which made its way inside Gun’s shirt, grazing over the boy’s hardened nipples. It wasn’t until Off’s teeth scraped against his neck, nibbling the skin right above his collar bone, did Gun elicited a slow moan, breaking the silent tension and encouraging Off to continue devouring his skin. Gun’s fingers were lost in between the taller’s hair, moans of _please_ and _more_ uncovered itself from his parted lips, bucking his hips to the movements of Off’s touches. The taller’s hand lightly grazed over Gun’s clothed cock. The electric feeling of tongue and fingertips forced Gun to drive them down onto his bed. They felt dampness against their skin as his mattress was soaked from the rain. Gun laid on top, leaning on the palm of his hands as he inched away from the boy, admiring the closed eyes. Off waited for Gun to kiss him again, but it never came as the latter busied himself staring at him. He hadn’t noticed how beautiful Off looked. The taller lifted himself up, impatiently tangling his hands on the boy’s hair, forcing their lips to touch once more.

Soft touches and slow-burning kisses turned into gnawing and devouring of skin, the ripping of shirts and disposal of denim jeans lifted the tension between the two, silent pleas of ‘ _take it off’_ and ‘ _hurry’_ emitting from Gun. The moment the last piece of clothing which separated the two diminished, everything exploded; nails digging into backs, rhythmic movements of two bodies grinding with the sweet sound of need eliciting from both their lips. Gun didn’t know how it happened, but Off found a way to turn them over, his back landed roughly on the wet mattress, eyes closed. He felt wet tongue worshipping his pale skin, trailing down till he felt a knot of pleasure in his gut, small heavy breaths landing on his inner thighs.

‘Do you want to go slow?’, he heard a whisper from below as Off left small kisses on his thighs, eyes submerged underneath his legs.

‘Fuck no’, he replied as he grabbed Off’s hair furiously, in need of release, urging him to carry on, arching his back to the feeling of tongue and warmth around his cock. Off lifted his tongue along his shaft, tediously licking across the slit, intoxicatingly slow, torturous pleasure immersing from Gun’s stomach. Off heard streaks of groans and pleads of ‘ _faster’._ Gun’s patience was thinning as Off continued to go slow on him, his rock-hard cock aching for something more.

'P'Off', he moaned out his name, igniting Off to stop and look up at him.

‘Do you know how to prepare yourself?’, Off stopped and made him way up again, whispering in his ears. Gun shook his head nervously and Off gave him a comforting kiss on the cheek. He leaned to corner below the bed where his bag was, taking out lubricant that he happened to have inside.

‘Did you fucking set this up?’, Gun called out when he noticed the object in Off’s hands.

‘Call it a coincidence’, Off chuckled, easing the tension between them. Without question, he reached out for Gun’s hand, slathering it with the substance, ‘I’ll teach you’, he informed him before lips automatically made its way back to Gun’s neck. He guided the boy’s finger down. The first digit that Gun inserted into himself hurt like hell. He grunted in agony as the pain worsens upon the second digit entering, but his pain was taken care of by Off’s soft caresses which reverenced his body, hands kneaded his hard nipples as his mouth traced wet trails on his chest. Off’s hand left Gun’s chest, going down to hold onto Gun’s fingers instead, forcing the boy’s digits to thrust deeper inside, eliciting a wanton moan from the boy as Off guides the latter’s fingers into quick rhythmic thrusts, urging the boy to go deeper, finding that place. Gun gave out a lurid whimper, his hips jerked up on their own as he tried to hit that spot again. Off watched him as he pulled out a condom from the same bag. He ripped it open and chuckled when Gun groaned impatiently, obviously demanding him hurry up. His hands finally forced the boy’s digit out, replacing Gun’s fingers with his own cock, trying to recreate the deep thrust. With his cock inside the latter; he let everything go, squeezing Gun’s waist as he thrust again, harder and faster. Gun squirmed in pain at first, urging Off to slow down to which the latter respectfully did so.

Off lathered him in kisses, calming him down until wave of pleasure made Gun speechless, his jaws dropped but not a sound wavered from his parted lips. Off’s movements came in continuity, thrusting inside the boy over and over again until Gun comes undone, a spurt of white cover his stomach. Gun panted in short hot breathes, sieges of pleasure wavering all over his body, tingling sensations from his head all the way down to the tip of his toes. Off kept on going until he felt the wavering of pleasure urging from his own stomach to his cock. His head collapsed between the boy’s shoulder and neck, reveling at the smell of sweat and sex as he retired on the mattress beside Gun. Heavy breaths filled the rather silent room, storm long ended between the grunts and moans.

Off noticed Gun’s stillness and when he turned, he realised the boy was slowly falling asleep. His breathing was rhythmic and Off brought the duvet over him, scared he’d get cold. He wanted to ask Gun if he was okay, but he thought it would be better to let him rest instead. He was probably tired.

It was probably his first time and it made Off’s heartbeat fast, no signs of calming down as he continued to stare at Gun’s sleeping face.

‘I love you’, he suddenly whispered and it shocked him. He looked down and waited for movement, but when it came, he sighed in relief. Gun was fast asleep already. He didn’t know where the confession came from but just staring at Gun after sex, it was enough for him to elicit something within that made him want to say those three words aloud for the first time.

‘I love you’, he said again, this time with much more confidence. He stared down at Gun and placed a soft kiss on his cheeks before standing up and leaving the room to get a piece of cloth.

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘I thought you left’, Alice hissed at him as soon as Off came back to the canteen. He had allowed Gun to go in first and waited in the halls for another fifteen. He didn’t want anyone to stare at them if they walked in together.

‘I got lost’, he lied and even he knew his lie was bullshit. Alice glared at him, almost offended that that was his excuse of a lie.

‘Anyway, look who’s here’, Alice rolled her eyes and decided to just forgive Off as he tugged on his sleeve and pointed to Gun who was sitting next to the spare seat beside Fiat, ‘It’s Gun’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded nonchalantly which wasn’t the expression Alice wanted. The latter stared at her fiancé in question, but even Arm couldn’t give her an answer. They didn’t know what to expect, maybe a bit more excitement, or at least a better reaction than a shrug.

‘Hey Gun’, Mike called out to the man, ‘Do you remember any of us?’, his question was meant as a joke, but Gun nodded seriously, pointing at each and everyone one of them whilst reciting their full names. The rest of the class chuckled but was also impressed as he went around the table until he pointed to the last man sat at the end.

‘Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn’, he said and everyone clapped their hands sarcastically.

‘Of course, you’d remember that idiot’, Fiat laughed whilst he stared at Off, ‘You two fought like cats and dogs’

‘We definitely fought indeed’, Off chuckled before sipping the last of his wine. He looked up and shared eye contact with Gun only for a second before they re-joined the conversation.

‘So, what do you do now Gun?’, Jane asked.

‘I work at a law firm’, Gun replied, earning nods and hoots from everyone. They had all predicted Gun was gonna get an amazing job, so it didn’t come much as a surprise. The boy was still well-spoken, but there’s an air about him that changed and Off was slowly realising it. He was confident, much more himself and he wasn’t afraid to talk over others and hold the conversation anymore. It was a different sight to see and he wondered whether it was a gradual change or if a switch flipped and Gun decided he didn’t want to spend time alone in the library anymore.

‘He’s ignoring you like the fucking plague’, Tay chuckled, noticing the way Off would steal glances at Gun, but the latter was staring at someone else or making conversations on the other side of the room, ‘He probably still hates you’

‘He probably does’, Off agreed. Despite their conversation at the rooftop, he expected Gun to act cold towards him in front of everyone. He wondered if he told anyone about them or if he kept whatever they had a secret like what he did. He tried to imagine Gun talking about him but it seemed impossible. They were each other’s secret and nothing more, he didn’t think Gun would waste his breath.

‘So, Gun, are you single or what?’, a question was thrown to the man and Off waited patiently for Gun’s reply. His expression seemed disinterested, but he learned how to hide his emotions a long time ago.

‘Uh…’


	17. Sixteen.

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘So, Gun, are you single or what?’

‘Uhh…’, Gun clambered a little. He tried to avoid the pair of eyes that he knew was probably staring at him as he sipped his wine and thought a little, ‘How about you?’, he pointed the question back at Fiat, ‘That ring on your finger looks real shiny’, he chuckled.

‘Well, glad you asked about it’, Fiat took the question back without hesitation, ‘Just got married last summer’, he showed off. He’d been showing off since he arrived at the canteen, showing pictures of his wife who he met at his workplace. Everyone rolled their eyes as Fiat made the conversation about him again, but it worked since they moved onto the next topic without going back to Gun.

Off continued to stare at him for a little while, but he decided to let go of it too, going back to his meal. He saw Alice elbowing Gun, whispering something to his ears. He couldn’t make out what they were saying and he decided to just leave it. He turned his glance and he spotted Arm looking at him questioningly to which he just shrugged.

* * *

**Five Weeks Before Departure.**

Gun woke up sore. He felt the pain starting from his back and he couldn’t help but groan when he opened his eyes. He managed to look down and notice that he had clothes on, but that didn’t stop his memories from flooding in, flashes of what he did last night coming back and punching him in the gut.

‘Oh god’, he whined, struggling to get up. It hurt like fucking hell. No one warned him about the pain afterwards.

‘Oh, you’re awake’, he heard Off voice and he almost shuddered at the fact that the boy was still here, ‘Your mum’s downstairs. I told her you were still sleeping’

‘Shit!’, Gun whined as he tried to get up, but it only worsened the ache, ‘You didn’t tell her, did you?’

‘Are you kidding?’, Off laughed, ‘Do you want me to get killed?’, Gun shot red when Off started laughing at him, and he instantly wrapped the blanket as tightly as he could around him. Off seemed to notice and sighed a little. He sat at the edge of his bed and pointed at Gun’s bedside table, ‘I brought painkillers by the way. But you should probably eat something first’

‘Thanks’, Gun murmurs. Despite what they did last night, he was all of a sudden shy in front of Off, too shy that he kept his blanket around him, so much to Off’s amusement.

‘You do realise, I was the one who dressed you’, Off pointed out, entertained by Gun’s shy expression and his red ears, ‘You don’t have to hide’

‘Shut up’, Gun mumbled, drinking the glass of water that Off offered, ‘I’m new to this’

Off nodded, pretending to feel sympathetic but all he wanted to do was tease the shy boy.

‘So, maybe you don’t know what people do after sex’

‘What do they do?’, Gun asked curiously, his eyes round and looking up at Off.

Off looked down on his lips, which were still slightly swollen. He also noticed peaks of purple decorated below his neck and he couldn’t help but feel prideful to have left those marks all over Gun.

‘Close your eyes’, Off commanded in a soft voice.

‘What?’, Gun asked, his heart racing fast when Off leaned closer, until they were only inches apart, with the tip of their nose touching.

‘Close your eyes and kiss me’, Off said again and before Gun could process anything, Off leaned in and kissed him. It was soft, not at all as lewd as last night, but it made Gun’s heart explode. Their lips were soft yet perfect on each other, it was neither rough nor desperate, but calm.

Gun was too caught up, wanting Off to lean in closer – if that was even possible – wanting to run his fingers through the latter’s hair, not knowing that he was still holding a glass of water.

‘Shit!’, he broke the kiss when he felt something wet landing on his shirt, realising the glass must’ve slipped from his hand and landed on his lap. Off started laughing profusely, causing Gun to hit him on the arm, the two boys just sitting beside one another and finding comfort in the morning.

* * *

**Four Weeks Before Departure.**

Arm visited Off’s house after Tay told him off for overreacting. He was still petty and wanted to give Off the silent treatment, but after Tay explained that they simply didn’t have the time to be fighting with each other, Arm gave in and decided to talk to his best friend – this time in a civil manner – knocking at his front door and being greeted by Off’s dad.

He looked tired. He also looked like he aged a lot.

‘Hello Mr. Adulkittiporn’, he smiled and bowed his head at him. The older man let him in without a greeting. Off’s dad recognised Arm, ‘Is Off in his room?’, he asked.

‘No, he went to the night market’, Off’s dad informed him as he went to the kitchen. Arm didn’t have a choice but to awkwardly follow him, ‘Do you want a drink, kid?’, he offered and Arm nodded. He waited in the dining room, his arm resting on the table as he watched Off’s dad pour him a glass of cold water from the fridge.

Before their conversation could go further, they heard the door slam open and Arm breathed a sigh of relief when Off walked into the kitchen, his eyes looking down on him in surprise.

‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked.

‘I’m here to talk to you’, Arm stood up quickly, grabbing Off’s hand and rushing to his room upstairs.

‘What is it?’, Off asked again once they made it in his room, Arm shutting his door and looking around to see that everything was slowly being boxed up.

‘I just wanted to apologise’, Arm sighed.

‘You don’t need to’, Off smiled at him, patting his back as he sat on the end of his bed, ‘I understand. I’d be mad too’, he added on. Arm watched him as he started to pack the rest of his stuff. He noticed that each box was labeled.

_Moving. Donation._

‘Are you not leaving anything at home?’, Arm asked when none of the boxes were labeled ‘attic’. He wondered if Off was gonna leave some stuff in his room for when he comes back for the holidays but the boy looked at him with a bemused expression.

‘I’m not coming back here’, Off responded to him, ‘Not in this house anyway’

Arm was slowly breaking away from the promise he made with Tay.

‘But surely, you’ll come to visit us’, Arm pointed out and Off nodded, but he didn’t say anything and it’s kind of made Arm suspicious. Off was usually upfront when he says he’ll do something. The only times he looks hesitant is when he won’t do shit, ‘If you don’t come and visit me, I’ll kill you’, he threatened him.

Off just laughed back and Arm had no choice but to sit on one of his chairs by his desk. He nonchalantly opened the drawers in Off’s desk, checking to see if he’d packed everything yet. Most of the stuff inside is just old notebooks from Senior year that he hadn’t thrown away yet. Arm started to look through them whilst Off placed a few of his shit.

He opened another drawer, looking through the piles of old envelopes, all unsealed and badly torn open. Most of them were just spam letters, but he did notice a bigger one with an official seal. His lips parted in shock when he pulled it out. He suddenly recognised the logo in the letter and he couldn’t help but open it up and read the letter.

‘You got accepted to Bangkok University?’, Arm swiveled his chair around and faced Off.

‘Huh?’, Off turned around and when he saw what Arm was holding, he sighed, ‘Oh, that. Yeah’, she shrugged it off but he knew his best friend was just going to keep asking questions.

‘You rejected it?’

‘I already accepted UCL’s offer, so yeah’

‘Why Bangkok University though?’, Arm asked, ‘Isn’t that where Gun’s going’

‘Exactly’

‘What do you mean exactly?’, Arm scoffed, setting down the piece of paper on the desk and looking at his best friend.

‘I was planning to go to the same college as Gun’

‘Are you for real?’, Arm tilted his head in confusion, ‘Why would you go to the same college as him?’, he questioned Off. Surely his best friend wouldn’t follow the person he hates on purpose.

‘Wanna know a secret?’, Off smiled, the usual mischievous one he had before he started shit up.

‘What is it this time?’, Arm rolled his eyes.

‘I don’t actually hate Gun’

‘Okay?’, Arm beckoned Off to continue on even though he himself think maybe Off was fucking around. But the acceptance letter looked legit, so what exactly were Off’s intentions?

‘I don’t hate him at all’, is the only thing that Off added on as he closed the last box of his stuff, looking around for tape, ‘I don’t hate him one bit’

‘That still doesn’t explain why you wanna follow him to college’

‘I think it explains enough’, Off whispered under his breath, ‘But I’m not going there anymore, so, there’s that’

Arm was probably focused on other things, or he was just plain dumb, but he didn’t put the two and two together back then. He only realised what Off meant when he was dropping him off at the airport and saying goodbye to his best friend.

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘Gun, you never dated anyone in high school, right?’, Mild turned to ask Gun when they were discussing their love lives, passing on stories of failed attempts and brutal rejections only for the ball to be passed back to Gun who was trying to avoid these types of questions.

‘Uh, no, I didn’t’, he replied, pouring himself another glass of wine. He knew it was gonna be a long night, especially if everyone was gonna drill him of his private life.

‘So, who was your first boyfriend then?’, she asked, leaning her chin on her hand as she waited for him to answer. Gun coughed a little, fixing his sleeves as he thought of an answer.

‘His name was Ssing’, Gun commented, ‘We met during our first year of college’

‘Ah’, she nodded. By this point, the rest of the group was already eyes and ears on his story, urging him to carry on, ‘And?’

‘Well, you know how it goes’, Gun chuckled, ‘It only lasted for a year’

‘Wait, wait, wait’, Fiat snickered at Gun’s dry response, ‘Was he your first love too?’

‘What’s the difference?’, Gun questioned with furrowed brows.

‘I mean, I had my first official girlfriend in college too, but everyone knew my first love was Mild’, he turned and pointed at the woman sitting next to him, giving her a playful wink to which she hit him back.

‘That’s not love, that was just you being horny’, Mike called out, a roar of laughter following his statement.

‘Yeah, I would say Ssing was my first love too’, Gun nodded after everyone stopped laughing. He remembered Ssing, and if that was what you called a first love, then he was sure it was with him.

Off stole Tay’s drink, sipping his friend’s wine as he leaned his back on his chair, following closely to the conversation but not once adding himself in it. He didn’t even stare at Gun.

‘What qualifies your first love anyway?’, Tay asked randomly, ‘Is it your first proper relationship? Or someone you just connected with?’

‘Well, Ssing was the first person who ever said he loved me’, Gun pointed out, ‘I guess that’s how I measure it’

Off bit the inside of his cheeks and huffed a chuckle. He hid his expression behind the wine glass, but he couldn’t help but feel bitterly amused. Someone else ended up being Gun’s, first love. He had to laugh at himself.

‘If that’s the case, then I’m sorry Mild’, Fiat smiled goofily, ‘You’re not my first love’

‘Thank God’, Mild sighed in relief, laughing as Fiat clutched his chest with his hand, mockingly pretending to have his heartbroken.

‘Now stay away from my girlfriend’, Jane joined in the banter, playfully shoving Fiat out of the way and holding Mild’s hands.

‘Then Off hasn’t had his first love yet’, New joked when he turned to stare at the man who kept to himself with a simple expression on his face, ‘I don’t think he’s ever told anyone he loves them’

‘I have’, Off replied nonchalantly, his voice calm which made everyone more intrigued by his quick response.

‘Who?’, they all asked in unison.

‘Someone in high school’, Off admitted and all ears were on him now.

‘High school?’, Tay scoffed in disbelief, rolling his eyes and taking back his drink, ‘You never had a relationship in high school’

‘And how do you know that?’, Off turned to look at his best friend, ‘I kept a lot of secrets back then’

‘I can testify to that’, Mild put her hands up, ‘He knew my secret too’

‘Are you serious?’, everyone asked her and even Jane had wide eyes when her girlfriend nodded. Off winked back at her and she smiled. They might not have kept in contact, but they remembered the times they spent together.

‘Then who is it?’, Mike asked, ‘Who did you love in high school?’

Now it was Gun’s turn to pretend not to care. He waited like the rest of the group, with a crumpled napkin in his clenched hands, hiding them under the table so the rest couldn’t see.

‘Why would I tell you guys?’, Off chuckled, ‘It’s not like you’d know them’

‘You’re a fucking tease’, Mike whined, crunching up a ball of tissue and throwing it at him, ‘You’re probably lying’

‘No, I’m not’, Off said, ‘I told them I loved them precisely three times’

‘Pfft’, Tay rolled his eyes, ‘I call bullshit’

‘Why?’

‘Because my best friend isn’t going to admit he loves someone without telling us who it is’, Tay pointed back, ‘So, you either tell us the name of your so-called first love or just admit you’re lying’, the room had gone silent whilst they wait for his answer, curious as to who the person might be. It wasn’t just anyone who can gain Off Jumpol’s attention, especially not in high school.

Off settled with the latter, reaching his hand out and grabbing Tay’s drink back, downing it in one go. It was a signal to the group that he was bullshitting, causing everyone to groan at Off’s attempts to get them interested in his love life only to be served with a cold ending.

‘Just say you’re still a fuckboy’, Jane called him out, ‘We won’t judge. We actually like you’, the group goes back to light banter after that, the food on the table still not finished even though everyone’s stomach was slowly filling. Their conversations changed in waves, rushing from one topic to another. Gun was playing with the leftover on his plate, looking down as he pushed and slid the meat from one side to the other. He couldn’t get Off’s response out of his head. Off loved someone? Who? And who was the person who was privileged enough to receive those three words from Off Jumpol?

‘You’re lying right?’, Gun suddenly raised his voice over the rest. No one knew who he was talking to and it wasn’t until they turned to glance in Gun’s direction did, they notice that he was talking to Off. This had been the first time that they’d finally acknowledged each other – according to the rest of the group anyway.

‘Lying about what?’, Off replied with a question.

‘You didn’t have a relationship in high school’, Gun brought the topic back even though everyone else had moved past it.

‘As I said’, Off tilted his head and leaned his chin on his hand, ‘I was just joking’

* * *

**Three Weeks Before Departure.**

Alice decided to host a farewell party for Off. It was uncalled for and he didn’t even know until New decided to spill it to him one afternoon when Off was visiting Tay’s house.

‘A surprise farewell party?’, Off whined as soon as New finished talking, ‘What a load of… Why would she do that?’, he asked, displeased at the notion of having to cater to a bunch of his friends and talk about feelings before his departure. That was the last thing he needed.

‘Look, she’s gonna do it whether you like it or not’, New laughed, ‘I’m only telling you so I can prepare you’

‘Thanks, I guess’, Off sighed, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing himself a Diet Coke.

* * *

Gun sat by the end of his bed, looking down at his phone and pondering whether to call Off or not. They’ve messaged each other from time to time, but Off stopped visiting after that night and he was starting to wonder why.

‘Maybe he was just using me?’, Gun whispered, his assumption was starting to hurt the more he puzzled things together. Surely, Off wasn’t a person who’d hook up and leave the other person hanging – but he’d heard the rumours – and sometimes he listened to some of the girls talk about it. If that was the case, then he was going to rush to Off’s house and throw a brick at him. He didn’t just lose his virginity to a scum bag, right?

Before his mind could jump to more conclusions, he heard a ping coming from his phone and he almost squealed when he saw the name. He bit his lip to suppress his surprise, unlocking his phone and checking his message.

**_Off:_ **

**_Alice is throwing me a ‘surprise’ farewell party. Did you know about it?_ **

**_Gun:_ **

**_Yeah._ **

**_Off:_ **

**_Are you coming?_ **

**_Gun:_ **

**_Alice still thinks you and I don’t get along, so she told me I don’t have to go._ **

**_Off:_ **

**_But you’re still coming, right?_ **

**_Gun:_ **

**_Do you want me to?_ **

**_Off:_ **

**_Duh._ **

Duh. It wasn’t even a word but it made Gun gleam. He locked his phone and threw it on his pillow as he grabbed his teddy bear, hugging it tightly and hiding the smile under its furs. He probably shouldn’t be this excited – it was in fact Off’s farewell party – that was nothing to be excited about. But he couldn’t lie to himself, the fact that Off not only wanted him to be there, but he expected him to turn up made him feel giddy. He wasn’t a high school student anymore, but he fucking felt like one with the way he was hugging his teddy bear excitedly.

* * *

‘You and Alice are going to the same college?’, Off raised a brow when Arm joined them in Tay’s house. The boys were chilling in his back yard which had a pool in it.

‘Yeah, we both got accepted to the same University, so we thought, why the fuck not?’, Arm said excitedly. Ever since they got back together, Arm had been acting like a clingy motherfucker to Alice. Off almost felt sorry for Alice for having such a baby as a boyfriend, but he didn’t wanna damper Arm’s excitement, so he just smiled and nodded.

‘Happy for you’, Off responded, ‘I’d have thought Tay and New would do the same, but guess they just chose different colleges that are only a twenty-minute drive away from each other’

‘You think Tay’s gonna pass his driver’s test?’, Arm laughed as he stared at Tay who was swimming with New. The pair were bickering with each other, Tay pulling New close for a kiss whilst the latter splashed water at him.

‘He has to’, Off chuckled, sipping his drink, ‘Otherwise, he’d have to take a train every day to visit his boyfriend. That’ll take forty minutes or more’

Arm and Off continued to make fun out of Tay without his knowledge, laughing at their best friend who was still infatuated with his boyfriend despite it being almost a year already. Who would’ve thought that in a few months’ time they’d have passed a full year since their first day of Senior year?

‘If we could start over our first year of senior year all over again, would you change anything?’, Arm asked him suddenly. Off realised that his best friend was probably looking back at their recent memories, much like him and Off finished his drinking whilst looking at the trees ahead of him. The branches swayed softly from the breeze, creating dancing shadows on the ground.

‘I would sit at the front of the class’, Off commented.

‘Really?’, Arm turned and laughed at him, ‘As if you need to focus in class anyway. Your average is higher than anyone else’

‘Yeah, I know’, Off smiled, ‘But I’d still sit at the front’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know’, Of shrugged, ‘I’m just curious to see how he looked up close’

‘What’re you talking about?’

Off realised that Gun and he have avoided each other’s paths for so long, he never got to admire how the boy looked when he was focused. How he bit his lip and furrowed his brow whilst he wrote down notes in class, or how he would wait for the teacher to set them individual work before he raised his hand and asked them to go over some things with him so that he doesn’t take up the class’ time. He was too busy sitting in the back and clowning with his friends to notice any of Gun’s nuances and him kind of regretted it now.

* * *

‘Gun, you sure you wanna be here?’, Alice asked nervously as they spread balloons around in Off’s living room. Alice just received a text from New saying that Off was gonna be here any minute. Of course, everyone was confused, to say the least, the moment the door opened and Gun walked in.

‘Let bygones be bygones’, he simply explained himself as he offered a helping hand. Of course, Alice was pleased when she noticed that Gun was trying his best to help send off someone he couldn’t stand, so she let him help with the decorations, but for sure, everyone else was questioning his intentions and whether he was gonna make a scene or not.

‘Are those alcohol?’, Gun asked as soon as he saw Mike and Oab walk in with a box of bottled drinks. His eyes scanned on the label and he looked at them suspiciously when they smiled and walked into the kitchen without asking.

Maybe Gun wasn’t set out to be a teenager if he was gonna tell off a bunch of teens about drinking at a party. And he didn’t want to be that boy so he just let them set the kitchen, albeit nervous of what alcohol could bring into the party but mistakes.

‘Are you here to make peace with Off?’, Alice asked when they found themselves alone in the living room, blowing balloons and tying them to strings.

‘You can say that’, Gun admitted. He didn’t know whether to tell Alice the truth or if Off wanted to keep them a secret. He didn’t even know what they were and if a third party knew, it could ruin everything.

‘Well, I’m glad’, Alice replied, ‘It’s nice that the two of you aren’t fighting anymore’

‘Mhhm’, Gun replied and for a moment, when they were in silence, Gun wondered what it would feel like if he told Alice everything right now. Would she look at him like he was crazy? Or would she feel excited?

‘Guys! They’re here!’, New shouted, banging the door open and waving his hand up with his phone, ‘Tay just messaged me’, he turned and grabbed Gun by the hand, ‘We need to hide’

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘Remember when we held a surprise farewell party for Off?’

‘Not much of a surprise party if this idiot told Off’, Alice hit New on the arm, the two playfully bickering amongst each other. The party was as what anyone expected it to be – an excuse for everyone to get fucked up before college started. Off knew that Mike was already preparing to leave for college a little early since he was also accepted into a football academy which required him to start a little earlier than the rest of them. Jane was also doing a summer workshop in Japan for acting before starting her first year of college, so Off’s departure was a perfect excuse for everyone to gather around one last time.

That also didn’t stop anyone from getting absolutely fucked in Off’s house. Thank God his father left for some sort of business trip otherwise Off would’ve been killed the next morning.

‘Gotta admit, it was fucking fun’, Oab added on, ‘I’ve never seen someone so drunk as Gun’

‘Don’t bring it up’, Gun groaned, but of course, once the topic was focused on the damn party, everyone had to talk about Gun.

‘The Tom and Jerry of the group till the very end’, Oab bellowed on, making everyone laugh but Gun who just slouched in his chair. He looked honestly embarrassed and he couldn’t even remember half of it.

Off smirked a little. Unlike Gun, he didn’t get drunk, so he could still remember that night as clear as day.

* * *

**Three Weeks Before Departure.**

‘Surprise!’, Off heard loud screeches when he opened the door to his house. He flinched and almost cursed when a sudden wave of party poppers went off in front of his face and he looked around to find all his friends gathered in his house with balloons everywhere. He smiled and pretended to be shocked.

‘How did you guys get in my house?’, he asked even though he already knew. New was supposed to ‘steal’ the spare keys to his house, but in the end, he just threw it at the latter and warned him not to break anything.

‘We wanted to surprise you!’, Alice smiled, and Tay couldn’t help but snicker under his breath at everyone’s proud expressions, not knowing that Off already knew about it a few days ago.

‘Okay, now that Off’s here, let’s get fucked!’, Mike shouted, being the shit-stirrer of the group. He turned on the room speakers and it an instant, the room was hit with heavy bass and loud music, causing everyone to shout and cheer.

Off was dragged around by everyone, making rounds and talking over the loud music about why he chose to go to university abroad. He made vague excuses, avoiding the topic which wasn’t too hard when everyone was starting to have alcohol in their system. He wanted to check his phone to see if Gun was coming since he didn’t initially see the boy with the rest of the crowd.

‘Dude, what’s Gun doing here?’, Tay asked New and Off heard it from the side. He immediately turned to where Tay and New were staring, and there he was.

Gun was wearing the shirt he bought him. He smiled to himself. The shirt was still massive on him, and it didn’t help that the little mermaid was obnoxiously plastered at the front. He wondered why Gun wore it out of everything in his closet. It made him look tinier – but definitely in a cute way.

‘He said he wanted to come’, New explained, ‘Don’t throw him out or I’ll kill you’

‘It’s not my choice’, Tay replied back, ‘It’s Off’s’

Off, on the other hand, was glad that everyone was busy, too distracted to notice him approaching Gun at the corner of the living room. The lights were turned off anyway, with nothing by the sunlight from outside shining through the window, but when the sun setting, the room was slowly turning dark.

‘I didn’t even notice you at first’, Off called out as soon as he was standing in front of Gun, ‘Why didn’t you stand next to Alice?’

‘It’ll be weird’, Gun replied, ‘What would you have wanted me to do? Hug you?’, it sounded a little defensive, but Gun was genuinely worried about how to act when others were around them.

‘Don’t you think it’s stupid to keep up a front?’, Off asked softly, his voice was almost buried amongst the loud music, but he learned a little closer to Gun. The latter instantly took a step back and looked around the room. He noticed how nervous Gun became, glancing behind him to check for others. He didn’t know much, but he knew well enough to read the expression of someone who didn’t want to be clocked.

Off stepped back, a little disappointed in Gun’s reaction.

‘You know what, you’re right’, Off spoke out, backing away, ‘It’ll be too weird’

‘Off, wait-’, Gun called out to him, but the boy already slipped past towards the kitchen, being embraced by Mike and Fiat, dragged away from him. It was too late, he couldn’t join them in the kitchen, they’d ask too many questions. He tugged on his hair in frustration and looked around the living room, watching the girls dancing amongst themselves whilst the boys shout loudly from the kitchen. He felt slightly out of place and he huffed a huge sigh of frustration.

He didn’t mean to offend Off. Everything was still so nerve-wracking to him.

His eyes fell on the bottles of alcohol on the coffee table and without hesitation, he bent down to grab one. He ignored the stench as he sipped beer for the first time. He coughed after the initial burn of liquid which slid down his throat, making him squirm.

‘Woah, did you just drink beer?’, one of the girls asked when they noticed Gun was still in the living room with the girls, his knees bent in front of the coffee table.

‘Be careful’, Alice warned Gun, ‘You haven’t had alcohol before. You might get drunk’

‘I’ll be fine’, Gun scrunched his nose and bit his lip. He didn’t want to be treated like a child, even if he was the youngest one in the room. He was capable of drinking as much as them, and he wanted to prove it. The other girls juxtaposed Alice’s worried expression, instead, they cheered him on and shoved another bottle of beer to him, singing along to a song he didn’t know.

* * *

‘So, you wanna bet Off’s gonna get himself a foreign girlfriend once he arrives in London’, Oab chuckled when they cheered for a drink, everyone chiming in on bets on what Off might get up to in London. The loud curses followed back as he denied all of them, shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he took another sip.

‘I’m there to learn, idiots’, Off rolled his eyes profusely, ‘I’m not there to fuck around’

‘We all know that’s what you’re gonna do anyway’, Oab joked, the tease being backed up by the other boys who laughed along with him.

Tay playfully jerked his shoulder, chuckling along with them and even joining in some banter, and Off, as always, played along with them. He laughed when he needed to and cheered when asked for it, but he was thinking about Gun’s instinctive reaction when he tried to step closer towards him. Obviously, in front of everyone they knew, Gun was gonna feel awkward, but he didn’t think he was gonna feel uncomfortable around him – as if he didn’t want to be seen with him. He didn’t know if he should feel upset or maybe he was overreacting. What was he to Gun anyway?

‘Off!’, Alice ran into the kitchen to where the boys were, looking worried, ‘Off, come and help me’

‘What is it?’, he wondered why the girl would run in and interrupt their conversation.

‘Gun… He’s drunk’

‘Are you kidding me?’, Arm asked her, already by her side, holding her hand as they rushed back to the living room. Off ran along with them, pushing the door open and seeing the rest of the girls trying to get a hold of Gun who was fumbling about.

‘Gun’, Off approached him, holding onto his arm once the latter faltered to the ground, ‘Gun, come on, get up’, he beckoned for the boy to hold onto him, but once Gun fluttered his eyes opened, he recognised Off and squirmed at his touch.

‘Get off me’, he whined, his lower lip swollen and cheeks bright red, ‘I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna…’, he was a stuttering mess, fumbling through his words and pushing Off away from him. But the latter was stronger than him, his hands held his arm tightly, pulling him towards the stairs when he continued to shout and make a mess.

‘Who gave him alcohol?’, Off cursed out, only for Alice to inform him that Gun was the one who took the beer bottle first. After only a few bottles, Gun was already acting like he drank an entire crate. If it was any other occasion, he would’ve been amused.

‘Do you need help?’, New offered, rushing over to his friend and wiping the sweat that was beading off his forehead, ‘He’d never drunk alcohol before’

‘I can see that’, Off whispered under his breath as he dragged Gun, ‘I’ll take care of him’

‘No one’s taking care of me!’, Gun suddenly shouted, flinging his arms and accidentally hitting Off on the face, ‘Especially not a self-centered piece of shit like you’

‘I thought you said he wasn’t gonna cause a scene?’, Arm whispered to Alice, clearly not amused at the way Gun was suddenly acting even after they allowed him to attend the farewell party.

‘I have no idea what’s gotten into him’, Alice replied, squeezing Arm’s hand in hers as she looked worriedly. She knew Gun drinking was a bad idea and she blamed herself for not stopping him sooner.

Off, despite the rash words from Gun, managed to drag the drunk boy up the stairs and towards his room. The music was still loud, but thankfully they were away from other’s stare. Off swung his bedroom open, slamming the door shut and practically carrying Gun towards his en suite.

‘If you throw up in my room, I’m gonna kill you’, Off threatened him, knowing that if someone was this drunk, throwing up would be the next stage. Gun swayed a little, this time his hand tugging at his hair as he tried to stand up straight.

‘You fucker’, Gun mumbled out, his voice slightly light as he began to heave a little, ‘How can you not know…’

‘Know what?’, Off groaned as he quickly pulled Gun to the bathroom. He didn’t know if Gun was gonna finish his sentence, but all he did was close his eyes when Gun kneeled in front of the toilet and a hurling sound filled the room.

Off hated seeing vomit. He hated hearing it too, and he wanted to slam the door shut and leave Gun inside, but instead, he rested his hand on his back, patting it softly as he waited for all the alcohol to drain out of Gun.

‘You son of a bitch’, Gun whined, his face sweating and his throat tasting sour, ‘You keep on doing this… To me…’

‘Gun, you’re drunk’, Off informed him, ‘Calm down and finish throwing up. I’ll help you wash up’

‘I hate you’, Gun whined, clenching his stomach and resting his head on the rim of the toilet, ‘I fucking hate you’

‘Alright’, Off nodded, calmly replying to Gun as he grabbed a towel and turned on the tap, drenching it with cold water, ‘You hate me, we know that’, he whispered. He didn’t want to argue with Gun, not when he was in this state, so instead, he combed back his hair with his fingers, looking at Gun as he wiped his lips with the damped towel, ‘You hate me so fucking much, but that doesn’t mean you have to get drunk’, he added on, ‘Now you’re just being stupid’

‘No, you’re stupid’, Gun whined, his voice was barely above a whisper now, ‘You’re stupid for not knowing’

‘Not knowing what?’, Off looked down and saw a stain at the bottom of Gun’s shirt and he lowered his hand to wipe it with the towel, but it doesn’t seem to wanna get off. Gun didn’t even answer his question, showing no signs on explaining why he was suddenly mad at Off. It was he that pulled away in front of everyone, under circumstances, Off should’ve been the one to be upset a little.

He could hear Gun heaving again and he held onto him, making sure he doesn’t fall, ‘Gun, come here’, he whispered, stroking his hair back. He held onto his breath and closed his eyes again, but without his senses, he didn’t realise that Gun’s head was too far away from the toilet and it wasn’t until he felt s trickle of something warm hit his foot did he gain the courage to open his eyes and looked down.

‘Gun’, Off called out to him, looking down to see sick all over Gun’s shirt and on the floor. He didn’t complain. He didn’t shout nor did he blame Gun, he simply grabbed more towels and started wiping the boy down, taking off the shirt and letting him finished before he wiped his lips. He didn’t even bother to wipe the sick that was on him, his focus only on the boy who clearly drank too much for a first-timer, ‘Are you okay now?’, he kept asking, massaging him back and making sure he’s clean before dragging him back to his room and on his bed.

‘You shouldn’t drink this much’, Off chuckled to himself now that Gun had calmed down. He could still hear him mumbling something, but at this point he wasn’t speaking any language, just groans and moans as he laid his head on Off’s pillows. He folded the stained shirt that Gun wore and grabbed another one from his closet. It was a struggle at first, and he tried not to move Gun too much, but thankfully he managed to put it on.

‘Mhhm’, he heard Gun grunt out, but it was all he could muster to say with his body dehydrated and head spinning.

‘You hate me’, Off whispered, looking at the way Gun laid on his bed, his head turned to the side, ‘I know you hate me’, he sighed softly. He slowly kneeled in front of his bed, resting his palm on the smaller’s cheeks.

‘You hate me, but I love you’, he murmured, his voice barely audible. It passed by like the wind, his feelings out in the open, yet Gun couldn’t see it. He had hoped maybe this party would be the time for him to tell Gun and everybody that he liked him. It was the one thing he wanted to do before he left. But instead, he watched Gun fall asleep in his bed, the smell of sick and alcohol around them. His palm still rested on Gun’s cheeks and he wanted to keep them there, to hold him a little longer, but he knew everyone downstairs was worried. So, he stood up and changed his clothes, finally wiping the sick off him as he left the room, ready to explain to everyone that Gun was fine and sleeping.

Gun was passed out to notice any movement.

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘Are you really joking, or did you date anyone in high school?’, Gun asked again, holding onto the topic despite the movement of the conversation which had already passed onto other subjects. Off felt desolated at Gun’s grips on the matter.

‘Do you want me to answer yes?’, Off replied with another question, ‘Do you want me to say I dated someone but no one knew?’

‘So, you did?’

‘Gun’, Alice joined in, raising her hand and resting it on his, ‘I’m sure Off was just kidding’, her voice was somehow a reason to Gun who relaxed slightly.

‘I guess so’, Gun nodded, ‘Off wasn’t ever serious about those kinds of stuff in high school anyway’

‘And how do you know? Huh?’, Off bit back with a dry chuckle, leaning his back and crossing his arms, ‘How do you know?’, he asked again, knowing Gun didn’t have the guts to tell everyone in the room. If he didn’t have the courage back then to step forward to Off at the party, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to have them now.

Gun didn’t say anything. In fact, he ignored Off and grabbed a glass of wine and downed it in one go.

‘Careful now’, Off smirked, ‘We wouldn’t wanna have you drunk’

‘I know how to drink now’, Gun glared at him, ‘I’m not a kid anymore’

‘I would hope so’, Off responded, ‘It’s been six years already’

‘Shut up’

‘Okay guys, what’re you two even fighting about?’, Tay finally joined in after listening into the argument and finding no reasonable starting point as to why the tension suddenly began to grow between the two of them, ‘Don’t tell me you still hate each other after all this time’

‘I don’t hate him’, Gun stated clearly, ‘It’s just a surprise that Off hasn’t changed that much’

‘Alright’, Off sat up suddenly and rested his clenched hands on the table, bitterly smiling at the boy on the other side of the table. He doesn’t have time to entertain a petty Gun, he didn’t even know where the attitude came from. It was as if they changed whenever others were around, because Gun sure as hell wasn’t like this when they were all alone in the rooftop, ‘Hypothetically, let’s say I was telling the truth. I genuinely did love someone in high school and I told them I loved them three times’

‘Well, why don’t you enlighten us then’, Gun inquired, clearly wanting Off to bear out all the details much to everyone’s dismay, ‘Tell us when you said you loved them’

‘Well, one after fucking’, Off snickered, earning a rolled eye from everyone else listening. Gun scrunched his nose in fury, glaring at the man but urging him to continue, ‘Two, at a party’

‘And three?’, Gun insisted on the answer, his cheeks turning red. Alice immediately noticed it and she was starting to become suspicious of whether the boy was sober for this conversation.

‘Three…’, Off pointed out, but he stopped. All of a sudden, a wave of flashbacks coursed through his mind as he unearthed the last of the memories he had with Gun. He couldn’t believe he still remembered everything, word for word, even the little details.

Off told Gun he loved him approximately three times.

The first time was after taking away his virginity. But Gun fell asleep before he heard it.

The second time Off told Gun he loved him was after his farewell party. Gun had gotten drunk for the first time. He was all over the place, shouting and ranting before throwing up all over Off. The taller dragged him into the bath, grabbing a towel and wiping the sick off his face. Gun was already half asleep and drowsy when he whispered those three words in his ears. Gun was too drunk to hear it.

The third and last time Off told Gun he loved him was in the form of a letter. Off thought writing letters were too dramatic and cheesy, but in the morning of his departure, he felt as if he was missing something. He checked around his room one more time, looking through his bags and listing all of his luggage. He later found out that he wasn’t missing something per se, but his mind was reminding him that he was leaving someone behind. He knew he didn’t want to part like this, but Gun refused to meet him. He also regretted not telling Gun his true feelings, so despite his preconception of love letters, he found himself sitting in his empty room, writing on a scrap piece of paper with his messy writing scribbled all over it.

**_To: Gun Attaphan,_ **

**_Can I tell you a secret? You were the only reason that made me think of staying. And maybe I still wish I did._ **

**_We spent so much time hating each other, I can’t even tell when I started liking you. You’re annoying and obnoxious and sometimes you get under my skin. But maybe that’s why I like you because you were always yourself around me and that makes me wanna be myself around you too._ **

**_There’s really not much else for me to say, other than I’m sorry for taking so long to realise my feelings. If I knew I was gonna feel this way, I wouldn’t have fucked around so much._ **

**_If I could go back to our first day of school, I’d have told myself not to judge the short kid at the front of the line with his backpack strap hanging on both his shoulders. I’d tell him that even if he sounded or look obnoxious, he’s actually really cute. I’d probably ask the teacher if I could sit next to him so I can fall in love sooner._ **

**_I hope you have fun in college. You’ve worked so hard for it and I hope you don’t stress yourself too much and just have fun._ **

**_We probably won’t see each other again, but in the future, if we do meet again, whether it’ll be in five- or twenty-years’ time, I hope you’ll be the happiest you’ve ever been._ **

**_I love you,_ **

**_Off Jumpol._ **

After hours of crafting what he wanted to say, he ended up throwing the letter away. It was stupid. He left his childhood home with the crumpled piece of paper in his trash that was addressed to Gun Attaphan Phunsawat.

‘Three?’, Gun raised his voice and asked him again, dragging Off back to reality where he was sat in his old school canteen with Gun all the way on the other side like how it always was. Nothing had changed between them, but at the same time, everything has. They stood on separate sides, not because they hated each other like before, but because, like the idiot that he was, Off fell in love with the short boy he once called his rival.

‘Three… I didn’t get to tell it to his face’, Off whispered, looking down at his empty plate, ‘But I wish I did’

‘He?’, Fiat whispered to Oab with wide eyes, ‘Who’s he?’

‘Do you all really wanna know?’, Off smirked when he heard their whispers, curiosity getting the better of them as they waited, not even caring that Gun was so close to throwing his wine at Off if he dared uttered a name.

Gun thought it was never gonna be his name, not in a million years. And he’d die if he heard someone else’s coming out of Off’s lips.

‘God, Off you better answer the question before someone else brings this topic back up again and ruin the mood’, Arm sighed, being the only one least interested, but since everyone else stopped their conversations for this shit, he could only force the answer out of his friend, ‘Who the fuck are you talking about?’

_‘_ You _’_


	18. Seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Krizzia for the ko-fi donation, I managed to finish this chapter as quickly as possible just for you <3\. Thank you for your support!

**Four Weeks Before Departure.**

Gun woke up with a banging headache. He felt sick to the core and he couldn’t even tell where he was. He felt a rush of heat climbing on the back of his neck and pieces of his memories slowly came back, but it was fragmented and blurred. He’d never experienced this before and he was nervous.

‘You awake?’, he heard someone’s voice and when he looked around, he realised he wasn’t even in his own room. He looked up and saw Off standing at the end, with boxes by the sides of his room.

‘Off? Where am I?’

‘In my room’, Off replied, ‘You got drunk last night so I texted your mum that you were sleeping over at mine’, he added on, reassuring Gun that he wasn’t gonna get in trouble, ‘She said to come home whenever you want’

‘God, what the hell happened last night?’, Gun whined as he sat up, feeling the banging worsen whenever he moved.

‘Guess, this is the second time I’m giving you painkillers’, Off laughed a little as he pointed to his bedside table at the pills he already prepared for Gun. The latter could only look, burning red on his cheeks and ears.

‘I didn’t… Do anything stupid right?’

‘You said you hated me’, Off couldn’t wait to bring it back up, all night Gun would mutter out those three words to him, making him wonder what the boy’s true feelings for him were. He’d been thinking about it all night whilst he slept on the floor next to the bed.

‘Did I really?’, Gun whispered, looking down and playing with his fingers awkwardly, ‘Uh… I’m sorry if I did’, he said, not knowing what else to apologise for since he couldn’t remember much.

‘Don’t worry’, Off smiled, ‘Drunk talks aren’t usually true’, he informed. He had managed to clean his wreck of a living room and kitchen before his dad came back. He cursed out Tay and Arm for leaving the party without even helping out. He had to pop all of the balloons and sweep up the trash they all left hanging around, it was annoying to say the least.

‘What else happened?’, Gun asked but Off just shook his head and told him nothing eventful went on last night.

‘How does it feel to be drunk?’, Off decided to end the topic, sitting on the end of the bed. Gun’s expression made him laugh as he watched the latter scrunch his nose and shake his head furiously.

‘I’m never drinking again’, Gun hummed, drinking the painkillers and looking around. He scratched his head and slowly visualised Off’s room for the first time. The boy still had posters of late 80s movies hung on the wall, but everything else was empty. All of his stuff was already packed in boxes ready to be shipped or donated. It was as if Gun had finally managed to walk inside Off’s home, but was too late for him to stay. Everything was gone.

‘Hahaha’, Off reached his hand and combed the ruffled hair down. Gun’s eyes were still a little red, his hair all over the place and he still smelt like sick, ‘You can use my shower if you want. You don’t want your mum to smell the alcohol’

‘Oh right’, Gun nodded, breathing out into his hand and smelling his breath, ‘Thanks’

‘You better hurry though, I need to leave in a couple of minutes’

‘How comes?’

‘P’Pon and P’Pik called me’, Off smiled but this time, Gun noticed a shade of sadness hidden behind it, ‘They’re planning to spread Mrs. Pho’s ashes today’

‘Oh’, Gun breathed out and there was silence between them when he couldn’t find the words to say anything. Off had been so calm and playful, he forgot that the boy must be struggling, ‘Do you want me to come?’

‘You wouldn’t wanna go to a funeral’, Off replied, ‘And I’m not gonna force you to’

‘I will’, Gun interrupted him, his hand reached out to grab the latter’s, ‘For you’

Off looked down at their intertwined hands, his eyes focusing on Gun’s smooth skin against his calloused ones. They were smaller than his too, but they somehow fitted perfectly.

‘If you want’

* * *

The drive to the sea took about an hour. They lived a little closer to the city and Off suddenly felt sick due to the rocky journey. They passed by forests and isolated roads, far from the highway. By the time they arrived at the sea, he was gripping on Gun’s hands tight, the boy had to remind him to let go.

P’Pik was holding the urn. Off wasn’t present at her burning, he didn’t know whether he regretted it or not. He probably will in the future, but as of right now, he barely wanted to be here too.

‘Do you wanna say a few words?’, P’Pon asked him, gesturing for him to stand beside P’Pik. He felt the harsh winds hitting his face and when he looked out into the horizon, he felt his heart clenched a little. Mrs. Pho was gonna be gone, her ashes floating in the waves which will just disappear.

‘I hope she rests well’, he whispered. P’Pik noticed his breaking voice and he held Pon back, shaking his head when she urged him to say something more. It was overwhelming enough for Off to be here.

_Was your husband your first love?’, Off asked once during late hours where Mrs. Pho sat idly in her chair, making drinks for her customers. She looked at the small boy and chuckled. The night market was loud and busy as always, making it a struggle for Off to focus on his work. He decided to just keep Mrs. Pho company at the front, ditching his homework._

_‘Far for it’, she smiled, ‘He was my last’_

_‘But don’t you think it’s better to be with your first love?’, Off thought about it. He thought the first person you give yourself into would be too special for you to let go. Which is why he doesn’t understand the idea of break-ups. Not back then anyway._

_‘Fist loves are called first for a reason Off. Life is one long journey and you always need a starting point. From then on, there’s only the road ahead of you’_

_‘So, you don’t care about your first love?’, Off felt sorry. He felt sorry for whoever his first love was going to be. If he was gonna have a plethora of relationships, his first one would probably be the most forgettable. Or the least relevant._

_‘No, I still remember him from time to time’, Mrs. Pho smiled to herself as she took a drink, ‘No one forgets their first love’_

_‘Huh’, Off nodded._

_‘But, don’t feel too attached to the feeling, Off’, Mrs. Pho warned him, ‘One day you’re gonna start thinking of what-ifs, but in the end, your last love is going to break all of those thoughts and have you wondering why you ever thought about going back to an old love’_

_‘What if your first is your last?’_

_‘Highly unlikely’, Mrs. Pho reached her hand out to ruffle his hair, ‘But that would be romantic to think’_

* * *

The sun had risen high in the sky, clouds formed amongst it, taking different forms and shapes. She’d join the wind by this point, P’Pik closing the empty urn whilst taking a few moments to stand in silence.

‘Do you need a moment?’, P’Pon asked and Off nodded his head. Everyone else headed back towards the car and they assured him to take his time. He wanted to be selfish and stay the night. He wanted to feel the wind embrace him and picture Mrs. Pho one last time. But he knew he only had a few minutes left.

Gun contemplated whether to stay with Off or not. But when he tried to head back towards the car, P’Pik gave him a desperate look, as if begging him to stay behind with the boy.

Off was too unpredictable, Gun wouldn’t know where to begin to comfort him. Just last night, the boy was partying with his friends. A few days before that, he took away his virginity. Gun thought Off was going through an overabundance of emotions that he couldn’t quite keep up with and he only dared to wish that he wouldn’t get lost in the mix.

‘You okay?’, he asked when he made his way back, standing beside Off. The latter didn’t say anything. He just kept staring into the horizon where the sea meets the skies.

‘I’ll be fine’, Off nodded, a statement he whispered more to himself than Gun. He needed to hear himself say it, otherwise, life was going to get him.

‘You will’, Gun responded, reaching his hand out and patting his shoulders, ‘You’re strong’

‘Can I ask you a favour?’, Off looked down on the ground. He felt his toes crush into the sand.

‘What?’

‘Can I hold your hand?’

Off found comfort the moment Gun slid his fingers in between his. There was no other conversation between them. Gun didn’t feel the need to erupt the silence with his voice. Instead, he allowed Off to bask himself in the moment of pure existence where he could recollect his thoughts and let go of the things, he needed so he could finally sleep well tonight.

He’s never handled grief before, but he knew life was going to be a bitch, and soon enough, he’ll be standing where Off was. He can only wish he’d be as strong as the latter. He noticed not a tear spilled from the boy’s eyes and he admired it. His mother always told him it was okay to cry, and he’d gotten used to shedding a tear whenever things don’t work out. But Off… It didn’t matter if the whole world was about to explode this very minute, the boy would still keep his chin up and smile through it.

‘You think the winds will travel to London?’, Off asked, ‘Do you think she’ll visit me?’

‘She probably will’, Gun whispered, ‘She probably already misses you’

‘Will you miss me?’, Off finally turned his face to glance at Gun, his eyes landing on the boy’s brown eyes. He realised when the sun hits it, it turned golden.

‘Will I miss the most obnoxious, loud and annoying person I’ve ever met?’, Gun buried his true emotions under a sarcastic chuckle, but if Off had noticed, Gun clenched his hands a little tighter, as if begging him not to let go, ‘You’re getting full of yourself’

Off laughed at his reply. They spent a couple more seconds staring out into the open before Off turned back and saw P’Pik leaning on the trunk of the car, waiting for them. He let go of Gun’s hand, stepping back as he beckoned for them to leave.

‘Let’s go’, he said, ‘P’Pik’s waiting for us’

‘Yeah. Okay’, Gun replied, feeling the cold wind pass by him.

‘Thanks for coming along’, Off mentioned as they started to walk, ‘I didn’t think you could with that hangover’

‘You gave me painkillers’, Gun pointed out, ‘That helped a lot’

‘Well, good thing you don’t get shitty hangovers as I do’, Off snickered, ‘My one usually lasts the whole day’

The two boys bickered and joked together whilst they made their way back to the car. Off wanted to turn back, but he knew Mrs. Pho was gonna tell him there was nothing to turn back on. She always advised him to keep moving forward, so that was what he was gonna do.

Today was the last day Off ever mentioned Mrs. Pho.

* * *

**Three Weeks Before Departure.**

Off’s mum had already left for London two months ago. She wanted him to leave with her but Off refused. He promised he’d catch up by the time summer ended. He told her he wanted to spend the last few months with his friends. He spent most of his days at the night market, clearing out Mrs. Pho’s shop and preparing it for sale. P’Pik and everyone else tried to comfort him, but he knew they were grieving just as hard as him.

‘When are you leaving?’, Cherry asked him one day and he realised someone must’ve told her that he was going to London soon **.** Once he told her it would be by the end of the month, she started bawling, crying her eyes out until Off had to bring her mum over. He was going to miss her – he was going to miss everyone – but he needed to do it for himself. He didn’t want to stay with his dad who broke his mother’s heart and he didn’t have Mrs. Pho with him anymore. He felt like if he stayed in Thailand, he was just going to be reminded of her and it killed him every time.

‘Come on, man. Do you really have to go?’, Arm whined, him and Tay laying on Off’s bed as they watched him pack the last of his stuff.

‘Look, don’t just sit there and watch me’, Off whined, throwing an old shirt at him, ‘You said you’d help me pack’

‘Why don’t you leave some clothes here?’, Tay asked, ‘You’re coming back anyway’

Off didn’t say anything. He didn’t reply to Tay as he prepared the rest of his clothes for donation. Tay and Arm heard Off’s silence and it felt uncomfortable. They wanted Off to tell them that he would come back, but when the latter didn’t reply, it gave them the answer they didn’t want. Tay and Arm could fight, they could argue and ask Off why he was acting drastic, but they already knew why. Despite Off’s strong smile, it only took a second to realise that their best friend was nearly at breaking point.

‘Do you have to donate all of it?’, Tay asked as he stood up. He knew that once Off set his mind on things, he was gonna play it out, so there was no point in arguing to make him stay. They only have a few weeks left and they might as well make the most of it.

‘Just the old ones that I don’t need in London’, Off explained, ‘Apparently, it’s too cold for shirts there anyway’, he explained, and they started to joke about the weather and how Off is going to see snow for the first time.

‘Guys, could you bring these boxes to the charity shop down the road? I’m gonna speak to my mum’, Off called from his kitchen. Tay followed through and carried a box out to the front door, whining at the heat and the weight of the heavy box.

Arm on the other hand, decided to grab a box and head upstairs to the attic. He knew his best friend wasn’t going to check up there, so he grabbed the boxes of old clothes and hid them in the corners of the old attic and hoped that Off’s dad will see it and keep it safe. His best friend said he might not come back, but it doesn’t matter how brazen the latter was, no one could tell what the future holds, so he kept a sliver of hope that maybe in a few years his best friend might return to Thailand and he’ll be needing his old clothes back.

* * *

**_Off: I can’t sleep_ **

**_Gun: Me either_ **

**_Off: There’s a six-hour difference between Thailand and England_ **

**_Gun: So?_ **

**_Off: I just thought, when you’re asleep, I’ll be awake._ **

**_Gun: That’s how time difference work._ **

**_Off: Well, wouldn’t it be weird? Knowing that we’ll never be awake at the same time anymore?_ **

****

Gun held back from talking to his mum when she found him crying in his room as he looked through his text messages with Off. He’s slowly felt that it was too late to confess his feelings to Off now that the boy’s departure was near. He thought he’d have an infinite amount of time to tell Off, but now that time was ticking, he wanted to slowly back away.

How would he even go about it?

_~~Off, I know you’re leaving, but I wanna tell you, I love you.~~ _

_~~I don’t want you to leave, but if you have to, can we please keep in touch?~~ _

_~~Off, how do you feel about long-distance relationships?~~ _

Long-distance relationship his ass. They were barely on the line of lovers, let alone being in a relationship, what more, would Off have the patience to keep in touch in him when he could be living the life in London? Did he think so highly of himself? Or did he wish that Off thought highly of him?

‘Hey, Gun?’, he heard a knock on his door and he looked to find New standing on the other side. His friend waved at him as he walked in, ‘Your mum said you were in your room… Wait, are you okay?’, the smile disappeared when he noticed Gun sniffling on his bed.

‘I’m fine’, he whispered, although his blocked nose was saying something different.

‘You wanna at least try and make it believable?’, New joked, trying to ease off the tension and he succeeded for a little while, ‘Gun, come on, tell me’

‘It’s nothing’, Gun sighed, ‘But… Hypothetically, what if I tell you that there’s someone…’

‘You like someone?’, New interrupted him before he could finish, his hand already reaching out to grab onto his excitedly, ‘You actually like someone? Who is she?’

‘He…’, Gun corrected him with a soft voice only to be received with a shocked look of expression from his friend, ‘Shocked?’

‘A little’, New replied, ‘Sorry for assuming’

‘Don’t be. I didn’t tell you’

‘So… Who is he?’

‘You don’t know him’, Gun lied, ‘He doesn’t go to our school’

‘Well, of course, he doesn’t’, New laughed, ‘You’re too good for any of the boys in our high school’, New felt slightly guilty. He was too preoccupied with his own problems to check up on Gun. He should’ve known about it sooner if he only took the time to listen, ‘Did he hurt you? Is that why’re you’re crying?’

‘No’, Gun shook his head, ‘It’s just that… He’s leaving’

‘Leaving?’

‘For college’, Gun quickly added on. New was smart and if he ever gave away a hint, he would be quick to piece things together and he didn’t know what he was gonna do if New found out it was Off all along, ‘We’re not going to the same college’

‘Oh… Right’, New sighed. He had this dilemma all throughout their senior year and it wasn’t until he sat down with Tay did, they decide that they wanted to continue their relationship no matter which college they went to. He knew Gun was probably struggling, ‘Well, what does he want?’

‘I don’t know’

‘And what do you want?’

‘I… I don’t know’

‘Come on Gun, you must know what you want’, New beckoned. Gun was always straight forward in anything he does, especially when he knows what he wants. It felt new seeing his best friend act hesitant on anything, ‘What do you want?’

‘I want him to stay here with me’, Gun finally confessed, ‘But, I know that’s selfish of me. He wants to move away and who am I to stop him?’

‘Someone he likes?’, New suggested, ‘If he likes you, then he’ll take your feelings into considerations’

‘I don’t know if he likes me’, Gun admitted. Off could be the sweetest person around him but he saw the way the boy acted in school. He was sweet to everyone. He knew Off never denied anyone who asked him out, even if he didn’t like the other person per se. Gun was starting to think that maybe he was just like the rest of them.

‘If he hasn’t made his feelings clear, it’s either he doesn’t care about you, or he doesn’t know your feelings yet’, New pointed out, tightening his hold on Gun’s hands, ‘Gun, remember how you told me to grow a pair and confess to Tay already?’, he reminded the latter, making Gun laugh at the memory of New freaking out when he accidentally confessed in front of the whole school.

‘Yeah’

‘Well, take your own advice for once and tell that person how you feel’, New smiled, ‘Who knows? Maybe he’s just waiting for you to tell him’

* * *

**Two Weeks Before Departure.**

Off looked around the empty shops. P’Pik had packed up the last of Mrs. Pho’s things. She didn’t have anyone to pass down her things, so most of them went to charity whilst some were given around the neighbourhood. Off saw Cherry wearing one her old necklaces and he couldn’t help but smile as he picked her up and hugged her.

‘Why is everyone leaving?’, Cherry asked as she wrapped her small arms around his neck. She rested her head between his neck and Off could feel his heart clenching for her.

‘I’m sorry, but I have to go away and study’, Off replied, he hugged her a little tighter, ‘But maybe I’ll be back in no time’

‘Really?’, Cherry asked with wide eyes and he felt sorry for raising her hopes.

‘Yeah’, he nodded.

‘Well, well, well, looks like someone has to hold up on their promise’, Fahsai entered the little shop and Off turned, looking at her leaning on the doorframe. He smiled widely at her and lightly put down Cherry who ran up to her for a hug.

‘Look who finally turned up’, Off joked, crossing his arm, ‘Where have you been?’

‘I’m starting my final year in college soon’, Fahsai pointed out, ‘I need to prepare’

‘So, how have you been?’, Off questioned as they walk together to the front of the shop, hands in their pockets. Fahsai mentioned how she was already applying to internships outside the city, meaning she won’t be able to meet up with everyone anymore. It seemed like people were slowly moving to their own paths, separating from each other, and Off felt sentimental for a moment. He remembered the time he volunteered at the animal shelter, and how everyone came to visit them from time to time with packed foods and leftovers from the previous night.

‘You know, I wanted to meet Gun again before leaving’, Fahsai commented, ‘I’ve missed him’

‘You can see him if you want. He’s free all summer’, Off added on.

‘I thought you said you weren’t friends with him?’, Fahsai giggled when he heard Off, ‘How do you know his schedules?’

‘Uhh… I don’t’, Off was flustered at the way Fahsai was staring at him. His neck started to heat up, his ears reddening when she smiled suspiciously at him, ‘He’s my classmate, that’s all that is’

‘I bet he is’, Fahsai chuckled at him, reaching his hand out and ruffling his hair.

‘I’m telling the truth! Gun’s just a friend!’

‘Why did you persuade me to hire him for the animal shelter then?’

‘Because you said you needed help and I promised his mum I’d get him out of the library back then’, Off sighed and explained to her again, ‘We don’t even like each other, trust me’

‘Okay, okay’, she laughed, finding it amusing how Off started to sound defensive. She knew he meant the exact opposite with the way he was waving his arms and shaking his head at her, ‘I’ll believe you this time’

The pair turned a corner and Off was about to shout for Cherry to come back when he noticed another person turning a corner. His back was faced towards them, but he’d memorised Gun by now to know his figure passing from a distance.

_What was Gun doing here?_

‘Wait, Fahsai, I need to go’, he patted her arm before running to the end of the market, looking around for the short boy, ‘Gun?!’, he called out, turning his head as he scanned the road ahead of him, ‘Gun?!’, he called out again, but the boy was already gone.

* * *

**One Week Before Departure.**

Gun didn’t pick up his phone calls. Off’s messaged him every night, but he didn’t get a reply back from the boy. He wanted to ask New or even Alice if Gun was okay, but they’d start to wonder and he didn’t want them to feel suspicious. He looked down at his watch, reading 12.01 am and he still couldn’t sleep. He laid down on his bed, looking up at the ceiling and waiting for Gun’s reply which never came.

Was he mad at him? Or was he preparing to slowly lose his interest in him now that he’ll be leaving in less than a week?

He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to run over to Gun’s place and ask him to spend his last days with him. He wanted to shake Gun and beg him not to start acting this way when they’ve only got days left. Only days, till he’ll be spending nights whilst Gun, would be awake in the day.

‘Fuck it’, Off hissed to himself as he stood up from his bed, grabbing a jacket and his house keys before slamming his door and running as fast as he can.

The knock was stubborn, harsh on the door, and banging loudly at ungodly hours. Gun’s mum was slowly getting annoyed by the boy called Off Jumpol who knocked at their door in the middle of the night, panting loudly and asking for Gun.

‘He’s asleep’, Gun’s mum groaned whilst she rubbed her eyes from drowsiness, ‘Everyone is, Off, look at the time’, she pointed at the clock hanging at the corridor wall, ‘Go home and come back when it’s normal time for people to be awake’

‘I wanna say something to him’, he huffed out, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He ran from across town just to see him.

‘Tell it to him tomorrow’, Gun’s mum leaned her head on the doorframe, reframing herself from groaning and telling off the kid. Despite his brazen behaviour, she still had a soft spot for him. She knew he visited her son during his recital when no one else came, she saw him hiding in the corner whilst Gun was announced first place, clapping for him. She didn’t want to curse him out now.

‘I like him, ma’am’, he blurted out when she was about to close the door on him. He stepped his foot out of the pair to stop the door from closing on him. Gun’s mum clenched tightly on the doorknob, looking at the why Off shut his eyes tightly, his neck tensed nervously. He waited for a slap or a kick from Mrs. Phunsawat, but he got nothing.

Off opened his eyes and looked at her, seeing her poker face as she stared back at him.

‘I always thought you did’, she sighed and smiled at him.

‘You’re not gonna hit me?’

‘Why would I?’, she asked, tilting her head, ‘You’re good to my son… A bit confusing and slightly mean, but you mean well’, she smiled at the last bit, ‘But I don’t think you should be saying that’

‘Huh? Why not?’

‘Gun told me you’ll be leaving soon’, she pointed out, ‘Wouldn’t it be better to keep it to yourself instead of leaving him empty-handed?’

‘Empty-handed?’, Off repeated with furrowed brows, ‘I won’t be leaving him empty-handed’

‘Will you not?’, Gun’s mum said, ‘Okay then, you can come in and talk to him’, she widened the door, allowing space for him to walk through, ‘If you promise him you’re gonna do more than just say you like him, then go in and wake him up. But if you’re only gonna confess and leave anyway, then I suggest you leave’

Off scoffed. He didn’t know why Gun’s mum was being so hard on him and he wanted to just push himself through the door and race his way to Gun’s room, but before he even stepped his foot inside, her words finally hit him like a rock, descending straight into his already boggled mind.

What was he going to do after he confessed to Gun? Tell him he was willing to stay in contact with him whilst he was away? Was he really going to give the boy broken promises? If they leave promising to stay together, will it only dissipate when he arrived in London? Will they slowly lose contact and give up on each other once they’ve started new lives? Will it be Off that would be left behind by Gun?

He stood on the other side of the door and stared down at his feet which was cemented on the ground, too scared to move. He clenched his fist and sighed.

Gun heard the front door closing and he stirred awake, rubbing his eyes and looking out to his opened door to find the hallway light still open. He got up, holding his stuffed toy as he walked down to find his mum heading back upstairs.

‘Mum, what’s going on?’, Gun yawned, but all his mother did was smile and kiss him on the cheeks, combing down his bed hair.

‘Nothing honey, go back to sleep’, she whispered, guiding him back to his room.

* * *

**Day of the Departure.**

‘Have you got everything ready?’, Tay asked, looking around his empty room and dragging the last luggage out whilst he screamed for Arm to help him. Off laughed as he watched his two best friends fumbling about and stressing out on his behalf.

‘I’ll be right there’, Off patted Arm on the back, urging him to catch up with Tay at the front of his house where the taxi was waiting for them. He had an odd feeling that he had left something behind and he wanted to check his room to see.

Everything was already cleared out. Nothing was left, the poster rolled up and thrown in the trash, an empty bed, and cleared out the closet. He felt his throat clench at the sight of his childhood looking empty. He swore he hated this house, he couldn’t even stand staying here, but now that he was leaving, he wanted to stay, even if it was for a little while.

It was early morning, the sun barely rose, but he had an early morning flight that he couldn’t miss. He was glad when he woke up and his best friends were already calling him, shouting that they were going to drop him off no matter how early he had to leave. And he knew Tay was not an early bird whatsoever.

‘What am I missing?’, he whispered to himself as he knelt down on the floor, looking under the bed and checking the crevices of his room, but everything was empty. What was it that he was missing?

_‘Are you gonna miss me?’, Gun whispered in the middle of the night. But Off pretended to be asleep, hugging Gun’s pillow as he slept over the boy’s room three nights in a row, ‘I bet you’re not’, he heard Gun say again._

_Of course, I am, he thought._

It was Gun who he was missing already. Off chuckled to himself, tugging at his hair at the sudden wave of emotions that punched him when he remembered the way Gun looked at him whenever he spoke. No one had given him so much attention than the latter and he took it for granted. Suddenly he regretted not pushing pass Gun’s mother, running up to his room, and shaking him awake.

_I love you. Don’t you know? That I’m fucking in love with you._

Off thought writing letters were too dramatic and cheesy, but on the morning of his departure, he felt as if he was missing something. He checked around his room one more time, looking through his bags and listing all of his luggage. He later found out that he wasn’t missing something per se, but his mind was reminding him that he was leaving someone behind. He knew he didn’t want to part like this, but Gun refused to meet him. He also regretted not telling Gun his true feelings, so despite his preconception of love letters, he found himself sitting in his empty room, writing on a scrap piece of paper with his messy writing scribbled all over it.

‘Off! Where are you? We need to leave now!’, Arm barged into the door, forcing Off to crumple up the piece of paper he was writing on. He turned back and told Arm that he was coming. He stood up, looking down at the letter, and suddenly, a wave of embarrassment hit him.

It was stupid. He was stupid for thinking about writing a letter.

‘Let’s go’, he said, whilst he threw the letter in the trash, the only object he left behind, Arm watched Off almost run out of the room and he was about to follow him, until he noticed the paper that Off had thrown into the trash, staring at him curiously.

‘Hurry up! We don’t wanna hit traffic!’

‘You okay?’, Arm asked him once they headed out of the house, patting his shoulder as they opened the taxi door open. He noticed Off’s reddening cheeks and felt bullshit coming out of Off when the boy nodded his head and faked a smile at him.

‘Let’s go’

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘Who the fuck are you talking about?’, Arm asked him brashly, the room silenced with tension as they watched Off turn to stare at the most unlikely person in the room.

‘You’, he called out.

‘Who?!’, they all shouted when they followed Off’s gaze, leading them to the boy who started the whole argument.

‘You’, he said again, this time his eyes fixed on the golden ones looking straight at him. He clenched his napkin and counted in his head, trying to read Gun’s expression which was a mixture of shock and disbelief.

‘Gun? He was talking about Gun?’, everyone was murmuring to themselves, their eyes wide open and jaws dropped to the floor.

‘Since when? Since when were they a thing?’

‘Liar’, Gun finally broke his silence, crossing his arm and glaring deeply at Off, ‘You’re a fucking liar. You never told me you loved me’

‘I said I love you three times in high school’, Off confessed, ‘All of them were for you’

‘I would know if you told me’, Gun replied, still angry that Off would blatantly lie to him. What would he get out of it? Gun would’ve remembered if he said those words to him, it was all he ever wanted Off to say.

‘The night we had sex’, Off began, making everyone spit out their drinks as he started to go into detail without any care anymore, ‘It was raining and you wanted me to help you close your windows which broke because of the wind… Instead, I was too focused on you. I wanted to have you right there and then’

‘Jesus…’, Tay spat out his wine, turning to face his best friend with wide eyes.

‘We had sex and I helped clean you up. You were too tired to hear me’, Off chuckled, which made Gun’s blood boil at how he was finding it amusing to suddenly spill their secrets.

‘Liar’, is all Gun responded with again.

‘The night at the party’, Off continued despite Gun’s interruptions, ‘You got drunk and you made a scene in front of everyone. You told everyone you hated me but I took you upstairs and helped you out. You’ve never been drunk before and you got sick all over my bathroom. I hated the fact that you kept repeating how much you hated me. I wanted you to know that I didn’t feel the same anymore, but… You were too drunk to hear me’

_You hate me, but I love you._

Gun shook his head as fragments of his old memories started to seep into his mind, but he couldn’t tell if it was his dreams or his reality coming back. He stood his ground and scowled at Off.

‘Liar’

‘And thirdly, he wrote you a letter that he didn’t send’, someone else interrupted, breaking the tension as he poured himself another drink. Everyone turned to stare at Arm.

‘What?’

‘Off wrote you a letter before he left’, Arm confessed, ‘I saw it in his room. It was addressed to someone named Gun Attaphan Phunsawat’

‘You read it?’, Off turned to stare at his friend in shock, ‘Are you fucking insane?’

‘You already told me at the airport anyway’, Arm whispered to himself, but the rest of the room heard it, ‘What difference did it make?’

‘Wait, wait, wait’, Tay waved his arms around when he saw his two best friends looking intently at each other, ‘What the fuck is going in? Is this a prank? Can someone tell me what’s going on?’

‘I gave you that letter, Gun’, Arm confessed, ‘You threw it away before you read it, so it’s your fault for not knowing’

‘You did what?’

* * *

**Day of Departure.**

‘Off, is there something you need to tell me?’, Arm asked when they listened to the departure announcement. Once Off sent his luggage in, they had a couple of hours to spare before he had to board, so they decided to eat breakfast in one of the restaurants inside the airport. Tay was goofing off, playing with his food, and showing them pictures of the apartment his parents bought him for university. Tay wanted the day to be fun instead of depressing and Off felt sorry that he was the only one carrying the conversation but he didn’t feel like talking.

When Tay finally excused himself to go to the bathroom, Arm reached out his hand to hold Off’s, ‘Off, come on, you’re leaving in a couple of hours. Just tell me what’s on your mind’, he begged. He hated seeing Off like this. His best friend did everything he could to help him out, from helping him speak to Alice to even fixing his relationship and it saddened him that he couldn’t even comfort his best friend.

‘I just feel like I’m leaving without saying goodbye’, Off finally confessed, looking at his best friend’s hands on his and begging for someone else’s.

‘We’re here with you now’, Arm pointed out, mistaking Off’s confession.

‘I don’t mean you guys’

‘Then who?’

‘Gun’

‘Gun Attaphan?’, Arm repeated the name with confusion in his voice, ‘Why would you wanna say goodbye to him?’

‘Because I love him’

Arm suddenly remembered the crumpled letter in Off’s trash. When he looked down, he could only make out a few letters, a mixture of G, H, and N. He didn’t have time to look at it properly before he picked it up and hid it inside Off’s drawer, promising himself to come back for it when he returned from the airport. He can only conclude that letter must’ve been for Gun.

‘Do I even wanna know how that happened?’, Arm laughed, shoving Off teasingly, making the boy smile for the first time that day.

‘God, where the fuck do I even begin?’

‘Well, you have five minutes before Tay comes back from the bathroom’

* * *

Arm came back from the airport, his eyes swollen from crying as he watched Off walk away to his gate, seeing his figure turn smaller until it disappeared completely from his view. Arm told himself he wouldn’t cry, but when Off quickly came rushing back out from the gate before handing in his ticket, he jumped up and down, waving at them whilst making a face, making them laugh before the air hostess asked him to come back inside.

Off was an idiot. But he was an idiot that he was going to miss.

_‘I don’t think he feels the way I feel, but I just wanted to let him know. At least before I left._

Arm wiped the tears from his eyes as he felt the crumpled piece of paper in his hands. He didn’t know where Gun lived, and he was too caught up in his emotions to ask Off, but he had hoped that Gun would be here in the market.

It was midday at this point, Off’s plane probably already took off. The market was empty and isolated. He’d only been in the market a couple of times, but he knew it well enough to know where Mrs. Pho’s shop was. He looked around, passing by people, tiptoeing as he searched for his old classmate.

‘Gun?’, he called out when he saw someone short walking by at the end of the market, ‘Gun!’, he called out one more time and he sighed in relief when the boy turned around to the sound of his name. He smiled as he ran up towards him.

‘Arm? What’re you doing here?’, Gun asked.

‘I just came back from dropping Off at the airport’, Arm explained and he was slightly confused when Gun gave him an expression of distaste at the sound of Off’s name, ‘He already left’

‘Okay’, Gun nodded with a poker face. Arm suddenly didn’t feel brave enough to give the letter to the boy. What if his best friend was right? What if Gun didn’t feel the same way as his best friend and he was only going to embarrass Off by giving him the letter? But he had to try. It was the one thing he could do for Off

‘Gun, there’s something he wanted you to have before he-’, before he could stretch his arm and pass him the letter, Gun scoffed at him with a bitter smile that he’d never seen Gun make before.

‘I don’t wanna know what he said to you before he left’, Gun replied, ‘It’s probably something dumb’

‘Gun, no… Off wanted you to have this’, Arm grabbed Gun’s hands, pressing the letter to him.

Gun saw his name, He must’ve. It was written well on the envelope, with Off’s handwriting. But Gun just crumpled it up even more in response.

‘We don’t like each other, so I don’t know why he’s asking you to send me things like these’, Gun ridiculed the letter, tearing it up until he couldn’t see his name on it anymore, until it was just tiny pieces of paper on the ground.

‘Gun, come on, don’t be like that-’

‘I need to go’, Gun said before Arm could argue with him and boy, did he want to. He wanted to shout at Gun and ask the latter why he was feeling so bitter and angry towards Off. If what his best friend was telling the truth, Gun must’ve felt at least respect to Off.

‘Gun!’, Arm called out, but the boy was walking away from him, ignoring his calls.

Gun was stupid. He was stupid for visiting the night market knowing Off didn’t love him. He was stupid for running to Off only to hear those words he told Fahsai.

_‘I’m telling the truth! Gun’s just a friend!’_

_‘Why did you persuade me to hire him for the animal shelter then?’_

_‘Because you said you needed help and I promised his mum I’d get him out of the library back then’, he heard Off talk to Fahsai. He didn't even know that they knew each other. He wanted to see Off and he decided to visit the market to help him with the packing. He was worried that Off would feel too depressed if he was alone in Mrs. Pho’s shop, so he found himself walking straight to the market when he saw Off and Fahsai talking to each other._

_‘We don’t even like each other, trust me’_

Gun didn’t know why he came back to the market on the day of Off’s departure. He didn’t know why he still cared about someone who didn’t even like him. But, when he looked at his watch, seeing the clock tick by closer to Off’s flight time, he felt his chest tightened and he wanted to race his way to the airport just like in the movies. But instead, he found himself in the night market, standing inside Mrs. Pho’s empty shop.

It was all stupid. He was stupid. He ran back to his home. College was only a few weeks away and he vowed to forget everything that ever happened. He was gonna forget about Off once and for all.


	19. Eighteen.

**Five Years Ago.**

The first semester of college had just finished and Gun had gone back home to visit his mum. He missed her and he couldn’t help but cry when he saw her waiting at the front door for him. He dropped his luggage and ran over to her, the pair sharing a warm embrace that he longed for since he left.

He had lost contact with everybody. The week where everyone was slowly leaving one by one, they promised to keep in touch. But promises turned broken when they arrived at their new destination. It’s hard to turn back to the past when you’re too caught up in the present. The worries of new exams, the desperation of making new friends, trying new things and spending nights teaching himself how to cook, Gun became too busy to look back. The calls and messages became scarce until one day, he stopped sending them and ultimately stopped receiving them too.

‘How’s college?’, his mum asked and he said it was okay. He didn’t lie. It truly was okay. He made a few friends; he spoke to his professors and he even attended a few parties. It wasn’t as fun or exciting as he thought and he found himself feeling alone more often than not. But that was the first stages of feeling change. He knew it was going to get better sooner or later.

‘I heard from a few parents that everyone is visiting home now’, his mum said and Gun felt his chest tighten. He knew one person who probably wasn’t going to return, ‘Maybe this is the perfect time to visit your old friends and catch up?’, his mum offered. He nodded and said maybe, not knowing if it was gonna be awkward to meet up with his old friends after cutting contact with them. He thought about the idea of everyone returning home and wondered if the tall idiot had enough sentiment to maybe visit once in a while.

Gun promised himself he was going to forget about Off, and he tried. But once college started, he found the boy seeping into his mind in random moments. He heard Off’s voice whenever he sat in the lecture halls and he would turn around as if expecting to see him sitting behind. He sometimes saw his face in the midst of crowds when he joined college parties. He was always laughing or sometimes he was smiling at him. It was a bitch. Off was a bitch to forget.

* * *

He found himself visiting the night market, even though there was nothing to go back to. It was still the same, but it felt very different now. Mrs Pho’s shop had been renovated and sold to someone else who was preparing to open a dumpling shop. He suddenly had a craving for her old pink milk tea and he felt a punch in his throat when he walked up to find the plaque that Off bought in memory of her before he left. It was nailed on the wall of her shop and the new owner was kind enough to keep it there.

_Achara Pho_

_1931-2014_

He dusted off the growing cobwebs which spiralled around the plaque, reading her name. Off never got to see it, he left before it was installed. But he had heard that Tay and Arm made sure to have it fitted before they left for college.

‘Gun?’, he heard his name and he turned to see P’Pik waving at him. He smiled immediately as he recognised the man, walking to his stall, ‘You’re back?’, it was a surprise to know that the man still remembered him.

‘Only for a week’, he said, ‘I just wanted to my mum. How are you guys holding up?’

‘Well, keeping up with the life I guess’, P’Pik laughed at him, ‘Have you heard from Off lately?’

‘No’, Gun shook, ‘Have you?’

‘No’, P’Pik sighed, ‘It’s as if he left with Mrs Pho’, he said, with a frown in his expression.

‘Off’s friends are here though. They always visit and pay respects to Mrs Pho whenever they come home’

‘Oh, really?’, Gun seemed hopeful all of a sudden and he listened to P’Pik’s direction as he tried to look for them. He wondered if it was Tay who visited because if so, maybe New was there with him and he’ll have a chance to talk to them and catch up. He walked over to the restaurant at the end of the market, walking into his surprise to find Arm and Alice eating lunch.

‘Alice’, he called out and he immediately was greeted by two shocking pair of eyes. Arm almost choked on his noodles.

‘Gun, oh my god, how have you been?’, Alice spoke to him. She smiled at him as she stood up and gave him a hug. It was awkward between them, not because of anything but the fact that time had already edged its way between them. Alice had changed her hairstyle, she sported bangs now and she grew a little taller. But it was a relief that she was still with Arm.

‘I’m good. I’ve missed you’, he admitted and Alice pouted, stroking his hair.

‘I’ve missed you too’

‘What’s up?’, Arm called out to him, forcing himself to wave at Gun and he knew the latter found it hard to be civil with him and he understands. He smiled and waved back, ‘How’s college?’

‘Good’, he said, ‘Anyway, how about you guys?’

‘Well, we decided to rent an apartment outside university rather than living on campus’, Alice smugly explained, telling stories about her moving in with Arm since they decided to accept the same university after they spoke about it for the whole summer. The university they chose was good for both their courses and it wasn’t too far from home so they could continue to visit their families whenever they wanted. It was perfect. Gun felt intently relieved at Alice’s smile and playful expression, watching her hands automatically lace with Arm’s. Thank god, that much hasn’t changed.

‘So… Have any of you guys spoken to Off?’, their smiles dropped when he asked and he knew that Off was also far from reach from them. Arm looked at him with suspicious eyes, still not forgetting the last time they spoke, which left a bitter taste in both their mouths. Gun vowed to forget the boy, and he almost did, but like the son of a bitch, he came to his mind once in a while. After seeing Arm, he had hoped to put his curiosity to bed. He thought, if he knew how Off was doing, he’ll soon forget about him. But when Arm explained that Off hadn’t replied to any of their calls, he wondered why Off dropped all communications with them. He understands him and Alice since he was never close with them, but Arm? One of the three idiots in high school?

‘I’m sure he’s doing well in London’, Arm pointed out, but everyone could tell he was also worried. It’s been a half a year already and it’s like Off suddenly never existed. It made Gun worry too.

‘I liked him’, he finally admitted to them and Alice furrowed her brow, confused as to what Gun was talking about.

‘Like who?’, she asked him, but he stared at Arm instead, a long-overdue confession that should’ve happened last summer.

‘Off’, Gun dropped his eyes down on his lap, ‘I was wondering how he is doing’

‘I beg your fucking pardon?’, Arm chocked, coughing up the drink, ‘I thought you fucking hated him?’

‘It’s complicated…’, Gun didn’t really know how to explain it. How could he begin to tell them, like a switch, his feelings for the boy suddenly changed and everything else did because of that?

‘Plot twist of the century’, Arm sighed, laughing to himself as he looked Gun straight in the eye. He kept it to himself, the last conversation he had with Off, and he may have regretted it. He tried to persuade Off to stay in Thailand even though Tay persuaded him that leaving with his mum might be good for him after the divorce, but he was selfish. He wanted to keep his best friend close to him. So, when Off confessed at the airport that he initially applied to the same college as Gun, Arm tried to persuade Off to follow through and stay for the short kid if he didn’t want to stay for him or Tay. Off almost wavered, he saw the desperation in his eyes, as if he just needed one small excuse to stay behind. Had Arm pushed a little harder, maybe Off would’ve stayed.

‘I know it doesn’t make sense’, Gun told them, ‘But-’

‘You could’ve told me last summer’, Arm interrupted him, his arms still crossed and slightly bitter at Gun, ‘Why now?’

‘I just…’, Gun replied, but he couldn’t even finish his sentence. He didn’t know why he blurted it out all of a sudden, but now that everyone probably moved on from high school and forgot about him and Off, it felt like the weight of his words didn’t press on him too hard anymore, ‘I just wanted at least one person to know’, he confessed.

‘Why didn’t you say it to Off?’, Arm asked.

‘You know Off’, Gun groaned, ‘What makes you think he likes me back?’, he couldn’t forget what he heard last summer. It still stung every time he thought about it. And it came out from Off’s mouth, which weighed in more than it ever did in his heart.

 _This son of a bitch._ Arm started laughing, breaking out in bursts without warning which forced Alice to look at him weirdly. He had to clutch on his stomach at how stupid the smart Gun Attaphan actually was. He wanted to shout at Gun and remind him of the letter he tore apart that held Off’s feelings for him but he decided not to. He wasn’t a big fan of Gun anyway, what’s gonna happen if he told the boy that he was wrong about everything? He barely had contact with Off anyway, so it wasn’t like he could pass the information back to his best friend.

But Arm still loved Off. And if Gun was the person Off said he had feelings for, the least he could do was forgive him. He remembered the old clothes he hid in the attic of Off’s old house.

‘Off might come back someday’, Arm said, even though he himself was starting to disbelieve it, ‘He’s a sentimental person’

Gun nodded. Alice and Arm gave him a sliver of hope. He held onto it for as long as he could, going back to University and calling Alice every year, asking them the whereabouts of the tall idiot. Arm even spent him a box of Off’s old clothes that he said was going to get thrown out anyway.

He found himself holding the fabric close to him, smelling the faint scent of the boy when he opened the box. He called every year, around the same time for five years consecutively. He always got the same answer, a soft _‘no’_ from Alice. The latter didn’t even know if he had finished his studies or if he was in a relationship. It was the same routine, with the same answers and Gun eventually gave up.

He slowly moved on, like most people when they begin to lose hope, and it wasn’t hard. College was an improvement. He followed his mum’s advice and had his fun, getting into relationships, spending time with his friends and even improving his drinking. He slept with other people, he partied and he even got high once. Life was a piece of cake if Gun just kept moving forward, so that’s what he did.

Until Alice changed her answer.

_‘Off’s back in Thailand’_

* * *

**Reunion Dinner.**

‘So, let me get this straight’, Oab ended the silence between them, staring at the two with curious eyes, ‘You guys were going out?’

‘No’, Gun spat out, ‘We had sex once’

‘I also gave you a handjob at Mike’s party’, Off blurted out.

‘What?!’, Mike shouted, coughing out the food from his mouth, ‘You did what?!’

‘Oh, come on’, Off rolled his eyes as he stared at Mike, ‘A lot of people did more than that at your party that time’

Gun bit his lip and sighed heavily, glaring angrily at Off who, all of a sudden, didn’t have a lock-in his mouth anymore. Everything slid out like a goddamn waterfall, every secret, every moment they shared between each other.

‘Off was a fuckboy’, Gun reminded everyone, ‘He did it all the time’

‘But _you_ fell for it?’, Jane questioned Gun. The latter did have a point, Off had the reputation of going around, but Gun? He would never sleep with anyone he didn’t care about, let alone with someone like Off.

‘Why’re you hiding?’, Off tilted his head and raised a suspicious brow at Gun, ‘What’re you gaining by lying to everyone? We’re not in high school anymore, you don’t need to keep up a front’

‘I didn’t come to this damn dinner to tell everyone’, Gun scrunched his nose in anger, clenching tightly on the napkin, trying to stop himself from pouring wine at Off.

‘Then what did you come here for?’

‘To get my well fucking earned closure!’

Arm raised his brow in fright at Gun’s sudden raised voice. He doesn’t talk to Gun much, but he heard Alice talk about their conversation and most of the time, Gun was calm and composed, talking about relationships he had, job offers he turned down and events which happened. But the one thing Alice told him never changed, was the same question he always asked since they last met at the night market. So, all of a sudden, why did Gun want closure if he kept on asking about the boy? Gun was unpredictable and complicated.

‘Alright, why don’t everyone calm down?’, Mild decided to interject when the tension began to rise between the two, making everyone around them feel awkward, ‘Let’s talk about something else, huh?’

‘You came here because you wanted closure?’, Off scoffed, smirking bitterly at Gun, ‘You had six years to forget about me’

‘Off’, Alice called out, warning him to back down. This was not the reunion she expected nor want for the two of them. She had hoped that with Off’s return, they could try to patch loose ends up and maybe forgive each other, but the bitterness that exuded from both of them were stronger than she expected.

‘I did forget about you’, Gun spat back, ‘I’ve been with guys who are so much better than you. At least my first love actually told me he loved me’

‘Good for you’, Off chuckled, finally standing up and buttoning his cuffs, ‘Because my first love didn’t’

‘Where are you going?’, Tay asked, reaching his hand for Off’s wrist, but the latter had already taken a step back.

‘It was fun meeting you all again’, Off turned to his old classmates and smiled at them, ‘but I need to go’

‘Off, come on’, Mild called out with a whining voice, ‘Don’t leave like this’

‘Maybe your first love realised how stupid you are’, Gun called out before Off walked through the door, making him stop in his tracks. He chuckled as he turned back around and faced him, only him. They locked eyes and despite their old classmates staring at them with eagle eyes and even though they were across the room from each other, it was as if it was just the two of them alone.

‘My first love was _you_ ’, he admitted before he turned back and swung the door open, leaving the reunion dinner he didn’t even want to attend in the first place.

‘So…’, Tay whispered out when the banging of the door stopped echoing into the canteen, engulfing the room in silence that felt piercingly loud, ‘That was fun’

* * *

_Mrs Pho grabbed a blanket from her cupboard, wrapping a cold Off as he sneezed into his second box of tissue. He was sick, yet he still found himself visiting the old lady’s shop in the middle of the night with books of homework._

_‘They need to stop with the homework’, she sighed, stroking his hair and feeling his burning skin, ‘You need to get your rest’_

_‘I need to finish this by tomorrow’, Off whined, wrapping himself with the blanket as he stared at his notes._

_‘What’s the homework about?’, she asked, looking down and straining her eyes. Everything is in English, so she was finding it hard to read._

_‘We have to analyse a poem by John Keats’, Off replied to her, his voice nasally due to his runny nose, ‘He’s an English Poet’_

_‘And what’s the poem about?’_

_‘Love’, Off whined, ‘He was a romantic poet’_

_‘I’m sure it’ll be a pleasure to analyse a poem about love’, Mrs Pho gleamed, sitting down beside Off and wishing she could read English. She never had the privileged education that Off had, it was a miracle that she could even read and write in her own language, but it would’ve been a pleasure to learn how to read another language too._

_‘It’s the usual’, Off sighed, grabbing his scribbled book of poems, ‘They turn love into anything. The wind, flowers, skies. They keep on saying love takes any form. It’s dumb. It’s just a feeling’_

_Love isn’t just a feeling’, Mrs Pho laughed, ‘It’s a skill’_

_‘A skill?’, Off asked. He’d never heard anyone describe love as a skill before, not even the great poets, ‘Why would you think that?’_

_‘Because it’s hard to love someone, isn’t it?’, Mrs Pho explained, ‘You feel love, you give and receive it. You work on yourself; you empathise, you care and sacrifice. To me, they’re all skills, don’t you think?’_

_‘I guess so’, Off nodded. He didn’t know whether he agreed with her or not, but it made sense._

_‘But, what do I know?’, Mrs Pho chuckled, getting up and going back to the front once she heard a customer shouting for service, ‘You keep up the work and go to sleep early’, she told him before she left, leaving him to read the poem again._

* * *

Off found himself automatically walking towards the direction of the night market. When he came back to Thailand, he remembered the vivid memories of his childhood and youth being spent in the loud and crowded road filled with stalls of different foods and goods. He remembered the hot smokes of grilled meat and the sweet taste of pink milk tea that he ate and drank every night. He remembered the smell of alcohol and the loudspeakers playing music all night until the sun rose up.

He vowed himself never to return. It brought out too many memories.

But his feet dragged him here the moment he stepped outside the gates of his old high school. It was an old habit he didn’t know he still had. He would always visit Mrs Pho after school, it was a routine which his body wanted to follow until he saw the lights of the market greeting him for the first time in five years.

It looked the same. It also smelt the same, mixtures of sweet, meat and alcohol fumed in smokes. The crowd was heavy, as usual on weekends, people huddled in chairs beside the stalls and eating to their heart’s contents. He was extremely overdressed with his suit, walking past people who wore shorts and shirts, hair tied messily in ponytails or not tied at all. He heard singing coming from one of the shops, drinks being poured and bottles being smashed on the ground, pieces of glass left everywhere.

This would never happen in London. The police would warn anyone before they started throwing bottles around and playing loud music and disrupting the area. He had gotten accustomed to the Brits’ version of a night market, which was just pubs lined up across the street, drinking alcohol and smoking whilst watching football drunk. It almost shocked him how vastly different it was.

He was heading towards Mrs Pho’s old shop, knowing that it was probably inhabited by another business.

‘Off Jumpol?’, before he could arrive at the small shop, he heard someone shout his name across the crowds of talking people. He turned his head and his eyes landed on an old man with greying hair, but he recognised him within a heartbeat.

‘P’Pik’, he smiled as he walked across to his stall, which was exactly where it always was, just a couple of stalls away from Mrs Pho’s.

‘Off motherfucking Jumpol!’, the old man shouted as he opened his arms, embracing the young man into a tight hug. Off couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction, hugging him back just as tightly, ‘You’re back!’

‘Yeah, I am’, Off beamed.

* * *

‘I didn’t know you grew up to be a dickhead’, Arm pointed out as they walked towards the car park. Alice punched him on the shoulder, glaring a warning at him as they walked past their cars. Every single one of them had one too much to drink and couldn’t drive, so they had to pass the car park and wait for their Uber.

‘Not once in my bingo of what the fuck might happen tonight did I put that Off and Gun hooked up in high school’, Fiat called out, all of them stood in line whilst they looked down on their phones, waiting for their respectable taxis to come and pick them up.

‘Me neither’, Oab started laughing, feeling slightly tipsy as he leaned on the brick wall. He turned to face Gun, ‘How does it feel to be Off Jumpol’s first love?’, he asked teasingly, earning a few chuckles from everyone else apart from the man in question.

Gun crossed his arms and looked straight at the isolated road, feeling the warm wind against his cheeks as he replayed tonight’s events in his head. All he wanted was to have a civil conversation with Off, but with the wine in his system and everyone’s loud voice talking about their memories, it felt like he was being sucked back in time when he was eighteen-years-old and filled with hormonal impulses and immature reactions.

‘Arm’, Gun called out to the man despite his previous comment, ‘What was written on that letter?’

‘How the fuck would I know?’, Arm snickered, ‘I read it five years ago’

Silence fell between the group and one by one, taxis turned to the corner towards them, picking them up one by one. They each waved goodbye to each other, promising to keep in contact and meet again at Alice and Arm’s wedding.

‘Well, we better get going too’, Tay announced their departure when they saw their taxis heading towards them. New smiled at Gun, reaching his hand to squeeze the latter before he followed Tay to the car.

‘He said he wanted to stay for you’, Arm finally said to him once it was just the three of them standing in the middle of the night, ‘Something about you being the reason why he wanted to stay’

Arm didn’t lie, he couldn’t remember what most of the letter consisted it, but he did remember fragments of it, little pieces that stood out to him as he read it on the way to the market, ‘He wrote those three words down as well. I remember that clearly’

‘And all the other time he claimed he said he loved me? Were they true?’

‘Was I there when you two fucked?’, Arm scoffed, looking at Gun with wide eyes, ‘How am I supposed to know?’

‘It’s your choice whether to believe him or not’, Alice finally said. She saw their taxi approaching and gave Gun one final advice, ‘Look, we don’t know what happened between you and Off. No one does but the two of you. So, if you really are confused, why don’t you just ask him? Nicely this time?’

Alice hugged Gun one last time before opening the door and getting inside the taxi. Arm walked over to the other side, about to open the door when he turned back to stare at Gun.

‘He told me he applied for Bangkok University because of you’

‘What?’

‘Before his mum told him she wanted him to come to London with her, he was planning to go to the same college as you’, Arm admitted. He knew he should’ve told this to Gun years ago when they met again at the night market. He could only wish that this time, what he’s about to say would make a difference, ‘I don’t know if this information will change your mind about Off’s confession tonight, but I for one, believe him’

‘Believe him?’

‘If he said he loved you, then he did’, Arm told him, ‘My best friend wouldn’t lie about that’

* * *

Gun was too drunk to go home. Instead, he knocked on the door of his old house, his mum opening the door and sighing when she smelt alcohol all over him.

‘Had fun?’, she asked sarcastically as she opened the door for him, turning on the lights.

‘We had a reunion dinner’, Gun explained to her before she could start to tell him off. He jumped onto the sofa, grabbing a pillow to hug it.

‘Reunion?’

‘High school’, Gun said, ‘They e-mailed us about a reunion dinner, so I went. I figured it was easier to come here rather than go back to my apartment’, he explained, feeling sleepy already.

‘Did you meet Off?’

Gun immediately sat up in surprise at the sound of his name coming from his mother’s mouth, ‘You remember him?’

‘How could I not?’, she laughed, ‘He was the only person you brought home’

Gun looked at her, curiosity grew inside him as he watched his mum smile fondly at the memory. He didn’t know whether she forgot who Off was or if she genuinely liked the boy he constantly fought with in high school. It confused him. He furrowed his brow and leaned his head on the sofa again, wanting to finally relax after feeling tense all day.

_‘Did you really forget me?’_

_‘Yeah, I mean, I had to’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Otherwise, I’d have lost my damn mind’_

He remembered what the boy told him at the rooftop. He remembered the conversation they had before they returned back to the canteen. He felt bitter when Off told him he forgot, He thought he did too, but he realised that he couldn’t forget someone who passed by his mind once in a while. Unlike Off who completely got rid of the memories of him. He wanted to one-up Off all of a sudden, to make him feel that he too also didn’t remember him. It backfired completely.

‘You know, I remember that kid’, his mother went on nonchalantly, remembering the tall handsome boy who would sometimes spend the night at their house, ‘He really liked you’

‘What?’, Gun called out for her, asking her to repeat what she just said.

‘He liked you’, she said again as if it was the most blatant thing in the world, ‘Didn’t I tell you that he visited you the summer before college started?’

‘He what?’

‘Oh… I must’ve not’, she scrunched her nose and furrowed her brows as she thought. She couldn’t remember if she mentioned it to Gun or not. Maybe she was getting old and she was mixing up her memories. But one thing she did remember, was Off knocking at the door in the middle of the night, ‘It was almost midnight and he was banging loudly. I thought he was the police or something’, she chuckled but Gun wasn’t laughing. Instead, he stood up to stand right in front of her.

‘What did he want?’

‘I think he wanted to say goodbye before he left… Did he leave the country?’, she asked, not sure where Off had gone to, ‘Or did he leave for college early?’

‘He left for London’, Gun reminded her and she clapped her hands after remembering.

‘Ah yes’, she smiled, ‘He told me he liked you and he wanted to tell you’

‘Why didn’t he?’, Gun asked frantically, looking at his mum with absolute shock, ‘Did you not let him in?’

‘Honestly Gun, it was so many years ago’, she confessed, ‘I can’t remember everything’

Gun suddenly remembered all of Off’s confessions, one by one flooding in slowly. Was he telling him the truth? Had he told him he loved him so many times, but he just missed it? Did he really miss all of it?

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’, Gun asked his mum, feeling frustrated, but not at her, at himself.

‘I thought I already did…’, his mum said, nervous when she felt her son slightly shaking, ‘Gun, are you okay?’

‘I need to go’, Gun announced, grabbing the spare house keys from the ceramic plate by the side of the entrance, ‘I’ll be back soon’

* * *

‘Cheers!’, Off raised the bottle of beer P’Pik handed to him, the two retiring at the next stall from P’Pik’s. There were new workers that Off hadn’t met before, but once P’Pik announced his return, a few workers who remembered him went and greeted him, welcoming him back with warm faces and an even warmer embrace.

‘So, tell me’, P’Pik began talking, his voice hoarse due to the smoke from his cigarette, ‘How was life in London?’

‘It was okay’, Off told him, grabbing a cigarette from P’Pik’s hands and stealing his lighter. The old man scowled at the action but started laughing when Off lit the cigarette which hung between his lips.

‘So, the young boy learnt how to smoke?’

‘It’s fucking cold in London’, Off laughed, blowing out the grey smoke which burnt his lungs, ‘I needed to keep myself warm somehow’, P’Pik laughed at his explanation, coughing a little.

‘Any girls?’, he asked, a hardy laugh coming from him as he shook Off playfully, urging him to spill to which Off laughed at him.

‘There was one girl’, Off replied, ‘But we only dated for a couple of months’

‘What was her name?’

‘Taylor’

‘Ooh’, P’Pik teases him, ‘That sounds like a foreign name. Where was she from?’

‘Buckinghamshire’, he replied to which P’Pik raised a brow. The old man had never heard of such a place and Off had to explain to him that it was a county in South East of England.

‘Is she rich like you?’, he asked.

‘She came from old money’, Off admitted, taking another drag of smoke as he remembered the first girlfriend he ever had. When he landed in London, he thought he couldn’t afford to be his old self again, not in a city full of strangers. So, when a girl asked him out during Fresher’s, he said yes and immediately jumped into the relationship. They lasted no more than five months. She was posh and well spoken. She learnt horseback riding when she was only five and her parents annually travelled to Switzerland for their family ski trip.

‘Why didn’t it last?’, P’Pik asked, ‘College should be the time where you should be looking for your wife’

‘We were first years’, Off admitted, ‘We still needed to focus on our studies’

That was a lie. Off remembered Taylor breaking up with him because he couldn’t find it in himself to tell her he loved her. She had already told him those three words one night after they finished fucking, but for the life of him, he couldn’t bring himself to say it back.

‘Well, next time you come and visit, you better introduce me to your future partner’, P’Pik threatened him playfully, ‘Maybe bring over a couple of little ones’

‘You wish’, Off laughed as he blew another air of smoke out of his lungs, ‘I’m still too young for kids’

‘Who knows what the future might bring’, P’Pik hooted, clapping his loud loudly, ‘Expect the unexpected’

‘Sure’, Off laughed, more at how P’Pik acted, loud and brazen, more so than he’d ever been.

‘Off?! Off Jumpol?!’

Off probably should’ve gotten drunk, because when he turned around at the sound of his name, he saw Gun again, pushing past the crowd, his head turning at every corner as if he was searching for someone.

‘I don’t have time for this’, he whined, as he finished his cigarette, getting rid of the ashes as he stood up, ‘What do you want?’, he called out to Gun. Despite not wanting to entertain the boy anymore, he found himself walking towards the latter anyway.

‘Off’, Gun breathed out heavily, feeling his lungs burn from the running.

‘Gun, what’re you doing here?’

‘Can I ask you a question?’, he managed to say in between breaths. Off rested his hand on his waist as he looked down at the man.

‘What is it?’

‘Were you telling the truth?’, Gun asked, looking up at him. Artificial light landed on his eyes, turning his brown orbs into something golden. Off forgot how transcendent he became after looking into those same pair of eyes.

‘About what?’

‘You said you told me you loved me three times’, Gun repeated, ‘Did you lie?’

‘Why would I lie about that?’

‘Did you visit my house and told my mum that you loved me?’

‘Woah’, Off took a step back at the wave of memory that was slapped in his face, ‘She told you?’

Gun’s breath hitched and he saw the way Off’s eyes looked back at him. He wasn’t lying. His mum was telling the truth. He came over to confess to him.

‘Woah, is that Gun?’, they heard P’Pik’s voice from the back, the old man looking over to watch a shorter man in a suit standing in front of Off. The boy’s face had matured slightly, but he still looked the same.

Gun smiled and waved at him, but he turned his head back to stare at Off again. The crowd was loud, encasing them in distraction, but the two didn’t say anything else to each other. Instead, Gun smiled at him, a genuine grin that Off hadn’t seen before. It took him by surprise. Not long ago, the boy looked like he wanted to murder him, but now he was looking cute. Off was slightly terrified.

‘The food was shit back there’, Gun broke the silence, ‘Only the wine was good’

‘I can agree with that’, Off nodded, confused at the sudden change of topic, but he played along with the latter, wondering where Gun might lead them to.

‘Is there anything good to eat here? I’m still starving’

‘We can always ask P’Pik’, Off replied, ‘Do you wanna join us at the table?

‘Yeah. I do’

* * *

**Ten Years Ago; First Day of High School**

Off was excited. He was gleaming as he stared at himself in the mirror, looking at how the uniform perfectly fitted him. His parents got it personally tailored for him and he couldn’t wait to put it on. He waited for the whole summer, imagining all the friends he was going to make. He was gonna make sure to sit at the back where all the cool kids were. He might even end up being friends with seniors.

The school field was brimming with hundreds of students. Some students looked excited – they were probably freshmen – whilst the other students looked glum on the first day. They already knew the school well enough to enter their homeroom, but Off had to look down at the sheet of paper mailed to him a few weeks prior. It was the map of the whole school and it was marked where his homeroom was going to be.

‘Room 612’, he said to himself as he scanned each other, looking for the number on the plaque. He didn’t want to be late for homeroom, he wanted to introduce himself to everyone before the bell rings. He looked down on the piece of paper again, his backpack swinging to his side as he focused. He wasn’t looking where he was going and like two worlds colliding, he bumped into another boy who dropped his books in the process.

‘Ow’, he heard the boy whine and finally looked up to see a boy around his height, but slightly shorter, kneading his head which accidentally hit with Off’s.

‘I’m sorry’, he called out, kneeling down to help out the boy with his books.

‘It’s okay’, the boy replied, his voice squeaky and slightly nervous, ‘I was looking at my map’

‘So was I’, Off smiled, figuring out the boy was probably a freshman as well, ‘I’m looking for Room 612’

‘Oh, same’, the boy responded, ‘Is that your homeroom too?’

‘Yes!’, Off replied excitedly, ‘I think we share the same homeroom’

‘I think so too’

‘Let’s go look for it together’, Off heaved a sigh of relief once he found one person. He latched his arm around the latter’s as he dragged with along to the end of the corridor, ‘What’s your name anyway’, he asked, finally looking at the boy properly. His hair was slightly scruffy, covering his forehead, his uniform shirt big on him. He had big round glasses with thick lenses that kept on sliding to the tip of his nose.

‘My name’s Attaphan’, the boy squeaked out, ‘But my nickname’s Gun’

‘Nice to meet you Gun’, Off beamed, ‘My name’s Jumpol, but my parents call me Off’

The little boy was slightly surprised by how loud he was, but Off didn’t care. Whoever this boy was, he was going to share the same homeroom as him, so he wanted to make sure the boy remembers him so they can be friends.


	20. Nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Gun_Mola for the Ko-Fi donation!

‘You’re unpredictable, you know that?’, Off stared at the man who was eating pho beside him. Gun’s cheeks looked like he ate two balloons, puffing up as he slurped the noodles, ‘Didn’t you want to kill me a minute ago? Or is it because there’s no one around anymore?’, he asked, but the man ignored him as he lifted up the bowl and drank the soup.

‘I didn’t know you smoked’, Gun finally spoke, pointing at the cigarette which rested between Off’s fingers. The latter looked and saw some of the ashes spilled on the table.

‘Well, a man’s gotta find a hobby’

‘You smoke as a hobby?’, Gun giggled at him and Off had to tilt his head and glared at the way Gun was acting.

‘Are you the same person?’, Off asked, ‘Did you or did you not make a scene at the dinner tonight?’

‘It’s two o’clock in the morning, so technically the dinner was yesterday’, Gun pointed out matter of factly, which only pissed the former off some more. It was like Gun was ignoring the topic that he brought up in himself.

‘You’re fucking weird’, Off responded, taking a drag and blowing out the smoke right in front of Gun who coughed at the sudden action. Off felt slightly bitter at how Gun acted in front of everyone, making him spill all their secrets in less than ten minutes. He never would have told anyone if Gun didn’t push his buttons, ‘If you’re gonna hate me, at least be consistent about it’

‘Why didn’t you confess to me when you visited my house that night?’, Gun ignored Off’s rants, wiping his lips as he stared back at him.

‘Your mum said not to’, Off replied, remembering that night vividly, ‘She said if I’m not gonna follow through, I shouldn’t say it’

‘And you didn’t want to follow through?’

‘I was leaving for London’, Off commented, ‘I didn’t even know how to be in a relationship back then, let alone in a long-distance one. What was I supposed to tell you?’

Gun looked down at his empty bowl. He wanted P’Pik to come back and bury the tension growing between them, but the old man had to go back to his stall as the crowds grew stronger. He also didn’t know what he wanted Off to do back then either. Would they have worked even if they tried?

‘Why did you go off the way you did back there?’, Off finally stopped Gun from tiptoeing around his questions. He played with his cufflinks as he waited for the answer, but Gun was silent.

‘Because you’re a piece of shit’, Gun finally replied to him, taking him back a little as he observed Gun’s poker face.

‘Thanks’, Off chuckled, leaning back on his chair, ‘Because me talking about my first love when I was asked about it is an asshole move’, he added on sarcastically.

‘You told everyone that you loved someone back then’, Gun scowled at Off’s tantrum, ‘How was I supposed to take it, thinking that you might’ve loved someone else?’

‘Who did you think it was?’

‘I don’t know’, Gun shrugged, ‘But I just knew it wasn’t going to be me’

‘Well, it was’, Off reminded him, ‘Plot twist of the century, it was you’

Gun coughed awkwardly, avoiding the intense stare Off gave him when he crossed his arm and finished his cigarette. He felt his chest tighten and his breathing uneven at the sudden rush of confession from the man in front of him. The night market was loud and he could hear music playing from one of the stalls. It was loud, almost too loud to bury Gun’s heartbeat.

‘Can I ask you a question?’, Off broke their silence, pouring himself a glass of water to get rid of the alcohol in his system.

‘What?’

‘Who was the first person you told that you loved them?’

‘My first boyfriend in college’, Gun replied, ‘I mentioned it during dinner. His name was Ssing’

‘When did you tell him?’

‘When he told me first’, Gun couldn’t remember how it happened. It was probably a couple of months after he started dating the boy and during one of their late-night dates after Ssing picked him up from the library to have dinner, he heard the boy whisper those three words to him whilst he was looking at the menu. It sent butterflies in his stomach when he looked up and saw Ssing staring at him, ‘I told him I love him too… over dinner’, Gun smiled at the memory. Despite their breakup, he was still fond of his first relationship.

‘Was he good to you?’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, ‘He was sweet and funny. He took me on dates and helped me with work. We shared some lessons together’, he added on, ‘I thought to myself, ah, so this is what love is’

Off bit, the inside of his cheeks and looked away from a second.

‘What happened? Did you break it off?’

‘No, he broke up with me’, Gun laughed, ‘It was second year of college and… I don’t know… We just fell out. It wasn’t too drastic, like all my other breakups. We just stopped having feelings for each other. It got bland and boring’

Off nodded. He felt happy that Gun found somewhat of normal love. It’s been six years and it would be selfish of him to think that Gun hadn’t moved on. Off had always been a self-centered prick, but he knew the world didn’t revolve around him, nor would Gun. But in the back of his mind, a slither of hope was crushed at the thought that Gun might’ve seen him as something more than a whim of hormonal feelings or a crush.

He realised, he so desperately wanted to be Gun’s, first love. Because he knew he wasn’t going to be his last. As the number increases, memories of past lovers become forgettable, so often, they’re just like the wind, passing by and disappearing before you can even feel it. But first loves, it was the one that everyone remembers, the one that everyone looks back on and think about even after decades had passed.

First loves became someone’s standard of love and for Off, Gun was his standard. Which was probably why he struggled to find long-term relationships. Most of his dates resembled little pieces of Gun, but they were caricatures, a person who could mimic but could never be the real thing. Gun was a high standard that Off couldn’t replicate.

‘How about you?’, Gun threw back the question at him, ‘Were you in a relationship?’

‘Only once’, Off admitted, ‘Her name was Taylor’

‘Ah’, Gun nodded, ‘Was she nice?’

‘She was perfect’, Off chuckled, Almost too perfect’

She had the same laugh as Gun. That was the first thing he noticed when they went on their first date. She was also a woman of her own. He adored her passion for her degree and he would often find himself enjoying her senseless stories about her holidays and childhood memories. But, in the end, she couldn’t duplicate the feeling he felt whenever he was with the boy sitting in front of him.

‘What happened?’, Gun asked curiously.

‘We just didn’t love each other enough’, Off replied, but he shook his head as soon as it came out, ‘Let me rephrase that… I just didn’t love her enough’

‘Why not?’

‘Just cause’, Off shrugged, finishing the water and tilting his head up for a second, trying to get rid of the slow headache that was reaching to the front of his head. He looked up at the skies for a couple of seconds, staring at the crescent moon above him, ‘Why were you scared that I would say I loved someone else?’, he inquired once he stared ahead of him.

‘Well, you know…’, Gun began, slowly peering at Off’s hands which were pale and smooth, resting on the chair, ‘It would hurt if you said someone else’s name’

‘Why?’

‘Because I had a crush on you, remember?’, Gun spat out, ‘I told you at Mike’s party’

‘Ah, that’s right’, Off chuckled, ‘You said I turned you on’

‘How the hell do you remember that?’, Gun furrowed his brow and glared at Off who only laughed at his reddening ears.

‘Was I really that hot in high school?’, Off joked, only to earn himself a punch from the latter.

‘You’re so full of yourself’, Gun rolled his eyes, grabbing the jug as he poured himself his own glass of water, downing it in one go. He hoped tonight’s drinking doesn’t result in a hangover. He’s been getting sick and tired of waking up like a zombie. He also didn’t want Off to know he was right – he was still a shit drinker.

‘Were you scared to think that I didn’t love you because you liked me?’, Off wanted to calm his mind at the sudden thought of Gun’s fear over his answer. Gun had admitted to him that his boyfriend in college was his first love, but if Gun felt half of what he felt for the latter, then it would be enough for him.

‘Well, yeah’, Gun admitted, ‘You were already experienced back then, I thought I was just a kid you were playing with whilst I… You know… Had a crush on you’

‘Now you know’, Off said, ‘What’re you gonna do about it?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You said you wanted closure’, Off reminded him, ‘I hope this helped with that’

 _Right. Closure._ Yeah. Gun was here for closure. He was here to see Off, because, no matter how much he lied to himself, he wondered about the boy. Even after all these years, he wondered, because Off Jumpol was unforgettable. He wanted to know how he looked, what he does for a living, why he came back to Thailand, and why he didn’t come back sooner.

‘Would it have changed things if I told you I had feelings for you back then?’, Gun wanted to squash the biggest what if he’d been burying inside his heart since the moment Off left the country, ‘Would you have stayed for me?’

‘In a heartbeat’

Gun held his breath. He looked down on his hands to see his palms bleeding from his nails digging in too deep into his skin. He wished Off changed his answer.

‘Are you lying?’

‘Have I been lying to you all night?’, Off replied with a question. He felt like having another cigarette, but P’Pik wasn’t around. Off was somewhat content now. Gun had feelings for him, it may not be as intense as his, but it was still there. He might as well air out all of his feelings whilst he still can. He didn’t come tonight for closure, but maybe it’s what he needed.

‘So, would you have gone to Bangkok University like you initially planned?’

‘How the fuck did you know that?’

‘Arm told me’

‘That son of a bitch’, Off scowled. Arm was going to get a punch when they meet again. He didn’t even know the bastard kept in touch with Gun more than he did with him and now he has to hear that Arm had tried to spill everything to Gun, ‘I’m gonna kill him’

‘I thought he was lying’, Gun said, ‘I thought you weren’t stupid enough to follow me to college’

‘You think that’s stupid?’

‘Choosing a college for the sole purpose of pursuing a person rather than education is stupid’

Off began to laugh. He thought Gun had changed, but clearly not that much when he was still lecturing him about education like how he did whenever he skipped class or missed their study sessions together when they were partnered up during Chemistry.

‘I guess I was stupid’, Off agreed. He happened to look at the time and he realised it was getting late. The sun was about to rise in a couple of hours and he probably should get home.

Gun saw Off staring at his watch and he tensed a little.

‘Do you need to go?’, he asked.

‘It’s getting late’, Off pointed out, ‘We should both probably head home’

‘Okay’, Gun said as he followed Off, standing up at the same time and awkwardly trying to hide his bloodied hands.

‘Do you want me to call a taxi for you?’, Off asked, but he wondered if there were any taxis running this late at night. Usually in London, the taxi service was a twenty-four-hour service, but he was still readjusting his new life in Thailand.

‘Taxi services stop after three o’clock in the morning’, Gun informed him and Off sighed, sliding his hands in his pockets as he wondered how he was going to get home. He could call Tay, but the man was probably still drunk and asleep in their apartment. He couldn’t possibly walk all the way back home either; it would take an hour.

He could always crash at his dad’s place which was only a few minutes’ walks from here. But how about Gun?

‘I’m heading back to my mum’s place anyway’, Gun added on, just in case Off was worried about him, ‘It’s only a ten-minute walk’

‘Does she still live in the same house?’

‘Yeah’

‘Then I’ll drop you off’

Gun slid his hands inside his pockets and took a step back. He looked up and stared at Off with curious eyes as they stood in the middle of the crowded market, their feet glued to the ground.

‘You should probably get going’

‘It’s dangerous at night’, Off warned him, readjusting his watch as he looked back at Gun, ‘It’ll be a quick walk since I’m going over to my dad’s anyway’, he urged let him and when Off waited for him, Gun realised that the latter probably forgot where he lived.

‘Okay’

* * *

Their old neighborhood stayed vastly the same, with a few new houses built in and reconstructions of shops, but overall, Off could remember most of the structure. The roads were empty once they left the market. He could hear the crickets singing, filling the silence with soft squeaks.

Off couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath when he passed the neighborhood he vowed never to come back to. Who’d’ve thought that the Off Jumpol was returning to Thailand to patch up his relationship with estranged father? If he had a time machine, he would use it to go back and meet his young self just so they can laugh about it.

‘What’s so funny?’, Gun asked when he turned to see Off smiling at himself.

‘Nothing’, Off responded, ‘Just thinking how nothing much has changed'

They made their way to Gun’s old house. The front gate looked the same, but time had visited in forms of rust and chipped paint. Off could remember it well, the house otherwise still looked the same.

‘How’re you gonna get back home?’

‘I'm just gonna walk'

‘It’s dangerous’

‘I’ll be fine’

They stood side by side for a couple of seconds, not knowing who would step back first. They’ve never been on the same page, so Off took the initiative and bowed his head, finally taking a step back, ‘Have a goodnight, Gun’, he told the man before he walked back to where he came from.

Gun’s hand rested on the doorknob, watching Off’s back facing him and he felt his heart clench a little. It felt like déjà vu, watching him walk away in the middle of the night. He badly wanted to call out his name, just so he could talk to him for a couple more minutes, but they weren’t in high school anymore. He didn't have confidence he did back then to shout Off's name, so he let him go, opening the gate and heading back inside the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update was hella short cos I'm shit and it's 4am and I wanna sleep lol.


	21. Twenty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Final Chapter**

**Morning After.**

Off woke up when he heard loud banging on his door. He groaned as he stretched his hand out, looking for his phone. The door continued to shake and when he finally grabbed hold of his phone, it swung open, welcoming his bastard of a best friend who clearly had no respect for his privacy.

‘You didn’t come home last night!’, Tay shouted at him. The sunlight was already making him dizzy, adding pain to his dry throat and aching muscles. Off wasn’t in the mood to entertain Tay and his loud voice so early in the goddamn morning it gave him a headache.

‘I was too drunk to drive’, Off whined, lifting up his duvet over his head so Tay can get the picture and leave him alone. But the bastard just jumped on the bed and pulled it off, staring at him with wide eyes.

‘You need to tell me everything about you and Gun!’, he shouted immediately to which Off groaned in irritation. He reached out and grabbed for the duvet again.

‘Ask Arm. He knows all about it apparently’

‘Bitch, I spoke to him the whole night!’, Tay shouted. Off wondered how the bastard had so much energy this early and why he decided to use all that energy on him instead of fucking off and planning his damn wedding with New, ‘You and Gun were a thing! I still can’t wrap my head around it’

‘We weren’t a thing’, Off’s voice was still hoarse when he replied. He grabbed a pillow and hid under it, pressing it so he won’t hear Tay’s voice.

‘You said you loved him!’, Tay continued to shout like an Auntie gossiping in the middle of the market, obnoxiously loud and unapologetically blunt, ‘You definitely were a thing!’

‘Look, we had a crush on each other and we fucked around a couple of times’, Off confessed, throwing the pillow at his best friend when it didn’t help muffle down the noise of his voice, ‘I ended up falling for him’

‘And he fell for you right?’, Tay said, a smile hanging on his lips, and Off wanted to punch it. Tay was recalling last night’s events as if he’d just finished watching a telenovela and it annoyed him how excited he got to listen to all his drama that he kept hidden all this time.

‘He only liked me’, Off replied, ‘He didn’t fall as I did’

‘How do you know? It looked like he did’, Tay pouted his lower lip and furrowed his brow when he heard his best friend, ‘Did you see his expression? He was agitated whenever you spoke’

‘Can we talk about this some other time?’, Off sighed, ‘I’m tired and I wanna sleep. How the fuck did you even get in here?’

‘I called your dad and said I was gonna file a missing’s person report because you didn’t come home last night’, Tay mentioned, making Off stare at him weirdly, ‘He told me you were here’

‘I hate the fact that you’re my best friend’, Off threw at pillow at Tay, the boy falling off the bed due to the impact.

* * *

**London, 2015**

Off’s mum bought him a new phone as soon as he arrived in London. They had vacated in Hammersmith, West London. It was a small apartment, a downsize to their old house, but it was close to the station. Off noticed the fresh air which was cold and chilly when he stepped out of the airport. He sported a cap that hid most of his eyes as he greeted him, mum, with an awkward hug as they drove towards their new home.

There was no noise. For a big city, London was exceptionally quiet. No one spoke to each other, there were no loud music nor honking from passing cars. The air was crisp yet with a twinge of something bitter. His mother went on about already setting up the apartment so that he could just settle in and relax after a long flight. Off smiled and nodded his head, looking out of the window.

The skies were grey, clouds thin as the sunlight hid from them. He noticed that the sun was going down. Time was missing for Off who spent his hours sleeping during a thirteen-hour flight whilst he tried to forget the feeling of standing in the middle of the gate, hesitant to walk into the plane.

Fuck those romcom movies. Fuck his expectations that Gun was going to run through security and chase after him before he got on. Those movies were shit anyway and he hated watching them.

‘Welcome home’, his mum announced when she opened the door to their apartment. There were only two bedrooms and one bathroom, a small living room that was connected to the kitchen. His mother had told him that this was one of the more expensive apartments in London and at first, he wondered why.

‘Is this mine?’, Off called out when he passed by a room that was already prepared, bedsheets pressed and well made, empty drawers, and closet.

‘Yeah’, she smiled, ‘Settle in and get some rest’

Off laid his backpack on the carpet floors when his mum left him alone. He probably should take a shower first, but his exhaustion got the better of him and he plopped himself on the bed. He didn’t want to take off his jacket, he’d never felt cold wind before and he knew he was going to freeze. His body was already shivering at the overwhelming change of climate.

He looked down at his new and phone looked at the time.

21.45

If he looked up at the window now, the sun would have already gone. He unlocked his phone and checked on the world clock, typing in his home city’s name and looking at the time.

It was three o’clock in the morning in Thailand.

Despite his heavy eyes which were threatening to close as he laid face down on his new bed, he managed to drag his body out, walking towards the windows and drawing out the curtains. He knelt on the carpet floor, feeling his knees reddened as he leaned his chin on his crossed arm, looking up at the moon above him. He didn’t know if Gun would be awake at this time, but he continued to look up at the moon, his red eyes slowly tiring out to a close.

He dreamt of Gun staring out at the same moon as him, five thousand, nine hundred and nineteen miles away.

* * *

**Morning After.**

‘Had fun last night?’, his dad asked when he walked into the dining room, seeing him sitting down with the morning newspaper in his hand. He was drinking a cup of coffee, looking amusingly at Off who had messy bed hair and pajamas from the box of his old clothes.

‘I’m never doing that again’, Off whined, sitting down beside his dad as he poured himself a glass of water, downing it in one go. Tay followed him like a dog, with a goofy grin on his face as he sat down beside Off. He grabbed an apple from the fruit basket, taking a bite as he continued to stare at his best friend with teasing eyes.

‘What’s he still doing here?’, his dad asked as he pointed his chin at Tay.

‘Beats me’, Off sighed, ‘He has a wedding to plan’

‘Are you gonna bring Gun as your date?’, Tay joked and Off wished he could throw the glass bottle at him, but instead he just glared at his best friend to keep quiet.

‘Who’s Gun?’

Off kinda froze when his dad asked and he realised that he probably doesn’t know anything about his life – including his preferences. He bit his lip and punched Tay’s leg under the table as he turned back to smile at his dad.

‘Just someone I knew’, Off explained, ‘Anyway, where’s New? Isn’t he usually stuck to you by the hip?’

‘He’s visiting his parents’, Tay spoke, taking another bite from his apple, ‘They’re going through who they think would want to be invited to our wedding’

‘Yikes’, Off scrunched his nose, ‘So, are people genuinely refusing to go?’

‘I wouldn’t want them to be there anyway’, Tay shrugged nonchalantly. Off kinda respected Tay’s ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude about the situation – but in a sense – he too would probably have enough if he had to wait years for someone’s approval to get married. He’s surprised Tay didn’t flip a table already.

‘You have to invite them’, Off’s father joined in the conversation, his eyes still on the pages of his newspaper as he licked his finger and turned the page, ‘They’ve got no choice but to give you monetary gifts for the wedding’

Tay and Off looked at him as if he just turned into a whale.

‘I didn’t know you were that petty sir’, Tay chuckled, finishing his apple as he looked at Off’s dad with sparkling eyes. Off rolled his eyes as he stood up to take a shower, leaving Tay and his dad to talk to themselves.

* * *

**London 2015**

**Gun: Are you in rehearsals?’**

**Off: Yeah, Mrs Lee wanted to just listen to us play instead of dancing.**

**Off: I think my fingers are bleeding for playing too much**

**Gun: serves you right.**

**Off: shut up.**

**Off: Did you get to school on time?**

**Gun: Yeah. I had to run through.**

**Off: Phew. Next time don’t visit me before school.**

**Gun: Off, where the fuck are you?**

**Off: Lunch just started, let me eat bro**

**Gun: I’m not your bro**

**Gun: How’s Arm?**

**Off: He’s doing okay. Slightly pissed, but he’s too busy revising to beat you up**

**Off: Don’t feel too bad. I would’ve thought the same as you if I saw it too.**

**Off: Just focus on your exams.**

Off read through his old text messages. He still had his old phone even though his SIM was no longer valid. He looked at Gun’s name and photo, scrolling up and up until he’s read all of the messages the latter sent to him. It’s been about a month since he’d settled in London but he still found himself staring at the phone number – wondering.

_Call. Don’t call. Call. Don’t call._

International calls would be a bitch to pay but were still thinking about it. He called Tay and Arm a few times during the last weeks of summer before they all started college.

_Don’t call. Call. Don’t call. Call._

Arm and Alice decided to get an apartment together and live off-campus. Off cheered him on. It was a surprise that Alice would agree in living with Arm, although maybe she was just put off at the idea of living in an all-girls accommodation.

_Call. Don’t call. Call. Don’t call._

Tay and New got into an argument. Tay wasted his two-hour call with Off just complaining about it. He had to admit to himself, Off ended up muting his phone for a couple of minutes and laid back on his bed just to take a break of his best friend’s idiocy. It’s been a year into their relationship and Off could tell that the Honeymoon phase was over, especially when Tay had introduced New to his family but the latter was still slightly nervous about introducing Tay to his.

‘You can’t force him to do anything’, Off remembered telling his best friend, ‘His family may be okay with him having a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean the dinner won’t be awkward. Give them more time to wrap their head around it’

_Don’t call. Call. Don’t call. Call._

Off’s mum tried family therapy for the first time and it went terribly wrong, but he didn’t wanna tell his friends. It didn’t explode into a huge mess, on the contrary, it was silent. They didn’t have anything to say to each other. It was a void, deep and edging them both from one end of the room to the other.

He shook his head, trying to forget the awkward disaster of pure silence whilst sitting beside his mum. He looks down on the number on his phone, memorising it until he could close his eyes and recall the same numbers off the top of his head.

Out of pure instinct – as he used as an excuse – he picked up his new phone, typing in the number off by heart, his chest racing as he listened to the ringing. He rested his phone on his ears, back laid on his soft mattress whilst staring at the white ceiling.

He counted to three, slowly, each number dripping off his lips.

_Hey. This is Gun’s phone. I can’t pick up right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you._

**_Beep._ **

‘Hey’, he caught himself whispering, on the cusp of a whimsical gasp as he heard Gun’s voice for the first time in a month, ‘It’s me’, he added, although, he didn’t know why he added that. Would Gun immediately recognise his voice without mentioning his name?

‘It’s Off’

_Press 1 to save the message. Press 0 to delete._

Off sighed.

**_0_ **

****

* * *

**Thailand, 2015**

Gun looked around his new room, sky blue walls, white ceilings and freshly polished floors. His mum had gone home after dropping him off, with boxes of his stuff that they brought with him.

Summer’s over. But no one could ever tell. It was always hot in Thailand, even more so in the heart of the capital city. Smokes from trucks and crates, he breathed in tighter air. He looked at the time. The only difference is that the days are slightly shorter.

He wished his mum stayed a little, maybe helped him unpack and settle in. But she had work tomorrow morning. New promised to help him move in but when he heard from Tay that they were moving out on the same day, he thought his best friend should be with his boyfriend instead. He sat alone on the mattress, looking around his room one more time before laying on the bed, looking up at the white ceilings.

Gun was about to fall asleep when he felt the vibrations of his phone inside his pockets. He took it out, looking at the caller I.D.

_Unknown Number._

Gun furrowed his brows and looked at the numbers across the screen. He squinted his eyes and read it again, but he couldn’t seem to recognise it. The caller also wasn’t saved on his phone.

He didn’t take calls from strangers.

He declined the call and threw his phone at the end of his bed, turning to his side and looking at the blue walls, tracing shapes and circles around until he slowly felt his eyes closed.

* * *

**Morning After.**

‘I suppose we have time to explore our old neighbourhood?’, Tay skipped behind him, following Off behind like a dog as he leaves the house. He had promised his dad he’d buy him some fresh milk and a packet of cigarette.

‘Leave me alone and go back to your fiancé, he’s probably lonely’, Off attempted to get rid of him, walking a little faster, but he knew he couldn’t get rid of Tay.

‘We’ve got the rest of our lives ahead’, Tay grinned, leaning his arm lazily on Off’s shoulders. It seemed like Tay loved to show off, a little too much as he beamed in front of him. He wondered if the boy still had alcohol in his system, ‘But when are you gonna tell me about you and Gun? The least you can do is tell me when it started’

‘At Mike’s party’, Off simply replied, ‘He told me he had a crush on me and I gave him a handjob in return’

‘Sounds god awful’, Tay snorted, the summer heat burning their skin as they walked down the narrow road, ‘It doesn’t sound like you’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You wouldn’t give in to Gun unless you wanted to’

‘I outsmart him ten folds’, Off reminded Tay, ‘He lost by falling for me’

‘Go to hell’, Tay shoved him playfully, ‘You think six years is going to make me forget about you and your old habits?’, he mentioned, a playful smile hanging on his lips, ‘It doesn’t matter if he fell for you, what matters is that you chose to fall for him too, that night at Mike’s party. If you really wanted to outsmart him, you’d have broken his heart right then and there’

Off smirked at his best friend, turning to look at him. Despite his idiotic appearance, Tay Tawan was smart. Too smart for his own good.

‘When did you start to notice him differently?’, Tay asked again and this time, Off knew he wouldn’t be out of the hook until he answered.

‘I have no idea’

‘Think deeper Off’, Tay replied, not buying it, ‘You know exactly when’

‘Do I?’, Off snickered, walking inside a small shop by the end of the road.

‘You never forget something important’

* * *

**Senior Year, 2014**

‘When did you start playing the violin?’, Off asked when he saw the little boy walking in the practise room with his case hung on his shoulders. Gun had just come in after they finished rehearsing for the musical. He had booked the room after them and he was haste in his manner. Gun almost ignored him, not until he noticed he was the only musician not packed up and still inside the room.

‘Five’, Gun replied.

‘Ah’, Off nodded, ‘I was twelve’, he said as he pointed to his bass.

‘I didn’t ask’

‘Well, you’re sharing, so I might as well contribute’, Off snickered, leaning on one of the tables as he watched Gun tune his violin in the presence of the sun light. Gun stood beside the tall windows; curtains drawn as the sun shed East. Off crossed his arms and observed the boy. He watched as the sunlight kissed his face, creating a shadow which only reached his foot, ‘I wanted to impress a girl’, Off continued on, knowing Gun was ignoring him, ‘She was in the same elementary school as me, but she was in a different class’

‘I don’t care’, Gun groaned. He closed his eyes, the bow arching up. He began to play, melodious but highly obnoxious in Off’s opinion. His neck was tensed and fingers focused.

_G minor._

‘You’re highly stubborn when you play the violin, do you know that?’, Off interrupted him, forcing Gun to stop as he opened his eyes and glared at him.

‘I’m not going to be lectured by someone who doesn’t play real music’

‘Real music?’, Off snickered, ‘Bach, Violin Sonata No.1 in G Minor’, he recalled by memory. Gun froze in his tracks. He had only played the first ten seconds.

‘How do you know?’

‘Classical music is for pretentious elitist who thinks prolonging tradition makes them more powerful’, Off replied with a cocky grin on his face.

‘I’m not an elitist’

‘You perform for them’, Off laughed, ‘You perform to judges who listen to the same music from composers who died centuries ago. They don’t care how real you are, they’re only concern is whether you can replicate the old world’

‘And what do you do?’, Gun asked, pointing the tip of his bow at Off, ‘You play music so you can catch girls. Is that what real musicians do?’

‘Ever heard of Mick Jagger?’, Off laughed, ‘He fucked a lot of people but no one invalidated his musicality for it’

‘You’re not Mick Jagger’

‘I’m not’, Off replied, grabbing his bass and swinging it on his shoulders, ‘But I make people happy’, he started to play, soft yet joyous. It was different from the way Gun played. He was relaxed, his eyes wide open as he observed the room, his fingers playfully strumming the strings with a smirk on his face. Gun felt intimidated by Off’s laid-back presence. He immediately joined the latter, picking up the same four chords progression he kept playing.

Off was surprised by the sudden blend of old strings joining in, but when he looked up, he saw Gun glaring earnestly at him, as if trying to prove himself. It only made him laugh. They continued on, but Off didn’t want to compete with Gun, in fact, he liked the way the boy was playing right now. He strayed away from his usual technical playing, but instead, he was having fun – he could tell. So, he slowed down, syncing with Gun as the two played together, letting the music take them wherever they wanted to.

Gun looked beautiful; Off noticed. But just because he noticed doesn’t mean Gun hadn’t been beautiful before. He’d been keeping an eye recently, not because he wanted to, but the boy had been occupying his head in more ways than none. He wanted to find answers, but he didn’t know where to begin.

Was it infatuation? Or did their rivalry finally run deeper than the test scores on their paper? He still had no idea, but all he knew was that he liked seeing Gun like this.

That was a lie.

He liked seeing Gun like this with him.

* * *

**Morning After.**

‘Shit, it’s still there!’, Tay laughed when they turned a corner, Off stealing a cigarette from the packet he bought for his dad. He also saw it, the old Tuk Tuk that was still abandoned by the side of the road. It was more than rust now, vines wrapped itself around the old vehicle, twirled until they could barely see the metal.

‘I hope it’s not poison ivy’, Tay laughed as he jumped on the roof, feeling the heat of the rusted metal. Off blew out smoke and followed his best friend, jumping right beside him as he set down the bag of snacks and cigarettes.

‘Remember the good ‘ole days?’, Tay coughed the smoke away from him, slapping Off to face the other way as he took another drag, ‘Who’d’ve thought we’d be where we are?’

‘Arm and you getting married and me being stuck fighting for the apartment you begged me to move into?’, Off laughed, tapping the ashes off, letting it land on the concrete ground.

‘New said he found Gun’s Instagram’, Tay changed the subject, his eyes glinting with misbehaviour. Off could only roll his eyes and lean his hand on the hot metal, ‘Wanna know what he got up to?’

‘Not interested’, Off called out, looking up at the clouds above him. He closed one eye and saw one of the clouds take the form of a tiger.

‘Well, I am’, his best friend continued to add fuel to the fire Off barely managed to extinguish last night at the market, ‘He’s been living the life in the city, here look’, he shoved the phone to his best friend, but the latter just shoved it back, telling him once more that he had no interest in seeing Gun’s life over the past couple of years.

He still had Ssing running through his mind all the way home. He was a stranger to him, but in a sense, he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but think Ssing had more time with Gun, more than he did. The last thing he needed was to visualise him, or worse, see someone else in Gun’s pictures.

‘You know what, I think I can see why you liked him’, Tay zoomed in one of the photos, ‘He’s cute’, Off threw the butt of his cigarette on the ground, taking a small peek from behind Tay’s shoulders when his friend continued to stalk Gun’s profile. He watched Tay scroll past dozens of photos, ranging from night outs and café dates. Gun went around the city a lot and he didn’t know whether he expected it from the boy or not.

The quiet kid turned wild. He was sure he made a bet on it with his friends back in high school, but he couldn’t remember which side he chose to bet on.

_Wait._

‘Stop’, Off told Tay, making his friend scroll back on the previous photo.

‘What?’, Tay asked, looking at the generic mirror selfie, zooming in just in case he missed a detail. But he didn’t see anything wrong with it, it all seemed so normal, ‘What is it?’

‘That’s my shirt’, Off pointed out. Although, he could be wrong. He doesn’t recognise every print of every shirt he once owned in high school, but he clearly remembered how it looked on Gun. The boy’s worn his shirts when he would stay over at Mrs Pho’s shop or that one night he slept in his bedroom. He’d memorised Gun’s figure and how his shirts always slid off his shoulders.

‘Is it?’, Tay zoomed in again, ‘How do you know?’

‘I just do’, Off grabbed his best friend’s phone, scrolling down the photos until he recognised more of his items, old worn-out shirts that was vastly too big on Gun.

‘Maybe Gun just likes to wear oversized shit’, Tay tried to grab his phone but Off’s hands gripped it tighter, scrolling back up and up and up. His most recent photo, which was only two weeks ago, caught his eyes and he began to smile.

_Snoopy._

‘I bought him that’, he mentioned, pointing at the shirt on Gun as Tay looked from his shoulders.

‘You sure? That looks like a generic shirt I can find in any market’

_He still remembered me._

But then suddenly, Off had a thought flown into his mind. How did his old clothes fall into the hands of Gun?

* * *

**Bangkok University, 2016**

‘Gun!’, Alice shouted as soon as he opened his door, welcoming in the couple who promised to visit him after they had recently met up back at home. Gun thought Alice’s promise was empty, but when they exchanged numbers, Alice vowed to visit him in college one day and it finally came true.

‘Where’s Arm?’

‘Still in the car’, Alice gleamed excitedly, grabbing Gun’s hands and squeezing it tight, ‘He’s brought you something’

‘What?’, their conversations didn’t hold for much longer when they heard banging from down the stairs, forcing them to leave his room and look down on the staircase where Arm was dragging a large box.

‘Need help?’, Alice asked.

‘You think?’, Arm shouted back, making the latter smile as she ran down the stairs to give him a hand. Gun ended up going down and helping out the couple, confused why Arm would drag a box of something heavy in his dorm room without a warning.

‘Is this a birthday present?’, Gun asked, waiting for Arm to take a breath, stealing his bottle of water, downing it in one go as he sat down at the end of his bed.

‘You can say that’, Arm managed to sigh out in between heavy breaths, ‘Happy fucking birthday, I guess’

He didn’t beckon Gun to do anything, but as they waited, Gun realised they were probably expecting for him to open the box. He knelt down on the floor, grabbing a pair of scissors as he tore the duct tape wrapped around the opening. Arm and Alice were silent when he opened it, seeing the old shirts folded perfectly inside. They were worried he might not recognise it, but from the way Gun’s eyes widened in shock, they knew.

Gun didn’t recognise it by the looks. In passing, they were all very generic and worn out. No, it was the smell, it was hidden in mothballs and strong scents of rotting cardboard, but like instinct, he remembered the way Off’s clothes smelt and he recognised it immediately.

‘Why have you got these?’

‘Off wanted to donate them’, Arm explained, ‘He doesn’t plan on coming back’

Gun breathed in a little, his neck tensing as he set his palm down on one of the shirts.

‘But, I thought, my best friend is fickle as fuck and he doesn’t have a set of finite decisions, so I kept some of his old clothes, just in case he returns’

The smaller lifted one of the shirts out of the box, unfolding it to rest on his lap, ‘Why’re you giving it to me?’

‘Well, when he comes back, you’ll be needing an excuse to come and see him’, Arm chuckled, crossing his arms and looking at Gun, ‘You’re just as stubborn as Off, so I don’t think you’ll see him without an excuse, so I’m giving you one. Just say you have some of the things that he should take back’

‘He wouldn’t want these back’, Gun whispered, hands gripped tightly on the soft fabric.

‘Who knows’, Arm said, looking straight at him, ‘Maybe he didn’t wanna leave it behind in the first place’

* * *

**Thailand, 2020**

‘Hey, Arm, a quick question’

‘What?’

‘Where does Gun live?’

‘Huh?’, Arm put Off on loudspeaker, beckoning his fiancé to come to the kitchen. Alice sipped her tea as she went over to sit beside Arm, ‘What for?’

‘Just curious’

‘We’re gonna need a better answer than that’, Alice shouted from beside Arm.

‘Really? You’re gonna put your best man on loudspeaker?’’, they heard Off’s irritated voice, entertaining them even more, ‘I have so much dirt on you’

‘Go ahead’, Arm raised a playful brow, grabbing an apple from the basket on the island table, ‘You’re never gonna get Gun’s address if you do’

‘You motherfucker’

‘Come on Off’, Alice laughed, ‘I’m practically Arm too. What you wanna say, you can tell me too’

‘Arm used to masturbate to your photos’

‘You fucking traitor!’, Arm shouted, grabbing the phone and muting the call as he ran to the hallways, ‘You’re not getting Gun’s address from me!’

‘Come on Arm. Do your best friend a favour’

‘You can figure it out yourself’, he hung up the phone, wanting to strangle Off right then and there.

‘You finished?’, Alice chuckled as she leaned on the kitchen doorframe with her cup of tea, eyeing her fiancé with a playful look.

‘He was lying’, Arm said, ‘I would never!’

‘Don’t be so hung up about it’, Alice laughed, tiptoeing and kissing Arm’s cheeks.

‘He’s an idiot. I don’t know why he said that’

‘I do’, Alice said as they walked back into the kitchen, ‘He’s already acting like his old self again, and he’d only spent one dinner with Gun’

‘You think so?’, Arm asked, noticing the playfulness slowly coming back in Off. He didn’t even realise it, but the banter that they used to have in high school came back almost in an instant as if Off hadn’t changed one bit. He was just hiding, ‘Maybe I should give him Gun’s address’

‘No need’, Alice lifted up her unlocked phone, showing Arm her text messages, ‘I already gave it to him’

* * *

JiingJing opened the door when she heard a knock, being welcomed by a handsome man on the other side. She almost gasped by how beautiful he looked, his pale skin, warm eyes and perfect hair parted in the middle.

‘Who’re you?’

‘A friend of Gun’s’

‘Gun?’, her lips parted and she looked at him up and down one more time. He was lean and tall, sporting a printed buttoned shirt tucked inside his jeans. She noticed that the first three buttons were undone and she tried her best not to peek inside. Everything about him was Gun’s type and she would know. Mysterious, brooding but warm looking at the same time. He had to be taller than Gun – which wasn’t a problem – since everyone’s taller than him, but it was as if Jingjing was looking straight at the incarnation of everything Gun said he wanted in a man. The only problem is, he also fell for dickheads, so no matter how much she wanted to drool over him, she knew he was gonna be a douche.

‘Yeah’, he nodded, ‘Is he here?’

‘No, he went to do some shopping’

‘Ah’, the handsome man nodded, looking down at his watch, ‘When do you think he’ll be back?’

‘Why do you need him?’, Jingjing asked, trying to make her voice stern. ‘Did you hook up with him?’

‘What?’, he titled his head, ‘No, I’m an old high school friend of his’

‘Lies’, Jingjing crossed her arms, ‘He told me about all his friends in high school and you fit none of his descriptions’

‘Oh really?’, he smiled a little, ‘And who did he mention?’

‘Someone who was tall but shy. Someone by the name of New’, she started to explain, ‘He also mentioned an Alice and Arm’

‘Is that it?’

‘Yeah’

‘Okay, fair enough’, the handsome man nodded, keeping the chuckle to himself as he slid his hands in his pockets, ‘Tell him I stopped by then’

‘What’s your name?’

‘Just tell him his old rival wants to see him again’, he winked playfully to her as he walked away.

* * *

Gun woke up early in the morning despite the banging headache. He received a text from Alice saying most of them were back at school to pick up their cars and if he wanted to join for a quick breakfast get together. Altogether, Gun just wanted to leave for his apartment and pretend this whole night didn’t exist.

So, he didn’t know why he was sitting in a café with his sunglasses on as he ordered a cup of coffee with his old high school classmates.

‘Now that Off’s not here’, Jane playfully raised a brow at her old friends as she pointed her chin towards Gun, ‘Shall we hear Gun’s side of the story?’

‘Come on Jane’, Alice patted her hand, ‘Leave Gun alone. Last night was already a mess’

‘Oh, come on’, Fiat joined in as soon as he heard Jane bring up the news everyone’s been talking about since they all got home, ‘All we heard is Off yapping away. We didn’t even get to hear Gun say anything’

‘I have nothing to say’, Gun whispered, drinking his coffee and leaning on his chair, ‘He just blew it out of proportion’, everyone began to laugh at his answer, rolling their eyes and calling bullshit.

‘You were the one who poked him till he exploded’, Oab laughed, ‘You’re the one who blew it out of proportion’

‘I simply just outsmarted him’, Gun defended himself.

‘Outsmart my ass’, Mike chuckled, opting to order tea instead, ‘You may be smarter than Off on paper, but you can’t outsmart him’

‘That’s true’, Oab nodded, finishing his coffee, ‘Off knows how to play people, you’re an example’

‘No, I’m not’

‘Then tell us… When did you start liking Off?’, Mild joined in, she didn’t want to be too obvious, but she was also just as interested, if not more so. She’d grown closer with Off during their last few months of school and she could agree that Off had a personality which made it easier for him to be friends with everyone, no matter how different they are. But not once did she remember Off ever mentioning Gun in a positive light, let alone romantically. When, where and how were the questions that were running in everyone’s head. Off answered his part, but they were just as curious about Gun’s.

‘I was looking for him’, Gun replied, ‘He skipped class for no reason and New wanted me to find him#

‘No, I didn’t’, New pointed out, talking for the first time, ‘Since when?’

‘He failed one of his tests and skipped class so everyone was worried’, Gun explained but it seemed like no one had remembered, ‘He was at the rooftop’

‘Ah, I remember’, Mild clapped her hands, ‘You told me once he’d be there. I always wondered how you knew’

‘And?’, Jane urged him to continue, ‘What did you do at the rooftop?’

‘I just…’, Gun coughed a little, looking out of the window and watching a crowd of young teenagers walking past the café, laughing together. He remembered what happened but there was nowhere in hell he was going to say anything to them, ‘We just talked’

‘About what?’

‘It’s been six years, how am I supposed to remember?’, Gun buried everyone’s burning questions, refusing to answer.

‘Then how did you know you liked him then?’

‘Just the way he looked’, Gun answered, truthfully. It was the way Off slept, right beneath the brutal heat of the sun, skin red and scabbing, yet he looked calm and relaxed.

‘You liked him because of the way he looked?’, Mike laughed, ‘I guess Off was just that good looking’

‘Really? I could never have told’, Jane sarcastically added on, making everyone laugh.

‘What’s next?’, Oab asked, ‘Are we gonna see you two arguing at Alice and Arm’s wedding?’

‘You better not’, Alice laughed, stealing one of Fiat’s sandwiches, ‘Although, who knows what’ll happen’

‘I won’t’, Gun sighed, ‘I’ll be on my best behaviour’

‘Or you can be Off’s date’, Fiat laughed, ‘Wouldn’t that be plot twist of the century?’

‘The real plot of the century is if Gun will ask Off’, Mike joined in. He could feel the playful banter welcoming the doors of bets that they all used to do when they were young, predicting the outcome of one of their beloved classmates, ‘I bet Off’s gonna ask’

‘No way’, Mild snorted, ‘Off’s gonna wait for Gun to say first. That’s what he did the first time by the looks of things’

‘Then no one’s gonna ask anyone out until one of them has the balls to step forward’, Jane said, ‘So, I bet no one’s asking anyone out’

‘Well, I bet one of them will step forward and say something’, Oab joined in, looking straight at Gun. He observed the way he sat, how he nervously wanted to change the topic. It was much different with the way Off sat last night. Although Oab wasn’t much of an observer, Off was vigilant yesterday, escaping everyone else’s noticed when he wanted to focus on Gun. He slouched his back nonchalantly, had a lazy manner of speech and smirked all throughout the night. Gun was a nervous wreck from start to finish – even during this morning, ‘I think it’s going to be Gun’

‘Me?’. Gun scoffed, ‘I’m over him’

‘I mean it could be either’, Oab pointed out, ‘Off was closed off but transparent at the same time. He recalled high school as if he’d relived it a thousand times and he probably had. Which is why he remembered every single detail. Anyone who doesn’t care wouldn’t waste their time remembering’

‘So, I say Off’, Mike raised his cup of tea as if it was alcohol, making everyone laugh, ‘Raise your glass if it’s Off?’, Gun looked around and watched as Mild, Jane, New and Fiat raised their coffees, drinking it as a sign of their participation on the bet.

‘But then again’, Oab smirked, ‘Anyone who’s desperate would take the leap first, am I right?’

‘I’m not desperate’

‘You sure as hell looked like it’, the former continued on, teasing Gun with every word he spoke, ‘If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be hellbent in squeezing every last answer out of him last night’

‘You know what. I agree’, Alice spoke out, raising her coffee, waiting for Oab to cheers with her, to which the bastard does. Gun glared at his old high school friend, wondering how she could participate in something so stupid.

‘I bet that you’re all wrong’, Gun said as he stood up, raising his coffee and downing the caffeine in one go before going back to the school parking lot to retrieve his car and rid of the events which happened in the last twelve hours.

‘Whoever wins owes the other party dinner’, Mike whispered as they all watched Gun leave, the small man walking down the road with stomping feet, making them all laugh.

* * *

‘Someone came to see you’, is the first thing Gun heard when he entered his apartment. His best friend was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper with a cup of tea in her hand. She didn’t even bother to look up at him as he walked in and opened the fridge.

‘If it’s Jay, tell him to fuck off’, Gun said as he grabbed himself a cold drink, sitting beside Jingjing on the kitchen island and looking through his phone. He had to remind himself that he had a life outside his old memories and that when he returned, he had to worry about his ex, his job and the change of climate his friends was starting to exude the more boys he let into his life without a moment’s notice. He thought to himself that he clearly had no time to worry about Off. He came with intentions and by the end of the night, his intentions were met when Off confessed to him.

But he didn’t know whether he felt contented or not. Did closure feel this empty?

‘No, it wasn’t Jay’

‘If it’s one of the guys I hooked up, tell them to fuck off too’, Gun sighed, reading his text messages on his phone.

‘Oh, I would remember if he was a hook-up of yours’, Jingjing laughed, looking over at Gun’s shoulders and reading his messages, ‘He’s a little too good looking to be just a hook-up’

‘Then who was it?’

‘He didn’t say his name’, Jingjing recalled, but by her memory, she could still picture his face, and she didn’t want to overexaggerate but it was sculpture-like. He could be a model for all she knew, ‘Ah, but he did say that he was an old high school rival’

‘Come again?’, Gun almost dropped his phone, tipping through his fingertips as he finally looked up at his best friend with shocked eyes, ‘He said he’s a what?’

‘A high school rival’, Jingjing repeated herself, ‘Although, I think he’s lying since you never spoke about a rival in high school’, she retorted.

Off Jumpol visited his apartment? For what reason? How did he even know where he lived? But most importantly, now that he knows where he lived, there was no parting. They could run into each other’s worlds by accident or on purpose. Gun slowly realised, that with Off’s return, he was slowly going to renter his life whether he was ready for it or not.

‘His name is Off Jumpol’, Gun said to her, ‘What did he say he wanted?’

‘Off?’, Jingjing furrowed her brows, ‘I’ve never heard you talk about an Off before’

‘That’s because I didn’t’, Gun replied, standing up from his chair and racing to his room.

‘Who is he?’, Jingjing shouted from the kitchen, curiosity suddenly filling her mind at the quickened haste by Gun who was already inside his closet, rushing in to get changed, ‘Hey!’, she called out again, folding her newspaper closed and walking to Gun’s room, ‘Who is he?’

‘As he said’, Gun shouted from his closet, taking off his shirt and looking for a new one, ‘An old rival’

‘Why’re you excited about an old rival?’, she asked, leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed, suspicious eyes landing on Gun who was looking at himself in the mirror. He sported an old jeans shorts with an equally old oversized shirt that barely hung on his shoulders.

‘Did he say if he was gonna come back?’, he asked again.

‘No. He just said to tell you that he visited’, Jingjing replied, ‘Now tell me, who the hell is he?’

Gun finally smiled in front of the mirror as he turned back to look at his best friend, ‘He’s my first love’

* * *

‘I’m staying over at New’s’, Tay shouted from his bedroom, walking out with a small carrier bag, which explained enough to Off that he’d be gone for a few days.

‘Just move in with him already’, Off laughed as he makes himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. He saw the way Tay would slowly come back with less stuff that he came with and it became quick to notice that Tay was probably only coming back to keep him company.

‘I swore to you we’d live the bachelor life once you come back to Thailand’, Tay teased, patting his back and grabbing a snack from the cupboard. Off rolled his eyes and cursed his best friend.

‘Bachelor life my ass’, Off cursed him, laughing with his best friend, ‘Just go and leave me with this condo. I’d rather have an apartment to myself than to deal with you’

‘You say that now, but you’re gonna miss me later’, Tay grabbed Off’s face and kissed his cheeks before leaving, running away before Off could hit him.

‘Have fun with your fiancé!’, Off shouted, hearing the door slam shut. He looked down at his watch and recalled the time. It was nearing the end of the evening, heading into the night and he wondered how so much had happened in less than twenty-four hours.

Off thought going to Gun’s apartment was a bit of a gamble. He almost ran there the moment he received the text from Alice, which was probably why he left with nothing. He had little left to figure out what he wanted to say to Gun.

It was probably a good idea that they’ve parted already. What more could he say to the boy? He’d confessed and that’s enough for him to stop thinking about Gun once and for all. He texted Tay to take his time and not come back unless he wanted a beating. With a little bit of a push, he could get Tay to move out soon and finally be with his boyfriend without no constraints. All he probably needed is a new roommate to fill up the extra room and rent.

Just as Off was about to sit in the living room and turn on his TV, he heard a haste knock at his door, banging heavily, forcing him to stand. With the obnoxious banging, he could only assume it was Tay who forgot something, most probably his keys if he’s knocking on the door.

‘Tay, for fuck’s sake, of all things to forget, you forget your damn-’, Off swung the door open, about to take a full-on blast on his best friend, only to be greeted by someone else – someone shorter.

‘Gun?’, Off bit back his tongue and softened his voice the moment he laid eyes on the man standing on the other side of his door, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘Did you think I was Tay?’, Gun chuckled, hiding his hands in his pockets.

‘You would be the last person I suspect’, Off replied matter of factly, leaning on his door and just looking at Gun. He was out of the suit from last night and it didn’t faze him for a moment that he looked exactly the same. His façade was down, there was not much left of the suited Gun that he reunited with. Instead, the boy was grinning at him as if they’ve been friends for all their lives.

‘I thought… Now that you’re back… I should probably give back some of your things?’, Gun said it like a question as if he himself wasn’t sure what he meant. He only remembered what he spoke about with Arm, and how he got a box full of Off’s things in the hopes that it might lead him back to the owner. He never thought it to be of use, until today.

‘My things?’, Off asked, but immediately as those words left his mouth, he looked down at Gun’s outfit, once again being reminded of the figure that hadn’t changed much. The shirt was large on Gun, better yet, it was also worn out, the fabric colours turning darker after infinite washes, ‘Is that shirt supposed to be mine?’

‘I wouldn’t buy a shirt three sizes above mine, would I?’, Gun smiled, and Off couldn’t help but smirk a little, seeing a shed of playfulness coming across on Gun’s face.

‘Well, thanks for keeping hold of them’, Off chuckled a little, ‘Even though I don’t know how you got it in the first place’, he reached his hand out and traced the collar of the shirt, folding it properly, ‘But I’m glad you’re taking an incentive to give them back to me’

‘You can have them’, Gun replied, his voice barely above a whisper, ‘Right now’

‘Right now?’, Off titled his head slightly confused, ‘You wanna give me my shirt back now?’

‘All you have to do it take it off’

_Oh._

‘Wow’, Off sighed the moment he finally realised what Gun meant, ‘I’m gonna need a moment to wire up some questions before anything else’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you hate me or not?’, Off questioned him, his fingers gripping tightly on the doorknob, ‘Because I’m getting more confused the more, we interact’

‘No. I don’t hate you’

‘Do you want me dead?’

‘No’

‘Are you going to kill me if I let you inside?’’

‘I’m not a black widow’, Gun glared at him, ‘I don’t kill anyone after I hook-up with them’

‘So, you’re planning to hook up with me… Because?’, at this point, Off was 40% sure he was probably dreaming right now and the reality is he was asleep in the living room sofa, but the 60% of him can smell Gun’s scent, he felt the old material of Gun’s shirt – or in this case his shirt – on his fingertips. He can’t imagine conjuring a vivid dream like this. But, if it was a dream, he was going to kick himself for having a wet dream in his late twenties.

‘You want me to be vague or be truthful?’

‘Let’s start with truthful since you haven’t been all this time’, Off replied confidently.

‘Because you visited my apartment’, Gun replied, ‘Which means you’re planning to keep in touch with me’

‘No, I didn’t go to your apartment to-’

‘If you know my address, then you’ll know where to find me. I don’t care what you think, but you’re back in my life officially’, Gun recalled and Off was suddenly scared of him, especially the growing smile that dared not move away from his lips, ‘And I only wanna do that under one condition’

‘And what condition would that be?’

‘That you should know’, Gun stuttered a little bit, taking a deep breath and looking down at his hands. His palms were scabbed from last night, ‘I fell for you first’

‘I beg your pardon?’, Off spoke in English out of utter shock. He tended to mix two languages when he suddenly didn’t know how to think, and at this moment, Gun had held him captive again.

‘You cried all night saying how you loved me, but you didn’t know that I loved you first. You probably only looked at me differently after Mike’s party, but I’ve been thinking about you this way ever since… Well… Ever since I found you on the rooftop’

‘Woah Gun, wait-’

‘And then everything just tumbled in’, Gun continued on. As soon as he let go of the chains wrapped around his tongue, thousands of words started flooding out altogether at once, no room to breathe, ‘I kept thinking about you… I kept dreaming about you and then… And then everyone was saying Mild was interested in you and… They said you were also interested in her so I got angry. I thought to myself, why didn’t you like me? So, I purposely got you out of debate club even though it wasn’t your fault for not liking me and I knew I was being petty… But it only got worse when you gave Mild attention and not me and I know I didn’t deserve your attention after getting you kicked out from-’

Gun stopped in his tracks when he felt a wind blow, forcibly pulling him inside the apartment as he felt something wet on his lips.

Off had tugged on his collar, kissing him to shut up once Gun continued talking fast. Off didn’t listen. He stopped listening as soon as those words fell right out of Gun’s mouth.

_I loved you first._

Before Gun could relish in the reunion of their lips, Off broke it and stepped back, closing the door as Gun leaned against it.

‘You need to learn how to shut up willingly’, Off whispered, but Gun scoffed, his turn to tug Off’s shirt, dragging him closer.

‘Why would I?’, Gun whispered, latching his lips again, feeling Off’s lips for the second time and feeling himself explode. Out of sheer desperation, Gun cut off the latter’s questions, the feeling of his hands slowly travelling inside his shirt, heat boiling down his stomach as he felt Off’s fingertips tracing circles around his stomach and chest until he caught himself out of breath.

‘Can I ask you a question or are we going straight to fucking?’, Off sighed breathlessly when their lips parted, his question is answered when Gun pushed him, his turn to be pressed against the wall with his lips decorating his pale neck with wet kisses.

Hands slowly made its way to Off’s waist, unzipping the constraints of denim jeans, sighs of moans followed along as his cold hands meets the warmth of Off’s legs, forcing his jeans to slide down. The warmth of Off’s skin enticed the man to bury his lips onto his inner thighs, his zealous kisses revelling Off’s senses, sinful touches caressing his soul till his whole body was numb, silent under the commands of Gun’s mouth. The younger man’s wet tongue licked the underside of Off’s shaft, earning a musical string of groans tempting Gun’s hands to claw his thighs, gripping tightly to his newfound nonpareil treasure. All his for the taking.

‘Gun’, Off moaned out his name, his eyes tightly closed, flashes of white comets into the darkness of his sight, passing through the whims of utter pleasure. The tightened sensation around his cock hardened his deep breaths, fingers subconsciously locking itself onto the dark-haired man between his legs, bucking his hips to follow along with Gun’s mouth, dancing to his awaited release; blazes of colours blinding his eyes as his muscles tense, releasing the surge of pleasure from him. Off heaved a sigh of tired delectation, emerging his numb body from the shivering feeling of Gun’s touch as the man makes his way back to his view, back to reality. Gun kissed his lips with full force, fingers intertwining with his messy hair, delegating the movements of their body.

Off’s breathlessness was buried when his body rocked against Gun, awakening the lit fire inside which he thought would be distinguished upon his release. But he realised just the sight of Gun was enough to reignite it, a gas which continued to fuel him in a never-ending wave of pleasure. Instead of succumbing to Gun’s control though, Off pulled in the reigns and took over controlling the boy’s strings which he pulls and twists, making the boy come undone once more under his touch.

With Gun’s legs wrapped tightly around his waist, Off took all the focus and strength he needed to make his way to his room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Morning daylight entered the occupied room. Off’s eyes squinted open at the sunlight; his head buried in a pile of pillows. Floods of last night seeped into his mind when he slowly woke up. It didn’t take long for Off to remember entangled legs, moaned whispers of his name, rough penetration and an odd sense of security when he fell asleep.

_One. Two. Three._

Off counted to three, turning his head on the other side, his chest tightening when he saw Gun still fast asleep in his bed. He’d stolen most of the blanket, wrapping himself tightly. He was breathless, more so of relief than infatuation; Gun was still here with him. His fingers traced his face, the soft touch of his skin dragged down till it landed on his swollen lips. He was funny when he slept. It wasn’t cute like how you’d expect in the movies. He had stubborn bed hair which flung around like barbwire, his eyes slightly crusted and cheeks squished on the pillow, parted lips slightly drooling.

Déjà vu.

Off felt like he was eighteen years old again, but now, there was no countdown tying him down. Instead, he took his time and reached his hand out, stroking the messy hair away from Gun’s eyes.

‘Did you really say it?’, he heard Gun’s hoarse voice and he realised the boy was already awake, pretending to sleep.

‘What?’

‘That you loved me that night?’, he asked again, this time his eyes fluttering open. Off looked at the pool of golden eyes staring straight back at him when the sunlight hits his face.

‘Yeah, I did’

‘Why didn’t you say it to me again?’, he felt Gun’s hands on him, resting underneath the blanket, ‘You could’ve said it when I was awake’

‘Because I was eighteen and immature’, Off chuckled a little, turning his body to face Gun, only a couple of inches separating them, ‘Someone once told me that love was a skill. I’m sorry I was too inexperienced to love you back then’

‘It would’ve solved a lot of problems if you did’, Gun sighed, hugging the blanket tighter, ‘I would’ve pinned you down on the ground and ordered you to stay in Thailand with me’

‘And you?’, Off said, ‘I didn’t think it was worth saying when I know I’m not gonna receive it back’

‘What? You didn’t think I loved you?’, Gun’s eyes continued to stare at Off, his face pale, but Off saw the traces of purple decorated all over his neck, ‘You’re stupid’

‘And so are you’, Off laughed, ‘You still didn’t give me any hints that you loved me even during dinner’

‘I wanted my closure’, Gun pointed out and Off nodded sarcastically.

‘Is this a good enough closure for you?’

‘I love you’, Gun said without warning, unjustified, to which Off almost stopped breathing as soon as those words left his mouth. It dripped on his burning skin like honey, ‘I just needed to say it at least once’, he admitted in the end. Gun wasn’t the type to confess things out loud, but the one thing he regretted was not telling Off the truth before he left. It ate him up each waking hour for the first couple of months after Off left for London.

‘Can I ask you something?’, the latter questioned.

‘What?’

‘Do you still love me?’

There was a moment of silence between them and Gun noticed that Off was so close to him. He can feel the latter’s breath kissing his skin. It’s been such a long time, he thought he’d forgotten how Off felt laying right next to him. But like a wave, the feelings come crashing back in, the same fucking wave that had him quivering at every touch, senseless at every scent and hopeless at every second his eyes lands on Off Jumpol.

‘Count to three and we both answer the question’, Gun ordered and Off nodded.

Their clothes were scattered on the floor. The wind danced from the open window, cool against their exposed skin. It was pin-drop silent, none of them dared to start as they just continued to look at each other, in more ways than one. It felt like they were still in uniform, with their old school logo sewn on their shirts, their immature hearts bursting at the seams in a desperate cry for the other to embrace it.

‘One’, Gun began, his voice breaking slightly.

‘Two’

‘Three’

_**Yes.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this whopping length of a fic. I'd like to apologise for drenching the offgun tag with this cliche fic filled with un-bated chapters, a scattering amount of grammar mistakes, and overall horrible writing. In all honestly, I wrote this for myself, so I had no expectation that it was going to be read by more than two people. But at the very least, thank you to all the readers for sticking around till the end. And I know this ending might not be the best ending and maybe a little underwhelming, I know that too, but this was the best I could do.
> 
> A lot of you guys have reached out to me on twitter and I'm forever grateful for the showers of compliments I've received. They really do mean a lot to me! But let's be honest, this fic is unoriginal and bland in terms of overall characterisation and storyline. There are dozens of well-written/thought out OG fics that deserved better attention than this one.
> 
> Special shoutout to: justababii and ohmtoff for leaving the first comments :)


	22. Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Chapter that I started writing as soon as I uploaded the final chapter. This wasn't going to be uploaded because the ending was good enough for me, but I didn't want to delete either, so here you go lol.

**Arm and Alice’s Wedding Reception**

‘You owe me fucking dinner’

‘No, I don’t. It’s you who owes me!’

‘Don’t be stupid! Look at their hands!’

Alice sighed and lean her forehead on her hands as she sat at the front of the reception hall, a beautiful white gown hugging her figure perfectly. But even from the front, she could still hear their arguments. She looked over to her now-husband, glaring at him do something about it, but Arm just laughed and winked at her, raising his champagne glass and drinking the night away.

‘Keep them down’, Alice whispered one last time in an attempt to warn Arm, ‘My family’s here’

‘They’re family now too’, Arm chuckled, pointing at the table a little near to the front, each seat being filled by bastard asses who didn’t know how to keep quiet, and at the centre of screaming and gambling, sat two boys with wide shocked eyes and laced fingers intertwined with one another.

‘I told them not to make a scene’, is the last thing Alice said before she gave up, stealing her husband’s champagne and downing it in one go. She’d spent months planning this damn ceremony and she was going to have every little fun that she could.

‘Bare us the misery’, Mike whined as he turned back to the man sitting next to him, ‘Who asked who out?’

* * *

**Three Months Ago.**

‘Breakfast?’

‘Can you cook?’

‘No, but we have leftover takeaway’, Off called out from the kitchen, opening the fridge to find the half-empty containers. Off was getting shy and he couldn’t seem to look at Gun straight in the eye, instead, he focused on the food, pouring it on the plate and heating it up on the microwave. He heard Gun walking in the kitchen, properly sitting down by the island and waiting for his food. He stood back and waited right beside the microwave, tapping his fingers on his leg and feeling his skin crawl.

_Yes._

Out of impulse, Off told Gun the truth, but a wave of awkwardness suddenly filled in between them as they stand to question – what does that do to them now? Would it be awkward to ask Gun out on a proper date? Shall he wait for a couple more serious conversation? Or is he done waiting?

‘Were you telling the truth?’, Gun asked him, breaking the awkward tension as he played with his fingers.

‘About… The thing?’, it was only bare minutes when Off confessed to Gun in the morning after having sex. It was a replay of when they were eighteen like God had set a huge reset button, giving them another chance to answer differently.

‘Yeah’, Gun replied, wearing his shirt and boxers in the kitchen.

‘Of course, I was’

‘Well, you sure aren’t acting like it’, the former chuckled dryly, making Off look at him for the first time since they got out of bed.

‘What do you want me to do?’, he asked genuinely, ‘Six years later and you wanna jump straight to it?’

‘Would you rather take your time?’, Gun responded, laughing at him a little, ‘Because last time we did that, you left me and didn’t return’

Gun had confidence. In a sense, he always had, he was able to manoeuvre and control Off even when he wasn’t aware of it. But this Gun was even more confidence, bold and slightly cocky with the way he leaned back on the chair, lifting his knee up and feeling right at home in an apartment he only spent one night in.

‘Would you like me to formally ask you out on a date then?’, Off smirked, hearing the beep of the microwave and pulling out the hot plate. He walked over and set it down to Gun who stared at the slightly mushed Chinese takeaway that had been left over the other day.

‘You still can’t cook?’, Gun clenched his teeth a little, less amused when Off grinned goofily at him.

‘I didn’t need to cook when I lived in London. Most restaurants were opened twenty-four hours’, he explained, which was true. He also just couldn’t be bothered to learn when he was busy with college and family therapy which only ended in more distance between him and his mum. He realised a little too late that in the end, his departure to London was a loss cost and that he and his mother were never going to fix their relationship when she was more hung up on the past he shared with his father.

‘How was London by the way?’, Gun asked, taking small bites from his plate. They’ve only reunited two days ago, their conversations heavily reliant on the past that they shared. It only infused more curiosity on Gun.

‘Pretty good’, Off smiled, ‘You wanna visit it someday? I could show you around’

‘Did you fuck anyone?’

‘You’re forever going to blunt, aren’t you?’, Off started laughing as soon as Gun ignored his offer, asking him the question without warning, which took him by surprise.

‘So, did you?’, he asked again, pouring himself a glass of orange juice and waiting for Off to reply with expectant eyes.

‘I only had one serious relationship but…’, Off wondered whether he should lie to Gun, but then he remembered Ssing for some fucked up reason, ‘Yeah, I fooled around a bit’

‘Boys or girls?’

‘Both’, Off winked at him, hearing another beep from the microwave, signalling that his food was ready. Gun watched him turn back and sit in front of him, the pair spending their morning together. Despite six years and some awkward tension, he still felt at home with Off, ‘How about you?’, Off threw the question back at him, ‘How many boyfriends did you have?’

‘Well… There was Ssing, Awut, Book, Chest, Mek’, Gun counted the names with his fingers, too busy recalling each to them to notice Off’s gradual disapproved look – or was it jealousy? Six years was a long time and it would’ve been more if Off hadn’t decided to come back, so why did his cheeks burn in frustration at the notion of Gun with someone else?

‘You know what, how about tonight?’, Off interrupted him before he could say any more names, setting down his fork.

‘What about tonight?’

‘Go on a date with me tonight’

* * *

**Arm and Alice’s Wedding Reception.**

‘Next up, my wedding guys’, Tay raised his champagne after they cheered and hollered for the lovely new-weds who just finished their first dance, Ed Sheeran playing in the background. New blushed a tint of red when all jokes targeted them, their playful eyes and teasing words making him want to shut Tay up. After months, his boyfriend still couldn’t shut up about it.

‘I bet New’s gonna get cold feet!’, Fiat shouted as soon as he gained attention, reintroducing their betting games to which Tay grabbed a used napkin, throwing it at him for even daring to reopen their immature childish games.

‘We’re not betting until ya’ll admit that I won the bet’, Oab shouted at Fiat, pointing an accused finger to all the attendees sitting on their table.

‘Don’t even think about it!’, Mike shouted, ‘We won it! You and Alice owe us!’

‘What the fuck did you even bet on?’, Tay asked as he sat down and listened to them argue, their voices trying to scream pass the loud music.

‘Which one of us was going to ask the other out as a date for the wedding’, Gun replied to Tay, with a bored expression and an irritated tone of voice. He waved his hand to address the waiter, asking for another glass of champagne.

‘You also lost the bet’, Jane pointed a finger at him, ‘You said none of you would go together, so you owe all of us dinner!’

‘For fuck’s sake, we never shook hands on it’, Gun shouted back defensively.

‘We drank on it!’, they all shouted at him simultaneously.

Off, on the other hand, was too amused to defend his boyfriend from their classmate’s wrath. He seemingly just carried on eating his meal with a smug look on his face as he listened to them argue.

‘We drank coffee, not alcohol, so it doesn’t count’, Gun shouted, which he gained another wave of huge disagreement in forms of shouting and napkins being thrown at him.

* * *

**Three Months Ago.**

‘What’s with the smile, lad?’, his dad called out when he was on his way to the front door. He flinched a little bit over his deep tone. He was questioning him innocently, he knew that, but a wave of guilt hit him at the idea of lying to his father. When he picked up the phone promising his dad that he was coming back solely for him, he should probably hold his end of the bargain and stop lying to him too.

‘I’m going on a date’, Off replied. He needed to go back to his father’s house because he accidentally left his wallet when he was buying him snacks in the morning.

‘Oh really?’, his dad smiled, a genuine delight in his eyes as Off gave him such little information about his life, but it was more than he knew when his son lived with him when he was young, ‘With whom?’

‘Someone called Gun’, Off held his breath a little. He wasn’t nervous per se, he just didn’t know his father well enough to predict what type of reaction he was going to have. He could only hope it wasn’t as bad as when his mum found out.

‘Tay talked about him’, his dad nodded nonchalantly, seemingly unphased about it, ‘You’ve finally asked him out on a date?’

‘What do you mean finally?’, Off inquired at the odd choice of words his father decided to answer back to him.

‘Arm came to visit me a couple of years ago. He said he wanted a box of some of your old clothes’

‘Huh?’, Off didn’t know where Arm came into the story, nor did he know why his best friend was visiting him, dad, without telling him.

‘He said he wanted to give it to someone called Gun’, his dad confessed and all puzzles slowly fitted together. So, that’s why Gun had a shit ton of his old shirts, ‘He said the boy missed you’

‘Really?’, Off asked, his dad hitting him when he smiled unknowingly.

‘The boy was probably waiting more for you to return than me’, his dad chuckled heartily. He reached his hand out and patted his back. Seemingly, that was the only interaction they needed for Off to know that his dad was okay with everything – and that his dad already knew.

‘Well, six years later and I’ve finally asked him out on a date’, Off chuckled, making fun of himself because even he knew how stupid he was.

‘How did your mother take it?’, his dad whispered and Off knew by the tension on his neck and the lowering of his gaze, he still didn’t like talking about her.

‘Not too well’, Off sighed a little, ‘She told me to just pick one and stick with it’

‘I’m sorry’, his dad let his hand rest a little longer on Off’s back, his warmth covering Off’s cold shoulders that had been weighing him down for years, ‘Truly’

‘She’s not your problem anymore’, he smiled at him, ‘You don’t have to apologise for her’

‘I do’, his dad exhaled, disappointment and guilt grazing his eyes as they finally looked at each other, father and son, ‘She took you because of me’

‘I didn’t find it personal’, Off lied, ‘She wanted to get back at you by taking your only son away. Sounds like a cruel plan, but it worked’, his mum came back for him. That was the wish that he thought was going to be quenched when he landed in London, but the disparity between them goes to show that she never wanted him there because she loved him. When the divorce was finalised, she wanted to have more halves than him on their shares. He was just another object they were fighting for on ‘who gets to keep who’. He failed to notice it the first few months, but like an old toy that was unwanted, he felt himself slowly being discarded away when his mother found new love and family. It also didn’t help that he had told her he was taking a boy out on a date, hoping that she would understand. It made it easier to become estranged to his own mother who only needed a small excuse to get rid of him.

‘She’s your mother, but she focused more on other things. Just goes to show that not everyone should be parents… And we… I know we weren’t fit for it’

‘Dad, come on’, Off sighed, his turn to reach a hand out to rest on his dad’s shoulders, ‘I promised you we didn’t need to talk about it. We should just silently move on’

‘But if you wanna talk about it, I’d be happy to’, his dad said, ‘I don’t want you to bottle things up. You’ve done that all your life and I know one day… You might explode’

‘I have exploded’, Off snickered, ‘I came back to Thailand’

* * *

Jingjing had Gun sit down on their sofa as if he was in an interrogation room. She sat on the floor, cross-legged with eye glaring deeply on his best friend who came home reeking of sex. She knew her best friend well enough to know how he looked like after coming back from a hook-up – adding onto the fact he had a completely different shirt on.

‘His name is Off Jumpol and we kinda liked each other in high school’, Gun began to explain because he knew how irritated Jingjing gets when she’s left in the dark for too long, ‘We had this love-hate relationship in high school… I mean we were always trying to out beat each other in school and we sometimes fought about the clubs we get to attend’, whilst explaining, Gun didn’t realise how his smile grew the longer he talked about the tall boy with the old scruffy hair.

Jingjing was honestly surprised. Most of the time, when Gun brought home his boyfriends or even spoke about them, of course, he had a smile on his face, but it was more a smile of attraction and interest, but this smile… She noticed it was different. Like there was a history behind it, a small innocent naïve boy falling in love for the first-time type of feeling.

‘He just came back from London and…’, Gun looked down at his fingers nervously, a shy tinted red on his cheeks, ‘He asked me on a date tonight’

* * *

**Arm and Alice’s Wedding Reception.**

The boys were pulled out from the reception as soon as Alice’s families began their sea of emotional speeches. Off wanted to respect them and listen through, even though they were holding down the party and making everyone sleepy, but when Tay tapped him on the foot and raised his brow, begging him to come along with him, Off tapped Gun’s hand which laced around his fingers, letting go as he excused himself to the bathroom.

‘Woah, Arm?’, Off noticed the groom standing at the end of the hallways towards the front of the entrance, biting his fingernails as he waits for his two best men to arrive, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘Okay, I’ll make myself clear. And this only applies to you because Tay is already engaged’, Arm began to speak and Off didn’t really know where he was heading. But, since they were outside, he dug into his pockets and took out a cigarette, resting it between his lips, ‘Off, don’t propose tonight’

‘Blurgh’, Off choked on his cigarette as he tried to light it, coughing a little as he leaned on Tay in shock, ‘Propose?! Are you insane?’

‘I don’t want anyone ruining Alice’s day by taking it for themselves’, Arm pointed an accused finger on him as if he was – any minute now – going to hijack the wedding and get down on one knee.

‘What do you take me for?’, Off glared at his best friend, ‘I’m your best man’

‘I’m just saying’, Arm sighed, ‘You already made a mess by turning up with Gun’

‘You knew I was gonna turn up with him like two months ago’, Off couldn’t help but laugh at Arm’s inexcusable overdramatic reaction, ‘Why is everyone surprised?’

‘Because no one knows what the fuck the two of you are!’, Tay shouted back, hitting Off on the back of the head, ‘You won’t say if Gun’s your boyfriend or not!’

‘I do!’, Off shouted back.

‘No, that’s exactly what you’re not gonna say!’, Arm shouted, a new worry filled his mind as his eyes go blank, ‘Wait… What if Gun’s the one to propose?’

‘For fuck’s sake, he’s not gonna do that’, Off rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath as he listened to Arm whined on about trying to make this the best day for Alice.

‘Listen here you bastard’, Off gripped both his sides of either of his shoulders, shaking him hastily, ‘you've said your ‘I dos’, the ceremony is finished and now we’re all just going to get drunk until you drive off to your honeymoon where you can spend a week with your beloved wife in Korea’, Off said to him, forcing Arm to repeat every word until he calmed down.

Now with the groom a little bit relaxed, Tay asked why Arm was with them at the front entrance rather than joining his wife and family on the best day of his life. Off was about to take another cigarette from his pack, but Arm stole it before he can put it on his lips. Tay and Off looked at him with wide eyes as he stole Off’s lighter, blowing a heavy breath of smoked air.

‘Alice’s family makes me nervous’, he finally confessed, taking another drag and leaning on the brick wall, ‘They gave me a mouthful when I accidentally ordered four hundred teal coloured handkerchiefs’

‘What did they want?’

‘Peri-fucking-winkle’, Arm whined, blowing out grey smokes.

‘To be fair, those are two completely different colours’, Tay mumbled under his breath, but Arm still heard it, punching him on the chest.

The three idiots laughed amongst themselves, escaping the speeches for a while. Arm and Tay had always been taken since high school, but this was the first night that the reality slowly sunk in and how they were becoming adults. Off shivered at the thought that they might even have kids in the future. It scared the shit out of them because they knew they also had to be godfathers to each other’s kids. That would be hell on earth.

‘If you weren’t planning to propose to Gun, why the fuck do you have that ring in your pocket?’

* * *

**Three Months Ago.**

‘Where’re you taking me?’, Gun asked as soon as he saw Off’s car parked in front of his apartment block, waiting for him patiently in the driver’s seat with a cigarette in his hands, the windows rolled down. Gun hadn’t noticed that Off started smoking, he’s hidden the stench well with his strong aftershave and perfume. Off was always one step ahead in him in terms of acting like an adult, so he doesn’t think much of it.

‘When was the last time you’ve been to the beach?’, the latter simply asked back, making Gun feel excited at the feeling of escape from the busy city streets and harsh smokes. Their date tonight was spontaneous, riddled under the impulse made by Off who was slowly considering abandoning his precautions under the shedding light of hope that promised him that if he kept going, Gun might stay.

Off also missed visiting the beach. London was cold, brutal cold and once he took a road trip with his college friends to the seaside and the freezing wind almost gave him hyperthermia. The idea of warm sand beneath his sand and warm waters hugging his skin was something he’d been aching to feel for a long time. It was also the first time he wanted to go as far away from the world with Gun beside him. Call it failed attempted, but whenever they were thrust in busy crowds and friends, both of them strayed a little further away from each other.

The sun was almost setting, creating a shade of bright orange which illuminated across the skyline, the sun showcasing beauty before it bids farewell for the night.

They felt like school kids, shy boys who didn’t know how to act around their crush – and in a sense – it was true. Their feelings were left buried as they closed the hatchet of their teenage years which was filled with immaturity and naivety. They knew their feelings were still young and quite frankly immature with the way they acted a few nights ago.

Off wanted to be very careful this time. Very fucking careful.

‘Now what?’, Gun asked when Off parked his car by the shorefront, the view of the seas reflecting the orange came into view. Off turned down the volume of the radio, encaging them in silence before he turned and smiled at Gun.

‘Tell me about yourself’

‘Seriously?’

‘Come Gun’, Off nudged him playfully, ‘It’s been six years. Things must’ve changed’

‘I tell you one thing and you tell me something, okay?’, Gun suggested and Off was cool with that, the pair still sitting inside the car, just watching everyone else live their day.

‘I graduated with first honours in law’

‘Still can’t believe you didn’t do medicine’, Off chuckled slightly. He knew Gun hated him, but not too much since he always got second place in all the sciences next to him. The boy wanted to be a doctor and made sure to get all the grades possible for it. The shift was out of character.

‘Change of heart I guess’, Gun shrugged, but the truth of the matter is, he just simply couldn’t afford it. Medicine would’ve taken a total decade for him to achieve a valuable position in a good hospital and despite his scholarship, he just knew he wouldn’t have the funds to keep studying for another ten years, ‘How about you?’

‘Communication Arts’, Off replied, which made sense. He was always good at media and language, ‘Major in Film and Languages’

‘So where do you work?’

‘I work in PR in an entertainment company’, Off explained which wasn’t too far off from his degree. He knew the industry well enough to thrive on, plus he also gained a handful of connections living in London.

‘I moved in with my best friend from college and we’ve been living together for about a year and a half’, Gun replied with another fact, ‘She and I finished our masters at the same time’

‘Is she the girl who slammed the door on me?’, Off chuckled, remembering the beautiful girl who opened the door. He remembered thinking he got the address wrong, but when he mentioned Gun’s name, her reflex was to glare at him, and he wasn’t gonna lie, it did intimidate him a little.

‘She means well’, Gun laughed, ‘Jingjing’s only trying to protect me’

‘From what?’

‘From myself, most of the time’, he reached his hand out and started tracing circles and shapes on the glass window, hearing children cheer and scream as they ran in the waters, ‘I’ve been worrying her’

‘About?’

‘Just guys’, Gun shrugged, ‘I have shit taste in them’

‘Do you now?’

‘Yeah. I just leap into relationships very quickly, one after the other. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t and the person I said yes to end up being a total dick’

‘Why don’t you wait?’, Off suggested, ‘You know… Until you find someone genuine’

‘How could I?’, Gun scoffed, turning his eyes to glance at the man, ‘I was trying to find the same feelings I had with you’

‘Huh?’

‘But they never felt the same’, Gun carried on, despite Off being thrown into a loop. The former never gave Off time to breathe whenever he suddenly confessed without warning, ‘I had to keep moving quickly to find the same feeling… Some I almost felt, but others were just… Bland’

‘You said you barely thought about me’, Off said, reminding him about the conversation they had on the rooftop, the very first time they saw each other again.

‘Just because I forgot about you doesn’t mean I forgot what I felt when I was with you’, Gun whispered. He looked down on his lap and avoided Off’s gaze. He knew the latter was staring at him, he felt it burning on his skin.

‘I regretted leaving’, Off confessed, sighing as he looked back at the view of the sunset, ‘I went there for my mum, but that ended up not working out anyway’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Imagine thinking your mum came back for you so you can live together and start fresh’, Off laughed, but there was bitterness hidden in his smile, ‘Only to find out she only wanted me to live with her only to get back at her ex-husband who she hated’

‘I’m sure that’s not the reason’

‘It is’, Off replied, ‘Unfortunately not all mothers are fit to be one’

Off was stupid for not thinking things through. But back then, he had just lost his mother figure and he was desperate for one. He was looking for his mother to get him out of the void that he was slowly slipping into. He was stupid for thinking she could save him. He wondered why they even had him in the first place. He didn’t have any recalling memories of his parents even liking him, let alone deciding that they’d want a child of their own to care for.

At least his dad was trying. He thought the six years apart might’ve hit him in the head with the hammer of reality, so when he finally attempted to reach out to Off, apologising for the years of neglect and abandonment, he was quick to forgive him. He just needed to get out of London as soon as he could.

‘I’m sorry’, Gun whispered. He couldn’t relate to Off about his mother, he had a close relationship with his. She knew exactly who he was before he knew, yet she still let him figure things out on his own. He loved her for that. But he could relate to an abandoned parent. His dad meant everything to him, they did everything together. He was the one who introduced him to the violin, picking him up and dropping him off lessons. But then all of a sudden, he was gone. He still had no contact with him. It felt like shit and he could only imagine Off going through worse.

Off smiled back at him and Gun was reminded at how good Off was at suppressing his feelings. He was still so good, it scared him slightly.

‘Do you mind if we do something before, we grab dinner?’, Off broke their silence. He was nervous, his hands shaking and Gun noticed.

‘What is it?’

‘I haven’t visited Mrs Pho in six years’

The beach’s waves suddenly looked familiar to Gun when he looked beyond. He recognised it, fragments of memories slowly seeping in with the images of the morning sun, ashes swimming on the waters as he held Off’s hands, squeezing it tightly as he begged for the latter to stay.

Off hadn’t spoken about Mrs Pho since his departure. He didn’t even talk much about her during therapy sessions back in London. Even when he came back to Thailand, he avoided his old neighbourhood like the plague. He never got to grieve properly of her death and he regretted it.

* * *

**Senior Year, 2014**

‘You need to talk to your boy’, Mrs Pho shouted as she hurled empty boxes into the recycling bin, tutting at him as he sat inside her shop, drinking her pink milk tea and doing his homework.

‘Who?’, he asked, earning a hit on his head from her as she walked past.

‘Gun’, she replied, ‘He hasn’t been visiting’

‘He’s busy with exams’, Off excused, but he knew it was a lie. Gun couldn’t stand him and he hated the boy’s guts. He winched a little as he still felt the bruise on his cheeks. Gun didn’t even bother apologising and he was the one who threw the first punch.

Mrs Pho noticed Off’s gradual change, especially when he was around the short boy. He had always been carefree and playful, but whenever the shorter visited, Off smiled a lot more. She wanted things to play out first. It was fun to see the boy with Gun too, watching his loud voice turn a little softer when he spoke back, showing him around the market until the shorter had tried every food stall from one end to the other.

She finally thought it might be a good idea for her to step in and offer some advice because she really liked Gun.

‘You know, whatever it is, you can get through it’, she pointed out, sitting down beside Off and watching him work diligently, ‘If you fought with Gun, it’s best to-’

‘Mrs Pho, I didn’t fight with Gun. He’s just busy’

‘He’ll make time for you if he likes you’

‘He doesn’t like me’

The way the shorter looked at him begged to differ, she thought, but she held her tongue and just smiled at the poor ignorant boy, ‘Off, Gun is a good kid, I like him very much. He’s hardworking and you seem to have a good time when you’re around him’

‘I get along with everyone’, he simply stated.

‘Well, once you sort things out, why don’t you bring him back here and I can make him some pink milk tea’

‘I told you, he’s not coming back’

‘Then drag him back’, Mrs Pho chuckled, ‘I like him. And I like you when you’re with him’, she added on, to which she stood up as soon as Off looked up from his work, about to vomit out words of excuse she knew he was going to make up on the spot about how they’re not like that. She only laughed and stroke his hair, going back to the front to clean her stalls.

* * *

**Thailand, 2020.**

‘You know you don’t have to visit the beach’, Gun whispered to Off as they stood side by side for a couple of minutes. It felt like déjà vu when he looked down, seeing Off’s hands empty beside his sides. He wished he could sneak his fingers in like last time, holding his hands. He forgot about Mrs Pho, but when

But instead, he thought it is best for Off to let go, ‘Come on, the sun’s going down’, he nudged the latter, running to the sea. Off watched the latter jump into the waters as he stayed behind.

‘I brought him back with me’, he whispered under his breath, letting the strong winds carry his words into the sea as he took off his shoes and felt the cool waters. Gun didn’t hear, he was too excited as he took off his shoes, throwing it to the sand. When he waved his hands, urging Off to join him, the latter just smiled and waved back. He was hesitant a little, just staring where the water meets the sky and hoping that Mrs Pho was somewhere in between. He thought if he brought Gun with him, she might forgive him for taking so long to visit.

Gun turned back, his smile disappearing when he turned back to watch Off standing by the shores, his hands in his pockets and just looking out. He wanted Off to feel calm when he returned to the beach, not to think too much of it.

‘Off!’, he called out, walking back out and feeling the sand sticking to his legs, ‘Come one’, he reached his hand out and dragged Off to the waters. The latter hesitated for a little while, pulling back, but the moment he heard Gun laughing, he knew Mrs Pho would probably tell him off.

‘Oomph, Gun!’, Off shouted, chuckling as he felt Gun splash water at him as soon as he got drenched. He could still hear Gun laughing and he slowly felt his guilt washing out as he swam across, splashing Gun back.

It was getting dark, but the pair continued to swim in the ocean, Off having to cough out some seawater when Gun refused to give in, ‘Come here!’, he shouted, his arms wrapping around Gun’s waist under the water. Off felt Gun’s legs wrapped around his waist under the water as he snaked his arms around his neck, their hair drenched and stuck to their foreheads. People were scattering back in their cars and hotel, calling it a night, especially once the winds started to get cold, but they were still in the waters, their bodies pressed closely against each other.

‘Would it be weird to say that I’ve missed you?’, Off whispered to Gun, making the latter shiver as he tightened their embrace. He felt Gun rest his head on his chest, shaking and he smiled a little.

‘I missed you too’, Gun whispered. They stopped playing, the splashes of water calmed down and Off suddenly realised how close Gun was, how he can easily hear his heart beating fast. Mrs Pho was right, and Off couldn’t help at how right she was. If he wasn’t stubborn, he would’ve realised it sooner.

He sometimes thought he just missed the feeling. Back in London, he tricked himself into believing he missed his carefree self and the way he jumped into things without a second thought. But then, with Gun in his arms, pressed directly on his heart, he knew he missed Gun, the entirety of him. He missed the idea of Gun, the feeling he had when he was with him and everything little habit the boy had that made him stay up all night and dream awake. Mrs Pho knew it before he did and he had to thank her for knowing him well when he didn’t even know himself.

Gun looked up when Off didn’t show any signs of movement, looking at his calm expression which differed from the last expression he had when they visited this beach last time. He couldn’t help but sigh a relief that Off was okay.

And with the signs of approval from Mrs Pho, a strong wave comes over them, pushing them back to shore and forcing Off to tumble, back first, on the sand whilst Gun landed on his chest.

‘Woah!’, he called out in shock as he wrapped his arms around Gun’s waist, securing him as the shorter’s face landed only inches away from his. Gun took no time to press his lips against Off, laughing when he heard the latter sigh out an ‘oof’ at the sudden pressure.

‘You never let me breathe, don’t you?’, Off laughed when they broke off the kiss.

‘We’ve wasted too much time’, Gun chuckled, ‘Don’t you think?’

Off didn’t reply, instead, he pulled Gun’s head back to him, kissing him again as he combed through the latter’s hair, the cold waves crashing past them every couple of seconds.

* * *

**Alice and Arm’s Wedding Reception.**

‘So, who asked you first?’, Mild asked Gun as soon as Off explained, knowing this would be the perfect time to squeeze the answer out of Gun. They waited until Off was completely out of view before they started tugging Gun’s arms back and forth.

‘Off visited my apartment first’, Gun finally admitted when even New was begging for his answer.

‘Yes!’, New shouted, raising his champagne as he cheered with Mike, Fiat and Jane, ‘We won! Off totally asked first’

‘But I wasn’t home so he left… So technically he didn’t ask me out’, Gun continued. Mike stopped drinking mid cheers, eyes glaring at Gun, ‘I was the one who came over at Off’s and…’

‘And what?’, they all shouted at him simultaneously.

‘We hooked up that night’

‘Ay!’, Oab shouted, banging his fists on the table and gaining stares from everyone who was trying to pay attention to Alice’s grandfather’s speech. The group quickly shut their mouths when they say Alice glare towards their table, quietening down, but not without Fiat glaring at the way Oab stuck his tongue out.

Gun just couldn’t help but laugh at how absurd his old classmates were. And to think they all have professional jobs. Some are teachers, others are make-up artists and office workers, yet when they come together, once every couple of months, it was like none of it mattered. It was as if they travelled back in time when they were all still eighteen and talking nonsense, having fun and being stupid.

‘You all owe me dinner’, Oab smirked, leaning back on his chair.

‘But Gun only went there to fix his relationship with Off’, Mild shouted as soon as she started to calculate Gun’s story, ‘Our bet was who would ask who on a date in Alice and Arm’s wedding!’

‘Asking them to be their boyfriend is the same thing’, Oab argued back.

* * *

**Two Months Ago.**

‘You don’t know how to do the laundry?’, Gun shouted as soon as he walked in Off’s apartment. He’d visited the latter’s apartment a few days a week after work. He didn’t know how the routine settled, but he saw Off texting him during work, asking him what time he got off so they could go grab early dinner together. It worked once, Gun waiting for Off’s car to pull up in front of his firm, but he got tired every once in a while, so Off would see him dozing off in the passenger seat on their way to the restaurant. He had opted to just bring Gun back to his apartment and order takeaway whilst the latter slept on the sofa whilst they watched Netflix.

It didn’t take long for Gun to notice Off’s living habits. One is that he had a pile of dirty clothes overflowing in the basket.

‘A cleaner comes over once a month to clean the apartment and do the laundry’, Off explained and Gun couldn’t help but scoff and roll his eyes.

‘You live like a bachelor’

‘I _am_ a bachelor’, Off joked, knowing he was going to get a frown from Gun who crossed his arms and kicked the basket till it toppled over, clothes spurting out at once.

‘Your apartment is amazing, but your lack of care isn’t’, Gun whined, and when Off heard clattering in the laundry room and a space beside his on the table, he walked over to the other room to find Gun inside.

‘You don’t have to do my laundry’, Off chuckled, leaning on the doorframe and watching Gun. He knew the bachelor comment was gonna piss Gun off, but not to the point where the latter was suddenly doing his laundry for him, ‘Some of those are Tay’s too, so blame him’

‘We’re adults now Off’, Gun started to lecture him as he separated the colours from the whites, throwing the coloured shirts in, ‘Learn how to use the washing machine’

‘Do _you_ even know how to use my washing machine?’, Off laughed, watching as Gun stared at the numerous complicated buttons piled on top of each other.

‘It looks exactly like mine. It should be fine’, Gun shrugged his jokes off, pressing something and hoping for the best. He had to admit, his washing machine was generic and not at all fancy as Off’s one, so he did struggle a little at all the added features, but he wasn’t going to let the latter know.

‘Gun, come on and eat. You’re tired from work’, Off found it enough entertainment watching Gun press random buttons until the washing machine turned on, rumbling as he walked over to grab Gun’s hands, dragging him out of the laundry room and back to the kitchen.

‘When’s Tay coming back? I haven’t seen him around the apartment’, Gun said as he sat down on the kitchen table, his plate of Chinese takeaway already prepared and waiting for him.

‘He’s practically moved in with New’, Off chuckled, ‘They wanna plan the wedding asap’

‘God, everyone’s getting married’, Gun scoffed a little, finding it amusing that most of their classmates are either engaged or already married. They were still all in their twenties but he found that some just adjusted faster to adulthood. He used to feel bad, thinking that he still acted like a teenager compared to everyone else, but he sighed a little when he found out Off can’t do shit either. They were the two smartest kids in their year group, yet one can’t commit to a relationship and the other can’t do laundry.

‘Well, I’m glad Tay and New are still together if I’m being honest’, Off chuckled as he started eating, ‘They were cute together’

Gun and Off kept talking, a wave of normalcy passing through them as they got into the comfort of talking about their day, listening to the latter with enthusiasm.

It wasn’t until Off noticed the wet floor dampen his socks did, he turned back to the halls. He immediately shouted as soon as he saw a flood of water, abandoning his food as he raced his way back to the laundry room.

‘Shit!’, he heard Gun shouting behind him, realising the latter must’ve followed him as they opened the door and stared into the bubbled mess of a room.

‘What the hell did you press?’, Off turned back to look at Gun who was shocked, his eyes round like the moon and his mouth hanging open.

‘I just pressed anything!’, Gun defended himself as he pushed his way in, looking at the machine that was still spinning their clothes, ‘Shit, why is your one so high tech?’, he shouted, pressing buttons after buttons, only making it work as the machine seeped out more soapy water, bubbles filling up the room knees deep.

‘Gun, stop! Just turn it off!’

Gun found himself looking around for the plug, hands gripping on the lead and switching the whole machine off entirely until the rumbling stopped, the water stopped flooding out.

Off looked and saw that the bubbles were already up to Gun’s chest and he couldn’t help but start laughing, leaning his forehead on the doorframe as he continued to watch Gun.

‘You think this is funny?’, Gun sighed, frowning at Off who clearly didn’t take it seriously, ‘Stop laughing at me!’

‘I thought you said how to do laundry?’, Off started roaring with laughter, slapping the wall.

‘I do!’, Gun shouted, clearly having enough with Off making fun out of him. He gathered a handful of bubbles, splashing it to Off who coughed at the sudden hit.

‘Woah, are you starting a fight?’, Off smirked playfully as he walked over, closing the door and picking up Gun. He heard the latter shriek, laughing as he drenched him in bubbles until Gun’s work clothes were soaked, his arms flailing.

‘Off!’, Gun shouted between chuckled, his legs securely wrapped around Off’s waist as he tries to avoid being dunked back into the bubbles, ‘Off!’, he shouted again, and he pushed the latter a little bit, making Off slip and land on the floor with an ‘oomph!’, the pair too busy laughing at each other to notice the drenched floors which reached all the way to the kitchen.

‘You’re an idiot’, he heard Gun whispering to him, but when he looked up, he saw the dimples on Gun’s cheeks as he smiled down at Off, resting his forehead against his.

‘Tay’s right’, Off whispered back, ‘Maybe the bachelor life isn’t for me’

‘What’re you saying’

‘Be my boyfriend, huh?’

‘I just flooded your entire apartment’, Gun laughed, but he felt his heart skip a beat when Off asked him, the word still echoing in both their hearts.

‘At least I won’t get bored’, Off laugh, earning a punch from Gun. Of course, Off didn’t have to hear Gun’s answer because he felt it, in the form of his soft lips pressing against his, wet hands resting on his cheeks as they kissed in the midst of chaos – which is something they usually do anyway.

* * *

**Alice and Arm’s Wedding Reception.**

‘I went over to Off’s place, but he was the one who asked me out on a date’, Gun finally confessed the entire story. Mike clapped his hands and slapped Oab’s head as he stole the latter’s champagne, downing it in one go.

‘You traitor’, Oab simply groaned at Gun after a wave of orders started coming to him in forms of hoots and shouts.

‘Let’s get Chinese after this!’, Mild shouted.

‘We’re eating here already, do you want more food?’, Fiat looked at her with shocked eyes, especially when she was still eating the steak.

‘Now that this bet is over’, Mike had a mischievous look on his face to which everyone else joined in as soon as they realised what he was proposing, ‘I bet Off’s gonna be next to propose!’

‘You’re insane’, Gun threw a napkin over at him, ‘We’ve only been going out for two months’

‘So?’, Fiat laughed, ‘Jane and Mild have only been going out for less than a year and they’re already considering marriage’

‘That’s because we knew each other in high school’, Jane explained, ‘We know each other’s past’

‘That sounds a lot like those two over there’, Fiat chuckled, pointing at Gun and the empty seat that belonged to Off, ‘We’re gonna be hearing a lot of wedding bells soon!’

* * *

‘This ring’s not for Gun’, Off rolled his eyes as soon as Tay pointed at his pocket. He knew the idiot saw it, but he wanted to punch Tay for bringing it back up now of all times, especially when Arm was acting like Bridezilla in the corner.

‘Then who’s it for?’

‘It was my mother’s engagement ring’, Off explained, ‘My dad found it and gave it to me’

‘Why would he give it to you?’, Arm asked as he stole another cigarette from Off’s other pocket.

‘He said he wanted the ring to find better luck next time’, Off admitted. He didn’t know what his dad meant by that, but he couldn’t bring it to himself to throw it away, even though the last marriage it bonded was an absolute failure. He placed it inside his suit pocket before heading over to the temple, forgetting that it was even there in the first place. Tay must’ve seen him holding it.

‘It means he wants you to propose to Gun with it’, Tay chuckled, coughing a little and punching Arm for blowing out the smoke in their direction.

‘Not tonight’, Arm warned him again, ‘Propose tomorrow for all I care’

‘I’m not fucking proposing’, Off whined for the umpteenth time, ‘I’ll use it when I feel it best, but as of right now, I don’t need it’

‘Oh, come on’, Tay wiggled his brow playfully, ‘You’ve locked Gun in, might as well just go all the way in and get married’

‘We’ve been dating for two months’, Off punched Tay’s shoulders, ‘Don’t you think it’s stupid to marry someone after two months?’

‘Five years and two months’, Arm corrected him and Off furrowed his brow and glared at his best friend.

‘What?’

‘You knew Gun for five years and two months’, Arm reminded him, taking another drag and blowing it straight to Off’s face, ‘And out of all of us, you knew him best during those five years of high school’

‘And if you count the last summer, that’s five years and _four_ months’, Tay added on, laughing as he leaned on the wall.

‘There’s a six-year gap’, Off explained, ‘That’s a perfect amount of time to change’

‘And has he?’, his best friends asked him simultaneously, ‘You’ve had two months to notice, so has he changed?’

A little. Gun was confident, both emotionally and sexually. He learnt that the hard way, being pulled into the room after work, with fingers tugging his hair, lips desperately sucking his until they ended the night fucking. Gun also had a large group of friends that he had to earn approvals from, a handful of ten friends who glared at him like some sort of specimen, drinking their glass of beer and observing his every movement. It was intimidating to say the least.

But everything was pretty much the same. The way he scrunched his nose whenever he was concentrating on work, the way his dimples deepened every time he’s laughing. He had the same food palette, begging Off to let them try new restaurants every date night so he could see brand new menus. He could pretty much eat anything. He had the same passion for work than he did with studies and he visited his mother almost every weekend just to spend time with her.

He was the same Gun, but a little bit of Off was infused in him. His sudden carefree nature, his ability to make friends with whoever was in the room and his unnerving will to keep smiling through things no matter how tough it got. It wasn’t like Gun changed, Off noticed he just matured, but his core was still Gun Attaphan as he knew from high school.

‘No, he hasn’t changed all that much’, Off admitted truthfully.

‘Well then’, Arm chuckled, ‘If you wanna propose to the kid, then go for it. Just do it tomorrow’

As soon as they heard the music blaring, they realised the speeches must’ve ended, meaning it was safe for them to go back in.

‘Come on Arm, it’s showtime’, Off laughed as the three friends walk back into the reception hall.

* * *

‘Where were you?’, Gun asked when Off finally came back. Everyone else looked at each other playfully as they eyed the way Gun immediately laced his fingers around Off’s nonchalantly. Tay even raised his brow when Off showed no signs of hesitation despite the fact his best friend hated physical contact.

‘Just off for a smoke’, he replied.

‘You should quit smoking’, Gun said to him, ‘It’s not good for you’

‘Ooooh, is this Gun worrying about his boyfriend?’, Fiat cooed sarcastically, making every laugh as he started making kissy noises.

‘Get a life Fiat’, Gun bit back, but it only made everyone else laugh at him.

‘What were you guys talking about?’, Tay asked New, kissing his cheeks as he got back.

‘We’re betting if Off’s going to propose to Gun’, Off spat his wine as soon as he heard that, making Tay laugh, clapping his hands and pointing at his best friend who had been punched with the proposal question for the second time in the span of ten minutes.

‘It’s destiny telling you to hurry up’, Tay laughed, Off punching him on the arm as he grabbed a napkin and wiped his face and suit. Luckily, his white buttoned-down shirt wasn’t stained.

‘What do you mean?’, Gun asked Tay, but Off shook his head and waved it off.

‘He’s just being an idiot. Don’t listen to him’

Gun was about to ask again when the DJ turned the music louder, encouraging everyone to get up on the dancefloor and dance the rest of the night away as the clocked slowly turned to midnight. Without even telling them again, their whole table stood up, clapping their hands and cheering on as they joined Alice and Arm in the middle of the dancefloor, dancing to songs from Lady Gaga, BlackPink and Calvin Harris. It was so loud; they could feel the bass shaking the ground.

‘Let’s hope everyone makes it home alive’, Off chuckled, about to drink his wine when he felt Gun’s hands gripping tightly on his wrist, dragging him to the dancefloor, ‘Woah, Gun, you know I don’t dance’, Off whined, trying to pull his wrist back, but Gun was adamant and when he wants something, he was going to get it.

Which was why Off could be found in the middle of the dancefloor, with Gun’s arms snaked around his neck, the pair jumping like little kids to the blasting sound of Rihanna playing in the background. There was no rhythm between the two, just idiots dancing insanely, Gun laughing as he brings Off into his hectic world.

* * *

‘God, I wish we took an Uber home’, Off whined as they walked down the empty street, slightly tipsy as they bid their farewells when the wedding reception was drawing to a close. It was three o’clock in the morning and they couldn’t get a taxi home.

‘Wanna stay at my mum’s or your dad’s?’, Gun asked, resting his head on Off’s shoulders as they walked together. Alice and Arm got married in their home city, which meant it would be impossible to walk home to Off’s apartment.

‘I kinda have another idea’, Off’s goofy grin made Gun nervous but excited at the same time as he felt the former drag him somewhere.

* * *

‘You’re fucking insane!’, Gun whispered when he found himself in his old school’s halls, ‘How did you even find the back entrance?’

‘I used to sneak into school a lot’, Off replied, ‘They wouldn’t let you in the front gates if you’re late’

‘Is that how you got away with it?’, Gun almost raised his voice, but Off shushed him as they walked up the stairs, careful not to be noticed by cameras. It was unlikely for staff to be in the building this late at night, but they didn’t want to risk being caught trespassing.

They found themselves at the rooftops, Off taking a deep breath of fresh air. Gun thought his boyfriend was stupid to drag him to their old school pass opening times. They knew they were gonna get into shit if they were caught, so he was nervously looking around.

‘Come on Gun’, Off smirked, dragging him to the edges and twirling him into a dance before pressing his lips on the latter’s, ‘Dancing in the rooftop in the middle of the night, don’t you find that romantic?’

‘I find it illegal’, Gun whispered back, but he allowed Off to kiss him, parting his mouth and letting the latter’s hot tongue slip in. He was going to warn Off that he was a lawyer now and what they were doing is trespassing in a government-owned building, but Off’s hands which slip inside his suit distracted him for a little while.

‘All we need is music’, Off whispered as soon as they broke off their kiss. Gun laughed when Odd brought out his phone from his pocket.

Off was about to pick a song to play, not noticing that something else dropped out of his pockets. But Gun did.

‘What’s this?’, Gun asked, kneeling on the floor and picking up the metal piece of jewellery from the floor.

‘Woah’, Off said as he reached out and took the ring from Gun, ‘You’re not supposed to see that’

‘Is that an engagement ring?’, Gun looked up at him with wide round eyes and parted lips, a rush of disbelief wavering on his expression, followed by utter shock.

‘No, no, no’, Off shook his head, ‘No, this isn’t what you think. My dad just gave it to me for safekeeping’

‘Huh?’

‘My dad gave it to me in the morning before the wedding… He found it somewhere in the attic and said I should have it’, he explained, his hands slightly shaking as he slipped the ring back inside his pockets, ‘I wasn’t going to…’

‘Oh’, Gun nodded as soon as he understood, ‘Okay’

‘You sound bland’, Off noticed when Gun responded to him, ‘You okay?’

Yeah. I just… Thought you were gonna…’

‘Two months’, Off laughed nervously, ‘We’ve only been dating two months. Let’s not… I mean, let’s not get ahead of ourselves’

‘Well, duh’, Gun chuckled back, leaning on the ledge and looking up at the stars, ‘I’ve still got to focus on my job and all’

‘Exactly’, Off said, leaning beside Gun.

‘But out of curiosity…’, Gun began.

‘Oh god here we go’, Off whispered under his breath.

‘Would you think of me as suitable?’

‘Suitable?’

‘For marriage’

‘You’re not an object’, Off rolled his eyes, reaching his hand to hold onto Gun’s, ‘You’re suitable when you’re ready to marry’

‘Hhhm’, Gun nodded.

‘Look, I know everyone around us is getting married, but we don’t have to think about it until you want to’, Off replied, wanting to make sure that Gun wasn’t pressured into thinking anything, ‘We’re still in our twenties and we’ve got our whole lives ahead, I promise’, he pulled out his phone again, this time playing a slow song. Gun didn’t recognise it, but he didn’t have to. Off pulled him back to the middle of the rooftop, lacing their fingers together as they began to dance slowly.

Gun rested his head on Off’s chest and felt his heart beating on his ear. It was calm and relaxed. He closed his eyes and allowed Off to sway them from side to side, feeling the chilly wind of the night blowing their hair as the song continued to play.

‘You know, someone told me that once your last love arrives, they’re gonna break all your thoughts about your past relationships. They’re going to make you forget all the what-ifs and why-nots’

Gun nodded; his eyes still closed. Off wondered why he never found himself in a long-term relationship over the previous years and he only realised now why. He knew in an instant that he wanted his first love to be his last because it was all the what-ifs and why-nots that he wanted to get back to and try again. Mrs Pho was right, last loves break you away from all those thoughts, but in his case, he needed to go back to what-ifs and try again. Otherwise, he’d lose his mind.

He wanted Gun to be his last.

The ring felt heavier in his pockets the longer they danced and by the end of the song, he found his fingers slipping inside.

‘What’re you doing?’, Gun whispered when he opened his eyes and felt something cold slide on his finger. He turned to the side and watched as Off slipped the ring in.

‘Safekeeping’, Off whispered to him, ‘Think of it as a promise ring’

‘A promise ring for what?’, Gun asked.

‘That one day, I will definitely, one hundred per cent, propose to you’, Off confessed, smiling his genuine smile as he looked down on Gun.

The latter didn’t answer him. He didn’t hit him and ask him tons of questions or even wondered the sudden change in attitude from five minutes ago. Instead, Gun showed him his dimples before he laced his arms around his neck, pulling him down and kissing him one more time. The next music played on and Gun swayed them around on the rooftop, dancing until they saw the first sparks of sunrise, beckoning them into the new day where Gun’s lips were pressed against Off’s, their hearts chained to each other with no signs of letting go any time soon.


	23. Chapter 13 (What if... Mrs Pho had lived)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending in which the present time no longer exists and the whole story consisted of only their high school life leading up to their graduation and Mrs Pho’s illness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Dani (@offgunnized), Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day! I promised you that I was going to write this one day, so here it is I guess. Sorry that it’s a little late but I hope you enjoy it haha.

**_Four Days before Graduation._ **

‘Try it on for me’, Off shoved him a white shirt from one of the stalls when they walked over to greet Cherry’s mum.

‘No, it’s too big, I can already tell’, Gun whined, looking down at the oversized shirt. He didn’t know why Off wanted to buy him a shirt, but the boy was too excited to drag him to the stall to answer any of his questions.

‘Just try it on. Who knows, it might look sexy on you’, Off winked playfully. Gun punched him on the arm and looked around to see if anyone heard that. Off had been getting braver these past couple of days and it was making Gun lose his edge. He was getting shy and it embarrassed him that Off was having that effect on him.

‘It has Snoopy at the front, how it is gonna look sexy?’

‘Just try it for me, huh?’, Off begged again, his lower lip pouting ever so slightly that it made him look cute.

‘Shut up’

‘Come on, try it on for me, huh? Please?’

‘P’Off, why’re you bothering P’Gun?’, Cherry’s voice shouted from the other side of the stall. She ran up excitedly and opened her arms to which Off automatically picked her up and embraced her.

‘Don’t you think Gun would look good with this shirt?’, Off asked her, pointing at the white shirt Gun was holding.

‘Are you gonna buy it for him as a present?’, she asked and Off nodded back, making her squeal in excitement, ‘Try it on Gun! Try it on!’, she clapped her hands.

‘Why’re you so excited?’, Gun chuckled at her squeals.

‘P’Off only buys things for people he likes!’, Cherry shouted at him, ‘That means he likes you!’

Gun’s eyes turned round and his cheeks quickly turned red again. And the fact that Off didn’t say anything to defend himself made it worst for Gun. He was already shy around him nowadays, but now it felt like he could just melt to the ground.

‘So, are you gonna try it not or not?’, Off smiled, winking at him to which Gun used the very shirt in conversation to fling him on the head.

‘I hate you’, Gun stuck his tongue out, walking away.

‘You’re lying!’, Off shouted whilst laughing, carrying Cherry as he watched Gun walk away with the shirt still in his hands. He turned and gave Cherry a wide grin, ‘Looks like I’m buying the shirt’

* * *

Off returned to the market the next day. He was excited to visit Mrs. Pho. He wanted to invite her to his graduation. He couldn’t wait to see her sitting down with his dad to see him get his high school diploma, he could just imagine the smile on her face.

The market was quiet since it was still the afternoon and he expected everyone to still be inside their homes. The one thing he didn’t expect was a crowd.

‘Hey, P’Pik!’, he called out to the Uncle who was running towards Mrs. Pho’s shop, ‘P’Pik!’, he called again. His voice was loud enough to stop him from running, but he didn’t know why when he turned his expression turned from stressed to absolute worried, ‘What’s going on?’

‘Off… Off, you should go’, P’Pik turned to push him away.

‘No. Tell me what’s going? Why is there a crowd? Did something happen?’

‘It’s Mrs. Pho’, P’Pik explained, even though he didn’t want to. He didn’t want Off to know anything, not when…, ‘She’d had a stroke’

‘What?!’, Off screamed. He didn’t let P’Pik explain. He just ran as fast as he could to her shop, pushing everyone out of them so he can get to her.

‘Mrs. Pho! Mrs. Pho!’

* * *

**_Thailand; 2010_ **

‘How was your first day of school?’, Mrs Pho asked as soon as Off skipped into her shop, his backpack almost as tall as him, bulky and filled with books.

Off raced to where she was, standing behind her stall whilst preparing drinks for her customers, hugging her by the waist as he excitedly wanted to tell her everything about his day. He was nervous in the morning, a little shaky at the thought of starting high school but after his dad dropped him off, he found himself in the midst of loud noises, kids his ages chasing each other around and all he wanted to do was join in on the fun.

‘I had the best time ever!’, he shouted at her, squeezing her tight before letting go and dragging a seat next to her, ‘My English teacher said I’m just as good as a native speaker!’

‘That’s wonderful darling’, Mrs Pho laughed, combing his hair back and watching him unzip his back excitedly, already wanting to do his homework as soon, ‘You’re doing work already?’

‘I wanna finish so I can help you with your shop’, Off pointed out, ‘I think I’m getting good at making your drinks!’

‘Darling, you don’t need to help me’, Mrs Pho shook her head and laughed a little, bending down to stare at the boy who had frequently visited her sine he was a young boy. She rested her hands on his cheeks, watching him grow a little taller, ‘You take all the time in the world and have fun first, okay? Look, I’m still strong’, she laughed, playfully showing off her hands which were starting to wrinkle, fingers calloused and burnt but they were the hands of a hard worker and she’d be damned if she ever saw her precious boy with such broken hands at a young age.

‘But I wanna help you’, Off pouted a little, closing his books, setting it to the side and leaning into her hands.

‘Why don’t you go help P’Pik instead’, she offered, ‘I heard he needs help to lift all those deliveries coming in today’

‘Really?’, Off’s eyes shut up at the chance of riding P’Pik’s motorbike. Before he knew it, he had abandoned his school work, running towards the other side of the street market where the Uncle was, screaming out his name and offering his help.

Mrs Pho watched as Off jumped on P’Pik’s back, causing the both of them to fall on the floor, hearing their laughter from her stall. She pressed her hand on her chest, smiling at the boy she had grown to love the boy she initially pitied. Over time she didn’t know what took over her, but she found herself wanting to be his mother as the years passed by and for once she had something to live for, to wake up and be excited for. She was going to see him succeed even if it kills her.

* * *

**_Three Days Before Graduation_ **

Off wasn’t picking up his phone. Gun had looked around everywhere, but he didn’t know where Off would be. He wasn’t at home nor was he at the street market.

‘Mrs Pho’s in hospital’, he remembered P’Pik informing him as soon as he arrived at the market and found the old lady’s shop closed for the first time. He noticed there was a sullen atmosphere in the market, followed by long faces from the other sellers whilst he asked around for the boy.

‘We don’t know where he is, but I hope you find him. I don’t know if he’s doing okay’

Now Gun was desperate to find Off. His heart was beating fast, nervous at the thought that the usual bright and cheerful boy who knew exactly how to comfort him was now the one in need of comfort. Where was he? And why didn’t Gun knew?

Was Gun too predicable that whenever he was upset, Off knew exactly where to find him?

Or was he wrapped up about himself that he never thought to observe Off enough to know where he could have gone?

The day was slowly turning into night, loose orange hues floating around the sky as the sun bids its last farewell for the day and it only made Gun nervous. He tried calling Off’s phone again, but it led him straight to voicemail.

‘Where the fuck are you?’, Gun whined, kicking at the pebbles on the ground as he made his way towards the direction of his home, his hands in his pockets as he contemplated whether to call one of Off’s friends for help. Would it even matter if they asked why he wanted to meet with Off? He was getting tired of pretending anyway, he didn’t want the rest of the school to continue to believe that he hated Off. Not when he knew it wasn’t true anymore. It hadn’t been true for a long time.

A fork in the road. He remembered passing through it every day after school, but he remembered the one day New dragged him to the opposite direction. He froze in his steps, remembering something old and rusted. Without a second thought, he turned and started running, passing by the busy streets and towards a road that turned narrower, filled with trees and abandoned trash.

He still had a bit of sunlight left, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath after running to find himself staring at an abandoned tuktuk wrapped in vines. Gun spotted Off sitting inside, leaning against the rusted metal with a solemn look on his face.

‘Hey’, he breathed out. He watched as Off turned to look at him, ‘You okay?’

‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked, his voice soft, barely above a whisper as he sat up when he notice Gun stepping inside, sitting beside him.

‘P’Pik told me’, Gun mentioned, which only drove Off to close his eyes, leaning back and avoiding Gun’s eyes. He didn’t know whether to press Off to talk about it or to wait. It was so different, this morning they were joking about, Off laughing at him as he made fun out of the way he looked smaller in his oversized shirts, but now they couldn’t even carry out a conversation.

‘You should go home, it’s getting late’, Off broke the silence as he took a second to look at Gun, forcing out a smile. Their graduation is only a few days away and he knew Gun’s mum was preparing her hardest for the day so he should probably return home and help her.

Instead of listening to Off, Gun stayed, leaning on the other side and letting the heat of the metal burn through his shirt as he continued to stare at Off.

‘Close your eyes’

‘What?’, Off raised a brow at him, but Gun wasn’t one to repeat himself, especially not to Off who he glared at, forcing him to close his eyes. Off, without much energy left, closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, not knowing why Gun would even make time for him.

‘Are you gonna kiss me?’, Off joked, but he suddenly felt something warm wrapped around him, a pair of arms which snaked its way around his waist, bringing him to a tight embrace. He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing Gun resting on his chest, giving him a hug. There was no conversation between them, just pure silence where Off found himself slowly falling. He’d never felt so warm before.

‘Everything’s gonna be okay’, Gun whispered to him, ‘Even if it’s not right now, it will be later’

‘Do you even know how to comfort someone?’, Off joked, he didn’t know how to respond to someone’s hug, he just wanted to laugh it off, to joke around until the focus wasn’t on him anymore.

‘No, but I’m trying’, Gun whispered, his voice muffled as he nuzzled his cheeks on his chest, hugging him even tighter. Off smiled, biting his lip as he allowed his arms to hug Gun back, letting them sit inside the abandoned tuktuk whilst the sun slowly disappeared, in pure yet comforting silence.

‘She practically raised me’, Off whispered, his hands still shaking at the thought that Mrs Pho was still in hospital. He wanted to visit her, to run to the hospital and stay by her side until she woke up, but he couldn’t drag his feet to the hospital. It drove him mad at the thought of seeing Mrs Pho unconscious on the hospital bed, it made him dizzy and before he knew it, he was running the other way, cheeks red as he threw up on the side of the road.

He couldn’t call his dad, he wouldn’t understand and his mum was long gone. He was alone with his grief.

‘Do you wanna go and visit her now?’, Gun asked, breaking the hug as he looked at Off. His face was stoic, not an ounce of sadness could be seen on his blank expression as he pulled Gun back into the hug, resting his chin on the top of his head.

‘Just one more minute’, Off whispered, closing his eyes and breathing in Gun’s scent. It had become his comfort, just seeing Gun alone was enough to bring excitement back into his life, making him forget about his mum who slammed the door shut on his face and the impending doom that was to come if he didn’t pray to every god in the sky to give Mrs Pho more time.

* * *

Off hated hospitals, he hated being there more than anything. He remembered the time when he was young and he spent a week in hospital. He had tried to stop his parents from arguing but he was pushed back, accidentally falling to the floor, his head landing on the edge of the coffee table. It was painful but at least it worked cos for the first time his parents stopped arguing as they rushed him to the hospital.

He smelt the antiseptic, looking around the waiting room the find patients and nurses walking around in the middle of the night, talking as if it was the most normal thing. Off never found the hospital to be a normal place, there was something terrifying about it. It was like purgatory for him, a resting place before the end.

Gun noticed Off’s hands begin to shake as they waited for P’Pik to pick them up. He reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers together as they waited.

‘You okay?’, Gun kept asking, even though Off never gave him a straight reply even on their way here. Sometimes he would nod, other times he would laugh, but now Off didn’t even say anything, It was as if he was getting tired at lying every time Gun asked him.

‘Off’, they heard P’Pik’s voice from the corridor, seeing him walk towards them with a worried expression and it only made Off squeeze Gun’s hands tighter.

* * *

**_Thailand; 2008_ **

****

Off woke up with a headache, his eyes blinking rapidly due to the bright lights, his vision still slightly blurred. He could smell medicine all around him and when his eyes finally adjusted, he realised he was at the hospital.

‘Mum? Dad?’, he called out to his parents, looking around the big room with machines by his side, making him nervous as he stretched his hands out.

‘Off, darling are you awake?’

‘Mrs Pho?’, his voice was croaky from the sleep but when he turned, he sighed in relief when he saw Mrs Pho sitting on the seat beside his chair, her hair combed back into a bun and a blanket wrapped around her, ‘You’re here?’

‘Your neighbours told me that they saw an ambulance parked outside your home. I came here in case it was you’

Off tried to sit up, but it gave him a surging pain in his head, making him whine as he rested his hands on his head only to have found it bandaged.

‘Don’t move yet’, Mrs Pho exclaimed as soon as he heard Off wincing, standing up and abandoning her blanket as she held onto his arm, helping him lay back down, ‘The doctor said you’ll be fine and there was no permanent damage’

‘Where’s my parents?’, Off asked.

‘They’re talking to the doctors’

‘Oh’, Off nodded his head, feeling the bandage around his forehead.

‘Off, darling…’, Mrs Pho rested her warm hands on his cheeks, a forced smile on her face as she tried to stay strong in front of Off, but inside she was dying. Her feet was scraped and bleeding after running as fast as she could to the hospital after she heard the whispers. Her eyes were red and swollen, spending the whole night caring for Off, waiting for him to wake up as he laid in the hospital bed.

‘Was it it?’, the boy looked so worried, so innocent and small in his hospital gown, it only made Mrs Pho’s heart break more.

‘Was this an accident?’, she asked, her thumb stroking across his cheeks as she begged her heart to stop racing, because his answer meant everything to her. One word and she would steal someone else’s son and keep him to herself.

‘What do you mean?’, Off furrowed his brow, ‘I fell on the coffee table. Of course, it was an accident’

‘Are you sure?’, she whispered.

‘I’m sure’, Off repeated, clenching Mrs Pho’s hands.

‘Okay’, Mrs Pho smiled at him again. She held Off into a warm embrace, stroking his head softly, ‘No matter what any one else says, you’re also my boy, so I promise I won’t let anything hurt you’

‘You don’t need to promise me that’, Off replied, but he smiled and hugged Mrs Pho back, leaning his cheeks against her shoulder, ‘Nothing can hurt me’

‘Don’t be silly’, Mrs Pho laughed, but she had started to sniffle, another shed of tear escaping from the corner of her eyes when she listened to Off’s bright voice, joking even though he was hurt. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes before they broke the hug, hiding the pain in her voice as she helped straightened Off’s hospital gown, ‘Now, you must be hungry’

‘Did you bring food?’, Off’s face gleamed as soon as Mrs Pho mentioned food, beaming when she took out the packed food in her bag.

‘Of course’, she chuckled, also pulling out a cup of her famous pink milk tea that Off loved. The rest of the morning came and Off found himself laughing at Mrs Pho’s stories, eating the food she packed and feeling relaxed in the worse place in the world. Off was so happy, he forgot about the argument his parents had last night, he was just excited to hear more of Mrs Pho’s stories.

* * *

**_Three days before Graduation_ **

****

‘Hi, Mrs Pho’, Off whispered as he sat down on the spare chair beside her bed. She didn’t respond, all he could hear was the beeping from the machine which was plugged into her arm, but despite the monotonous beep, it didn’t comfort him.

Gun wanted to walk in but he was stopped when P’Pik rested a hand on his shoulder.

‘We should probably give them a moment’, he whispered to him. Gun didn’t want to agree but he knew he had to. He’d visited the night market numerous times and he found himself in Mrs Pho’s shop because that’s where Off was. He never asked how they knew each other, but he knew Off valued Mrs Pho like she was family, so he followed P’Pik towards the canteen.

Off stayed behind, reaching out to hold Mrs Pho’s hands, squeezing it tightly as he rested his head on the edge of the bed. He didn’t feel her squeeze back.

‘I’m graduating in three days’, he whispered, closing his eyes when he felt his cheeks burn red, ‘I know it’s selfish to ask, but can you please come?’

He was given nothing but silence, the beep from the machine getting louder when he felt a lump in his throat, like a basketball being lodged in. He never had much motivation when it came to his school work. His parents didn’t care if he passed or failed his exams, nor did he have any true passion he wanted to pursue when it came to his future, but he always loved seeing Mrs Pho’s bright face whenever he showed off his test results. He loved whenever she hugged him tight, making him his favourite meal as they spent the evening in her shop marvelling at his test paper. He only ever did well at school for her and all he wanted to see from the stage at his school field was Mrs Pho clapping when his name got called out, smiling proudly at him.

Off looked up and he felt something wet on his cheeks. He wiped across his eyes and realised he had been crying. He didn’t think he’d cried before, not even when he was injured.

‘I don’t want you to leave me yet’, Off coughed out, rubbing his eyes in hopes that his tears would disappear but every time he looked down at Mrs Pho everything came crashing down all at once. He might have lost the one good thing he has in his stupid life and he wasn’t ready for it.

‘Come on Mrs Pho, wake up’, he whispered, clenching on her hands like his life depended on it, ‘Wake up please’

* * *

‘Thanks for coming here with Off. God knows he needs someone right now’, P’Pik said to Gun once they sat down at the hospital canteen, buying Gun a drink whilst they sat. There were a few nurses on a break sitting on the other tables, but there was still silence between them.

‘I hope she’s okay’, Gun said, drinking his tea as he looked down on his phone, quickly texting his mum so she doesn’t get worried, ‘Do you think she will be?’

‘The doctor said she still has a chance’, P’Pik informed him, ‘We found her in time but…’

‘If she wakes up she might suffer from cognitive or physical paralysis, right?’, Gun finished his sentence when P’Pik awkwardly looked down on his drink, not knowing how to explain it to him.

‘How do you know?’

‘It was in my test’, Gun replied.

‘Oh right’, P’Pik laughed, ‘Off told me you were the second smartest in his school’

‘Did he?’, Gun laughed a little, ‘Let me guess, first place goes to him’

‘Yepp’, P’Pik chuckled, watching the way Gun smiled whenever he talked about Off, ‘He likes you, you know? So I’m glad you’re the person with him right now’

‘Like me?’, Gun still felt his heart skip a beat just at the thought of it. Sure, something between them shifted that night at the party when he confessed that he was attracted to Off, but with his reputation, there was also a gnawing thought at the back of his head that kept him awake at night. Did Off like him or did he just love playing around? It seemed like only yesterday that he saw Off hanging out with Mild, causing rumours in school, but now he barely saw him bat an eye in her direction. Was that also going to happen to him to? Will Off just disappear once he gets sick of him? Gun felt selfish thinking about himself when he should be worrying about Off.

‘Come on, don’t act too shocked. Can’t you tell that Off likes you?’

‘He barely tolerated me at school’, Gun confessed, ‘We never really got along so it’s weird to suddenly think he likes me too’

‘Off’s a pretty simple guy’, P’Pik mentions, ‘He loves who he loves when he decides to love them’

‘That makes no sense’, Gun raised his brow and stared at the man, abandoning his half finished drink in his hands.

‘What I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter how he felt before, if he decides to like you, then he will. And do you wanna know why?’

‘Why?’

‘That boy craves love’, P’Pik whispered to Gun, ‘He doesn’t get it often, so when he does, he latches on to it. Why do you think he’s so loud and bright? He wants people to like him’

Gun didn’t have an answer to that. He had more questions instead. He started to realise that all he knew about Off was the rumours that the school passed around till it finally landed on him. All he knew was his rich family, his ex girlfriends and he even found out about Off coming out through New and never directly from him. All the fighting they did and he learnt nothing from it.

* * *

Off decided to stay the night with Mrs Pho, sleeping on the chair with his arms crossed and his bone aching as soon as the sunlight pass through the glass window, waking him up.

He groaned when he felt his tight muscles, fluttering his eyes open and looking around the big room.

‘You awake?’, he heard a voice calling out to him and he turned to see P’Pik sitting down on the other seat beside him, reading a book and drinking coffee.

‘Mhhm’, Off nodded, rubbing his swore eyes, ‘Was I here the whole night?’

‘Yupp’, P’Pik replied, ‘Oh and Gun left last night by the way’

‘Oh shit’, Off stood up as soon as he realised, ‘Shit, I should’ve dropped him off’

‘Don’t worry, I dropped him off’, P’Pik reached out and dragged him back down to his seat, ‘He didn’t wanna wake you’

‘God, I still should’ve thanked him’, Off sighed, closing his eyes since the morning sun was too bright for him. He turned and looked towards the bed, seeing Mrs Pho with her eyes still closed. His heart sunk a little and he looked down on the floor, biting his lip whilst he checked the time hanging on the wall.

‘If you want you can visit him now. I’ll stay here with Mrs Pho’

‘No, I wanna be with her’, Off shook his head, ‘I wanna wait till she wakes up’

_If she wakes up…_

‘She will’, P’Pik, without knowing, read his thoughts, patting his shoulders as he stood up, ‘She’ll wake up, don’t you worry. She’s still got a lot of life in her’, he walked to the back to bring Off’s breakfast to him, which consisted of sandwich and a bottle of juice he bought from the canteen.

They ate breakfast in silence, listening to the beep of Mrs Pho’s heartbeat when Off heard his phone going off, looking down to see a text message from his dad which almost made him drop his meal as he read it.

_Off come home. Your mum’s home._

He immediately stood up, dropping the rest of his sandwich on the floor. He was so ready to run out of the room and back to his house, but he looked down and saw Mrs Pho, laying peacefully with his eyes closed and all of a sudden his muscles froze.

‘What is it?’, P’Pik asked as he looked at him.

‘My dad called’

‘Do you need to leave?’, he asked and when Off didn’t reply, he took it as an answer and patted his back, ‘Why don’t you go? I’ll keep an eye on Mrs Pho’

* * *

‘You’re moving to London?’, Off raised his brow as soon as he made his way to the kitchen, seeing his mum sitting down with a cup of coffee in her hands, his dad leaning on the kitchen counter with frustration in his eyes. They could barely look at each other and the tension in the room only grew when Off joined them.

‘I want you to come join me’

‘Over my dead body’, Off’s dad immediately retaliated as soon as she finished, banging his fist on the counter, ‘You’re not taking my son from me’

‘He’s my son too’, she turned back and growled at him, folding her arm across her chest.

Off couldn’t help but find it amusing. He’d heard his parents argue every fucking night, but this was the first time they ever argued about him. Was he supposed to feel special at the idea of his parents playing tug of war for him? But if that was the case, why did he feel so empty? Their love felt superficial.

‘Why do you want me to come?’, Off broke their shouting as he directed his question to his mum who showed no signs of sadness when she first slammed the door shut and abandoned him with his dad.

‘Your my son and I don’t wanna leave you’, his mum simply replied, but why was her answer so hollow? Did she mean it or did she wanna get back at his dad one last time by taking about his son? It just didn’t make sense to him.

‘You left me without so much as a warning a couple of weeks ago, so what’s the difference now?’, Off asked her, wanting to start screaming but all he could muster was a question that was barely above a whisper.

‘I know that you may have been frustrated, but I needed some time to breath before I could come back’, his mum was full of excuses, it’s all she ever told him even at the hospital. Nothing was ever her fault.

‘Off’s going to be starting college soon and he doesn’t need to travel halfway across the world and change his plans just for you. Don’t you think it’s time for you to stop making people do that just for your own convenience?’

‘Did I ask you to abandon everything and follow me?’, he heard his mum scoff back and his dad, laughing as his dad quietened down and paced back and forth around the room with a stern expression. Off didn’t understand it but the tension only grew the longer they pondered on it.

‘Give me a week’, Off whispered, ‘I’ll think about it after my graduation’

‘Well, think faster’, his mum sighed, picking up her back from the table and standing up, ‘I’m planning to leave by the end of summer’

* * *

‘Off!’, Gun shouted as soon as he saw Off outside of Mrs Pho’s house, running up to him before he disappeared.

‘What’re you doing here?’, Off asked as soon as he heard Gun’s voice.

‘I was just visiting’, Gun excused himself, ‘I was hoping you’d be here’

‘Really?’

‘Why act surprise?’, Gun titled his head, ‘Can’t you imagine me looking for you’

‘Sorry’, Off sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his eyebrows, ‘I haven’t gotten that much sleep’

‘I was… I was just kidding’, Gun stuttered when Off didn’t respond to his joke, ‘I thought… I thought you would laugh’

‘Huh? Right’

‘Are you okay?’, Gun asked when Off still looked distracted and barely paying attention to him.

‘No, not really’, Off admitted. He fell on Gun, dropping the bag in his hands and letting it land on the floor as he rested his head on Gun’s chest.

‘Woah’, Gun automatically wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly as he felt Off tighten their embrace, ‘Mrs Pho will be fine. P’Pik promised that’, he tried to comfort Off, wanting nothing more but to see him smile again. Who could imagine that Gun, who only wanted nothing more than for Off to shut up, now wanted him to laugh and joke around like he usually does.

‘My mum came back’, Off whispered, his eyes closed as he continued to hug Gun, hiding his face on the crook of his neck, ‘She asked me to come to London with her’

‘What?’

‘She’s moving. I have to choose whether to stay here or leave with her’

Gun stopped breathing, his hands shaking as it held onto Off. He suddenly prayed for something he never thought he would.

_Stay here. Choose me._

‘What do I do, Gun?’, Off whispered, shaking his head and nestling further on him, ‘Where do I go now?’

_Stay._

‘What do you want?’, Gun asked instead, ‘Do you wanna go?’

‘I want my mum’, Off whined, his voice breaking slightly and Gun’s heart broke a little – it broke a fucking lot.

‘Then go with her’, Gun barely could say it with a whisper, closing his eyes as he tried to bury the aching that was starting to show on his face.

Off took a step back, staring down at Gun and wondering why his words hurt even though that was the answer he wanted to hear. Of course, he should go with his mum but why did it hurt coming from Gun?

‘Gun, close your eyes’, Off whispered, his hands tracing down Gun’s arms until he found his fingers intertwined with the latter’s.

‘Why?’, Gun asked, his chest tightening when their eyes meet.

‘So I can kiss you’, he murmured and usually those words would make Gun shy, looking down with red cheeks but instead he flinched in shock when he felt something soft and sweet pressing on his lips. His eyes were wide open, seeing the way Gun leaned in, his hands resting on his neck as he led the kiss, brave and a lot more experience compared to their first time. Despite his messy mind, Off laughed, pulling Gun in by the waist, closer until there was no air between them, no space that separated them.

_Choose me._

* * *

**Graduation Day**

Gun found himself running around the school in his graduation gown, trying to find Off before the music started playing and the ceremony began. Their families had already started heading to the field whilst the sun was high up in the sky. He was with Newwie when he heard Tay talking, asking for Off who had been missing since they arrived at school.

Everyone was excited, bustling in and around rooms, looking for their friends as they took pictures in their gowns, laughing and playing one more prank before they officially leave this place. He even saw his fellow classmates doodling on the lockers, leaving their names one last time before it’s wiped off by the janitor.

Gun, with his cards still in his hands, ran out of the room, passing by his friends who called out after him. His trainers squeaked against the floors as he run pass the lockers, passing the canteen and heading to the stairs. He was breathless yet he didn’t care as he pulled his weight running up three stories of stairs.

No one knew where Off was, but if Gun could guess, he banged the rooftop door open, hearing it slam against the brick wall as he finally made it at the school rooftop, feeling the sun’s heat slapping his skin as he looked around. From this view he could see the entire school field, decorated in balloons and wreathes, crowded with families and teachers along with a makeshift stage and hundreds of seats perched by the grass.

It only took Gun a second to shift his gaze to find Off sitting at the edge of the rooftop, letting his legs swing in the air. He had his gown on along with everyone else, folding and crinkled already.

‘What’re you doing here?’, Gun asked, breaking Off’s daydream as he turned to look at him, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be with your friends? The ceremony’s almost starting’

‘How did you know I was here?’, Off asked, slightly shocked as he watched Gun join him, sitting down as they stared down at the field, the same one they grew up in. They spent so much of their lunch sitting on the grass, playing football on the field and chasing each other around, it was almost a pity that today would be their last day here.

‘You’re always here’, Gun replied to him, smiling as he set his card down on the ledge, ‘Tay’s looking for you by the way’

‘Of course, he is’, Off chuckled, but instead of standing up and getting ready, he turned back and glanced back down at the field. He could see their Principal in her long pink dress greeting the parents, as well as their teachers in their best suits and dress. He couldn’t recognise his own parents in the mix and he stopped looking for them a long time ago. But he was still searching for someone else.

P’Pik hadn’t called him so he didn’t know if Mrs Pho had woken up or not. Despite the doctor’s reassurance that her vitals were more or less normal, her fall was the main reason of her state, her head injury causing her more pain than her stroke.

‘Do you wanna hear my speech?’, Gun asked, trying to distract Off from his worries. It was getting harder for him to mask his pain now that the day had come and he realised he had no one waiting down there for him, no one to hand him flowers or to tell him that he did well.

‘Are you gonna brag about how you were the best in the year?’, Off joked, laughing a little as he let Gun distract him. He felt Gun playfully press his shoulder against his, the pair smiling at each other.

‘I’m only stating facts’, Gun laughed back, ‘I think we should all be aware before we leave for college that I was number one’

‘Good for you Gun, good for you’, Off shook his head and continued to laugh.

Out of nowhere, Gun reached for Off’s hand, squeezing it tight as the two sat alone, away from everyone else and in their own bubble. This could be the last time Off would be sitting beside Gun so he nervously nestled in the silence, leaning his head on Off’s shoulders, closing his eyes and feeling Off’s hand squeeze back.

_Choose me._

‘We better go’, Off whispered to him when he crowd below them grew, ‘We don’t want the valedictorian to be late’

Gun felt Off finally moving, getting up from the ledge and jumping back down on the ground. Off still had his hands around Gun, pulling him down with him until they were facing each other.

One last time. Off looked down at the way Gun tried to comfort him with a smile, a small act which made his head light and made him forget about all the things that had been weighing him down, even for a small moment. He pulled out his headphones which was attached with his phone, putting one ear bud on and placing the other one in Gun’s ears.

Gun was about to ask what Off was doing, but he heard his favourite song playing started to play as Off slid his phone back in his pocket. Off didn’t ask him to dance, but then again, he didn’t need to as Gun found himself leaning against Off, letting his arms rest lazily on his waist as they swayed from side to side, humming the song.

This was the last thing Gun thought would happen during the end of his senior year. He thought he was going to win the scholarship and rub it in Off’s face that he was better than him, but right now he didn’t give a fuck about the damn scholarship. All he cared about was Off and his limited time with him.

Off on the other hand was about to spend his last moments in Thailand after texting his mum confirming that he too wanted to leave for London. He wanted to stay for Mrs Pho, but as the days go by his hopes of seeing her awake was thinning and that was the moment he realised he had nothing left for him here. The music slowly died down, leaving them to sway to nothing but silence and the beat of their hearts.

Gun opened his eyes. He didn’t even know they were closed, as he took a step back. He was about to speak when he looked down at the field, seeing the crowd grow bigger. But his eyes rested on something. A wheelchair?

‘Is that Mrs Pho?’, Gun asked, making Off turn as he pointed his finger down at the field where Off finally recognised someone amongst the busy crowds.

P’Pik was wearing his best clothes, wheeling Mrs Pho towards the seating area for the family members. Her head was wrapped in bandages, her figure fragile, but a bouquet of flowers rested on her lap and within a flash of a second Off’s heart gave out a sigh of relief which had him running down the stairs.

Gun, who had shortly been left behind, also felt a giddiness inside him as he ran after Off, the pair rushing as they made it to the school field.

‘Mrs Pho! Mrs Pho!’, Off shouted at the top of his lungs, gaining his classmates attention as they turned to look at him, a hot mess as he ran pass them, his eyes spilling with tears he never knew had been waiting to come out, floods which blocked his view until he was standing right in front of Mrs Pho, who looked up with a wide grin on her face.

‘She just woke up this morning’, P’Pik explained, smiling when he saw the way Off sniffled his nose, trying to stop himself from crying, ‘The doctor said she needed some rest but she was adamant on coming’

‘Of course I’m coming’, Mrs Pho interrupted, her voice frail and with no expression on her face. Off quickly noticed that Mrs Pho probably had a hard time using her muscles after her stroke and he quickly wiped his tears before more collected in his eyes, kneeling down in front of her wheelchair and resting his head on her lap. Even trying to speak was a struggle, so for her to make it here, under the boiling hot sun, carrying a bouquet of flowers just for him was enough to fill his heart with glee and tear away all the worries he’d been building up for the past week.

‘Congratulations’, he heard Mrs Pho whispering. He looked up, and though it pains her, she managed to pull a small smile, her lips slightly quivering but there it was. Her eyes were bright and her hands were warm underneath his cheeks.

There were many reasons why the loud troublemaker was good with his studies despite slacking off in the classroom. He used his studies as a distraction to block out the loud shouting from downstairs, other times he used it as a motivation to get away from the loud noises, to be accepted to a college as far away from his parents as possible. But his favourite reason was to see Mrs Pho proud, to have her cook him meals and make him pink milk tea, ruffling his hair and encouraging him to keep going when he struggled finishing his work in her shop.

‘Come on Mrs Pho, you need to get to your seat so you can see me on stage’, Off shook off the last of his tears, standing up and giving her a warm hug before stepping back, ‘You’re gonna see just how great I am’

Gun had never seen Off cry and he froze just seeing it. Off had always been the strong one, if not he always had a smile on his face and to see it gone was unusual. He tightened his grip around his cue cards until he wrinkled and folded in his hands, his throat tightening as he walked over to stand beside Off.

‘I’m glad you’re doing well’, Gun commented as he bowed his head to Mrs Pho who nodded at him too.

‘We should probably go get ready. We have to line up before the ceremony begins’, and within a second, Off was back in his usual self, acting like a child, laughing and smiling as he waved goodbye to P’Pik and Mrs Pho, grabbing hold of Gun’s hands as they made a ran back to the auditorium where the rest of their classmates were.

Off didn’t notice he way he sprinted with Gun how is fingers intertwined so easily around Gun’s, but Gun did. He look down, cheeks turning red at the sight of Off’s hand holding his. He was slightly nervous, looking around to see if their classmate noticed, but once they arrived at the auditorium there was no ounce of fuck he gave anymore.

‘There you are! Where have you been?!’, Tay shouted as soon as he spotted Off at the front entrance.

‘We gotta line up in register order’, Arm also joined them, running over to wrap his arm around Off, dragging him towards the back of the line despite his surname being A.

Unbeknownst to them, Off was still holding Gun’s hands, dragging him along with their group of friends.

‘Gun, what’re you doing here?’, Mike asked as soon as they joined in, holding onto his cap and looking behind Off. Fiat and Oab also looked in his direction, noticing gun so close behind Off it made them nervous to think that the two might start shit right before their graduation.

‘If you’re gonna fight, take it outside, my mum’s here’, Fiat commented at them, laughing as he joined Mike in line, brushing shoulders against Off before finally looking down and noticing something different.

‘Why’re you two holding hands?’, Oab was the one who asked as soon as everyone else started noticing, whispering to each other as they pointed at the pair. Mike and Fiat had a smirk on their faces as soon as they saw Gun blush – the smartass never usually gets flustered so this was more than interesting to them.

‘Oh, right’, Off looked down, his initial reaction was to break away and let go of Gun, but when he felt like the latter wasn’t moving, he looked up to see his reaction and suddenly all the light flooded back in his mind.

Before their friends could ask anymore questions they heard their teachers shouting, clapping their hands as they ordered them to line up so their graduation could officially begin. All focus went out of the window as each student fixed their hair and put on their caps, lining up in order and leaving Off to ponder on what exactly had been keeping his heart heavy.

When morning rose he worried whether going to London would be a mistake or not but now his thoughts were as clear as day.

_I choose you._

Off quickly leaned in, crashing his lips against Gun’s who stared back at him with wide eyes, hands quivering before he let them rest against Off’s cheeks, closing his eyes and kissing him back in the middle of a crowded hall where the whispers turned into screams and the curiosity turned into an absolution. Four years of fighting and bickering has ended in a moment where two people finally broke down their own walls and decided to create a bridge instead, one where they could walk beside each other.

‘What the fuck?!’, Arm yelled as soon as Tay punched him in the arm, both pairs chocking as they watched their best friend kiss the person he hated most.

‘So that’s who he liked?’, Oab whispered to himself as he witnessed Gun smiling during the kiss. He crossed his arm and laughed at himself, shaking his head as he kicked Mike and Fiat to keep moving instead of taking pictures. He had a feeling it was Off, who else could make Gun feel so uncomfortably himself even during their most reckless fights? It couldn’t have been anyone but that bastard.

* * *

**_Two Months Later_ **

‘I’ll make sure to visit’, Gun ended his phone call with his mum as he laid down on his new bed in his dorm.

_Bangkok University._

This was his dream. This was the place he had worked hard for four years for. So why did he suddenly feel empty? All of his friends had chosen different universities and he hadn’t seen them for weeks already. Despite their promise to keep in contact, he knew that time and distance won’t be on their side and he was already started to feel the hollowness that his friends had left him in.

_‘I’m heading for London’_

He suddenly remembered Off’s words as soon as graduation ended, their friends gathering around them, caps already thrown in the air and landing on the grass, arms carrying bouquet of flowers as they ran to ask questions about the pair.

Off’s sudden announcement stopped them from asking further questions as they started blankly at Off who smiled sweetly at them. Even Gun was shocked.

Gun stood up from his bed, looking around his empty dorm which was still filled with unpacked boxes and bags. He arrived a little over a day ago but he made no move in unpacking yet, still a little homesick and empty from spending summer helping Mrs Pho run her shop whilst wondering why Off suddenly took a plane to London only a week after their graduation. Despite his wishes to scream at Off and ask him why he didn’t at choose him, he knew in his heart that he had no rights to. Who was he other than someone he once fooled around with?

He sighed and shook his head, getting out of bed and finally opening one of the boxes where his books where, pilled neatly.

**_Class of 2014_ **

‘I told her not to pack this’, Gun rolled his eyes as he took out his yearbook which was abandoned as soon as he arrived home, thrown to the bottom of the bed as he cried himself to sleep thinking if Off was going to forget him when he left for London. His mum was adamant of making him keep it when he threw it in the trash the next morning, but every time he opened it all he ever saw was Off. The bastard was in every photo, hanging out in the field, playing around in the garden and even helping out for the musical.

Every page he turned, there was Off, smiling like an idiot and making him miss him more. It was like he could hear his laughter from each picture, remembering the way he teased him during class. One minute Off was everywhere, the next he was nowhere in sight. It was all unfair.

Gun flipped at the end of the page where he saw his friends and classmate leave their messy handwriting in forms of good luck notes and best wishes.

_I hope you succeed! – Mike_

_Bail me out if I go to jail! – Fiat_

_Thank you for always looking out for me – Alice_

They were short and simple, but he didn’t expect paragraphs written about him when he spent most of his time in the library and away from everyone else. He thought it was for the best, to focus on his studies and get into the best college, but now that he was reading the small messages, he realised Off was right. He should’ve lived a little too.

As he was about to close the yearbook and throw it out, he noticed someone’s messy writing at the end of the page. It wouldn’t have made him nervous other than the fact that he knew that handwriting all too well. His heart skipped a beat and he opened the page, his eyes staring down at a small message written at the bottom in black sharpie.

_I choose you – Off_

‘What the fuck?!’

‘Let’s get this party started!’

Gun’s sudden rush of excitement was ended when he felt his walls shake and he heard muffled shouting from his neighbours. It had only been a day but they were already making noise and being brats. He rolled his eyes and closed the yearbook, setting it down beside his bedside table before walking over to his door, swiftly opening it and looking around the halls to see the boys yelling and screaming whilst blasting their music with their doors open.

‘Could you keep it down!’, Gun yelled at them, banging his foot against the wall and signalling his anger to which the other students laughed and ignored his request.

‘Not your room, not your business!’, he heard someone shouting from across the hall and to make matters worse, someone started to play their music louder, in full volume until he could feel the ground shaking.

‘Absolute bastards’, Gun muttered under his breath as he stomped back in his room, slamming the door shut and grabbing his phone. He had no problem complaining to the accommodations office of these bastards idiocy and just as he was about to call the office number, he heard the music abruptly changing into something slow, soft guitar rifts that was so familiar it almost hurts.

It was his favourite song.

Someone from across the hall was playing his favourite song in full volume. He closed his eyes and suddenly remembered the way Off’s arms rested around his waist, spinning him around as they danced on the rooftop with their gowns on, letting the sun kiss their skin. He bit his lip and tried not to think of Off, even though he was all that was in his mind as of late.

But then everything stopped.

He heard bass rifting from across the hall, playing along with the music which became louder the more he listened.

He dropped his phone on the floor, opening the door and running down the hall, breathless as he tried to find where the source of the music was coming from. The halls were crazy. There were students still moving their stuff inside, there were others who were already settled in and stirring trouble. But out of all the chaos, he came to the last room right at the end of the hall, the only door closed yet their music was the loudest.

Gun held his breath as he pressed his ear against the door, listening to the song playing, followed by a bass which continued to play along.

_I choose you._

What did Off mean by that? Was that his parting message? Or was that a promise?

Gun knocked on the door even though he knew it was crazy. What if it was just a stranger who coincidentally started playing his favourite song? What if it was a stranger who coincidentally played bass too? What if…

‘Door’s open’, he heard a voice reply to his knocks and his mouth hung open in shock as soon as he recognised the voice. Within a split of a second, he opened the door wide, looking in to find a messy and unpacked room. Like him, boxes were piled up everywhere, and all that was unpacked was a big stereo plugged with a phone and a bass which rested on his lap as he sat on the floor, leaning on his bed.

‘Off?’, Gun sighed, their eyes connecting for the first time in months. He hadn’t changed, he still had his arrogant smirk on his face as he winked at him.

‘Hey’, he waved at him as he stopped playing, also turning off his phone and leaving them somewhat in silence.

‘What the fuck are you doing here? I thought you were in London?’

‘I told my mum I was only visiting over the summer’, Off replied, ‘I told her I wanted to stay in Bangkok, so I got my dad to pay my tuitions cos a certain someone stole my scholarship’, he laughed at the last bit whilst he looked at Gun, but the latter didn’t follow his humour as his initial shock was gone, only to be replaced by anger as he stomped into his room, kicking him on the leg and hearing him wince in pain.

‘I thought you left! You scumbag! You told me you had to leave!’

Off, instead to defending him, grabbing Gun’s leg before he could hit him again, pulling him down until he landed on his chest. He wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly as Gun continued to yell.

‘You didn’t tell me you were coming back!’, Gun shouted, but he stopped hitting, letting Off squeeze him tight as he breathed in his scent again, the same one which embraced him during the night.

‘I did’, Off whispered to him, nuzzling his face on his neck, ‘I did tell you’

Gun recalled back on the messy handwriting on the last page of his yearbook.

‘So… You’re really here?’, without thinking he coiled his arms around Off’s neck, looking down at him and feeling his heart beating against his own chest.

‘Majoring in Literature and Languages’, Off replied back with a smile on his face, ‘So I highly doubt I’d be passing the science department any time soon’

‘Shut up’, Gun shook his head, but he was now smiling, listening to Off joke as if nothing has changed, ‘Just shut up’, without hesitation, he closed his eyes and kissed him, letting everything go all at once the moment he felt the same warm lips he’d started to love. It was all still confusing, a whirlwind of youthful emotions that could change within a flicker of the light, but in this moment, right now, he knew he had Off in his hands and Off had him in his heart.

That was all he could ask for.

‘Well, well, well. Now that you guys are college students you think you could be doing this?’, the door slammed open and Gun broke away from the kiss, turning to see P’Pik by the door with more bags in his hands.

‘Darling, what’s going on? Is that Gun in your room?’, Mrs Pho joined them, feeling much better and with only her crutches now, holding a pot of plant in hopes to decorate the small room Off managed to acquire after accepting his place in Bangkok University last minute. They were surprised there was a spare room available for him.

‘Crap’, Gun blushed as he got up from Off, coughing awkwardly as he looked back at Mrs Pho who smiled fondly at him.

‘I’m glad you two are catching up’, she said, walking over and patting Gun’s cheeks before placing the snake plant on Off’s desk, ‘Why don’t we grab something to eat before we start unpacking? I’d love to see how this happened’, she pointed at both Gun and Off, who shyly laughed at her before P’Pik took the reins and chuckled at the pair.

‘God knows what they’ve been doing in your shop when you weren’t around’, P’Pik whispered to her, smirking when Off grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him.

‘Come on, Tay and Arm are waiting downstairs. They came to visit you before they go off back to their dorms’

‘They’re here too?’, Gun gasped, wondering if New was with Tay as well, excitement flooding over him at the thought of seeing everyone again.

‘Come on then’, Off saw the smile growing on his face, putting aside his bass and phone as he grabbed hold of Gun’s hands, intertwining it with his.

‘Let’s go’


End file.
